I messed up bigtime, I love my wife!!

[jmargel]

ilmw is right. You can easily worry yourself to the point of total exhaustion. I know when my ex-fiancee left me I did that. Lost about 40 pounds, not eating, worrying.. Worrying where she was at, with who, what was she doing and romanticizing the past. It didn't help that she left me for my (now) ex-best friend who lived next door to my folks. So I got to see her car in his driveway alot, etc..

 

Though this worrying was also a grieving process, and I would suggest you look up the '5 stages of grief'. It helps on what to expect emotionally inside of you. It's easy to say 'Just get on with your life' but when your mate 'was a big part of your life', it's very hard too. It's like trying to repair a huge hole that was made first so that you can move on.

 

When my ex left I became suicidal to the point that I had it planned out. Meds didn't help either. At first the thought of my family stopped me, though even those thoughts weren't going to stop me from doing it. As I drove to work I would often look for trees that I knew I could hit and not survive. I had the letters written (one to my folks, one to my brothers, and one to my ex). I had the date planned. It's just I didn't want to live. I was in a dark long tunnel with blinders on and saw no light at the end. I didn't want to live in the loniliness that surrounded me. I felt like a failure as well, I mean here I was successful at most things I went after, however the thing that was most important to me just left. I failed my most loved.

 

That morning when I was going to end my life, I was thinking of anything I could to try to persuade myself not too. There was one person who would listen to me anytime I needed to, even months after this happened. She knew the depression had hit me hard. I was able to gain enough courage to tell myself if at least one person is willing to listen to me, maybe another would. It was that, that I built upon and slowly the strength came back to move ahead.

 

I feel what you are going through, it is one of the worst things you have to endure in your life. You hurt so much because you love her so much. Thing is as long as you control the things that you can, and let God help guide the decisions that you can't make then it helps you keep a straight mind.

 

Don't let obessive thoughts take over like it did me. If you feel that coming on, force yourself to get active with something else or talk to someone. Alot of times your imagination makes things alot worse in these situations. Just take it day by day.

[chadnickole]

ilmw is right. You can easily worry yourself to the point of total exhaustion. force yourself to get active with something else or talk to someone. Alot of times your imagination makes things alot worse in these situations. Just take it day by day.

 

 

Well it looks as if you found away to help yourself and help other, I happy and very pround of you that you were able to pull your self from such a bad place! I get those feeling on occation, but could nevr follow threw, I just think of my son, and what It was like when my father died, but thank you so much, I wish we all lived closer to each other so we could all just hang out and support one another

 

Chad

[ilmw]

Well it looks as if you found away to help yourself and help other, I happy and very pround of you that you were able to pull your self from such a bad place! I get those feeling on occation, but could nevr follow threw, I just think of my son, and what It was like when my father died, but thank you so much, I wish we all lived closer to each other so we could all just hang out and support one another

 

Chad

 

What an LS Sep/Div... "piss up"... I'm in...

 

Can someone drive me home though... drinking and driving is bad:)

 

Ohhh.. you didn't mean that did you.....

[chadnickole]

What an LS Sep/Div... "piss up"... I'm in...

 

Can someone drive me home though... drinking and driving is bad:)

 

Ohhh.. you didn't mean that did you.....

 

 

I decided to go ahead and give her the letter last night. I sealed it in an envolope and left it out for her to see when she dropped our Son off. She seen it and said "what is this?"

"A letter for you!" I said. She asked if she could take it. I said "sure, just wait to read it till later, maybe in a few days or something!" So when she left she took it! Truely I do not even exspect her to respond, But oh well.

 

She was across the street talking to my Mom (yes my mothers houes is across the street from mine). Well Mom came over after she left. Now I had told my mother from the beginning of the seperation to not talk about Nickole and My relationship, unless Nickole brings it up! Well my mother has had some real emotional problems since Nickole Moved out. Then 3 months later she found out her Boyfriend was cheating on her! (so she's in ruff shape) Any way they were talking and my mother told Nickole how hurt she was, when She (nickole) moved out and just hoped someday her and I, would work things out and get back together as a family!!

