I love drinking...way too much...

[hotgurl]

Hotgurl, you're an artist! You could be crazy as hell as far as your employer is concerned.

 

 

I find the craziness actaully imporves my job performance

 

Well unless the OP if going for a job in a field that includes mental testing etc.. I think she's safe. It's more important she gets help.

[Touche]

Well it's day 5 for me! WOO HOO! I feel lousy though. Tired for no reason and irritable. Having paranoid thoughts. Shouldn't I feel great now? I feel like my whole world is about to crash in on me. What's wrong with me?

 

Does it feel worse before it gets better? I don't remember feeling like this before. Anyone else ever feel like this? Wish I could just go to sleep now for the whole night.

 

KC, how are you doing?

[Kittiecat]

RP - OK, I see what you're saying. Fortunately for me I have no desire to work in any field involving heavy machinery, etc. Where I work now they don't drug test and are pretty laid back about what people do on their off time.

[blind_otter]

I mean I've gone a year at a time, months, 10 days, etc. Doesn't mean I don't have a problem just because I can go a week without drinking. It's a very complex physical/biological AND mental issue.

 

 

You've heard of dry drunks, touche, I know it. Dry drunks are people who quit drinking but continue to use maladaptive coping strategies. The result is an indivdual who is technically sober, but somehow still expressing physical discomfort, as well as feeling let down. You assume that if you are not drinking, you are recovering.

 

Regardless of whether you ascribe to AA or not, a recovery program is a necessity. Not faith based, necessarily, but one that motivates you to seriously examine the life choices you have made, as well as dealing head on with the consequences of undesireable behavior while "under the influence". What I liked best about AA was the making amends step -- while it has been difficult to face the consequences, many of which I never really HAD to face -- the past is the past, after all, drove home the point that I can never, ever, ever drink. It's like playing russian roulette. With alcoholics you may be fine, and have a great time, one time, or more -- but it will always eventually escalate out of your control.

 

To be sober. Really, truely, honestly sober -- means changing your whole life. Your attitudes, your arrogance. That's what stubbornness is, really, and you are not unique in this trait -- A LOT of alcoholics and addicts are exactly the same way. To me, letting go and letting God (especially when my personal concept of God is not in line with the traditional christian image) -- was about letting go of my ego and my arrogance. It was about learning -- the hard way, with people in my face showing me what I was, with me suppressing my urge to react with virtiol, or verbosity, or angry words -- to accept things about myself that I had pushed away with numbness and denial, by placing blame on other things and other people, circumstances, or the past.

[Touche]

I agreed with everything BO but not with the fact that a recovery program is a NECESSITY. I've seen others, including my mom, do it wthout a program.

 

I can face my demons all by myself. So I will respectfully disagree with you on that point. As for everything else you said, I'm well aware of it. And you were correct.

[blind_otter]

Well I know my Dad got sober on his own, too. It didn't change the fact that he was an alcoholic though, and I blame his poor health and terminal illness on his inability to face that necessity.

 

Everyone thinks they know how to face their own demons. That's the whole thing about yoru demons. They've been with you so long they know how to trick you into believing everything is ok, only to attack again when you are weak and let your guard down. You don't think I know this? I've been tricked by them many times before. THe difference with me is that I chose harder drugs that had much quicker consequences, so I went on the merry go round faster but just as frequently.

 

This is hardly the first time I attempted sobriety. But this IS the first time I really made the committment to be sober.

 

Little did I know that my demons were really just....parts of me. That cried out like babies, not knowing how to attend to my own need.

[Kittiecat]

To be sober. Really, truely, honestly sober -- means changing your whole life. Your attitudes, your arrogance. That's what stubbornness is, really, and you are not unique in this trait -- A LOT of alcoholics and addicts are exactly the same way.

 

I know what you mean, but that bad stuff feels like it's ingrained on my personality and has become a part of who I am. Maybe I really am just a crazy drunk party girl? Anyway, it seems to be the persona I've adopted, mainly to my detriment, although it IS fun (usually).

 

Is it possible to attend an AA meeting just to listen to the stories, without having to become emersed in the sponsorship stuff and tell my own stories?

