I feel so empty with him! My sex life sucks!

[aria]

Okay It's late and I can't go to sleep. This has been bugging me for the longest time. My boyfriend and I met over a year ago. The relationship was great until I got pregnant. 3 months into the relationship. Our baby is 4 months now. I know we got involved really fast, but I honestly thought he was my soulmate. We have so many things in common. It's unbelievable. I have always wanted to be with someone who I could share many of the same interests. Problem is our sex life SUCKS. He and I are not compatible in this department! I love to be affectionate and intimate. We have sex an average of 3 times a month. Most of the time he says he is tired, but well of course he would be if he was spending his extra time on the computer. Gee why is it that he can stay up til 2 in the morning on the computer and not be tired for that? Tonight I wanted intimacy but since he was too tired to be on the computer he went to bed early and fell asleep. So here I am griping and feeling empty. Lately I have been feeling nothing when he kisses me. Nothing. Emptiness. A void. No excitement. He's just not passionate enough for me. I'm 31 and I'm tired of looking, but if I settle then I will continue feeling empty with him. I have told him that I wanted more foreplay, more sex, but well nothing's changed. I think that he is just not interested in sex. It's not a priority with him. So what should I do now. I'm even thinking of just getting intimacy elsewhere, but I know I would end up feeling terrible anyway and we have a baby to think about.

[Totally Confused]

Wow, you've got a full plate and a load weighing on your mind. It looks like you're trying to make this work. Maybe out of a fear of being alone and because of your child. But think about it, how good is it going to be for your child, to see you in a loveless unhappy relationship. I don't think you are in love with this guy at all. I think you like him, care for him and are willing to settle for him, if he could only give you the attention you want and need. You're not going to find it at this dead end. If you're thinking of going elsewhere, then HELLO, It's over. Time to move on. You're just too scared to move on. You're afraid you're going to end up alone and with a child, plus this guy is the father of your baby, how could you possibly leave him. Well, you've already left him - emotionally. You can have more than one soulmate. You two have outgrown each other. You've learned all you needed to learn and it's time to move on. You don't have to hate each other for the sake of the child, but you shouldn't have to stay in this empy relationship. You'd be better off alone. You'd still feel empty, but at least you'll be able to start paving the way for someone new. It's a big step to leave someone you've been with for so long, especially when you two share a kid, so take your time and get to the point where you can't take it anymore. You're going to have to reach your pain threshold and you're just starting to slightly touch the tip of it now, as proof of you writing this letter. Once you hit your pain threshold and you get so sick of it, that's when change will occur and you will finally do something about this situation. There is love and great s@x out there for you somewhere. It may be a while, but it will be worth the wait. I'm still waiting and it's been 1 1/2 , but when it does happen, I am not settling for noone or anyone, and you shouldn't either. Be happy, it's the only life you have.

[Stan]

Sorry to interrupt . . . but 'Totally Confused', can you take a look at my posting ("Confused" - Stan - 10/1/99)?

 

I think you give good advice and would like to know what you think about my situation!

Wow, you've got a full plate and a load weighing on your mind. It looks like you're trying to make this work. Maybe out of a fear of being alone and because of your child. But think about it, how good is it going to be for your child, to see you in a loveless unhappy relationship. I don't think you are in love with this guy at all. I think you like him, care for him and are willing to settle for him, if he could only give you the attention you want and need. You're not going to find it at this dead end. If you're thinking of going elsewhere, then HELLO, It's over. Time to move on. You're just too scared to move on. You're afraid you're going to end up alone and with a child, plus this guy is the father of your baby, how could you possibly leave him. Well, you've already left him - emotionally. You can have more than one soulmate. You two have outgrown each other. You've learned all you needed to learn and it's time to move on. You don't have to hate each other for the sake of the child, but you shouldn't have to stay in this empy relationship. You'd be better off alone. You'd still feel empty, but at least you'll be able to start paving the way for someone new. It's a big step to leave someone you've been with for so long, especially when you two share a kid, so take your time and get to the point where you can't take it anymore. You're going to have to reach your pain threshold and you're just starting to slightly touch the tip of it now, as proof of you writing this letter. Once you hit your pain threshold and you get so sick of it, that's when change will occur and you will finally do something about this situation. There is love and great s@x out there for you somewhere. It may be a while, but it will be worth the wait. I'm still waiting and it's been 1 1/2 , but when it does happen, I am not settling for noone or anyone, and you shouldn't either. Be happy, it's the only life you have.