dennen Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 My best friend (f) and I (m) have done everything together for the last 2years. It has always been like a Will and Grace thing. We are so close yet we have never had sex. She's 30 and I'm 37. She just started dating a girl that's 20. She's been with afew girls before crazy as it seems that's not the problem here. Last weekend I took her home from a wedding reception cause she was in no shape to drive. I was sober. We went to her house and went to bed together. Nothing unusual. After a bit, she started things and I tried to stop them. I told her we shouldn't and she said itwas fine as long as Iwouldn't feel weird about it later. I caved of course and we ended up having sex for most of thenight. It was incredible for me and I think we each showed our feelings for each other. Everything was fine the next day and we even joked about how good it was etc.... Now i'm in a spot because I feel like it was something that was always going tohappen and that we do have feelings for each other. She says that she doesnt sleep with her friends and has no idea why this happened but it will never happen again. During our conversations afterwards she has in so many words said it was just sex because i know how she gets when she's had wine. I dont believe it but i guess i have no choice. I do feel it was more than that for both of us but she wont admit it. I feel like my only choice is to back out because otherwise i'm just tormenting myself because i do love her. there is sooo much more to the relationship we have that i havent explained here. any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
TJettman Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 I don't know what to tell you man. I'm kinda in the same place except we haven't had sex. If you had said no, she probably would've been hurt and pissed about it and you would have been in trouble anyway. Just tell her that before the incident you had already started having some feelings for her and ask if there is any possibility of a future with her. Maybe she'll say yes but if she says no, you have to ask yourself if you want to continue like this now or move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dennen Posted August 15, 2006 Author Share Posted August 15, 2006 I didn't think about that but you're prob right. We have never made a move on each other before. That night was all her doing...Ihad it running through myhead that it was a bad idea and told her so and told her no but I do have feelings for her and it wasn't too hard for her to see things her way ya know. (she knew i had feelings for her awhile back anyway) She knows something is up with me but I'm not going to talk to her about it while she's putting up this front that it was the wine and the fact she's just like that when she drinks so it coulda been anyone it just happened to be me. I know her better than that so when she quits acting all hard and is back to how she usually is with me we will talk about it. It tears me up cause she says basically it was just sex. I dying to ask her if she felt anything during or after but I have to wait til she's not acting tough. She has said that she feels bad cause she's seeing thing girl (2 months) but I know that neither one of us woulda done this if either one of us was in a serious relationship like we've both had in the past. It's just nuts...our friends have told us both that we are great for each other and we ought to just knock it off and be together. We've both just laughed at that. It's like everybody else can seeit but she won't. I just hate to think that in order to move on I have to let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
TJettman Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 You don't have to let her go yet. If she's gonna be a hardass about it, you need to be a hardass back and make her sit down and listen. If she is willing to piss away a good friendship and possibly a good relationship, then she wasn't your friend to begin with. It's funny how when a guy does this to a girl, they all call us pigs. But when the shoe is on the other foot, people just say they're flighty or something. That's BS. Tell her "Dammit, don't make me feel like I'm nothing. When you say that it was nothing, you are really saying I am nothing." I mean afterall, she didn't just stick a battery up your ass and turn you into a dildo. She preyed on your feelings just to get laid. Alcohol or not, that sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 She just started dating a girl that's 20. She's been with afew girls before crazy as it seems that's not the problem here. First of all - I really really understand how you must be feeling. But I think that the problem here IS actually about the fact that she is into girls. With you - she's having her cake and eating it to . Also you are concerned about what SHE is feeling and want SHE wants to do. Unfortunately I don't think it sounds like she wants to be with men. if she's laughing it off then thats really f!**#d and shows know consideration for your feelings -as you say she KNOWS you love her. You ahve to ask yourself how you are going to feel hanging out with her and not be able to have her the way you want to and have to fight off wanting to touch her and have to suppress your feelings. I've been down that road and it aint pretty. You need to put it plain to her . You need to tell her exactly how you feel - and then if she rejects you - thiink about whether this is going to bugger up the friendship. You don't want to be pining after her for the next year. She really sounds messed up and i think its especially f*#*ked that she initiated it and is now laughing about it - fully knowing your feelings- drunk or not she still knew what she was doing to a certain extent. Link to post Share on other sites
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