 

Update - I went to the Dr. today and was told I have clinical depression and was given a scrip for Prozac and Ativan (for the withdrawal). He says he sees this a lot - people get depressed and self-medicate with alcohol. I figured it was the other way around -- too much booze wears on someone and THEN they become depressed. Ech...who knows. There are a million different answers, I'm sure.

[Touche]

Well I know my Dad got sober on his own, too. It didn't change the fact that he was an alcoholic though, and I blame his poor health and terminal illness on his inability to face that necessity.

 

Everyone thinks they know how to face their own demons. That's the whole thing about yoru demons. They've been with you so long they know how to trick you into believing everything is ok, only to attack again when you are weak and let your guard down. You don't think I know this? I've been tricked by them many times before. THe difference with me is that I chose harder drugs that had much quicker consequences, so I went on the merry go round faster but just as frequently.

 

This is hardly the first time I attempted sobriety. But this IS the first time I really made the committment to be sober.

 

Little did I know that my demons were really just....parts of me. That cried out like babies, not knowing how to attend to my own need.

 

 

I don't get it. You blame your father's illness on his inability to face WHAT necessity? Was it the fact that he didn't openly acknowledge that he is an alcoholic? Not sure I get what you're saying. The man quit drinking. He must know that he is one.

 

Sorry, but I have a LOT of experience with this over the years. Everyone is different. My biggest demon is ALCOHOL not anything else about my personality. There's something chemically wrong in my brain (see comments on serotonin levels.)

 

When I've stopped drinking in the past I was fine. I've never used "maladaptive coping strategies" when I quit drinking. ALCOHOL is my maladaptive coping strategy. Take that away and I adapt and cope in healthier ways.

 

I don't want to debate this. What works for one person will not work for another. I don't need a whole personality overhaul..don't need to categorize and inventory my bad traits. After almost half a century on this earth I damn well know what they are and I damn well know how to manage them.

 

I just need to stop drinking. Period and end of story for me.

 

I applaud anyone who can find their own way to succeed with this problem. I would never sit back in judgement and tell anyone that they may be going about it the wrong way. It's arrogant and it's wrong.

 

My hat is off to anyone who can do this..whatever way they may choose to do it.

[blind_otter]

I am sorry that you are so angry. I hope that you find the resolution that you are looking for.

[Touche]

I am sorry that you are so angry. I hope that you find the resolution that you are looking for.

 

BO, quit that. I'm not angry. And of course I've found my resolution. MINE, MY WAY...not anyone else's. I'm passionate maybe. Not angry. Passionate about believing in everyone finding their OWN way to happiness and health. I mean you've made it clear that you disagree with your dad's way and with my mom and I's way. So be it. You're entitled to your opinion. I respect it. But don't try to knock someone else's way just because maybe it hasn't worked for you.

 

We should ALWAYS encourage anyone who is trying to better themselves even if we don't agree on the manner in which they're going about doing it. It's arrogant to do otherwise. It's also counterproductive...and not particularly nice.

[Touche]

I know what you mean, but that bad stuff feels like it's ingrained on my personality and has become a part of who I am. Maybe I really am just a crazy drunk party girl? Anyway, it seems to be the persona I've adopted, mainly to my detriment, although it IS fun (usually).

 

Is it possible to attend an AA meeting just to listen to the stories, without having to become emersed in the sponsorship stuff and tell my own stories?

 

Update - I went to the Dr. today and was told I have clinical depression and was given a scrip for Prozac and Ativan (for the withdrawal). He says he sees this a lot - people get depressed and self-medicate with alcohol. I figured it was the other way around -- too much booze wears on someone and THEN they become depressed. Ech...who knows. There are a million different answers, I'm sure.

 

Yes, and you have to find your OWN answers. Who cares anyway. What difference does it make which came first the chicken or the egg. I'm not depressed and I still "self-medicated". The bottom line is that we have to stop drinking no matter what the reason.

 

And yes, in my younger days I attended AA meetings to JUST listen. It helped a lot, KC. Try it. You don't have to say a word if you don't want to. I just went, listened and left. I went for months at a time and it did help.

[Touche]

Thank you so much for sharing this Touche. I can relate vastly.

