After 10yrs she left because she don't love me anymore.

[Lor]

thanks for clarifying where you stand on your daughter and her. You're right--if she keeps playing the games like that, you should step in and let her know "in" or "out".

[MattN]

Thats why I say I don't think she understands what done really means. I mean seriously how many people stay in contact with step children other family members years after a split? I'm not saying it never happens but usually it doesn't but she says shes gonna stay in contact with her and my mother..

 

It all seems surreal to me but I'm learing to deal with it day to day..

[MattN]

So the other day she calls me at work and tells me she doesn't think our 4 days/3 days alternating schedule with our son is gonna work out that he needs stability etc etc. He isn't having any problems except for the fact that he doesn't understand why his mom and dad aren't together. So during this argument (I'm not backing off being with my son 50/50 at the very least) she finally says "well why are you doing all this now? why didn't you do it when we were together? Its too late now its too late now"

 

She acts as if I didn't spend anytime with my son which is nonsense and thats exactly why he has a bond with me and is fine when she is away but in her mind I didn't do enough. Then she says she feels like I am doing things so he will like me better and not want to be with her. Oh my gawd because I'm taking care of my son? What the hell did she expect that I would fold and not want to see him or take care of him. I told her that if in her twisted mind I wasn't doing something up to her standards then she should have communicated to me etc etc and she again mentioned I should have figured it out for myself because I can read minds. She does finally admit that she didn't comminicate and I told her that she is the one who didn't try and she is the one who gave up and she is the one who bailed and thats why we are not a family. Shes like I know I need to just suck it up and deal with it.

 

Somewhere in the conversation she mentions something about she doesn't appreciate me saying that him being at my house is more stable then him being with her and her mom and dad crammed in a small 2 bedroom house. I was like that DIDN'T come out of my mouth ever your obviously the one that thinks that and your the one going around telling everyone I didn't spend enough time with my son(in her warped eyes). In the end she agrees that the schedule is fine and we will keep it that way. Later on the night when she calls to tell him goodnight she tells me she was stressed about who knows what and thats why she called and started whatever. I'm like I dunno what your so stressed out about you should be happy that you got rid of me since you were so unhappy.

 

I know eventually after a long long time I will get over this and I am doing okay considering but her lack of emotion at least around me and how she always has to bring up every single stupid mistake I have made in the last 11yrs to justify what she has done is crazy. Forgiving someone for something doesn't mean you throw it in their face everytime you get mad.

 

Oh yeah and I almost forgot the day before she called and started all the crap with me I pick my son up at 4:30 from his daycare(keep in mind she works there but just isn't in his class) and she also knows what time I get him so I goto his class and check his folder for any homework etc and we leave and he tells me he already said goodbye to her so we left for the park. Well the next day during the phone conversation I mentioned above she tells me one of the reasons why the schedule isn't working is because he had homework that I didn't get. Why didn't I get the homework you ask?

 

Well she decided to take his homework out of the his school folder because she assumes that I will bring him down to say goodbye to her and she also fails to mention this homework that night when she called to say goodnight to him. I think its fair for me to assume that if she works at his daycare and he tells me he already said goodbye to her then its safe for me to think she said goodbye to him before I got there since she knows when I will be picking him up. She was like well I did say goodbye to him but that was at 2pm. Okay woman try being in my shoes and not working at his daycare and not seeing him at all.

 

Arrrggg okay done venting...

 

 

I will NOT back down from seeing my son 50/50 and she won't think of keeping him from me because she knows in the end she will be answering to HIM and not me..

[Ladyjane14]

Later on the night when she calls to tell him goodnight she tells me she was stressed about who knows what and thats why she called and started whatever. I'm like I dunno what your so stressed out about you should be happy that you got rid of me since you were so unhappy.

 

 

Well done, Matt. ....Bravo!!!

 

This is perfect reverse babble. Particularly when you deliver it PLEASANTLY. I bet it left her gawping like a goldfish.

