Does NC work for second chance.

[jgaz3124]

I am curious to know of some people's success stories with no contact? I mean I know in my case I for one want my ex back and to give it a second try but I don't think that is possible unless I do no contact because he felt trapped. At the same time I want to do it so that I can take a honest look at the relationship and see if it even is able to have a second chance. Anyways I was just wondering if no contact has worked in getting a second chance at a relationship with the one you love? Let me know.

[john1776]

No contact is the best tool to use for getting an ex back. You have the highest chance of getting your ex back with the no contact strategy. Relentless pursuit gives you the lowest chance of getting them back. No contact gives your ex time to miss you. They will never be able to miss you if you are contacting them in short intervals of time like everyday or even every week.

 

Not everyone has to go strict no contact in order for this to work but I don't recommend you contacting him more than once a month. Try to space out your calls as much as you can. If you feel strong enough to completely stop calling then so much for the better. Some people have managed to get their ex back through reduced contact. That is calling no more than once a month and calling no more than once for every 3 times the dumper calls them.

 

In your situation I think no contact would be better than reduced contact since you said that your ex bf felt trapped. This means no contact initiated from your side. Responding to the ex is not a violation of no contact IMHO unless your sole purpose is trying to get over him and moving on. If you are still looking for a 2nd chance and don't want to move on then responding to the ex is optional. If he calls you then it's up to you whether you want to respond or not but you need to tread carefully when you do respond. Don't initiate talk about the past or the relationship. Don't sound depressed. Play it cool. Joke with him and laugh with him but keep the contact short and make sure you always understay your welcome by ending phone conversations first.

 

When you respond try to get a feel for why he is calling. Don't assume that he wants to reconcile just because he's calling. He may be thinking about reconciling but then again he might be calling to check up on how you are holding up because he feels guilty about hurting you. Or he may be calling because he's bored. That's the worst case scenario. If you let the call go to voicemail take 1-2 days to return his call if he requests that you call him back.

 

I know this sounds like a game but it's really the best chance you have of getting your ex back. Has he initiated any contact with you at all since the break or break up? I would also recommend putting away his pictures and anything else that reminds you of him out of sight if you haven't already done so. Delete his contact information from your phone books and e-mail address books. These things should help weaken the temptation to break no contact. Hang out with friends. Call a friend or a relative. Post here and vent anytime you feel tempted to call him. Whatever it takes. Last but not least DO NOT tell your ex that you are doing no contact otherwise you will undo everything you are working toward. No contact is something that you MUST NOT mention to your ex. Keep us posted. I wish you good luck. I hope you get the results you want.

[Guest]

I agree with john 100%.

 

When my ex broke up with me I relentlessly tried to pursue contact with him. But it seemed like my calls & emails were just an annoyance to him. We had a huge blowout maybe a month or 2 later because of this, because I was the only one trying to maintain communication/friendship & he could care less if he heard from me or not.

 

It was tough, I won't lie, but I dropped ALL contact (this means phone calls, text messages, emails, Ims). Bottem line, he KNEW I was weak, so he probabley expected me to call again- because my past behavior made it obviouse that I had a hard time not talking to him. And he was a very stubborn guy, I figured I would NEVER hear from him again, he's "that" stubborn.

 

Low and behold, maybe 6 months later (not longer than that) I get an appology email, then the IMs start coming, and then he asked for permission to call me! I was already moveing on at this point (a place I thought I would never reach when we first broke up) , so it pretty much stayed at occassional phone calls. I'm pretty sure he wanted to get back together with me, but I made it clear that I was moving forward.

 

So, I agree, as hard as it may be, 100% contact would probabley benifit your situation. Like John said, let him get the opportunity to miss you & realize what life is like without you.