LDR hitting some rough spots

[Phil Collins Sucks]

hullo!

 

Little background on the relationship I am currently in. I am a 25 year old male and my girlfriend is 23. I reside in the midwest, and she lives on the east coast. We have known each other for about six years and have been dating since Feburary and have plans laid out for her to move in October or sometime around then.

 

 

She was just in town this last weekend and although we had a lot of fun, something just felt...off. It has felt that way for the past two weeks or so and neither of us can pinpoint exactly what it is. We both cried a bit when she left and went our separate ways confused and sad. We both know we still love each other, but we hate this current situation. I am not going to leave her side, and she will not me...but we dont know what to do right now.

 

We have talked VERY frequently for the past year or so. Pretty much every day in some format or another...sometimes for hours on end. Record was 8 hours. Sometimes its deep, sometimes its just us being goofy ass kids. We never really had that opportunity with other people to just let that dork inside run free, and its so much fun. Lately it feels kind of...stagnant almost. I have equated it towards just the fact that in order for a couple to flourish they need to be...they need to experience things together and separate, but the separation element is the majority of what we have now.

 

Every other time when we got together it was very affectionate and this time it just felt like it wasnt quite the same..and I think part of that was because the last couple weeks have been tense and we didnt fully address our concerns, so when we came together that element came into play in physical presence...suprise suprise.

 

Anyway, for the time being how do we deal with the "honeymoon" being over and work into the element of the relationship without letting our emotions go overboard? We kind of laid everything out that we see as differences in a calm rational non accusational manner and felt better about getting it out there but it still doesnt solve the difficulty of distance. Its almost becoming routine now and while its still fun, the excitement is not the same.

 

Anyone else ran into a similar situation and if so, how did you deal?

[Ukwizard]

First of all, I need to remind you that Phil Collins does not suck LOL. No, seriousily. I think after knowing someone for 6 years, and dating since Feburary, things might have gone stale. You are right. Couples have to do things together, and share their experiences.

 

Its hard to maintain a long distance relationship. I m not quite sure how you mean things felt a bit off. Do you mean there has been uncomfortable silences? Describe what you mean by off?

[Guest]

I mean that we seem to have less to discuss because we arent changing almost. I mean, we can still talk, but it seems like the subject matter is similar. Although, I guess how much change can we expect living separate lives and going thru the work/sleep/eat motions, ya know?

[kulyok]

You need to tell her about it, and discuss it at length with her, again and again and again and again, until you are both sure this is what you both want. She is going to change her entire life this October - it will be extremely painful for you both if it turns out it was all for nothing.

 

Take a week-long vacation and sort things out then, in person, if it is possible. If not, take it anyway. Things like this should be discussed in person only, otherwise there is plenty of hurt and misunderstanding.

[bluechocolate]

Anyway, for the time being how do we deal with the "honeymoon" being over and work into the element of the relationship without letting our emotions go overboard?

 

The honeymoon is always going to end, no matter who you go out with & what distance they are from you. Where in the handbook does it state a couple must always be deliriously happy & affectionate in each others company?

 

I think you might both be beating yourselves up a bit too much over this.

 

We have talked VERY frequently for the past year or so. Pretty much every day in some format or another...sometimes for hours on end. Record was 8 hours.

 

Maybe you just didn't have anything to say to each other when she visitied? Is this sort of daily communication absolutely necessary? I don't know, I guess some people like that sort of thing. Personally I would find it stifling.

 

.......but the separation element is the majority of what we have now.

Except for the fact that you talk frequently, pretty much every day, sometimes for hours on end.

 

My philosophy about long distance relationships is that they have to have an end goal. That is, you must know when the distance part of the relationship is going to end & the long part begin. It seems that you do know that.

 

In the meantime don't obsess too much because you've had an 'off' day or two.

[sao2]

I have also felt that as well. I would listen to Blue Chocolates advice. Just because everytime you see each other you aren't all over each other doesn't mean anything.

The next time I see my gf I fully expect it to be "cooler" than I would like, but we will need some time to get used to each other again.

[Guest]

Anyway, for the time being how do we deal with the "honeymoon" being over and work into the element of the relationship without letting our emotions go overboard?

 

The honeymoon is always going to end, no matter who you go out with & what distance they are from you. Where in the handbook does it state a couple must always be deliriously happy & affectionate in each others company?

 

I think you might both be beating yourselves up a bit too much over this.

 

We have talked VERY frequently for the past year or so. Pretty much every day in some format or another...sometimes for hours on end. Record was 8 hours.

 

Maybe you just didn't have anything to say to each other when she visitied? Is this sort of daily communication absolutely necessary? I don't know, I guess some people like that sort of thing. Personally I would find it stifling.

 

.......but the separation element is the majority of what we have now.

Except for the fact that you talk frequently, pretty much every day, sometimes for hours on end.

 

My philosophy about long distance relationships is that they have to have an end goal. That is, you must know when the distance part of the relationship is going to end & the long part begin. It seems that you do know that.

 

In the meantime don't obsess too much because you've had an 'off' day or two.

 

 

 

good stuff...thanks. And yes, I can be a bit obsessive at times. Its time to chill with that.