 

Because.... in her mind YOU were the problem, and yet Mr. Reality says... "Hey sweetie, if I was the reason you were unhappy, how come you're not happy now?"

 

Every time you catch her babbling out her fantasy, and you poke a little hole in it with your reality stick.... you're asking her to engage her brain and THINK. Just like you did earlier.

 

The beauty of reverse babble is that it's a hit-and-run maneuver. You deliver it pleasantly, but you don't hang around and engage. You leave her scratching her head, wondering. You don't stand there going toe-to-toe with her because if she can't win a rational debate, her next move will be to take it to an IRRATIONAL level.

 

Great job. Make sure you're presenting yourself attractively as well. Take a leaf out of ILMW's book... look good, smell good, be pleasant. Even if you eventually decide you don't want her back, it won't hurt your feelings any if she's gnashing her teeth a bit because she let you get away.

 

 

p.s. You might want to get yourself a big body bag and a pair of boxing gloves. All that sweetness and light can really be hard on a guy.

[Rooster_DAR]

From my perspective, the quote "I don't love you anymore" translates to "I found somebody better" just about every time. It's synonymous with "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", "We've grown apart", and "You seem like more like a friend to me". Bunch of BS, they just can find the nerve to speak the truth.

 

As for "We've grown Apart!" BS. WTF, I've been here the whole time, your the one that's grown apart. I bet this took you by surprise didn't it. Join the club.

 

Regards,

[MattN]

From my perspective, the quote "I don't love you anymore" translates to "I found somebody better" just about every time. It's synonymous with "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", "We've grown apart", and "You seem like more like a friend to me". Bunch of BS, they just can find the nerve to speak the truth.

 

As for "We've grown Apart!" BS. WTF, I've been here the whole time, your the one that's grown apart. I bet this took you by surprise didn't it. Join the club.

 

Regards,

 

You know I have beat myself up about this for awhile now. I have checked phone records, spied on her and I still can't find any evidence of someone else. While I'm not saying its not possible I simply can't find it. Of course I have mentally prepared myself for it I'm done going out of my way looking for it because the reality is its not in my control whatever it is and I refuse to drive myself nuts over it(well I'm trying)..

 

If in the end thats what it was/is I really don't think I can forgive her for it and I hope shes happy in the bed she has layed in.

[Rooster_DAR]

Now you are starting to get the picture. Do me a favor, move on with your life and don't tolerate her screwing with your head. Make her see that you are the man and you have moved on. If she does come back, keep fending her off with your strength. If you decide to listen to her, stand fast and only attempt a reconcilation on your terms, not hers.

 

Good luck dude!

[MattN]

Well just a bit of an update after 6-7 weeks. I have talked to a lawyer and figured out the cost. We still agree on everything but she said she doesn't want to sign anything because "What if things change with our son in a year?"

 

Not sure what thats all about but she has talked to her own lawyer now no biggie but even though we still agree on everything she wants to use seperate lawyers. Okay fine with me it will be more money for her but now shes saying she will file. I'm gonna file anyway myself because she is probably gonna try and stall it until who knows really. She always like to mention you know that shes trying to be so civil about this like i should be thanking her..and she always likes to mention things may need to change later on with our 50/50 schedule with our son which I will not back off from. She thinks he may have problems in school even though he isn't but she doesn't want to finalize things I guess so she can try and change stuff to fit her needs later I dunno but as I told her I will be a part of raising my son and be a part of his school etc.

 

She also likes to make small threats about how she could take the house or something. I don't fall for her bait ha you want the house take it..She also likes to make a point every weekend I have him to call while she is out with her friends or cousin. Another thing she likes to do is when its her weekend with our son she'll have him call me to say goodnight instead of waiting for me to call and I call every night at the same time. Its obvious she assumes I'm just sitting home so starting this weekend I'm gonna grab my moms cell phone and start calling him from that when I say goodnight.

