I love drinking...way too much...

[Kittiecat]

and it's affecting my life in many negative ways. I've been getting tanked most nights of the week for the last 5 years - even more than when I was in college - at least then I had homework to occupy my time. I successfully dried out over Lent (six long weeks) but started up again when I broke up with my boyfriend in April. This weekend I do believe I hit my bottom at a house party involving me, lots of booze and some vagrantly slutty and obnoxious behavior. And trust me, nights like that are becoming a little too common.

 

The scary thing is that I have no desire to quit drinking outright. I hate the idea that AA tells people they have no control over their own actions. Even if I don't have control right now, are they honestly trying to say that I'll NEVER be able to regain control of my alcohol usage? That's kind of disturbing to me.

 

I made an appointment to see my doctor tomorrow morning. Maybe he can steer me in the right direction. This crap is starting to cloud my judgment in general and my moods are all over the place.

[alphamale]

and it's affecting my life in many negative ways. I've been getting tanked most nights of the week for the last 5 years

how much do you drink per nite, on avg? 2 drinks? 5 drinks? and what do you drink? wine? the hard stuff?

[Kittiecat]

how much do you drink per nite, on avg? 2 drinks? 5 drinks? and what do you drink? wine? the hard stuff?

 

I can put away about 9-10 beers (on an empty stomach, because booze now replaces food) and still make it to work (although cloudy and in pain, of course). I've downed a bottle and a half of wine by myself as well. I used to drink the hard stuff all the time but lately I've been on a beer/wine bender. I love martinis and when I'm at the bar I always have at least one to start.

[alphamale]

I can put away about 9-10 beers (on an empty stomach, because booze now replaces food) .

Per nite? Wow. Yes, I agree you may want to seek help.

[Outcast]

Kittie, the 'lack of control' isn't about not having will. Go read up on this - it's fascinating. There is a bit of our brain that is our 'reward centre'. It's the bit that is part of our whole motivation mechanism. For some people, alcohol, drugs, or even things like gambling get the brain's 'reward mechanism' excited to the point that they MUST have the booze. It's not will. It's biology. The cravings - even how the way that you are appalled at the idea of never drinking again - are about biology.

 

Every now and then, you'll see a little kid eating sand and grass and all sorts of wierd things. This is another biological craving which is caused (they think) when kids lack certain minerals in their diets. The kid hasn't 'chosen' to eat the rocks nor would it be a matter of 'lack of will' that it eats rocks. Its body craves the rocks.

 

So your body craves the booze. I nearly dropped one day when I heard Dr. Phil tell someone that the booze had infiltrated her body to a cellular level, but that's what happens!!!

 

And the bad thing is that booze is bad for your body - much more so for women. We don't metabolize booze as well as men so liver damage, etc. happens sooner and worse in lots of women.

 

So this is not about you, Kittie, but about the fact that your constitution is one that embraces rewards at a chemical level. It's a malfunction of the body - not a flaw of thinking.

 

So for your health's sake you need to take whatever means there is to fight it. It stinks, yes. To me, being alcoholic would be as horrid as being allergic to chocolate - you have to avoid it forever even if you like it. But the price you pay for indulging is just too high. It's your health and possibly your life.

 

And, to put another spin on it, nobody will want to pair up with someone who is out of control around booze.

[Touche]

Oh gosh...where to start, where to start? I don't talk about this but I have had an alcohol issue my whole adult life pretty much. I'm in my mid-40's. I've completely quit for different lengths of time throughout my life. At other times, I've managed to be able to control it and at other times I've been COMPLETELY out of control with it.

 

Yes, it DOES cloud your judgement. I've had inappropriate on line relationships with men that I would never even look at or bother with in my "real life." (It's why I originally came here...only to start another one right up again!) When you drink you can justify almost any type of behavior. It's insane. Thank god, I've never crossed the line into having a full-blown affair. I'd kill myself if I ever went that far. I love my husband deeply and we do have a wonderful marriage.

 

But I'm embarassed and ashamed and some of the things I've done while drinking. It's been, like I've said a life-long battle.

 

I function quite well though, as many of us do. I managed to get my Bachelor's degree, managed a business for almost 4 years, gave birth to a healthy baby (quit drinking and smoking when I found out I was pregnant) and have sustained a healthy and happy marriage for 11 1/2 years now despite this addiction.

 

Look, AA is not for everyone. They're great for SOME people..for most even. But it was never right for me. You said strong-willed. You sound like me.

