Feeling Alone

[sanchito]

I know that marriage is tough and it's supposed to be that way. I know that couples frequently fall in and out of love with each other. I just keep finding it harder and harder to remember why I fell in love with my husband. We lived together for three years. Suddenly, he decided to join the army. I have nothing against it, but it wasn't for him. He's not the type of person that could live a disciplined lifestyle. I supported his decision though. For the first time in his life he had motivation and was happy. Then he suggested that we get married just in case the army tried to seperate us. I loved him, and was confident that he finally had things together.

 

He left for boot camp, and the very first week I started getting letters from him saying he'd made a mistake. I didn't know what to do. I was married and my husband would be unemployed. I stayed with him though, even when he returned home. He got the first job he could get, which didn't pay very well and started back on acting like a teenager. I thought it would be a phase, maybe he was depressed, and felt like a failure. Still, I was there for him. I got a job with health benefits and a steady pay. I make more money than he does. I also went back to school. We can't afford for me to work part time, so I work forty hours a week and take five classes a semester. I'm tired all the time. He doesn't even help me around the house. Now his license is suspended (he didn't pay his traffic tickets) so I have to drive him everywhere, do grocery shopping and run errands.

 

He shows no signs that he intends to straighten that out either.

It's been three years. I have been praying that he grows up. I love him, but most of the time I hate him too. It's so bad that I fall in love with men that seem to have it together. I haven't cheated on him, and would never cheat on him, but I do in my mind. I've thought about leaving, but it makes me ache all over. I'm not sure what to do. I feel like I live alone.

[LittleNikki20]

Have you tried talking to him about this? has it been raised before?

[Brattyone]

If you don't have children I suggest leaving. You can't possibly love someone that acts this way. I think it is more fear of going it alone than love. Love is an action word. He certainly doesn't love you. He loves what you do for him.

 

If he grows up, you can always reconcile but to stay, support him, and be miserable has a pay off to him, not you and your marriage.

 

Some people never grow up.

[Guest]

Have you tried talking to him about this? has it been raised before?

 

All the time. I have tried talking about it in different ways too, being supportive, angry, sweet, desperate. Nothing works.

[Guest]

I know, this isn't love, and it isn't a marriage. I don't know why I can't just leave. Maybe I am afraid to be alone. I think sometimes I'm afraid to confront the mistake that I made. I sacrificed so much for him, and it was all for nothing. Everyone I know, people at work, friends always ask me why I'm with him. I don't even talk about it, I can't. That's why I went online to find somewhere to let it out. They say they see it in my eyes. I always look so sad. Maybe it's time I started making plans. Thank you.