 

Its obvious she really didn't have this planned I mean her own parents didn't know and thats where she was moving to. She may have been thinking about leaving but to me she decided to bail when I confronted her that one morning and instead of dealing with any of our issues she bailed. I haven't bothered her at all and just act like nothing is wrong which is very hard to do sometimes but I stay strong. Last night she calls and asks me if I would do her a favor and check the closet for her jean jacket (i thought i packed all her coats) and drop that off at her work on my way to work in the morning along with a t shirt for our son. Again I pretend and say sure no problem but I'm pretty sure she has nothing left now so that shouldn't happen anymore. Yesturday was the first day I dropped him off and she was actually dressed and done up for the day, usually shes still in her bed clothes etc..

 

I know I'll get through this but the hardest part I guess is her acting like we are just good friends and that there was never anything between us and she won't even talk to me about anything. As I said before our problems were never that bad she just didn't communicate things with me or they weren't worth the effort to work out. We met when she was 20 and I was 23 and got married 3 years later and then had a kid 3yrs after that. One would think you would have figured out I was a mistake by then but apparently not. I still think that paxil is messin with her head to some extent from what I have read it doesn't seem normal to be on them for 4 yrs+ for PPD..

 

She probably feels as if she has missed something or that she settled since she has been with me for soo long and at a young age still living at home. Maybe she will find what she thinks she has missed and this will all be worth it to her.

 

Our son is starting to get more vocal on his dislike with the whole situation. When she called friday to say goodnight to him he starting asking her if she would come home and how he wants her to come home etc etc so I had to end that conversation and tell him to say goodnight to her. Then Sunday when we wake up (I drop him off at noon) he asks where he is going and I tell him to his moms and he starts crying and telling me how he hates staying over at his grandma and pappas house and that he wants to stay home and have everyone come there..Poor guy it breaks my heart and I don't think its gonna get better. Actually I think its gonna get worse and I know taking time from me isn't gonna change that.

 

One thing that she does that is bothering and bothered me when we were together is she won't take him anywhere with her. If she wanted to go shopping or to the store etc she would drop him off at her moms or my moms and have them watch him till she got back whenever because she can't handle him apparently but its probably more just not dealing with him. I take him everywhere with me no matter where I am going and what I am doing so it must be nice living at home and having her parents pick up the slack or watch him when she needs to run to the store or whatever..Plus she hasn't even had her mail forward or anything and I haven't been giving it to her.

 

Plus tomorrow would have been our 8yr anniversary so thats gonna be a sucky day.

 

Dunno just taking things one day at a time...

[MattN]

Well I made the appt today to file for divorce this coming Tuesday. Its really the last thing I wanted to do but I have no choice but to move on and start trying to close this chapter in my life and begin a new one..

 

Its very clear she has FBS and some type of depression but theres nothing I can do about it really and as long as her parents keep letting her act like a kid it probably won't change anytime soon.

 

I would have done anything to make my marriage work and I guess the hardest part is how she just bailed without any real effort.

[Mz. Pixie]

Why are you filing if you don't want a divorce??

 

Why are you doing her dirty work for her and paying for it??

 

Let her do it. Let her pay for it.

[MattN]

Wouldn't it be smart for me to file? To let her know I'm not gonna sit here and wait?

 

She said she is gonna file but nothing yet. No I don't want a divorce I want to make things work but I can't by myself so I'm a bit confused..

 

What if 2 months from now she still hasn't filed?

 

I dunno what to do really but your right why should I eat the cost..

[MattN]

Why are you filing if you don't want a divorce??

 

Why are you doing her dirty work for her and paying for it??

 

Let her do it. Let her pay for it.

 

 

You know what your right..Why I am? It doesn't feel right and its not what I want..

 

I'm just going to go on moving forward with my life and let her do her own dirty work..

[MattN]

Another vent session for me.

 

I found out last night her mom bought our son an Xbox for him over there. While I am not against this because it will help my son feel better being over there I think the main reason my wife did it (but her mom paying for it) was because she thinks its gonna cure the issue of him wanting to come HOME and him missing me and wanting his family to be together..