 

You're welcome, LK. I appreciate your saying so. I somehow missed this post earlier.

[burning 4 revenge]

Well I'm glad I can be on topic, because I am frickin WASTED right now.

 

I just got back from Flashdance. And I'm drinking some sort of red merlot sh*t as we speak.

 

All I can say is Spanish girls + naked + regaetton = :love::love:

 

Where's that thread on strip clubs?

[Touche]

Well I'm glad I can be on topic, because I am frickin WASTED right now.

 

I just got back from Flashdance. And I'm drinking some sort of red merlot sh*t as we speak.

 

All I can say is Spanish girls + naked + regaetton = :love::love:

 

Where's that thread on strip clubs?

 

I don't know but it certainly ain't here!

 

Oh and B4...you're most definitely NOT on topic!

[AvShiloh]

deleted post

[RecordProducer]

It's more important she gets help.

She can get help in other ways. I don't see the necessity of her telling her general practice doctor about this as he can't help her in any other way, but send her elsewhere. I really don't know if her type of insurance would cover the expenses of the treatment, but I highly doubt that. So all she would achieve would be to put that in her record since the docotr wouldn't work with her on this issue. he could give her a referral for a pshyciatrist and that would possibly (depending on her type of insurace) be covered.

Kittie, I think you need more information about what your options are. Can you afford (time and money-wise0 to be institutionalized for a few weeks? I think you should try AA.

Well it's day 5 for me! WOO HOO! I feel lousy though. Tired for no reason and irritable. Having paranoid thoughts. Shouldn't I feel great now? I feel like my whole world is about to crash in on me. What's wrong with me?

Does it feel worse before it gets better? I don't remember feeling like this before. Anyone else ever feel like this? Wish I could just go to sleep now for the whole night.

Please note that you said "woo-hoo!" which makes me think that you are happy about your decision to quit. If you think you made the right decision then endure the consequences which are only temporary.

When you enroll to college, you know there will be hard work and boring, sleepless nights involved, but you see the light at the end of the tunnel and you know you're doign the right thing. same with deciding to have a child or helping a sick parents or quitting a bad habit. The good news is: it will get easier, not harder with time.

I think the reason why you're feeling bad is because you might feel discontent in other areas in your life. And alcohol certainly won't help you with that.

RP - OK, I see what you're saying. Fortunately for me I have no desire to work in any field involving heavy machinery, etc. Where I work now they don't drug test and are pretty laid back about what people do on their off time.

OK. I just felt like it was my job to point it out for you and the decision is yours.

By the way, if the doctor ever asks you about doing drugs and you've tried them, I really recommend that you "forget" to mention that. That information can really screw up your life. I think, but I am not sure, that your health insurance provider will require to see your medical records occasionally. Insurance for smokers, drinkers, drug users, people with chronic diseases, older people, etc. is more expensive! I would check the details about that too if I were you before pourring out my soul to the doc.

[Kittiecat]

Kittie, I think you need more information about what your options are. Can you afford (time and money-wise0 to be institutionalized for a few weeks?

 

Yikes! I'm bad but I didn't think that bad. My doctor doesn't seem to think it's that bad either. I'll try the meds and see what happens.

 

I think you should try AA.

 

As for AA, we'll see how hard it gets. When I quit for Lent after the first week I only really craved it in certain social situations (i.e. at the bar or at parties). My doctor seems to think I'm suffering depression and use alcohol to feel better. Hell, I don't know - maybe I'm overreacting from this latest bender. All I know is that I've been consumed by this feeling of pervasive suckiness, and drinking makes it go away.

[Outcast]

put them on Prozac or other medications that indicate mental instability

 

Unfortunately, people with depression driving REALLY BIG VEHICLES sometimes turn those vehicles to scrap on purpose. There are a bazillion jobs you can have without needing a medical certificate. And I doubt any of the people here talking about this issue had their hearts on becoming pilots.

[RecordProducer]

Update - I went to the Dr. today and was told I have clinical depression and was given a scrip for Prozac and Ativan (for the withdrawal). He says he sees this a lot - people get depressed and self-medicate with alcohol.

