What do I DO!?

[Daymon]

Um.

 

Well, I'll go ahead and start. I'm a 20yr old male, something of a geek, and I've been in a relationship for just about a month. Interestingly enough, it's my first. Also interesting is the fact that I've been in love with the girl for seven years. I've been very close friends with her for a long time, and we know each other better than anyone else does. We're also completely comfortable in each other's company. So, you know, everything seems pretty good.

 

Also...what started the relationship, oddly enough, was her proposing to me. She in fact was serious. Now, my heart said yes, but my head couldn't. Having never even been IN a relationship, I think committing myself to marriage would be an unwise move. Duh. Of course, I WANT to, but...

 

Now the problems begin...she's very, very depressed. She's trying, and I'm trying, and she says that I'm the only person who can deal with her when she's depressed. And, (and let me tell you, with her, there's ALWAYS another "and") she's never had a good relationship. I'm not going to go into the specifics, but she has NEVER had a good relationship. There are multiple reasons, and they're all very bad. The last one she was in (which was very recent) hurt her very badly. Now, she's shot me down a few times in the past, and every time, I always stuck with her. But...it always hurt a lot. The jealousy I felt, the realistic fact that the person she chose was an extremely bad one...

 

Even now, I almost constantly feel as though I'm in someone else's shadow. She has my heart; she's had it for years. And she knows it, too. But...I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to have hers. We haven't kissed, yet, and I'm rather concerned about that (incidentally, I haven't been kissed at all, damn it). She's told me that she doesn't want to be serious just yet; she doesn't want me to feel like a rebound. But she's always said, "yet," which implies a lot...It seems to me that I do everything for her and she doesn't do anything for me, and that hurts. Now, she simply doesn't have the means to do a lot, but I mean simple things...well, she does a little, but not much. I want to bring some of this up, but...she's always so depressed. I don't want to make it worse, you know? Combined with the fact that she just found out that she very probably has cancer...argh. Sometimes I think God's out to get her.

 

I don't know...I realize I'm rambling, but I don't really HAVE anything specific to ask. Would it help if I tried to make the relationship more serious? Should I try and back off? Just stay where I am and try to be there for her?

 

I guess...if anyone has any advice or something, I'd really appreciate it. Just something in general, you know? I'm so confused, all the time...

[clia]

Honey, this girl is USING you. If you have been in a "relationship" for her for a month and she hasn't kissed you, she doesn't WANT to kiss you. (Talk about a slow mover.) I'm not trying to be mean, but you've said that this girl hurt you in the past, and that is all that will continue if you stick around.

 

Let me tell you something. The word "yet" means nothing. The word "soon" means nothing. Actions speak louder than words.

 

I'm wondering what is it that you "love" about this girl. You say she's extremely depressed, that she's hurt you. Why are you in love with her? Because you're used to it? Because you know her? People who love and care about others don't intentionally hurt them. She is stringing you along until someone better comes along. Mark my words. She's been hurt by some guy and knows that you are there and will kiss her a** for awhile and make her feel good, and then she will "cheat" on you or ditch you for some guy. (She'll probably say that HE'S going to be her rebound.)

 

You say you're a geek. Come on. Look around you and get some self confidence. There are lots of geeky people out there who are in relationships, so why aren't you? I'll tell you. Because you've been hung up on this girl for 7 years. YOU need to face reality and move on. She wants nothing more than friendship from you. There are tons of other girls out there who would be perfectly willing to date you, if you'd look away from this depressed, mean girl for one second. You don't need to deal with her depression. Trust me, people have enough problems without dealing with depression.

 

MOVE ON. Go out on a date with another girl. (And trust me, that will get this girl's attention in a heartbeat. I'm sure she likes having you all to herself.) Get to know some other people. If you stick around you are only going to be hurt again. I'm not trying to be mean, but that's what I think.

Um. Well, I'll go ahead and start. I'm a 20yr old male, something of a geek, and I've been in a relationship for just about a month. Interestingly enough, it's my first. Also interesting is the fact that I've been in love with the girl for seven years. I've been very close friends with her for a long time, and we know each other better than anyone else does. We're also completely comfortable in each other's company. So, you know, everything seems pretty good. Also...what started the relationship, oddly enough, was her proposing to me. She in fact was serious. Now, my heart said yes, but my head couldn't. Having never even been IN a relationship, I think committing myself to marriage would be an unwise move. Duh. Of course, I WANT to, but... Now the problems begin...she's very, very depressed. She's trying, and I'm trying, and she says that I'm the only person who can deal with her when she's depressed. And, (and let me tell you, with her, there's ALWAYS another "and") she's never had a good relationship. I'm not going to go into the specifics, but she has NEVER had a good relationship. There are multiple reasons, and they're all very bad. The last one she was in (which was very recent) hurt her very badly. Now, she's shot me down a few times in the past, and every time, I always stuck with her. But...it always hurt a lot. The jealousy I felt, the realistic fact that the person she chose was an extremely bad one... Even now, I almost constantly feel as though I'm in someone else's shadow. She has my heart; she's had it for years. And she knows it, too. But...I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to have hers. We haven't kissed, yet, and I'm rather concerned about that (incidentally, I haven't been kissed at all, damn it). She's told me that she doesn't want to be serious just yet; she doesn't want me to feel like a rebound. But she's always said, "yet," which implies a lot...It seems to me that I do everything for her and she doesn't do anything for me, and that hurts. Now, she simply doesn't have the means to do a lot, but I mean simple things...well, she does a little, but not much. I want to bring some of this up, but...she's always so depressed. I don't want to make it worse, you know? Combined with the fact that she just found out that she very probably has cancer...argh. Sometimes I think God's out to get her. I don't know...I realize I'm rambling, but I don't really HAVE anything specific to ask. Would it help if I tried to make the relationship more serious? Should I try and back off? Just stay where I am and try to be there for her? I guess...if anyone has any advice or something, I'd really appreciate it. Just something in general, you know? I'm so confused, all the time...