 

The other day her dad calls me to talk about sports and a few tv shows that are starting that we both watch. Talked about my son and the issues he is having and he begun to casually tell me the fustrations he is having with her living there. Just basicly about her always being tired and not dealing with any of the consequences of the decision that she has made. Most of it basicly sounded like he was fustrated with her not taking any responsibility for much and not acting like a grown up and putting herself before her son. It wasn't a bash wife/daughter session by any means but its clear that she doesn't see the financial/responsibilty stress she puts on others and as long as her parents keep letting her act like a kid she probably will continue to do it.

 

Another thing that I think she isn't realizing and I could be wrong here but since she has decided to let her mom and dad basicly help her raise our son (When he is with me I'm a single parent and take care of everything) her on the other hand lets them (or pawns off on them) much of what she should be doing. If she needs to goto the store she leaves him with them. If she doesn't want to get up with him in the morning then she has him go into her moms room and wake her up. When she tells him no I usually here him ask his pappa or mamma if he can do it. I personally don't think this is good for her because it takes away from the mother/son connection but its not my problem so I won;t dwell on it.

 

Shes been much more pleasant to me here the past few weeks as far as talking about him and what he did in school etc etc. Still nothing from her as far as we go like it never happened and I'm still going with the NC rule even though we have to talk somewhat about our son etc. Considering she hasn't done one single thing to get her **** in order since she left shes clearing still in lala land.

[MattN]

So its been a bit over 2 months since my wife left. Still following the Divorcebusting rules which is pretty hard but its getting easier. Some days are worse then others though and this one is a rough one for me. Today is my WW birthday and originally we discussed we would get our son on the night before our birthday so we could spend the day with him. So I waited all this week for her to let me know she was gonna switch me days since this week is my fri/sat with him. Well she never mentions anything so its safe to assume she obviously has plans to do other things. So friday night she calls to say goodnight to him from her moms cell phone of course because she is always out and tells me she will pick him up today around 1pm and take him to lunch and bring him back home.. No problem with that.

 

Well I work every 4th saturday and unfortunatly for me I drive almost right by her moms house to get to work and her jeep isn't there this morning

 

Well I guess that explains why she didn't want our son last night. I really have no idea where she is but its best for me to assume there is someone else I just wish I knew for sure because well I just need to know for myself. This not knowing crap really sucks and is eating me alive at least for right now. Man this is just so hard sometimes to try and move on with your life when you just don't know.

 

Two months and nothing has changed and she still pretends nothing happened and won't talk about anything. Earlier this week I put some of her mail in our sons backpack when I dropped him off. I figured she would get the hint and possibly thank me for doing it and say "Oh yeah thanks for my mail I really need to get my address changed" but no nothing at all. Shes an adult I shouldn't need to tell her to change her mailing address or keep her mail for her and I am half tempted to just start tossing it

 

Another thing about her school is before she left she signed up for 2 clsses to take in the fall which started the end of August well since she decided to leave me she didn't go to the classes and she KNOWS she has to physically go down and withdraw from the classes or she will get a F in both and it will ruin her grade point average even worse then what it is (she has a 2.5 but needs a 3.0 to get into the program). Its been over a month and she still hasn't withdrawn and she only has till the 30th of this month. Of course I'm not gonna say anything because its not my responsibility.

 

I bet she will not drop the classes just to have an excuse to drop out who knows. Arggg I wish she would get her head out of her ass and start acting like an adult. Anyway I hope she is happy and its all worth it to her but it would be nice if she would start putting her son first instead of herself and the single life. She doesn't have to come back to me even though I want her to but our son is another story. Sometimes I wonder if she ever really wanted a family/kids at all by the way she is acting because its all about HER HER HER

 

sigh I hate this limbo crap!! I just want to cut the string and move on and forget about her but I just can't seem to bring myself to it..Part of me wants to just file for divorce since she wants absolutly nothing at all and be done with it but again I can't bring myself to do it. She probably wouldn't sign anyway since she already told me she wouldn't in case things change with our son down the road. Whatever the hell thats about..I even offered to pay for it all..

