How to make the husband horny?

[a4a]

yeppers Pix it is probably just like your first marriage..... sheesh I am stupid.

 

But hell when somebody says this and that you want to believe it. I swore up and down right to his face that I would never get married. I knew better ehhhh...... bad investment... just need to bail before the bottom falls all the way out.

 

At least my anger has diminished some...... going to the quiet "whatever" mode now.

 

Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care......

or is it the modern version? Jimmy smoked crack and I don't care?

[beach]

Well, you could be like me with a hubby of 20 years who treats you like gold and buys you tons of presents, brings flowers etc... but only to find out he's cheating behind your back...

 

For me, it's easier to be without him - no more worries...

[a4a]

Well, you could be like me with a hubby of 20 years who treats you like gold and buys you tons of presents, brings flowers etc... but only to find out he's cheating behind your back...

 

For me, it's easier to be without him - no more worries...

 

 

Mine is too lazy to have an affair :lmao: Wouldn't want to put the effort into it :lmao:

[hotgurl]

you know you only stay because he is hotter than Brad Pitt. No wonder you guys do it so much! LOL

[a4a]

you know you only stay because he is hotter than Brad Pitt. No wonder you guys do it so much! LOL

 

 

That is probably part of my problem with him......hottness and can bend like gumby..... maybe I could just live separate from him?

 

If I could find a SO to treat me right I think I would consider keeping Gumby boy on the side for entertainment purposes. Openly of course....not cheating......just dating

[a4a]

That is probably part of my problem with him......hottness and can bend like gumby..... maybe I could just live separate from him?

 

If I could find a SO to treat me right I think I would consider keeping Gumby boy on the side for entertainment purposes. Openly of course....not cheating......just dating

 

 

damn realization..... that was my first and foremost initial intention for our R to start with.... he was supposed to be my boy toy! and that was it

 

stupid stupid me...... knew better...... oh well at least I can always knock on his door for a booty call

[Mz. Pixie]

you know you only stay because he is hotter than Brad Pitt. No wonder you guys do it so much! LOL

 

Yeah, he is hot but I'm not sure it's worth it!

 

I don't want to say jump out and get divorced A- since I'm not all about that.

 

I'm wondering if perhaps he wouldn't make an effort if he thought you were truly going to leave??

 

I mean as in you didn't come home for a few days and were no contact with him? Perhaps then he would see the need for counseling etc?

[a4a]

BTW thanks peeps....... and beach, not mad at you -was only kiddin

 

Now I must prepare for war....... or the ignore mode....

 

friggin anger makes you tired...... YAWN

[Mz. Pixie]

BTW thanks peeps....... and beach, not mad at you -was only kiddin

 

Now I must prepare for war....... or the ignore mode....

 

friggin anger makes you tired...... YAWN

 

Yup. And you know what? I was the same way you are- I would be quiet about it for a bit then it would build up and I'd explode.

[a4a]

Yeah, he is hot but I'm not sure it's worth it!

 

I don't want to say jump out and get divorced A- since I'm not all about that.

 

I'm wondering if perhaps he wouldn't make an effort if he thought you were truly going to leave??

 

I mean as in you didn't come home for a few days and were no contact with him? Perhaps then he would see the need for counseling etc?

 

 

I am sure he would perk up for a bit...... but honest to god I am just pretty much over it........ the love bank is empty and the checks is a'bouncing

 

he is good lookin tho..... that bastard!

 

All joking aside.

 

I need to really think on this. Tough one. Just tired of it. Like I said reaching the I don't care point quickly..... then the door shuts and it is over.... no looking back. Warned him........ nicely.......pushed me too far. what a shame.

 

I am tempted to send him to LS let him read this thread...... then again he says he doesn't like to read it would just be more wasted effort on my part I suppose.

 

Would anyone like to call him and tell him what an ass he is for me?

[a4a]

Yup. And you know what? I was the same way you are- I would be quiet about it for a bit then it would build up and I'd explode.

 

 

constipation then explosive diaherria? :lmao:

 

Now I am just in my humor mode.....

 

OMG..... is this a sign of becoming insane? I have an urge to dye the donkey pink let it roam around the yard.........

[a4a]

oh goodness I did not mention this:

 

 

Gumby Boy does agree that he treats me shabbily (sp?) and he is pretty much a big walking 2 legged A-hole.

 

So if he is aware of it keeps saying he is going to stop doing it why does he keep doing it? Is he addicted to being a big A-hole?

 

I must apologize for my rantings but I can in no way tell anyone about this in RL....... my job would suffer big time. Rumors spread fast even among friends.

