Ring Size and my Feelings....

[princessa]

Why didn't anybody suggest buying a bigger diamond of lesser quality???

[norajane]

Why didn't anybody suggest buying a bigger diamond of lesser quality???

 

Actually, I did, on page 1...

 

But that's not really this guy's primary issue...

[Guest]

Bryan

 

 

I think your fiancee is immature and materialistic. Her attitude does not indicate she is ready for marriage. Rather, she wants the 'fantasy' of a glorious wedding.

 

I think you need to put off marriage for a while and deal with this issue.

 

If you can't afford a large stone, it is selfish of her to demand one.

 

How would SHE like it if you insisted she buy you a car for your birthday as evidence of her 'love' for you? She wouldn't like it at all.

 

Oh and I am a woman by the way. So this is a woman's point of view.

 

I am disgusted by women who are all about the ring, expensive weddings and matching china sets. They are like little, babbling, whining, greedy children.

[Guest]

Two words: Kick, curb. You're better off alone, my friend.

[Guest]

I'm a nobody here, but I came to look at posts about women who couldn't muster a proposal of any type from their BFs. In this situation, my brother gave me some advice about why he thought my BF hadnot yet proposed. I think it has some relevance here. He said:

 

"He must be saving money for a ring. He thinks the ring you want is big and flashy and shiny. And he's right. All women want a big, flashy ring. But the ring you need comes from a Cracker Jack box. As soon as he realizes that, he'll propose."

 

Just for the record, that was a year ago, and I would gladly accept a plastic ring. There's nothing wrong with her wanting a big rock, so long as she does not expect it or require it. I say, buy the smaller ring, propose, and see her reaction. Her face will tell you all you need to know. If it reads disappointment, you have some issues to work out.

[Guest]

I also am a guest on this sight. My wonderful Husband & I will be married 10 years this Sept 11th. I (We) are now shopping for a diamond ring as I have never had one-BUT....I was (am) proud to wear my plain gold band for 10 years until we could afford a diamond.

 

Please give some serious thought about marriage, if she loves you, it wouldn't matter at all the size of the ring.

[Walk]

I'd buy her a small diamond. Propose, and if she rejects it because of the ring, then I'd walk away for good.

 

My exH proposed to me with a cigar wrapper, and i thought that was the coolest thing on the planet.

 

However, it was my exH's need to always have the biggest and most expensive things that caused me to fall out of love with him. He squandered on himself what I worked so hard to acquire. I thought he would change, I thought he would see reason, I thought he understood and wouldn't continue to buy bigger and better just to impress people.. but he never changed. We just got deeper and deeper into debt. Our quality of life sucked. He had his "toys" and I worked my butt off. And all the time he was agreeing he needed to spend less, we needed to save up for a house, we needed this or that... then he'd go blow a few grand that evening on something we didn't need. And it was always the same "I didn't understand what you meant." His excuse for doing exactly what he wanted to.

[rainfall]

I say propose with the ring you can afford and if she looks upset or complains that the ring isn't big/flashy enough for her then dump her and run far far away. I think some....not all but some... women care more about the actual wedding/ring then they do about the marriage itself.

If me and my boyfriend ever do decide to get married if it has to be a 20 dollar wedding at the justice of the peace where there is no fancy dress or reception and all I get is a cracker jack box ring I will be fine with that. I love my boyfriend and would be marrying him because I want to spend the rest of my life with him not because I want to be able to show off a nice fancy ring.

[adnCat]

I agree with most here. It's one thing to want to have a ring. But most of my friends think their wonderful fiance and impending marriage is the prize, not a really old piece of carbon.

 

I really think you need to talk to her about whether or not a huge diamond is really worth it. Maybe you can convince her to get a simulant, like a nice CZ. (Synthetic stones, as I posted before, are very new and still pretty expensive)

 

I keep changing my mind about whether I want an engagement ring. But I've already decided I want a CZ. Well cut ones are almost identical to diamonds. So ring or not is a $200 decision. (The CZ I want will probably cost $15. Gold prices are up these days.)

 

Spending 10s of thousands on a ring is overkill, and if she really wants it, than she needs to re-examine her priorities. Do you really want to marry someone so superficial?

[Guest]

I'm not going to re-hash what everyone else here has said... she has serious issues if she's acting that way about not getting the ring she thinks she deserves.

 

When I first got married, I picked out a pretty sapphire and diamond ring. Nothing huge, but it was still beautiful. That marriage ended, but its not like either of us was out a ton of money. Plus I was in a different mindset than I am now - then it was about the wedding.

 

Now I'm in a different relationship and discussing marriage and you know what? I want a big rock - but I want it to be fake. #1 - I don't want to worry about losing such an expensive piece of jewelry... #2 - We don't have the money. I cringe alone at spending $1,000 on a diamond - and that would even be a low quality one! I'd rather spend $100 for a CZ ring and spend my money on a nice honeymoon or something of that nature.