 

I dunno I shouldn't be too mad at her considering what I have read on these forums she has been very very civil about everything and isn't really leading me on about nothing. Maybe I need to start taking it for what it is as she just doesn't love me anymore..

 

Whats the point of me not filing for divorce and being done with it? All seperation end in divorce anyway and I'm sure shes only prolonging it because she wants to have her cake and eat it to and just doesnt want to spend the money or waste the time to do it.

 

She would then have to get her own health/car etc etc insurance among other things. She said shes done nothing will change and she doesn't want seperation its just done..

[dgiirl]

Hey Mattn,

 

I can relate to so many things that you wrote. Especially about them not taking care of their own responsibilities. My exh did not change his mailing address until about 8 months later, and did not close one of our joint bank accounts until the one year anniversary where I had to remind him to close it in both situations. And on top of that, the dumbass made the account go negative because he didnt close it at first, but just removed all the money. Meanwhile, this had MY name on it as well, and when he left, he had the nerve to tell me not to screw up HIS credit rating because I want to be "independent". I wanted to be independent because I told him I didnt need him to teach me how to live on my own and to get out if he wants to leave. On top of that, he failed to pay the house insurance on time, and I had to call the company to ask them not to suspend our insurance until I paid them. Meanwhile, he promised me he'd take care of it all.

 

But you know, unless what she's doing involves you and your son directly, you need to let it go. Her failing in class and everything has nothing to do with you, and you cannot let yourself get angry over it. The mail I can see getting upset. Are all the bills in your name? If so, and the only mail that is in her name belongs to her, then I would tell her she has two weeks to change the address, after that you are marking the mail "moved" and putting it back into the mailbox.

 

As for filing for divorce, after 5 months of waiting for my exh to do something, I decided to do it myself. It was the best decision I ever did. Not only did he get delivered the papers, but it also forced him to finish off his responsibilties. As a dear friend told me, "my exh doesnt want a divorce, he simply doesnt want to be married, and right now, he's not married, so he's happy". How bloody selfish! I dont want to go through all the hassels of actually finishing the relationship, i wont deal with all the guilt of filing will bring, i'll just leave and live my life, leaving the rest for you to deal with. And considering it took him a YEAR to close a joint bank account that was assigned to him, god only knows how long he'd wait to actually file for a divorce.

 

When you are ready, file. Remember, if you guys do reconcile, you can always get remarried. Nothing is stopping you from getting back together. Plus, the divorce is simply a legal divorce, not an emotional divorce. The emotional divorce is going to take many more months to maybe even years to truely get over it. But right now, if you dont have atleast a legal separation, you need to get it done! Right now, you are still legally tied to her, and whatever debt she incurs will be your responsibility. And the longer she's away from you, the less guilt she'll have, and the more likely she'll try to screw you over. Not saying that she WOULD, but you never know and it's not smart if you dont protect yourself and your child. It's hard enough to raise a child alone, let alone do it with more debt that she built up. So protect yourself and atleast get everything _legally_ straightened out.

 

Now, you have to stop jumping to conclusions. You truely do not know where your wife was. Maybe she is having an affair, or maybe she was staying at a cousins, or maybe her jeep broke down last night and she was actually sleeping at her mom's house. Who knows, you dont know, and jumping to these conclusions and imagining all these scenarios are only hurting you. The simple fact of the matter is, she left. And no matter what reason why she left, she still left, and it was wrong! You deserve better.

 

What you need to do now is focus on you. The more you focus on her, and imagine what type of life she's living, the more hurt you are inflicting on yourself! She's not even around anymore to see you hurt, and you are pining away for her. She hurt you one day, the day she left, and you've been hurting yourself all the days after. And the best way to stop hurting yourself is to focus on you. What are you going to do today to make your life just a little better?

[MattN]

dgiirl- your right about alot of things and I'm trying my best. I'm not sure if I'm completely ready to file for divorce but it would be wise for me to at least do the legal seperation.