OMG! The guy sees you for the first time in his life, spills diagnosis in the fly (how did he come to that diagnosis anyway, did he flip a coin?), prescribes Prozac and Ativan (I recommend you stick to beer - less damage! ) and claims he sees such cases a lot!! Of course he sees them a lot. That's all he ever sees in every patient!

 

This is f*cking hilarious.

 

I think I will apply for a doctor's job position. I am quite competent: I will listen to my patients carefully then prescribe Prozac. Piece of cake!

 

 

I figured it was the other way around -- too much booze wears on someone and THEN they become depressed. Ech...who knows. There are a million different answers, I'm sure.

Which makes you much smarter than the doc.

[Outcast]

I think it's exceedingly irresponsible for a poster to claim to be able to diagnose another poster better than a physician can. If you think your doctor was off the mark, get another opinion. However it is extremely common that people with disorders like depression self-medicate with booze.

[hotgurl]

KC,

I am glad you went to the docotrs. Now remeber that anti-depressants can take a month to kick in so don't give up. Also I would recommend going to see a therapist.

 

Not only can you talk about your depression you can also learn more health coping stratagies. So you don't start drinking when things get bad.

 

Also if you have an open communication with your doctor that helps. So if one med is not working go in and talk to him.

[shamen]

Hi KittieCat,

 

I feel ya on being an alcoholic. I've been struggling with mine for years now. I went through a bad phase in my early 20s, got it under control and it's been pretty bad the last year and a half or so again.

 

Went to counseling for a year and a half. She told me she wanted me to go on meds and go to AA so I stopped going (I know, kind of dumb. Just needed a break from all the friggin' talking. But I started drinking heavier again AFTER I got into counseling.). I just can't wrap my head around the god thing: I mean, I've already got little or no control over my drinking; why would I want to surrender myself to something again that really says that I've got no control at all? MHO.

 

I read somewhere online (I can't find the exact article right now which is annoying - tried putting the general web address here and it won't connect - weird) that women are more likely to return to drinking with the AA program than men are. For a lot of the same reasons that I mentioned above. So, I found on that website (somewhere) some other options for women. One is a group called Women for Sobriety.

 

I'm certainly not saying that AA doesn't work for some people. 'Cuz it does. But I just know it won't work for me.

 

Anyway, in my case, I've been cutting down the drinking. A lot actually. Don't know if I'm exactly ready yet to totally give it up. I know that it's something that I will struggle with for the rest of my life. It's funny how the drinking heavy silliness of college can turn into a life long problem.

 

So, KC... you've got lots of options. Do your research online. Take your meds. Do what you need to get healthy. I've hidden from LS for a long time while I've been struggling with this. But I think I'm ready to start dealing with it. This thread is the first one I read in ages.

 

Good luck.

[Kittiecat]

(how did he come to that diagnosis anyway, did he flip a coin?)

 

He read a detailed list I made of how sh*tty I've been feeling.

 

prescribes Prozac and Ativan (I recommend you stick to beer - less damage! )

 

Well, I've never gone to medical school, and since I don't really have time to read up on all the conspiracy theories involving doctors, drug companies, the government, the CIA, the terrorists, and what not, I figured I would go with what my doctor suggests. Does he get a kickback for prescribing drugs? I'm sure. I've been on Prozac before and the only side effect I "suffered" was feeling like my old self again, and EVERYONE noticed. So I figured, what the hell, I've give it another shot.

 

and claims he sees such cases a lot!!

 

Maybe he does. I don't know. I don't hang out in his office everyday.

 

This is f*cking hilarious.

 

I'm so pleased that you think so.

 

Which makes you much smarter than the doc.

Not by a long shot, trust me, I only have one college degree.

[shamen]

Hey KC,

 

Here's a link to the stuff that I was thinking a year ago when I was still in therapy. Holy cow, it's been a year....

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68004

[morphius]

Are you trying to quit, Morphius? Have you ever stopped for any period of time before?

 

I am trying to quit, I have been a heavy drinker for 5 years now. I managed to stop for 3 months last year but the dreaded drink pulled me back. I wouldnt class myself as an alcoholic as such, I mean I dont get up in the morning and drink, but I will drink 3-5 cans a night. It's definately something that im trying to stop.

 

 

Morph.