How Marriage Kills Women's Sex Drive

[superconductor]

From the "I knew it all along" file, researchers in Europe have confirmed what married men have known for a long, long time: Once in a secure relationship, a women's sex drives diminishes significantly.

 

A woman's sex drive begins to plummet once she is in a secure relationship, according to research.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4790313.stm

 

Note: This link has been pre-approved by LoveShack.org administration. Moderators please see relevant thread in Admin Forum for further information.

[whichwayisup]

For some people, yes and for others, no. It all depends on the life a couple builds together and how well they "want" to keep the flame burning.

[Outcast]

I think this is one of those studies suffering from a serious failure of cause-effect analysis. Where were the questions about the quality of the relationships? In my experience, the only killer of sex drive is the man being a jerk. I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt it's 'security' that's the issue. Rather, it's that when a lot of men get 'secure', they 'let their hair down' which means quitting being romantic, quitting being considerate, quitting taking care of themselves, and generally turning into slobs.

 

Or else the women are stressed from jobs, and/or kids, and/or having the burden of most of the housework. But where were any questions about relationship or lifestyle in this study?

 

[SoCalCatman72]

There's one food that has been determined to lower a woman's sex drive by 90%.

 

Wedding Cake

[AtLongLast]

I don't know a married man alive who wouldn't agree with you. Sadly.

 

I hope that doesn't happen to me. I love sex and I am a woman. My ex and I were bunnies . Not married though ...

[Touche]

I don't know a married man alive who wouldn't agree with you. Sadly.

 

I hope that doesn't happen to me. I love sex and I am a woman. My ex and I were bunnies . Not married though ...

 

Uh, hello? Mine wouldn't agree.

[Asafan]

I think this is one of those studies suffering from a serious failure of cause-effect analysis. Where were the questions about the quality of the relationships? In my experience, the only killer of sex drive is the man being a jerk. I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt it's 'security' that's the issue. Rather, it's that when a lot of men get 'secure', they 'let their hair down' which means quitting being romantic, quitting being considerate, quitting taking care of themselves, and generally turning into slobs.

 

Or else the women are stressed from jobs, and/or kids, and/or having the burden of most of the housework. But where were any questions about relationship or lifestyle in this study?

 

I couldn't agree more OC.

 

The researchers from Hamburg-Eppendorf University interviewed 530 men and women about their relationships.

 

And 530 men and women is hardly a large enough sample from the entire human race to provide any meaningful data on a woman's, or a man's, sex drive.

[stoopid_guy]

For some people, yes and for others, no. It all depends on the life a couple builds together and how well they "want" to keep the flame burning.

Unfortunately, one can't "want" it enough for two.

 

And perhaps a 530 person sample isn't enough, but I don't think the ladies here are typical of the gender either.

[norajane]

 

Sorry, but security in a relationship means I feel MORE interested in sex...and much MORE interested in the wild, uninhibited sex. Insecurity makes me avoid sex and certainly doesn't make me want to let my hair down...and it sometimes makes me more interested in sex with somebody else rather than the guy I'm not secure with!

 

[Craig]

I'm inclined to call this research bogus and misleading (based on the BBC) article. I didn't see any mention in the article about the compatibility of the couples being studied.

 

Sure it's easy to like the way your partner looks, appreciate the same things, enjoy spending time together and have sex. That works for a while, maybe four years...who knows. But what about the other things that make a long term relationship successful?

 

Can you talk to your partner about anything, share anything, turn to them for help and/or comfort? Can you agree to disagree? Do you share your hopes, dreams and aspirations with your partner without fear of ridicule and with a reasonable expectation of emotional support, etc? Is there a spiritual (not necessarily religious) compatibility between the two of you? Do you have common moral and ethical standards and beliefs? Is there tolerance, understanding, compassion and action? What is the common goal of the relationship for the relationship? I'm not talking about ending world hunger types of goals but is the desired form of relationship a common one? Do you love your partner enough to be tough with them as well as gentle? Etc., etc., etc.

 

About 90% of women wanted tenderness, regardless of how long they had been in a relationship, but only 25% of men who had been in a relationship for 10 years said they were still seeking tenderness from their partner.

So does this mean that most women want tenderness and most men have given up on seeking tenderness in their relationships?

 

IMHO this 'research' is too simplistic and might have been inspired by a personal agenda on the part of the researcher.

[Touche]

Great post Craig! Couldn't agree more.

[StayClose]

I'd wonder if the study looked at the number of children in the marraige.

 

There's may be something genitic built into many women to turn the libido down or off once she feels she has all the children she wants.

[Outcast]

Here is a link to the actual article by the people who conducted the study.