 

Does anyone happen to know what that involves and how expensive it is?

 

Does she need to sign off on it also? Do I need to worry about court and child support and visitation etc? Because if I do then I might as well file for the D and get it over with even though divorce isn't what I want.

 

Its about $1200 for a divorce so it wouldn't make much sense for me to pay for legal seperation and then later pay on top of that for divorce.

 

The more I think about what she has said and what she has done it sure does fit the 'grass is greener let me see if theres something better out there for me or she already has something she think is better'

 

I guess its just getting to the point where well if this is what you want then so be it here it is have a nice life..She definatly seems happy and content with what she has done and I do deserve better..

[dgiirl]

I'm not sure how much things will cost, but I would recommend calling a few different lawyers. Most of them give an initial consultation for free. Check out a few different lawyers until you find one you are comfortable with. Becareful tho, alot of lawyers are too agressive and would like nothing more than to turn your case into a bitter divorce because that means prolonged drawn out case, which equals money in their pockets. I called up three different lawyers and the last one was the only one who just gave me the plain facts. No melodrama or anything, so i went with him.

 

You dont need to file right away if you are not comfortable. But you do need to call a lawyer just to know what the first steps are.

[MattN]

I have seen a lawyer and since I'm in a no fault state and we agree on everything he said he could go fast and easy and be done in a few months..

 

I'll just make an appt with him and ask what the cost difference is and see what happens. Theres really no sense in me putting this off any longer and taking a chance she will flake on me even more later down the road.

 

I'm sure I will think about it more over the next few days since I'm more emotional right now but I do deserve more then this.

 

Its her loss!!!

 

I would have fought for this marriage till the end..Things just aren't like they use to be and its too damn easy for everyone to just bail these days..

[Gunny376]

I'm me and not you, but having gone through this once in my life I would,..............

 

 

Put an end to this. I'd file for divorce, and introduce some cold hard reality into this gal's life and move on. She's out frollicking through the daisies, thinking she's got you to fall back on ~ wrong!

 

After that I'd let the dommino's fall as they may, in quick succession. And, let her deal with it.

 

Life's hard, its even harder when your stupid! (Ref: Her ~ not you)

[MattN]

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and about the past 2 to 3 years of my marriage and I really think my wife emotionally moved on awhile ago. The distance she has been from me, the way she has acted and the things she has said. I really believe that at some point she assumed she settled and that she deserves better for herself.

 

Which is fine I'll eventually be able to live with that and as much as I want to save my marriage on her end I just don't believe theres anything to save. I'm not even really sure by how she has acted in a long while that she even wanted or was ready for a family. I don't think she feels she has me to fall back on I think she has completely moved on.

 

I was her first and only long term relationship and I feel that she thinks she deserves better emotional and material wise but either way its her loss and the best thing for me and my son is for me to divorce her and start moving on with my life.

 

Thanks everyone for the continued support I really don't know if I would have progressed this far without it.

[Gunny376]

The sad truth is ~ women tend to have left emotionally years before they actually leave physically.

[dgiirl]

The sad truth is ~ women tend to have left emotionally years before they actually leave physically.

 

This is true for any gender. I dont understand why people keep quoting such things. I've heard "Men dont leave a relationship until they have someone else in the wings". Then "Women dont leave a relationship until they have someone else in the wings". It's just normal that people dont say anything in fear of hurting the other spouse, up until they reach the point of no return. Where they've killed all the emotions they've ever had for the other, and then all of a sudden they bail. Read "Uncoupling". It's a very interesting read about the patterns people do while breaking up in a relationship. It helps explain why people leave emotionally years before they actually leave.

[MattN]

Our son has been having some issues in school and at home etc lately as far as when he does something wrong or gets in trouble he calls himself stupid and he can't do anything right and he has no friends, nobody likes him etc etc. I'm not sure where he is getting this from because nobody calls him stupid and I always talk to him about it. So she calls me at work and asked me if I talked to his teacher which I did and we both agree that we should take him to counseling to make sure.