 

Smiles everyone Smiles....... we must keep the peace and stay strong....no weakness will be tolerated.

[Becoming]

Yup. And you know what? I was the same way you are- I would be quiet about it for a bit then it would build up and I'd explode.

 

Yup, me too. He'd be apologetic, attempt for a day or two, mostly walk on eggshells for awhile, then same old same old.

 

It won't change until your response changes. This one's not working.

 

And it's no coincidence that MzP, you, and me all responded like this in the same way.

 

That's all I'm saying (with a nod to the Otter).

[a4a]

Yup, me too. He'd be apologetic, attempt for a day or two, mostly walk on eggshells for awhile, then same old same old.

 

It won't change until your response changes. This one's not working.

 

And it's no coincidence that MzP, you, and me all responded like this in the same way.

 

That's all I'm saying (with a nod to the Otter).

 

well I have a new response for him it reads like this:

 

F-U

 

I am so done with this.... at least for now. Disgusted.

[Mz. Pixie]

Gumby Boy does agree that he treats me shabbily (sp?) and he is pretty much a big walking 2 legged A-hole.

 

So if he is aware of it keeps saying he is going to stop doing it why does he keep doing it? Is he addicted to being a big A-hole?

 

 

Ummmm- he probably doesn't want to be an A hole. He doesn't sound like he is.

 

My ex wasn't an A hole- but he had so much he wanted to do. So many hobbies to pursue- that kind of thing. Then he added his job on top of it- which for most of our marriage was a minimum of 12 hours.

 

Then he got a job without those hours and that was more time he could devote to hobbies!

 

He had so much to do I just didn't fit in on the list, unless he wanted some.

 

He always put his interest above mine, and to me, that's not what marriage is. Marriage is putting the other one first....

 

Part of the problem is they are not wired the way that we are. We are wired to be mothers and caretakers (even if you don't want or have kids)- it comes natural to us, but not to them.

 

I get the impression your husband is working hard and building his business? Well, my H now works hard too- he works two jobs and coaches too. He also has started a charitable foundation in addition to another business. So, yeah, I get that, but he does try to make sure that he puts in time with me. That is the part my X never got.

 

I just want him to be with me when he can- and be present. Not just in the house like a roommate or to give me whatever is left over. Make me a priority. And my H does that.

 

My exhusband still hasn't changed. His wife had surgery on a Tuesday- and he was out and having a ball himself by the weekend.

[a4a]

See he is not at all then like your XH.

 

He never goes out without me unless it is to work or the store.

 

What it is I think is he just takes me for granted. I don't need, I don't feel, I just am the pillar of strength able to solve any and all problems for him and the world........ just like the others I have had in my life.

 

He works from 8-5 normally..... sometimes longer. As for his business... unless I make it happen it won't. I am the asskicker... the doer. Not by choice but because I do need a roof and food

 

I am tired of it. I have scraped all my own desires to help him when he won't even help himself. He offers me zero support with my ambitions.

 

He has until Oct 31st to change things.... have them changed not just working on it or starting changes.

 

He is a caretaker big time.... he dotes on me if I am ill. But unless it is a real need he such as illness he just does not bother.

 

I am not a priority really..... I am just a piece of furniture the majority of the time.

 

We drove 50 miles last night to my house to pick up my other truck for him to use. I did not say a word except a comment that he was driving my truck like he was drunk and it pissed me off. "What are you drunk? Stay on the damn road or I will drive!" He kept trying to grab and hold my hand.... I had the radio up to avoid conversation.... my truck so my music at my volume choice Don't touch my music or die! Had a little old time Etheridge and Annie Lennox on

 

I was still pissed and laid out a little rubber on the way home as he followed me in my other truck (immature but I do enjoy my speedy truck:D ).

 

Came into the house..... he followed, I straightened up a tad, jumped in the shower...... shut the bathroom door(I never do when in the shower)..... he comes in and wants to know if I want dinner...... my reply was a simple "no"..... without the normal no thank you.

Watched TV with maybe 2 words exchanged. He of course tried to just about sit on me to get close. I got up went to bed without a word...... he follows and starts the massage thing....... I let him

Soon after hot monkey love.. ...... I felt like it so why not? no conversation until this morn..... I asked if the coffee was on.... he ended up late to work to make and deliver my coffee into bed.

 

Typical post fight BS for him. Tail between his legs..... avoiding any conversation about the actual problem and this time I am not initiating the conversation in attempt to solve it. I just don't feel like it.

