AngieQueb Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Hello - I really need an outsider's perspective and some good solid advice on how to handle this situation. My ex and I broke up about 3 1/2 weeks ago. (He's 29 & I'm 33). When we were together, the relationship was great...but his ex manipulated her way back into his life and I found out that he cheated on me with her. I broke it off with him and then we went back & forth for about 10 days trying to patch things up. In the end, he decided that we shouldn't get back together right now, but said that he wanted to 'be friends" and leave the door open for future relationship potential. I agreed with him because I wanted to keep him in my life...but honestly figured that we would end up not talking and just moving on with our individual lives. Most people say that they want to "be friends" at the end of a relationship and it rarely, if ever, turns out that way. It's just a nice way to end things and then you just quit talking. Since the breakup...he has continued to contact me via email, phone, text, etc. just to see how I'm doing and what I'm up to. He's initiated all of the contact with me and I have not begged or pleaded with him to come back to me at all. We have not seen each other and he has not tried to get me as a "booty call," which one would assume would be his motivation for contacting me. A week ago today, he emailed me and announced that he's been dating someone new (just 3 1/2 weeks after we broke up) and that he's cut his ex-girlfriend out of his life b/c she tried to sabotage things with this new girl. He's referring to this new girl as his "girlfriend" already to everyone. Now...he's all wrapped up with this new girl (she's 27 with a 5 year old daughter)...yet he sent me an email today touching base with me to see what is going on. Since we broke up, we have not gone more than 4 days without him contacting me in some way, shape or form...yet, he's not trying to get with me or anything. I've never had this happen before. I do want him back in my life because I miss him terribly (despite the fact that he's hurt me so badly). A part of me thinks that if I can keep in contact with him and be his friend/confidant and be the fun girl that I was when we were together that eventually, he'll realize what we had and will want me back. The other part of me thinks that perhaps if I go "no contact" with him, it will let him know that he needs to respect me if he's going to be in my life and it might give him the opportunity to miss me and the motivation to make things right with me. So my questions are: 1. Be his friend/confidant or go "no contact"? 2. Do you think this new relationship is a "rebound"? 3. Why do you think he's trying to keep in touch with me so much if he's not trying to sleep with me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
toonicegirl Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 i have similar problem...im wondering why my ex is contacting me if he's dating somebody...i went nc and he broke it..and everytime i go nc he's breaking it... his girl thinks that everything is ok and she blames me for contacting him and not leaving him alone...i hope i'll understand men one day ....good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
sickkitty Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Yeah im going through that 2 my ex started cing a girl that fancied him 1 wk after we broke up but we still meet up once a wk for drinks and he tells me he still loves me and u never no what may happen in the future! I agree Men, i dont think il ever understand them! If he is not making any moves then b his friend unless it is 2 hard for u....... i wish i could listen 2 my own advice, its eating me alive not being with my ex, and having 2 pretend im ok being friends when im clearly not I think u need a long think about what is good for u right now and what u can gain with being his friend? All the best to u Amanda x Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 A week ago today, he emailed me and announced that he's been dating someone new (just 3 1/2 weeks after we broke up) and that he's cut his ex-girlfriend out of his life b/c she tried to sabotage things with this new girl. He sounds pretty immature to me. 3. Why do you think he's trying to keep in touch with me so much if he's not trying to sleep with me? He's keeping you on a slow boil. You know, keeping that door open for future relationship potential. Next time he contacts you just wish him luck with his new g/f & tell him that you don't want to hear from him again. If you become interested in pursuing a friendship some time in the future, you'll be in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
ImmaBeAlright Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Two words: Backup Shag. New people are awkward to break sexually, so its always a good idea for some unscrupulous sobs to keep a backup familiar shag in the wings. *Runnnnnnnnnn* Link to post Share on other sites
bella_girl Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 1. Be his friend/confidant or go "no contact"? If it's hurting you - which it sounds like it is then No contact for you my friend. You don't need to know how wonderful his life is without you in it. 2. Do you think this new relationship is a "rebound"? Could be, it's hard to tell but unfortunately he has a new relationship so its best you get on with your life. 3. Why do you think he's trying to keep in touch with me so much if he's not trying to sleep with me? Sounds like he's actually trying to be your friend as said when you broke up. Or he could be keeping you around just in case... Again hard to tell but sounds like he wants to be friends. Anyway i think the end of the story is that you need to move on. If you can't handle or want the contact then either a) tell you to stop b) don't respond c) set up a rule so emails go straight to deleted items so never even have to see them. Sorry for the blunt advice but I'm telling myself similar things (apart from the new girlfriend thing and the ex-girlfriend being in the relationship too). Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 The man is just keeping you around for "just in case" purposes. You are just part of the stand by harem. He has probably also done the same to the X he cheated with. Most likely he always kept in contact with her as well. She did not just pop up out of the blue and nor did she hold a gun to his head and force him to insert his penis into her..... or cheat in any manner. The man is screwed up in the head. Needs a woman at all times and is not man enough to stand on his own. Do yourself a favor..... ditch him. And while your at it tell his new gf that he is still in contact with you Bet she does not know. And would a real friend lie to you like he did by cheating? PAHLEEEZE! Is that a person that is a positive influence in your life? NOT! Ditch the loser and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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