 

zpm.uke.uni-hamburg.de/WebPdf/sexmotiv.pdf

 

It's a very interesting read. Of note:

 

The sample studied in this article includes only students aged 19-32 who reported to be heterosexual and were currently committed to a steady partner

9.5% of the women and 9.4% of the men were married

57.4% of the women and 58.5% of the men lived in separate flats

 

Since these findings, especially (b) were not expected at the time the survey was planned, no explanatory hypothesis had been set up in advance

 

They then went on to try to uncover explanations taking other studies and 'confounding variables' into account, none of which included the respondents' reports about the nature of the relationship as a whole. They discuss levels of commitment and of sexual satisfaction, but not inequality of home care responsibilities, etc. which is not surprising since only 9% of the respondents were actually married and over half the study members lived apart!!!

 

There's also another article in The Sunday Times that presents more views against the conclusions mentioned in the BBC article.

 

So while a quick read of a headline might make the story seem plausible, more detailed analysis shows that the survey only points out how much more research actually needs to be done to see whether the results can be replicated and explained when important relevant 'counfounding variables' are taken into account.

[norajane]

I'd wonder if the study looked at the number of children in the marraige.

 

There's may be something genitic built into many women to turn the libido down or off once she feels she has all the children she wants.

 

Or she's too exhausted to do anything else after running around taking care of the kids all day, plus getting dinner for hubby, plus doing all the housework, plus all the grocery shopping, plus...

[Green]

I conducted a similar research on lesbians in a committed relationship they had stoped having sex completely...

[lindya]

On being confronted, yet again, by the sight of his wife's unloving back as he crawled into bed one night, Professor Giert Schlufangdangery resolved to get together with his colleagues the following morning to commence work on a new study. Several weeks later, he proudly presented his wife with the findings.

 

"Is all your fault, you see. Our declining sexual life. You take full responsibility, yes?"

 

Obediently, his wife agreed. That night, she allowed Prof Schlufangdangery and his colleagues to give her an enema, make free with several test-tubes and involve the family dog in all the fun - as seen in a locally made porn video that the professor had purchased from a corner kiosk.

 

Afterwards, both agreed that it was just like having a second honeymoon.

[StayClose]

Or she's too exhausted to do anything else after running around taking care of the kids all day, plus getting dinner for hubby, plus doing all the housework, plus all the grocery shopping, plus...

 

That's a logical sounding explanation, but it it is a stereotype that doesnt stand up to scrutiny.

 

If you read the many "my wife won't have sex" threads here, there are plenty of instances where the man picks up his share, or sometimes more than his share, of cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc., or the man is the sole breadwinner and the kids are in school 5 days a week, in which case it may be debatable who really works harder.

[magichands]

Afterwards, both agreed that it was just like having a second honeymoon.

You have to credit the commitment and creativity he showed in addressing this (albeit personal) problem.

[alphamale]

In my experience, the only killer of sex drive is the man being a jerk.

That's TOTAL bull-crap! If anything, the husband being a jerk keeps her sex drive going. Its the "nice' husbands who get screwed...or actually I should say NOT screwed.

[a4a]

That's TOTAL bull-crap! If anything, the husband being a jerk keeps her sex drive going. Its the "nice' husbands who get screwed...or actually I should say NOT screwed.

 

So since I am a sex starved wife and I have to iniate all sex....... if I were to become a raging byotch to my H he would become horny all the time?

 

When he gets home here shortly I think I will try this theory out.

 

I may even smack him around a little and tell him he is a worthless limp dicked sot.

 

That'll turn him on and make him want me!

[AManWithTroubles]

Well, a4a, that is quite possible. Some people do have some "different" turn-ons.

[LittleLady]

Well I for one find the study accurate. There might be inaccuracies with minor details, but for the most part, it's quite common and common sensical that your sex life will be the best in the beginning and eventually come down a notch or 2. Well, for some people it comes down about 10 notches or more until their lives are totally sexless. And I think that goes for either the man or woman in the relationship. For me, it's the man.

[stoopid_guy]

So since I am a sex starved wife and I have to iniate all sex.......

 

... And I think that goes for either the man or woman in the relationship. For me, it's the man.

 

Agree, LL.

 

To bad there's not a trade-in program.

[john2776]

Well, I'm another statistic that can vouch for 10 years of marriage leading to a non existant sex life. I think a lot of people are missing the point - there are a lot of different reasons as to why this happens, but the fact is in the vast majority of marriages - the sex life vanishes.

 

When I read a thread like this I wonder why I am going to get married again, especially when I currently have sex at least once a day with my GF.... Some people never learn

[Ripples]

Hmmmmm... I wonder how simple it is though? Maybe the idea of being just plain worn out isn't so far from the truth in some cases. Don't women have to feel mentally turned on before they can feel physically turned on? Ok, that's a generalisation, but maybe true to a degree? If it *is* true, then if a woman is feeling tired, or feeling not massively attractive (you know, you haven't shaved your legs for a couple of days, you've eaten that chocolate bar, you're not wearing your sexy, see through bra ), then it takes her a bit more to feel like having sex. I guess I'm talking about myself here!

 

Anyway, if I make the effort, kinda pretend I'm in the mood, it doesn't take me that long to actually *get* in the mood. Once I start kissing and making out (I love that term!) I tend to forget all about my hairy legs! It helps if my partner is being attentive too though...