 

If I do say anything to him today it will be two words...... "October 31st". I may add in "just shut up and take off your pants Gumby Boy"

 

I did just notice his little NASCAR ticket letter is gone from the fridge..... bastard $600 in tickets and I am paying the freaking bills around here and supporting my own home still ........ grrrrrrrrr! He best have chucked it in the trash or the shyte is going to hit the fan again..... think I may order that Crosby saddle I have had my eye on for a year.... only $2,000. He knows I have to sink every loose penny into this new house ordeal... sheesh...... unreal.

[Mz. Pixie]

What it is I think is he just takes me for granted. I don't need, I don't feel, I just am the pillar of strength able to solve any and all problems for him and the world........ just like the others I have had in my life.

 

 

Ummmm, I have said those exact words.

 

Because I was abused growing up and had to deal with so much crap from all of that, and I survived everyone has always been like "Oh, that Pix, she can do it- she can make it through anything"

 

Well I could- but I didn't want to be the one to have to shoulder all the responsibility. But because I was a caretaker, and because I was used to putting all my own needs aside when I was a child and a teen and a early adult- I just fell naturally into that same role with my exh.

 

I solve problems, that's what I do. I have literally had people that work for my company that I don't even know or converse with ever- come to me with a problem. I joked the other day I was going to be like Lucy and hang up a sign!

 

Another reason they do it?? Because *they can*.

 

Even though I'd taken care of myself all my life, my exh didn't think I was going anywhere. He didn't think I could, or that I would. I actually don't think he ever considered that anyone would want me. Oh sure, he told me all the time how hot I was- but he didn't think I'd ever "go there" and leave him or have an affair with someone else.

 

Even after I told him I would.

 

I sure fooled his ass. I would leave him and I could. I could definitely take care of myself. And as far as the kids- hell I was raising them by myself anyway mostly so what was the difference being in an apartment without him?? Less crap to take care of- less HIM to take care of. Because he never took care of me.

 

I would get pissed, pitch a fit, cry, withhold sex when I would get fed up. He would be all sorry and promise to change- for two or three weeks he would. Then it would be all back to what it was before. And it would take a couple of months for me to build back up to that point again before whamo!

 

Here's an example of just how selfish this guy was. My mom was ill and they thought she was dying. On a respirator in the hospital. Now, although she was abusive to me, I was struggling with all of that. I had a small child, I worked and he worked alot of hours. One day I needed him to pick up my son at daycare so that I could go to the hospital. He actually said, "It's just not a good time for me right now for all of this to be going on" I said, "Excuse me, if my mother didn't pencil in her passing away onto your calendar". :sick:

 

WHY are you paying all the bills A?? Why isn't he pitching in his part?? If he were he wouldn't have money for those damn Nascar tickets!

[Becoming]

I'm telling ya . . . Mama's boy. He has a strong woman who'll do everything for him, including give him great sex. Why should he bother?

 

And I'm telling you, he can't see the vulnerable part of you that needs him to actively show you love and responsibility, be your Daddy sometimes, so to speak. Perhaps he can't see this because you're not being honestly vulnerable, hiding it even from yourself ???? behind anger, strength, and fabulous humor???? Again, this may be me; it's one of the ways I've kept my H at arm's length. I don't want anyone knowing how scared I am underneath of intimacy because I don't trust anyone to get really close to me.

 

If you have shown him this side of you and he still does nothing, I understand why this is so awful for you. It's excruciatingly painful to have the one you love not actively love you back.

 

You've told him rationally what it is you need from him, and he's not getting it. My H didn't either. He thought I just wanted him to do more things, but that's not it really. It's really about knowing you're actively loved and that that's really all you need from marriage because you can life on your own.

 

I don't think your H will get your silence. And if he's getting silence and sex from his strong, smart, sexy woman, hell, he's got it made!

[a4a]

wow Pix what an asshead!

 

I tell you I told him the same "what do you think will happen if some guy comes along and offers to give me what I want and need?" evil perhaps but he needs a kick in the pants. I am ripe for the picking for some attention ( not that I need it but it may be fun for a bit)

 

My H had massive debt so his funds go towards that mostly. So I pitch in my own cash plus I pay for the care and feed for 40 plus animals (my job). And I still have my house and land which I am subdividing and building on very soon.

 

He has a $26,000 truck that just sits in the drive.... not used, not making money, just sits.... he will not attempt to sell it aggressively. I had to make the adverts, I put in the ads...... He states he wants to sell it and then his debt would pretty much be wiped out. So this whole ticket thing really is pissing me off from that angle as well.

 

I go without to take care of my animals and to attempt to get ahead with land investments. I even kiss ass that I hate to kiss to get ahead.... he is busy buying $600 worth of tickets but cannot even plan or put the effort into buying me a $5.00 birthday present.