 

You need a long period without drinking. I have just started my long period of no drinking 4 days ago. My head already feels clear and I feel in control. I'm amazed at the crap I've done in the last few months.

 

Every so often I have to "wake myself up" and pull back for a long period of time. After that, SOME of us (my mother has been successful for years) can drink again. She's now able to stop at 2. And she drinks very rarely.

 

But you first have to have that long period of time where you're a non-drinker. The danger with this is many fall right back into the spot they were before..sometimes even WORSE.

 

There are books and things written on this method. I can't remember the name of this particular method. It's an alternative way. It's certainly not for everyone. But it's the way I've lived my life. Who knows how long I'll go now without drinking. When I start again, it will be controlled. It will be 2 drinks and that's it. I was able to maintain that for close to 4 years when I was working. Same when I was going to school. As of late, I've been out of control again.

 

So I have to once again rein myself in. It's not the first time I've had to do it and it probably won't be the last.

 

I'm ashamed and embarassed that I have this issue. No one knows about it except my mother and my husband. Most people would never know that by looking at me. I appear to have it together. And when I drink, I don't slur or stumble or act obviously impaired. And those kind of drinkers are the WORST as far as being in danger of fooling themselves into believing they're fine.

 

But I've always known that I'm not fine. There's nothing good about this problem. And perhaps I should say that I should give it up for the rest of my life. But I can't say that. Instead I choose to control it the best way I can.

 

And for now, it's to give it up completely.

 

I know there are plenty of others out there like me. I'd love to hear about those of you who got it under control. And what about those of you who have quit altogether?

 

I think Kittie and I (and I'm sure there are others out there) could use some inspiration now.

 

Good luck Kittie and thanks for starting this thread.

[Kittiecat]

Per nite? Wow. Yes, I agree you may want to seek help.

 

Yup. My last sober night was two weeks ago. And before that...I actually have no idea.

 

I need to quit drinking just so I can put friggin' gas in my car, if nothing else.

[Touche]

Per nite? Wow. Yes, I agree you may want to seek help.

 

I love the way you said "per nite?" Why did you put it that way? There are people who drink that much once every two weeks and they're alcoholics too. The AMOUNT one drinks does not give the whole picture here. There are a host of other issues other than the amount.

 

With that said though, how much do YOU drink, Alpha?

[morphius]

Anything above 20 units per week(for a female) is classed as "heavy drinking",

 

For example one 500ml can of 5% beer is roughly 2.5 units, therefore 10 cans a week would put you over the recommended amount. It's not a lot I know, I have been drinking in excess of 90 units per week for 18 months. Seriously not good!

 

Then again, I know people that dont drink for six nights of the week and then on a Saturday will go out, get slaughtered and drink 50-70 units in a night.

 

If you look deep within yourself and think you have a problem then you need to address it,

 

Do you drink on your own?

 

Do you drink to forget?

 

Do you lie about your drinking to family or friends?

 

If you answer yes, then you have an issue. You need to seek help.

 

Ask yourself, "could I go one week without a drink?"

 

If it's a negative answer then you need help.

 

Regards

 

A slightly drunk Morph. (lol)

[Touche]

I liked your post Morphius. Very interesting. But that last part about asking whether you can go a whole week or not without drinking doesn't give the whole picture either.

 

I mean I've gone a year at a time, months, 10 days, etc. Doesn't mean I don't have a problem just because I can go a week without drinking. It's a very complex physical/biological AND mental issue.

 

I wish they'd do more studies on it. There's something in our brains that reacts to the alcohol differently than other "normal" people do. I think it has to do with serotonin levels. Serotonin levels are different in people who get addicted to alcohol and other drugs.

 

I haven't done all the research. I just know that the more you drink, the more your body and mind craves it. When you stop, you still think about it and want it but the cravings do subside over time. Sometimes the cravings are worse than at other times but they DO eventually pass if you don't give in to them.

 

Are you trying to quit, Morphius? Have you ever stopped for any period of time before?

[Kittiecat]

So this is not about you, Kittie, but about the fact that your constitution is one that embraces rewards at a chemical level. It's a malfunction of the body - not a flaw of thinking.

 

Do you believe in the genetics argument? Because my dad struggled with it in his early years. That's a really interestinig point, you may be on to something.

 

To me, being alcoholic would be as horrid as being allergic to chocolate - you have to avoid it forever even if you like it. But the price you pay for indulging is just too high. It's your health and possibly your life.

