Relationship help.

[Sydney]

I'm 20yr old female and I've never been in a relationship. I didn't think about it much in high school because I was too involved with schoolwork and after school activities to really care.

 

But now that I'm in college and working a full-time job, it's on my mind even more. It's fruatrating because all of my friends have or are currently in relationships, two of them are married, and I'm alone. Whenever one of our conversations turns to the subject of past and present relationships, I've got nothing to add. And when I say nothing, I do mean nothing.

 

No kissing.

 

No hugging.

 

No sex.

 

Nothing.

 

I've gone out to try and meet guys, but I crash and burn every time. I've begun to believe that no guy is interested in an average girl.

 

I know I'm cute, funny (hilarious from what my friends say), smart, and independent. I take great pride in not needing a man to take care of me. I was raised to be independent and I'm damn proud.

 

I've only been out on two dates in my entire life and both guys never asked me for a second.

 

Everyone (on and off the net) that I've asked for advice has told me that "Don't think about it so much." or "It'll happen when you least expect it." and "You should concentrate on liking yourself and being single."

 

I'm sick of hearing that. I'm fine with myself but I'm sick of being single.

 

I'm sick of being alone.

 

All I want is a good relationship and I just don't understand why I'm forced to be alone.

 

Can anyone help me?

[Tony T]

YOUR PROBLEM, AND I QUOTE YOU: "I take great pride in not needing a man to take care of me. I was raised to be independent and I'm damn proud."

 

Well, that's fine and dandy but men look for women who are receptive, who are warm, who seem they may need them (men like to be needed just like most women), and who are not too independent.

 

If you're going around giving out vibrations that you're one big island and you don't need anybody, that's just what you'll get...nobody.

 

You've got to let your hair down, be vulnerable. Yes, you may get hurt a little here and there but we all do. I think it's great that you take great pride in not needing a man to take care of you...but how about, just for the sake of romance, you just pretend for a while that it would be nice if you had a guy around to do nice things for you. There must be balance in everything in life. Extremes are always dangerous.

 

You don't get asked out a second time because you lay out the law on the first date and you let the guy know just how much you take pride in being an island. That's not very romantic stuff for a guy to hear. Just stay off the subject altogether for five or six dates and, instead of rattling off just how independent you are, show them in a non-threatening way that you can live without them...although you feel life would be richer and fulfilling if they were around.

 

Change your attitude, soften up a bit, and you'll do just fine.

[yes]

I agree with tony .. but i wanted to add something - i personally know a guy who acts like he's 200% independent and doesnt need anyone in the world. u know how unwelcoming that is? it took a while of knowing him to figure out it's just a cover, that he rlly does need people but is afraid to show it ..... and even then, this attitude is repulsive... If only he showed that 'yes, i enjoy having u in my life, and while i'd survive, my life wd be worse w/out u', i think he'd be much more pleasant to be with!

 

Just an example for you...

 

Best of luck!!

I'm 20yr old female and I've never been in a relationship. I didn't think about it much in high school because I was too involved with schoolwork and after school activities to really care. But now that I'm in college and working a full-time job, it's on my mind even more. It's fruatrating because all of my friends have or are currently in relationships, two of them are married, and I'm alone. Whenever one of our conversations turns to the subject of past and present relationships, I've got nothing to add. And when I say nothing, I do mean nothing. No kissing. No hugging. No sex. Nothing. I've gone out to try and meet guys, but I crash and burn every time. I've begun to believe that no guy is interested in an average girl.

 

I know I'm cute, funny (hilarious from what my friends say), smart, and independent. I take great pride in not needing a man to take care of me. I was raised to be independent and I'm damn proud. I've only been out on two dates in my entire life and both guys never asked me for a second.

 

Everyone (on and off the net) that I've asked for advice has told me that "Don't think about it so much." or "It'll happen when you least expect it." and "You should concentrate on liking yourself and being single." I'm sick of hearing that. I'm fine with myself but I'm sick of being single. I'm sick of being alone. All I want is a good relationship and I just don't understand why I'm forced to be alone. Can anyone help me?

[Daymon]

You know, this seems kind of funny. No offense or anything; see, I'm a 20yr old male who has been in the exact same position until just about a month ago.

 

Just to let you know, I REALLY sympathize, because I understand absolutely every complaint and worry you have about this. Much like you, I don't seem to suffer from any glaring fatal flaws; I'm fairly attractive, easy to get along with, a good conversationalist, quite funny, etc etc. So why the heck did it take me six years of looking to get a girlfriend?

 

Anyway, I just wanted to add one thing : don't expect that when you GET a relationship, finally, that it's going to be heaven on earth or anything. As it turns out, the girlfriend I got is the girl I've been completely in love with for about seven years (FINALLY), but...well, so far, I've had to work for the good times.

 

What I'm really trying to say is this : Coming from the same direction as you, when you finally get a relationship, don't pin all your hopes on it, and don't be disappointed when it's not what you fantasized (or what have you).

 

Um. Good luck