 

Now the Kick in the face!!!! Nickole Said " I'm sorry Julie But this is not Going to happen!!"

 

Well lately I've kind of come to that on my own, Mainly because of the other Guy, But it still kinda of bothered me, But not really too Bad!! I guess the thing that bothers me most is that she never even gave her self time to just be with herself to get her mind strait!! She moving along into something that is only making her forget about her Grief with Us...... Maybe she did get past the pain of Us!!!!

 

On a better Note, I guess! Remember the Ex Girlfriend I ran into a few weeks ago at the court house, (we dated 13 yrs ago) She has been talking to me a little about all of this. I made sure she knows were I stand, and of course she said she was not lookin at that aspect of Us!! (only friends) Any how we are gonna go see A movie tonight, I guess at least I'm getting out a bit, I'll be able to take my mind of things a bit...../

 

Any Opinions on The STBEX (like maybe she a pshyco j/k)

or the Ex of Old (maybe she's a nut)

 

Actually I'm probley the crazy one of the two,

Take Care

 

Chad

[Gunny376]

You've got the intell that you wanted and needed, and you're on your last stop at the station on the X's train. Time to exit mentally, emotionally, stage left. Get busy getting busy ~ getting real about your life.

 

Suicide ~ Homicide, there's not a whole lot of difference. If someone is suicidal they're potentially homicidial. Ask any cop. When I found out about the XW and her toyboy, I check myself into the psych ward Naval Hospital for 24 hours, becuase I mentally and emotinally in a deep dark place, to where I was on the verge of cutting up some young dumb kid of a Marine,

 

Thank God I had just enough presence of mind to call a friend of mine to come and get me, because with my thinking I was going to seriously hurt that boy ~ in hindsight I'm glad I did what I did. That was over sixteen years ago ~ I'd hate to think that I killed someone, went to prison for killing someone over what amount to a piece of azz? What the Hell was I thinking?

 

That's how screwed up all of this can make your mind.

 

ilmw and jmargel are giving you some really good advice. Time to move on and time to get serious about your life.

 

The XGF? That's the direction you need to go ~ as friends, and nothing but friends.

[chadnickole]

You've got the intell that you wanted and needed, and you're on your last stop at the station on the X's train. Time to exit mentally, emotionally, stage left. Get busy getting busy ~ getting real about your life.

 

ilmw and jmargel are giving you some really good advice. Time to move on and time to get serious about your life.

 

The XGF? That's the direction you need to go ~ as friends, and nothing but friends.

 

 

You are absoulutly right, the problem is I've put up with so much of this broads nagging, bitching, belittleing and disrespect. And really changed the way I would have typically acted, Buy saying hey stop the **** or I'm gone! Insead I just delt with it, with her for the person she was (mother of my child) and well water off a ducks Back!! So more damn power to whomever wants to deal with her crap, Girl has a ton of baggage that comes along with her and now she has my child and Me, that will follow her where ever she go's. Thats a Ton more!! Some ******* steps outta line with my son, No questions asked the cops are involved, Hell maybe even the IRS I hear they pretty scary!! I've got so much invested Time, Emotion and effort, just sucks is all.

 

Then she tells me today, She watched that Movie The BREAK UP with Vince Vaung and Jen Anderson, And she up crying all night because it was our relationship.. I was empathetic to her, But I don't give a **** what she's crying about any more, not my Job!!! Sorry Chick, Now I guess I gotta go get it to see what the hell she's talking about!!! #u(k!!!!

 

You all take care

Chad

[Gunny376]

You are absoulutly right, the problem is I've put up with so much of this broads nagging, bitching, belittleing and disrespect. And really changed the way I would have typically acted, Buy saying hey stop the **** or I'm gone! Insead I just delt with it, with her for the person she was (mother of my child) and well water off a ducks Back!! So more damn power to whomever wants to deal with her crap, Girl has a ton of baggage that comes along with her and now she has my child and Me, that will follow her where ever she go's. Thats a Ton more!! Some ******* steps outta line with my son, No questions asked the cops are involved, Hell maybe even the IRS I hear they pretty scary!! I've got so much invested Time, Emotion and effort, just sucks is all.