 

Oh, I know, but the idea of staying sober at bars and parties absolutely kills me. Part of me embraces being the drunk idiot everyone makes fun of. I mean, if people are going to laugh at me I at least want control over it (i.e. I'd rather them laugh at silly, drunk Kittie instead of sober, real Kittie). OK -- have wandered into Freudland. You know what I mean.

 

And, to put another spin on it, nobody will want to pair up with someone who is out of control around booze.

 

I know. Unfortunately I'm drawn to party boys. And...SHOCK...it's never worked out. EVER! Imagine that!!!

[Kittiecat]

Do you drink on your own?

 

Uh...always.

 

Do you drink to forget?

 

Sure.

 

Do you lie about your drinking to family or friends?

 

I lie to my family all the time. My friends unfortunately have digital cameras.

 

Ask yourself, "could I go one week without a drink?"

 

I could and have before, but it sucked horribly.

[Touche]

I'm absolutely convinced there's a genetic component to this.

 

As far as the notion that going a week "sucked horribly." It's a state of mind Kittie. I know it's scary. I know it is. It is to me too. But I try to focus on the GOOD parts about doing without it. Hey, just think you'll put gas in your car! You won't wake up shaking. You'll eat normally again. You'll feel "normal". You'll be thinking clearly. Mornings won't be painful. You'll have more energy. You can pursue other things you like to do that you haven't done in a while because of all the time you spend drinking.

 

So focus on the great parts of this..not the few uncomfortable, inconvenient parts. You might want to extricate yourself from the party scene for a bit. Will your buddies go bike riding instead? Or rollerblading or go for coffee or tea and great appetizers after work? Maybe you need other buddies.

 

We have to change our way of thinking. Change our habits in order to succeed.

[Kittiecat]

You might want to extricate yourself from the party scene for a bit. Will your buddies go bike riding instead? Or rollerblading or go for coffee or tea and great appetizers after work? Maybe you need other buddies.

 

Ironically, one of my best buddies hardly drinks at all. The rest are spread out across the country and I have no idea what their drinking habits are, only that we all used to get blitzed together in college and reunite at tailgates to drink and BBQ.

 

Old habits are so hard to break.

[Touche]

I know. Old habits ARE hard to break. But they CAN be broken. So there's no problem then. If one of your best buddies hardly drinks, you can still get out and do stuff right?

[Outcast]

Do you believe in the genetics argument? Because my dad struggled with it in his early years. That's a really interestinig point, you may be on to something.

 

Sure. We inherit our biological makeup - and I guess it depends which traits you inherit and not only that but how they interact.

 

Dopamine seems to be the culprit. Here's info from the University of Texas about how it is involved.

http://www.utexas.edu/research/asrec/dopamine.html

 

Or if you want a nice stack of scientific terms and a more complex read, check out mesolimbic dopaminergic system and addictions in places like Wiki. There's also a great article in Psychology Today called Inside The Addict's Brain.

[Kittiecat]

If one of your best buddies hardly drinks, you can still get out and do stuff right?

 

Sure but unfortunately nowadays I have only one favorite pastime. I sort of wish she would pester me about it, but I guess she's walking on eggshells trying to be nice.

[Touche]

Sure but unfortunately nowadays I have only one favorite pastime. I sort of wish she would pester me about it, but I guess she's walking on eggshells trying to be nice.

 

I'll be happy to pester you about it!

 

STOP IT!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!! Oh, err..sorry...that was another thread.

[Kittiecat]

:lmao:

 

Aye, there's the rub.

 

Gotta love that Newhart.

[burning 4 revenge]

Are you drinking right now?

[Kittiecat]

Are you drinking right now?

 

Yup.

 

I'm sorry T, held out as long as I could.

[Touche]

Yup.

 

I'm sorry T, held out as long as I could.

 

No need to apologize to me, Kittie. It's a struggle I know only too well. You'll do better next time!

 

Can you try to stop after this drink or is that out of the question for you?

[westernxer]

I can put away about 9-10 beers (on an empty stomach, because booze now replaces food)

 

Guiness is a suitable meal replacement.

[burning 4 revenge]

Yup.

 

I'm sorry T, held out as long as I could.

All this discussion about drinking does'nt help. I think I'm about to mix up a white russian...that sounds really good.

[Kittiecat]

T - you really do sound like my mom. We'll see what we can do. I don't make promises anymore. I'm horrible at it.

 

Wxer - You are right about Guiness. Liquid bread.