My thoughts on suicide

[johnlucas]

Suicide.

Killing oneself.

 

The very thought of such an act renders witnesses & passersby into shock.

Dismay. Grief. Disapproval. Judgment. Confusion. Anger. Even laughter. Mockery.

 

There are those who take religious stances on suicide saying that "only God has the right to decide when it's your time to go". That it's not your choice as this creator made your life. It is his to own, not yours.

 

Some say it's an affront to society when one commits suicide. That the person who killed himself/herself was a valuable component in the machinery of said society & that by removing themselves in such a way is akin to a robbery or a cheat. There are friends & family who depend on your existence & to take it away in that manner is selfishness to the extreme.

 

Some say it's a personal decision or choice that each human has the right to make. A human has the right to live AND the human also has the right to die if he/she so chooses. That it is inconsequential the aftereffects/repercussions of the act...all that matters in a supposedly free society is that the person has the choice & right to make any decision he/she wants with his/her life.

 

Some call suicide people....losers.

Some call suicide people....weak.

Some call suicide people....cowards.

 

Some call suicide people....brave.

Some call suicide people....sane.

Some call suicide people....free.

 

At one time in my life I used to invoke the judgment aspect when it came to issues of suicide. I thought of them as weak though I still had forlornful pity for them. I used to think that way about a lot of people who went through problems of the sort such as anorexia.

 

But a little bit of living taught me JUST EXACTLY *HOW* that viewpoint was wrong & misguided.

I UNDERSTOOD how people could get to the point where they feel that suicide is the only option.

I no longer judged them & my pity & concern only grew.

Even if the problem was superficial or justified I saw all cases with equal regard. There was no place for judgment or labelling here.

 

What I saw was people in pain.

People who held on to some belief or some value strongly & when it was unfulfilled became exorbitantly distraught.

In reality I saw people who cared TOO MUCH.

 

One thing I could say about people who either attempted or succeeded in suicide is that they are thoughtful people.

You just don't up & one day carelessly pull a self-kill.

It is the ONE thing that will SHOW you how much these people think & care.

 

A world of injustice & inequity.

A frustration in remedying such situations.

A life of setback & bad luck.

 

Yes, some people go through life much easier than others.

Pain is not equally distributed. I didn't say easier; I said MUCH easier.

And if a run of bad luck or one strong display of bad luck hits an individual there's no telling HOW that person will be able to cope.

 

We are NOT all created equally. Each human has great degrees of variance from another in each & every quantifiable aspect. We are not the same & just because one person can deal with some adverse situation it doesn't mean another can handle it the same. Some are comfortable in humid summer heat while others can jump in frosty cold winter lakes next-to-naked. Some are giants & some are dwarfs. Some are fat & some are thin. Some are mighty & some are meek. And there are many plotpoints in-between each extreme.

 

No, what I found with people who end up suicidal is that they have a great deal of care about some aspect of life. They are very thoughtful. And I theorize they are very empathic.

Also I feel they take MORE responsibility onto themselves. They are burdened or you can say they burden themselves but either way they are burdened.

 

With that heavy load they take out any failing out upon themselves. If they fail in their very flawed humanity they own up to the failing & seek to pay it back through sacrifice.

 

The thought is "the LEAST I can do to make up for the mistakes is to offer myself as a sacrifice. At least THEN I can alleviate the burden I place upon others."

Only problem is no one ASKED them to take up such heavy burdens. It is NOT their responsibility.

This is where the confusion lies with those left behind wondering why the person commited such a seemingly selfish act as suicide.

To the suicidal person the act is the epitome of selfLESSness.

 

They figure that they are a problem keeping the world or their part of world from operating properly so they remove themselves from this system to make up for the errors.

 

Suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind with moderate frequency when at the time I was still judgmental these thoughts did NOT.

It was only THEN when I was faced with a situation in life that made me briefly ponder the notion of suicide that it became clear to me what this was all about.

I never saw myself enacting the final fate but I got close enough to where I understood the phenomenon.