 

A ring is just a silly symbol, and not the actual core of your relationship. It shouldn't be the foundation of your marriage and your life together. My SO could propose to me with anything and I'd say yes because its more about just getting on one knee and asking the big question - it's about your relationship together, how well you work together, whether you see yourself with that person for the rest of your life, if the two of you can set goals and achieve them, etc.

 

It sounds to me like she's the kind of girl that will just drag you down. She obviously wants a big ring to show off to her friends... but when everyone starts having babies is she going to immediately want one too instead of waiting until you, as a couple, are ready? Is she going to want to take vacations whenever she wants just because her friends are, even though you don't have the money or are saving towards a bigger house, college for kids, etc?

[Guest_in_sydney]

My first thoughts on this thread were 1. diamonds are cheaper in the US or 2. Thats one cashed up grad student. A diamond of that size and quality in Australia would set you back nearly $30,000.

 

I came to sydney from a rural area and I too felt the pressure to keep up. I don't think I am materialistic but sometimes the pressure and desire to fit in can overwhelm all logic.

 

However if your going to live in the Big City then you need to find a way to step back from this and live within your means.

 

I would seriously reconsider this relationship if a big ring is that important to you. Cause next your going to be buying her an expensive house because you love her, an alfa romeo then a hermes hand bag.

 

Someone will always have more, bigger and better than you do. She needs to get used to this sooner rather than later.

[pray1]

I,ve experienced something similair , asked my gf to marry me and she said yes! she would love to marry me and b my wife,gave her a great ring as an engagement ring , agreed she would pick out the wedding ring .( the engagement ring was of my taste and style ) said she loved it cause it came from me but wasnt her style . We have yet to set a date , says we should have a house first,even tho i own my own home . We have been looking at houses slowly , she showed me one that cost over $ 300,000.00 , way out of our league right now . She said we need a roof and 4 walls , well i have a decent house as it is . Feel as tho somethings wrong , like i,m more into getting married than her , even tho she has been looking at houses . we have both been married before and she used to wear the ring her ex gave her till i raised hell bout it . ( it,s not her style also ) very confused . She tells me all the time how much she loves me and how wonderful i am , but no date . havent pushed the date thing much as i think she should bring it up also . To me a ring means LOVE and wanting to b together forever , doesnt matter to me if it cost 10.00 or a million it,s the Love that counts . I feel somewhat like a outcast as i have met only one of her relatives ( a Aunt) . said she doesnt tell her parents much bout her personal life , but hell we r getting married ! any thoughts ...PLEASE VERY CONFUSED

[lost8]

Hi,

 

I read it and I think that getting the ring that you think she would like is important i.e. the design etc. I think that large of a stone for two people in your situation is completley unreasonable. 1-1.5 is a big beautiful diamond. I am assuming you are both relatively young. I think this is an unreasonable request. I think that you should talk to your GF and ask her what is important to her in life? Do you guys own a home? Wouldn't you rather put that kind of money down on a downpayment for your future? I would ask her that. and then if you spend that kind of money how will you afford a wedding?

 

I don't think that she is being fair. Nor do I think that it's appropriate to demand something so large and extravagant it's supposed to be a wonderful experience not cause someone so much stress.

[cutegirl]

When I get married I have no problems buying my own ring. My signifcant other barely has any money and most likely won't afford ANY ring at all, but I can easily buy myself a decent sized bling bling real diamond.

 

I'm independent like that. I don't need anything from a man.

[Naive]

I think that you should really sit down and talk with her, ask her if marriage is really something she wants. It can be that she felt like she should say yes because she cares about you, but in reality she is not ready to marry just yet. It does sound weird that she does not want to set a date until you buy a house if you ALREADY own one!

 

Like I said, the best thingh you could do is talk to her about it.

[pray1]

I think that you should really sit down and talk with her, ask her if marriage is really something she wants. It can be that she felt like she should say yes because she cares about you, but in reality she is not ready to marry just yet. It does sound weird that she does not want to set a date until you buy a house if you ALREADY own one!

 

Like I said, the best thingh you could do is talk to her about it.

havent pushed the issue , yeah i think it,s weird also, having no date . Have tried to have serious conversations concerning the future , get the reply ' do we have to talk about this now ' . Said to her it takes 2 to make a plan , i,m shown houses way out of cost range . To tell the truth the whole relationship is confusing me . Asked her was she in love with me or just loved me , said she was in love as i am . CONFUSING!

[noforgiveness]

One other thought besides the ring and wedding. She's a school teacher buying thousand dolloar handbags????

 

Are you familiar with her debt? When you are married her debt becomes your burden too. I would make sure you are totally familiar with her financial situation.

[pray1]

One other thought besides the ring and wedding. She's a school teacher buying thousand dolloar handbags????

 

Are you familiar with her debt? When you are married her debt becomes your burden too. I would make sure you are totally familiar with her financial situation.

When 1 marries another is the debt a legal thing i.e her bebt becomes his also . Or is it a married thing ? Was just wondering as the person i,m dealing with has student loans and pays child support to her step kids which she didnt adopt { biological mom pays nothing i,m told ] .