 

Then she tells me today, She watched that Movie The BREAK UP with Vince Vaung and Jen Anderson, And she up crying all night because it was our relationship.. I was empathetic to her, But I don't give a **** what she's crying about any more, not my Job!!! Sorry Chick, Now I guess I gotta go get it to see what the hell she's talking about!!! #u(k!!!!

 

You all take care

Chad

 

Come on, get real here. You've bent over-backwards, putting up her and her silly whimiscal mind games, (and she's still playing them). Its time to put a stop to this. I know that she's your wife and the mother of your DS, but hey no man deserves this. I'm not necessaryly advocating dumping her completely nor divorcing her, (which seems to be the way this thing is gonig one minute, and then she's fllipping you the other direction the next)

 

From all that I've read and all that studied, and all the cases I've studied here and at other websites ~ its seems the best course of action for you would be to stiffen up your back and to "man-up" and exercise some tough love, tell her your done with this business, and that either your married or not. That's its no longer a case of the ball being in her court, with your wanting to be married to her, its a case of earning her way back into the marriage, and the path is long and narrow and time is short.

 

Let me repeat that, "Its no longer a case of you earning your way back into the marriage, its a case of her earning her way back into the marriage and into your life ~ otherwise your done, and are moving on.

 

Other than being married to the mother of your child, this woman doesn't have anything that any other given woman has ~ and just as good as, if not better, just as much of it not more ~ and damn appreciative to get and to have what you have to offer.

 

If it was me, I'd tell her the above, and I'd tell her the clock is ticking. If she wants to earn her way back into the marriage, she's got to go to IC and MC to deal with the "ton of issues" and "baggage"

 

I'm telling you life is way too short for this kind of BS, and dealing with someone woman with "flakey broad syndrone" These are some of the best years of your life, and the choices you make today are going to determine where your at ten, twenty, thrity years from now. Don't throw away the best of your life on someone who's not appreciative of your investment and sacarifice of time, effort, and energy. And, apparently she doesn't appreciate what you've done for her nor have to offer. But, there are plenty of other women out there who do and would be glad to have what you've got to offer up.

 

Its her that needs to get with the progam ~ not you!

 

And, I hear you about your son and the OM ~ anyone that messes with my chidlren or GS, needs to turn himself into the law ~ not just because he broke the law ~ but because he's going to need police protection from me! But, you need to slow down and count to ten there cowboy! What good are you going to do your son, if your sitting in a jail cell or prison, and what kind of example are you setting for him? So that's an issue and a senario you need to be thinking about ahead of time, and cover any and all possible contingences.

[chadnickole]

Come on, get real here. You've bent over-backwards, putting up her and her silly whimiscal mind games, (and she's still playing them). Its time to put a stop to this..

 

Sad thing is Gunny I know what I need to do, But I have to come get it pounded into my head from you all, time to time, And I have thought about all the stuff concerning Me, jail, prison and my Son. I think way to much and actually think myself right into Loving the Wife then think myself into hating The wife and so on and so forth. Course I know you've been that road and seen the things I haven't. Its like that Damn Bird that keeps flying head first into the window, You look at it and say what a stupid bird. that bird doesn't understand what the hells happening, all he know is he keeps getting Knocked down. He'll keep flying into that window every day untill one of three things happen!!

 

~Someone will open the damn Window!!

~He'll die!!!, or

~He'll wise up!!!!

