is it too soon?

[Guest]

any help would be great!

 

I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months.. we have an hour to travel to see each other. we manage to see each other every weekend.

 

I am 23 and he is 31. We have both been through very rough breakups and have not dated anyone in a couple of years. I have a child from a previous relationship. We only knew each other for about a month before we started a relationship. We had met through mutual friends.

 

We both said we wanted to take things slow because of being hurt in the past and not knowing each other very well.

 

I had a very hard time introducing him to my son. He has never been with someone that has a child before and I was very afraid how he would react to him.. last week I brought my son out to meet him and he is absolutly amazing with him.. They both hit it off great.

 

He is a very unemotional person and does not share his feelings very much. although body language says alot, so I know he is completly in to me. he has said that he is more then willing to take a father position with my son, as his father has not seen him or called in more then 2 years.

 

He calles me mostly every night. I really feel that I have fallen in love with this guy and definutly see a future with him.

 

now to the problem. In a resent conversation with him he spoke aobut a friend that told his girlfriend that he loved her after being with her for 6 months. he feels that you should never say this until you are in a relationship for a year or so or until you are living togtether because he feels that you will not fall in love until you have been in a relationship for more then a year. he says that if you obsess about loving eachother before this that there is an alternate reason?? Not sure what the alternate reason would be though.

 

I wanna tell this guy how I feel and that I love him but from the resent convo I am afraid to. I have never met someone that has treated me so good and that I mesh with so well. I would like to get the feelings that I have out, and I do not have an alternate reason behind it. I am afraid he will not believe me or will think something is up. what do I do??? any help would be appreciated. thanks.

[kulyok]

If you feel it is important to you, talk to him, and most importantly, let him know that you expect nothing of him - it is just you love him the way it is and see a future with him.

 

He is there for you, and he is with you for you being yourself. Telling him how you feel is being yourself - adapting to his expectations of a woman probably isn't, and may lead to you being unhappy in a long run.

 

I think it is an essential feature of a happy relationship: knowing where you stand and being totally open with each other.

 

From personal experience: yes. It is very hard and sometimes painful to do, but it works.

[sao2]

If it were me I would only say something like this for a reason. The reason I would say it was because I was feeling something powerful but I don't feel safe enough to say it.

 

If you know how he feels and you know how you feel, and you show it to each other, then the words don't need to be said. Just enjoy the relationship for what it is and let go of the expectation that he will say a word that lots of people throw out there without really knowing what that word means to them.

 

When someone uses the L word I think they should have a definite understanding of what that word means to them.