shldknwbtr Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Just wanted to also say that I have been both types of situations (and both were with women at work). One was where you are at now (no feelings discussed outright but subtle acknowledgements and hopes kept the fantasy and attraction alive). I told my wife i had feelings for someone, then cut off contact with the OW (also married) at the wife's request, and the OW eventually moved away. Now I am involved with a married woman, we have discussed openly all our feelings, we have acted out physically (just some cuddling/kissing) and trust me when I say this it is much worst. I got over the first instance relatively quickly; I had nothing to go on but hopes and interpretations and it was easy. This time is MUCH MUCH worst. Don't take it here unless you are prepared. When the feelings come out, when you share some intimate moments, omg then you REALLY get attached. And yeah, this instance showed me that I have marital problems. SO I approached my wife (did not mention OW because I don;t think I could cut it off this time when she would ask me to) and laid EVERYTHING on the table that was wrong in our marriage (lack of sex, attraction, etc) and she agreed to everything and that we should work on things. THe problem is, guess what, I don't really WANT to since I am so wrapped up in the OW. The bond my wife and I had was all that was holding us together in the fragile marriage, and now that is gone and I just want to be with the OW. Ok, so now does anyone have any advice for me out there??? How can I in good conscience pursue someone who is worried about their marriage when I allegedly care about her? BUt at the same time wow I think things could really be great between us. I want to cut it off for her sake, but feel like I would be walking away from someone who has made me feel things I haven't felt in several years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author American Guy Posted September 4, 2006 Author Share Posted September 4, 2006 You got me cookin'!! Movinon05, not sure what you meant by "you got me cookin' " . Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 Movinon05, not sure what you meant by "you got me cookin' " . It was in response to your questions about what people are willing to settle for. I have no answers. Just boggles the mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 I notice some peculiar similarites here. All this drama has to do with a co-worker. Hmm, I guess the statistics don't lie, work is where most infidelities originate. Sad statistic. No wonder so many people are insecure in their relationships, with these kinds of statistics it no wonder people just frickin give up on finding permanent relationships. (no boundaries) Link to post Share on other sites
Author American Guy Posted September 9, 2006 Author Share Posted September 9, 2006 Rooster, just remember, most of us working types spend a minimum of 40 hours a week away from our "significant other", during prime waking hours, completely sober (hopefully) when I met the OW. In reality, its probably more like 60 hours a week at work. Does this mean our spouse should work with us too? No, that would be too much togetherness and would be a recipe for disaster. At this point I have backed off from the OW. Even though we have not done anything physically, it's still classified as an emotional affair. But since backing off, we've actually grown closer again, but this time it's like we're very close friends. Sure, if there could be more between us in a long term way, I'd jump at the chance, but I'm a realist and can see that won't happen. What I have to do is decide what I'm going to do in my own marriage and that whole issue has to be about her and I and not some fantasy relationship that will never become a reality. So its time for me to make some hard decisions and this will be the toughest thing I've ever done in my life and I'm scared as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 But you all STILL have a choice whether to pursue the other person. If you think this woman is worth being with and you want her, then divorce your wife and go for it. But, don't "try" out the OW and then decide "oops, nope, I DO love my wife" then dump the OW and head back to your wife. Life doesn't work that way. IF you want out, then get out -But don't cheat on the expense of your wife because you're curious about someone else. The grass isn't greener on the otherside of the fence. As so many find out once they realize the fantasy ends and turns into a real relationship, with all the good, bad and the ugly. That's usually the time when the person realizes "WTF DID I DO? I want my wife back, I made a huge mistake"................. Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 [QUOTE=whichwayisup;912473] If you think this woman is worth being with and you want her, then divorce your wife and go for it. But, don't "try" out the OW and then decide "oops, nope, I DO love my wife" then dump the OW and head back to your wife. Life doesn't work that way.QUOTE] You get an AMEN from this peanut in the gallary. I have been on the receiving end and let me tell you i'm still getting over it, not the guy, but all the issues he brought to my table- like trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Good posts! I agree with them as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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