thisisarandomperson Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Well i've been out with this girl (im just about to turn 18 in a days time and she is 17) which i met online a long time ago. At first things were going great when we first starting properly going out but now i just don't feel much for her anymore. I only really care about her but the butterfly feeling isnt there anymore, i don't really miss her (not even when i went on holiday for 3 weeks), and well i 've started to think about other girls (not that i would ever cheat as i would never want to be one of those people who cheat on their partners). I'm seriously considering breaking up with her (the thought has been in my mind for at least a couple of months). Stuff started going wrong for me after just a couple of months of being with her. My feelings fior her just gradually went. I want to break up with her because i feel that she just isn't the girl for me. Im soon to go to uni so im going to be moving even further away and i really want to focus at uni without worrying about things further outside of my city. We will then be 3 hours apart. We normally only ever keep contact by text and see each other every couple of weeks or so. She is my first gf as i tend to be very picky. But i made the mistake of not getting to know her enough before going out with her. She does love me a lot but the feeling is not mutual. She has occasionally been quite nasty to me and i've just let her get away with it. The last time was yesterday when i was jetlagged, tired, and ill. She was telling me about her problems then she says she isn't going to tolerate stuff anymore, but she says these sort of things before and doesnt see it through so i just said "If you say so" and then she calls me a dick. I admit it wasn't the right thing to say to her but i wasn't feeling great and i've sort of had enough of her, but what she said to me was quite unacceptable. I've never called her a bitch, etc. Anyway. She is currently having problems in her life (losing her best friends as she doesnt see them enough, and she thinks people she knows are going off her, and other things). I'd feel guilty if i broke up with her because it would seem like i would be abandoning her and i don't want to make her life get any worse. But for a relationship to work, both people need to be happy and want to be with each other. My dad has said in the past that she is not my responsiblity but i should try to help her out. Should i feel guilty about breaking up with her? Would you feel guilty if you broke up with someone in similar circumstances? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Should i feel guilty about breaking up with her? No, but you will. And then you'll get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 If you aren't in love with her, the kindest thing you can do is to let her go. Yes, she'll be hurt. Yes, you'll feel guilty. But both will pass, and you'll both be better off for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Rikka Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 If you aren't in love with her, the kindest thing you can do is to let her go. Yes, she'll be hurt. Yes, you'll feel guilty. But both will pass, and you'll both be better off for it. exactly! You can't help but feel the way you feel. And you are doing a diservice to you and to her by continuing this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisisarandomperson Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 Well i've split up with her and we've agreed to still be friends. I still feel quite guilty about this and i do still care a lot about her. I want to make her feel better just by going back out with her, but that wouldn't be a good idea. Should i, or shouldn't i? I do still like her and care about her but i just can't see things working out. Link to post Share on other sites
Rikka Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 It would almost be wrong for you to go out with her again. You admit you are not really interested in her, and you see no potential in the relationship. Let the both of you move on. There is no point in trying to ease your guilt by toying with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Volverte_a_ver Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 I want to make her feel better just by going back out with her, but that wouldn't be a good idea.out. You answered your own question. It's over now, the longer you drag it out the harder it wll be for her. Link to post Share on other sites
BohemeRose Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind. I agree with Rikka. It would be worse for you to maintain a false relationship with this girl, as that would be exactly what it was...false. What's the sense in falsifying your feelings for someone if ultimately, you're going to end it? You're going to feel bad for hurting her, and she'll feel bad for being rejected, but only temporarily on both ends. She'll see you weren't meant to be together and move on with her life, as will you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisisarandomperson Posted August 19, 2006 Author Share Posted August 19, 2006 She wants me to meet up with her and stuff. She keeps texting me wanting me to give her another chance etc. I've tried explaining to her why i don't think its gonna work out but she thinks im trying to work things out with her. She says she really is in love with me, which makes me feel a lot worse. She said i chose the worst time to leave her and that i don't even care about her :-s Which all makes me feel more guilty Link to post Share on other sites
BohemeRose Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 She wants me to meet up with her and stuff. She keeps texting me wanting me to give her another chance etc. I've tried explaining to her why i don't think its gonna work out but she thinks im trying to work things out with her. She says she really is in love with me, which makes me feel a lot worse. She said i chose the worst time to leave her and that i don't even care about her :-s Which all makes me feel more guilty Unfortunately, a lot of people say that when they are being broken up with. They don't see that in the long run, it's better off ending things when one or both of you just doesn't have his/her heart in the relationship. You just have to remain persistent. If you don't have those feelings for her anymore, just keep telling her that. If you'd like to try and maintain a friendship, tell her that as well, but mention that if she is going to take things so poorly that isn't going to happen. It sounds harsh, I know, but no sense in you both ending up miserable because she can't deal with the pain now. It would be a lot MORE pain later on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thisisarandomperson Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 I do still have feelings for her but i can't see things working out. I really want to focus at uni and do my best. Last year whilst i had to work very very hard in my A-levels and my 'gf' made it very difficult to do so. She caused quite a lot of emotional stress which made studying and doing coursework quite difficult. I really don't want that happening in uni. Plus we have totally different interests which in my opinion makes it very difficult as i can't talk to her about things i like and do the things i like with her. She is naive and a bit 'blonde' if you know what i mean. Whereas i am the opposite. Not trying to say i am better than her but just trying to describe our character. Her naivity can sometimes really frustrate me which i can't help. She is a nice girl and i should be grateful/happy that i would have such a loyal girl but i don't see things working out and i feel terrible about it. I do feel a bit of pain and quite a lot of guilt for breaking up with her. This is normal and should soon subside right? Sorry im just new to all this breakup stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
BohemeRose Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I do feel a bit of pain and quite a lot of guilt for breaking up with her. This is normal and should soon subside right? Sorry im just new to all this breakup stuff. It's definately normal, and yes you will feel better with time, especially since you are so busy with school and such. It's also normal to still have feelings for her even though you know you don't want to be in a relationship. However, you need to ask yourself what kind of feelings they are. Could it be you value her as a friend more than a romantic partner? Perhaps you just became accustomed to having her there and so feel more comfortable with her than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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