 

She doesn't believe that its related to our split but I'm not so sure but in either case I want to make sure and do whats best for him. She also let me know that she is going to counseling also for herself. I had to give her info for it because we get 8 free session per year through my work at the Madison Center. She was like I called your insurance and they said they didn't cover it. I had to inform her its not through my insurance its through my work and gave her the info..

 

I told her we should take our son together so we can both be there and shes like "I don't want to confuse him". Well I told her I'm not talking about driving there together I'm talking about meeting there. I think that statement was more for me. I wanted to say look I got it your gone and not coming back but I won't be baited into the conversation.

 

The good news is at least she realizes that she does need to talk to someone because I don't think shes happy now thats she left. Something is wrong with her and it needs to be fixed at the very least for herself and her son so she can start thinking straight and doing whats best for our son.

 

I still have my appt. this week to file which kinda sucks only because its not what I want but more of what I need to do to protect myself and my sons future..

 

Oh and while I don't think she has someone shes 'in love' with but I do believe she has someone that shes interested in and is testing the waters with it. At least she hasn't jumped and gotten our son involved etc

[MattN]

Well I filed the divorce papers today and I have been a wreck all day craying etc etc

 

I really hope I am doing the right thing because I just feel like I am giving up but I don't have much choice really do I. Its obvious that its over I just don't know why I can't just accept that.

 

I just can't help but wonder why she felt the need to tell me she was going to counseling. It wasn't worth it to her to goto counseling for us. Maybe she realizes that she does have some sort of a problem I mean if she was so happy and has moved on found someone else that makes her happy etc what would be the point of needing counseling?

 

I know she has some sort of depression though like I said everything started to slowly get worse and worse as far as the rift between us after the paxil and she has been on it for so long now and to me it doesn't seem to be working. When she calls for our son I don't know where she is but usually shes calling from a girlfriends house or her cousins house etc..

 

I realize she would prefer to hide it afraid of hurting me but it just seems I would have found some sort of sign or something by now if she had someone significant in her life. I mean how do you go from working on your relationship, picking new furniture out for the house to welp I'm done and I'm out of here and on top of that putting youself before your child. Plus the fact that she is being so nice about everything with our son and not wanting anything from the house except her clothes.

 

I have a whole crap load of family pictures and our son pictures hell every picture we have still sitting at the house ans she has still yet to mention coming over and going through them or just getting them period. Even all the stuff our son has made for us over the last 5 yrs. I mean that stuff is important to anyone regardless of their feelings for their spouse.

 

From what she has said here and there it seems like she feels she is missing something or has missed something she has been with me since she was 20. She went back to school started hangin with younger single friends and being around them..

 

Its not like I want to beg her or ask her back or anything but I deserve answers to certain things and her pretending like nothing ever happened between us and that we are best buddies is just ridiculous. I have been left for another man before so I know what its like and I know the signs and never has a woman been this nice to me after she has replaced me with someone else. My gut doesn't tell me there is but I just don't want to look like a fool and can I really trust my gut feelings?

 

I just want to calmly confront her on so many issues and that mainly being the one but as everyone said on here that probably will do me no good. I just wanna say okay I filed for divorce its all going through so can you now tell me why the hell you really left?

 

I really hope I'm doing the right thing by doing the NC thing and pretending I'm moving on and filing for a divorce I didn't want and should not have had to do..

 

What if she doesn't sign the divorce papers even though it has everything we agree on in it? We have talk about it a few times and its written up exactly like what we wanted then what do I do? Confront her on why?

[MattN]

I really hope filing for divorce was the right course of action..

 

I have to go with Gunny though and put some cold hard reality into this situation because the way I am starting to feel now part of me can't wait till the divorce is final so I can drop her from my health/dental/car insurance and not have to worry about her changing mind later on about wanting things from the house etc

 

Theres also a few choice things I would like to say to her for what she has done to me and our son but I'm still putting on the happy face..