Newly dating a recovering crack and pill adict

[Guest]

I started dating a fellow about one month ago. We hit it off very well. He confided in me from the start that he was addicted to crack for a couple of years and that he had quit cold turkey 4 mths before meeting me. About two weeks ago he told me he feels so close to me and has never met anyone like me ever. He said he wanted to be totally honest and tell me everything about his past. Well he ended up telling me he has been addicted to prescription pills for 20 yrs..(he's in his late 30's). There are 3 or 4 different pills...one is a sleeping pill...I don't remember the others. He then went on to tell me that he is tired of it all (addictions) and that he is going to go off all pills.

 

So the following week he went into withdrawal and he spent time with me going out and sharing his feelings about it. He became a happy somewhat energetic person..(not sleeping all the time) etc.. His parents are so proud of him as am I.

 

My problem is...he has fallen for me (love) and I for him. After doing exhaustive research on the net and this website this just seems to easy. That he can just quit and be normal again. Deep down I don't trust this..To be honest from all the stories I have read I'm waiting for him to relapse. He is totally into me and tells me how much I have changed his life etc.. I've never been a drug user and never have associated with one. Deep down I can't seem to trust what will come in the future with this guy. It's only because of all the stories I have read..the heartbreak of it all.

 

Can someone quit cold turkey (no outside help) and never have a relapse? I know stupid question...I just don't know how to relax about this. I don't share these thoughts with him...although we have kinda talked about it in a gentle way. He just says he will never use again..that he hates it and would never hurt me in anyway.

I do care about him...I'm just scared of the unknown I guess.

[EnigmaXOXO]

It's not uncommon for an addict to be addicted to several kinds of chemicals at the same time. Something to get them "up" … then something to bring them back "down." It's also not uncommon for addicts to trade up one kind of drug for another. Your new friend is still a junkie. Pills may be a cleaner way to get high, but they are just as potent and dangerous and often require the illegal cooperation of a negligent doctor friend to supply the user with the prescriptions. They are also bought and sold on the street illegally or are readily available for order online these days.

 

He is totally into me and tells me how much I have changed his life etc..

 

I'm sure you're probably the best thing that's happened to this guy in a long time given the types of people he was accustomed to hanging around with. And it was sweet and sincere for him to tell you so. However, there's a risk with any addict that wants to get clean for someone else rather than for themselves. It places an unfair amount of burden on you to give him a reason to stay clean. And if you can't keep him happy … if the newness of the relationship wears off … if you have an argument or do something that angers or upsets him … don't give him what he wants … or, God forbid, have to break up with him; he's all the more likely to turn back to drugs as his emotional crutch. What's worse, he'll more than likely blame your lack of support for his relapse and continue to make you feel responsible for keeping him clean.

 

With that kind of guilt looming over your head, I'm worried you'll fall into the same trap that most others do, and you'll be less likely to act in your own best interest. Also, in these kinds of relationships, the sober partner usually ends up becoming the addict's surrogate parent and truant officer, and it sucks the romance right out of the relationship rather early on. That's why a councilor (an objective third party) is so crucial to the recovering addict and they're family. Because they are trained to maintain a professional emotional detachment, they can help keep the addict on track while helping to eliminate some of the work and burden that's usually placed upon family members and friends. They can also educate and lend support when YOU need it, too (and you will).

 

I suspect, that even now you might feel a twinge of guilt at the thought of distancing yourself from this guy before you become too emotionally wrapped up in him. You might feel as if you are somehow cruelly punishing him for being honest with you. However, this is exactly how it starts and the more time you invest, the more difficult it will become to extricate yourself from that co-dependant cycle. And I'm not at all suggesting that you do that … but I would implore you to not get too seriously involved with this guy until you know for sure that he has quit everything, and has maintained his sobriety for at least a year.

 

Good luck, stay strong, and take care of yourself!

[Ladywithafan]

...although he wasn't trying to quit, he was "so into me" because I was not a crackhead, whore, scammer...etc...doesn't mean he didn't feel that way...it was just so amazing to him that someone like me did not run the opposite direction when I met him....well, six years and a couple of hundreds of thousands of dollars, prison time for him & some real personal issues for me...we're still together...I did end up getting high with him which put a real tailspin on my life....things are different now...he's still with me & I'm still with him...we do love each other and he wrestles daily with the habit of addiction...not an easy road....a "real" addict versus one who tries things and doesn't go overboard is a hard person to deal with...they always want to quit, after getting high.....they can not do just " a couple of hits" or on a friday night...they have to go till they drop....I think I hate dealing with the pill thing worse because once those go in...you never know how long it's going to take for the effects to wear off....I don't know...it's all bad when it's continuous.

[wookinpanub]

Can someone quit cold turkey (no outside help) and never have a relapse? I know stupid question...I just don't know how to relax about this. I don't share these thoughts with him...although we have kinda talked about it in a gentle way. He just says he will never use again..that he hates it and would never hurt me in anyway.

I do care about him...I'm just scared of the unknown I guess.

 

To answer your question straight forward... yes, people can quit cold turkey and have no relapses. It's hard as hell, and many people do relapse, but it's possible. Before any naysayers can blurt out their ideas, let me just tell you I have seen... hell, I've done it. Not with crack though... with Hydrocodone, Oxycodone, and heroin. I'm young by comparison to your story (I'm 19) but I spent about 2 years addicted to those things. After two years of nearly daily use, I quit and haven't touched a pill or needle since. I'm only telling you this as proof that it can and does happen. I wish you and him the best of luck in it.