 

It sure as hell won't be number Two for me, I'm smartinin up and Gunny you and the Rest of L/S will open that damn window for Me

 

OH, Yeah One more thing!!! Did you like my anologie (spelling)

[king of sorrow]

2 months ago she moved out of our house, a week before that we had talked about her wanting to leave but I thought we worked threw it. She was talking to her Ex boyfriend for about 6 weeks before she left, but says that she just needed someone to talk to, and that he would listen. She swears they had/have nothing going on in fact he upset because she wants only a friend in him! (she says) Anyway when she moved out, it was the hardest hurt I've ever felt! I was out with some buddys and this girl started talking to me, I figured my wife left me why not talk to her. I seen her a few times but always talked about my Marriage with her, she listened and seemed to care, One night I followed all her friends back to her place, I went in and we started talking, I woke up the next morning and had panties in my pocket??? I would have remembered if we did anything, But she said we didn't and she didn't know how the panties were in my pocket, I told my wife i was talking to another girl (to try to get to her) and it worked, she was crying wanting me to take her back. I was still to upset and was reluctant, but knew that is what I wanted.

 

The next day she found that girls number in my cellphone hidden under a friends name, she left the house and I told her i wanted to hold off on her moving back in, she said it was because of the girl ( it wasn't) I just wanted to make sure she was not just wanting me cause she thought some else wanted me. Well stupid me held onto those panties and my wife found them, So in Two weeks time she went from loving me and wanting us to work, to going to an attorny and talking about divorce, The bottom line is that after all these games we've played I realize just how much I love her, I want to spend the rest of my life with her!! She says she doesn't want it to work anymore and will not even try now!! I just want my wife and my son back, how can I make her see that no Woman could ever replace her, And I love her more than ever now!! She always felt I didn't love her enough, well I want her to feel how much I love her but she won't let me, I just don't know what to do please help, She hates talking to me now, I just want our marriage to last!!!!

 

 

 

 

Not sure if I'm doing this right.

Admitting you're in the wrong is the first step. Take my entry as only a brother that feels your pain. I initiated my D for what i thought was true.

If you love her then let her go. Stand up and take it like a man. From what i have learned, she doesn't want you to beg but only take control and move on and treat her with respect. When i say move on I'm not talking of screwing someone else, it's only looking out for yourself and your child. You can't make someone love you if you don't love yourself.

Stay strong brother

[Gunny376]

Good post KOS! Good post!

 

And, Yes, (LOL!) I lked your anolgy Chad! Got to add that one to my own! I've been that little black bird more than a couple of times in my life!

[chadnickole]

Good post KOS! Good post!

 

And, Yes, (LOL!) I lked your anolgy Chad! Got to add that one to my own! I've been that little black bird more than a couple of times in my life!

 

Well, I signed the divorce paperwork today! about 20 minutes ago!

I'm pretty hurt right now! Man I'm very upset her right now! :sick:

[PWSX3]

Well, I signed the divorce paperwork today! about 20 minutes ago!

I'm pretty hurt right now! Man I'm very upset her right now! :sick:

 

Hope you don't mind getting hugs from a guy but you need one that's for sure

((((--------HUGS--------)))

[Gunny376]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gunny376

Good post KOS! Good post!

 

And, Yes, (LOL!) I lked your anolgy Chad! Got to add that one to my own! I've been that little black bird more than a couple of times in my life!

 

Well, I signed the divorce paperwork today! about 20 minutes ago!

I'm pretty hurt right now! Man I'm very upset her right now! :sick:

 

You had to do what you had to do and oftentimes that means doing things that we don't want to do.

 

In Vietnam during the 68' Tet Offensive in the city of Hue, a Marine officer was quoted as saying "We had to destroy the city ~ in order to save it!" I belive that alnolgy applies to her ~ and it may be the wake-up call that she needs to make the break from the other guy, and re-invest in your marriage to you. And, that may even require going through with the divorce, letting her pursue her fantasy relationshp with the OM, come to the realization that he's a jerk and "and not what she wants out of and from life" and then come running back you to begging forgiveness. This scernario doesn't just in the relam of possibility, but probability.