It usually took time & some thoughts on issues other than what was troubling me to bring me out of the spell. Even just thinking about the act in full, aftermath & all helped to snap me out of it. SomeTIMES thinking about the totality of suicide can bring you OUT of suicide. Sometimes simply talking things out or writing things out can bring you out of the mindset.

 

But never be foolish enough to think that you are immune or above or better than suicide. Better than those who attempted or succeeded. If certain things in your life fall apart your belief system may radically change.

 

And religious affirmations or readings are not the master key.

Some would say the whole existence of religion & its mythos derived from escaping suicidal (or homocidal) thoughts. An imagined world beyond what's seen here makes up for the injustice of the world here so it's a carrot-before-the-horse that helps you move on. No matter how F'd up the Earth Realm is, I know that in the Next Realm things will be just & right.

 

Is it any wonder why so many people put so much weight into the AFTERlife instead of the PRESENT life? Why IS it that life has to get better AFTER you die? Logically that makes no sense. But logic gets in the way of hope. And this is why I have respect for religion. At least it keeps people going, keeps people hoping. Why take that away from people?

 

The best thing you can do for a suicidal person is stall them.

Buy time. Keeping hoping that time in addition to other remedies will help the person snap out of that suicidal phase THIS time.

 

Do not judge them. Do not mock them. Do not label them. Do not belittle them.

It's understandable that you will sometimes get angry at them. That is because you care. But don't let the anger twist your emotions into those unproductive actions.

 

THEY care too. They care TOO much. And they FEEL too much. That is why they're in pain.

 

And yes their situation may pale in comparison to another's situation which may be justifiably worse.

One person living in a cozy middle-class suburbian community may be suicidal over a breakup with a boy or even a rejection of a one-sided love interest.

Another may be suicidal after his entire family of 6 dies in a housefire (later to be found caused by an serial arsonist), he ends up paralyzed from sudden strokes, & both his parents perish soon after in a plane accident. AND he's just been laid off from the job he loved & put his time in for 15 years. WITHOUT adequate retirement. AND he's upper-poor/lower-middle class & he's in substantial debt.

 

Yes it can pile on just like that. And if YOU think these things aren't enough to make one suicidal, then you're delusional.

The scale & scope may be different for each case but the pain is real.

Yes the suicidal one MAY INDEED have a fairly charmed life in comparison to lives lived by others on this great big planet Earth but saying someone always has it worse doesn't help.

 

Think of it this way.

If someone else has it worse, THEY don't deserve that EITHER.

That doesn't make me happy that someone else is in greater pain & turmoil than I am. That makes me feel WORSE. For THEM.

 

Is someone SUPPOSED to be happy that scavenger birds hover around a extremely malnourished 4-year old African boy in a war-torn land? A boy whose stomach is bloated because it's full of air & his ribs are showing? Because flies are around his mouth & worms in his skin? A boy crippled by disease riddled with sores? Walking aimlessly in a fruitless land in the scorching sun as death looms above him?

 

THAT is supposed to make me feel better??????

I don't participate in schadenfreude, sorry.

 

Recognize that their pain is real & care.

That's all. It takes a HELL of a lot of patience. And a whole lot of time-buying. But that's what you do with suicidal people.

Realize. Care. Stall.

 

I no longer make light of people struggling with suicide.

I don't believe I will ever commit such an act but no one ever knows what life will put in front of them to make them face this idea.

And I sort of get peeved when I hear others call the suicidal losers or weak or cowards. Judging people maybe just for the sake of judging maybe out of anger or frustration or lack of understanding of the subject.

 

No matter your belief system about suicide the pain is real for THEM AND for the ones left behind.

Never belittle this reality.

 

John Lucas

[HokeyReligions]

You are thinking about this waaaay too much! Don't judge others whose opinions differ from your about suicides. People can feel about it however they want to feel about it. Sounds to me like you just switched your judging of suicides to judging how others feel about suicide.