 

Lets hope that he decided to not buy them and turned the tickets order over to his buddies instead. They are reserved for him so he buys them and just before the race next year his buddies usually give him the money for the tickets they want but that is over 6 months away.

 

I would not be so pissed over the money or his plans if he would at least put some effort into making me happy..... at least trying to...... a little. This is like the final blow for me. I am indeed really hurt at this point. A rare thing for me to feel hurt by anyone.

 

And he kinda sprung the ticket thing just two days ago... funny tho I just checked the calendar and he wrote ticket renewal on it...... but cannot write

Wifes b-day on it..... :lmao: what an asshead!

[a4a]

I'm telling ya . . . Mama's boy. He has a strong woman who'll do everything for him, including give him great sex. Why should he bother?

 

And I'm telling you, he can't see the vulnerable part of you that needs him to actively show you love and responsibility, be your Daddy sometimes, so to speak. Perhaps he can't see this because you're not being honestly vulnerable, hiding it even from yourself ???? behind anger, strength, and fabulous humor???? Again, this may be me; it's one of the ways I've kept my H at arm's length. I don't want anyone knowing how scared I am underneath of intimacy because I don't trust anyone to get really close to me.

 

If you have shown him this side of you and he still does nothing, I understand why this is so awful for you. It's excruciatingly painful to have the one you love not actively love you back.

 

You've told him rationally what it is you need from him, and he's not getting it. My H didn't either. He thought I just wanted him to do more things, but that's not it really. It's really about knowing you're actively loved and that that's really all you need from marriage because you can life on your own.

 

I don't think your H will get your silence. And if he's getting silence and sex from his strong, smart, sexy woman, hell, he's got it made!

 

I don't hide anything.... At work I have to remain stable at all times.. hell otherwise I would end up dead

 

He knows..... he just does not care. He is not a mamas boy his mommy died when he was about 10ish. I think he is selfish and never had to think of anyone else but himself. He is very self sufficient in most areas of life.

 

I don't know what his problem is....... but I am so tempted to just choke him I really feel like calling him and asking how he plans to pay all the bills around here and his little ticket bill as well....... cuz the money tree done got cut down....... I have my own home still......cut off the utilities here I don't care

 

Now he is driving my other truck because his POS trucks fuel pump died. Like I did not tell him that it was on the verge of it.

 

I really am angry right now..... keep in mind that I am not really violent but stabbing him in the head with a fork would really be a great thing for me to do right now........ and I am picturing him walking around with a fork jutting out of his head for the rest of his life...... mowing the lawn with the fork in head, naked with fork in head, showering with fork in head, sex with fork in head.............

[Touche]

I don't hide anything.... At work I have to remain stable at all times.. hell otherwise I would end up dead

 

He knows..... he just does not care. He is not a mamas boy his mommy died when he was about 10ish. I think he is selfish and never had to think of anyone else but himself. He is very self sufficient in most areas of life.

 

I don't know what his problem is....... but I am so tempted to just choke him I really feel like calling him and asking how he plans to pay all the bills around here and his little ticket bill as well....... cuz the money tree done got cut down....... I have my own home still......cut off the utilities here I don't care

 

Now he is driving my other truck because his POS trucks fuel pump died. Like I did not tell him that it was on the verge of it.

 

I really am angry right now..... keep in mind that I am not really violent but stabbing him in the head with a fork would really be a great thing for me to do right now........ and I am picturing him walking around with a fork jutting out of his head for the rest of his life...... mowing the lawn with the fork in head, naked with fork in head, showering with fork in head, sex with fork in head.............

 

Yeah but you'll be the one who has to keep cleaning up the bloodstains!

[a4a]

Yeah but you'll be the one who has to keep cleaning up the bloodstains!

 

Eventually it will scab over......

[Touche]

Eventually it will scab over......

 

But he'll probably pick at it just to piss you off so that he can watch you clean his messes!

[a4a]

But he'll probably pick at it just to piss you off so that he can watch you clean his messes!

 

 

I will rub his nose in it, swat him on the ass, and toss him outside....

[norajane]

oh goodness I did not mention this:

 

 

Gumby Boy does agree that he treats me shabbily (sp?) and he is pretty much a big walking 2 legged A-hole.

 

So if he is aware of it keeps saying he is going to stop doing it why does he keep doing it? Is he addicted to being a big A-hole?

 

You know they always say you can't change anyone but yourself, and that's one of the hardest things to do. Could you change yourself into wanting less romance and fewer compliments and initiation of sex (if you could, that would solve the problem, no?)? It's equally hard for him, I imagine, to suddenly become someone he's not. You can't teach a horse to ride a bicycle...