 

This guy that she's "just talking to" even though he's part of her past ~ still is the re-bound guy, and the chances of the re-bound guy and her making it work are slim to none ~ and Slim? He just left on the last train out of town. Factor that into the equation ~ and her flakeness and her issues and you've got a cocktail recipie for one Hell of a train wreck. The thing that you've got to think about is you, and the welfare of your son. You need to get your hands on a book called "Second Chances" its the by product of a long term study in Calilfornia of the effect of divorce on children, and what they found was that it affects children into their twenties, thirties, and even forties. I'd highly recommend it.

 

One of the other things that you've got to deal with is if she and the OM crash and burn, and she comes begging back ~ are you willing to take her back ~ or is has the river contaiminated with sewage that has flooded over the damn and under the bridge too much. And, then even if you are willing to reconcile, what are the terms and conditions that you have for her to earn her way back into the marriage ~ that is to say what's changed? Un-questionably you've changed, but I doubt that she's changed a great deal from the experience. This is seeming more and more like her using your flirtations as the excuse she needed to do and pursue what she was planning and plotting all along, getting back with an old flame!

 

You're in a bad place right now ~ and pretty much alone. You're thirty miles back behind enemy lines, and its just you and God. And the only one that's going to get you from where your at, to where you need to be is you, yourself, and I. The time to get real ~ is right here and right now. You've just gotten on the Roller Coaster from Hell, and there's nothing that you can do but get in, sit down, shut up, grab ahold of the hand rail and white knuckle that bitch to the bitter end.

 

Now is very much the time to get and be physcially active. Now is the time to join the gym if you're not alreay in one, and pump enough iron to build a battleship, run enough miles from here to the sun and back. It helps big time! When you get into PT, (Physcial Training) and you push yourself hard, it releases the same hormones in the Brain Housing Group as sex. If you take up long distance running, you can actually get "high" from it. And the best part is that its a "natural" high. You'll feel better mentally, physcially, emotionally, spiritually.

 

If you're having trouble sleeping, you're not physically active enough. If you're telling yourself you don't feel like it, physical exercise requires that you do it first, and the feeling to do it will come along. You've got to fake it, until you make it. You've got to get out there and make yourself do it for a good six weeks, before you feel like doing it, and then it will take over, and you will feel like doing it. After that point, your body will want and need it. So its a case of doing it first ~ with the feeling and the need to do is coming about six to eight weeks later.

 

Meanwhile, if your having trouble sleeping, go ye to WalMart, to the vitiamin section and get some Melatonin. They sell three kinds. One is the 300 Mmg, the other is the 3 MG, and the other is the 5 MG. I use to use the 5 mg, stepped down to the 3 mg. The bottle says one tablet, when I was stressed I took three of the 5 mg. It helped me to sleep, but I woke feeling drugged. You'll have to play with it to find the right dosage. I've gotten off of it, and I'm now down to the 3 mmg. Its not addictive, and your body natuaraly secrerte it, although less so once you're over forty.

 

PM if you need me!

[riobikini]

re:

 

Gunny: "...go ye to WalMart, to the vitamin section and get some Melatonin.."

 

Valerian promotes sleep/restfulness, too...and it's over-the-counter.

 

I think Gunny has given you some good advice in regards to how to maintain your self-respect, and self-control in your present situation, as well as the one(s) more than likely forthcoming....he also seems to be cautioning you with your anger and how to deal with/contain it. (Good job, Gunny!)

 

The anger and confusion right about this time is pretty normal; nearly any guy would feel threatened by so many of the aspects of the circumstances you are dealing with, e.g. the other guy... (which is also a normal reaction -esp. with males who see another guy moving in on their territory).

 

Listen to the good advice you have been given.

 

Take care,

 

-Rio

[chadnickole]

Hope you don't mind getting hugs from a guy but you need one that's for sure

((((--------HUGS--------)))

 

I've never turned down a hug from anybody, so thank you very much. and thanks for the PM th eother day. You all have really helped me, even if my Post reads like a series of mountains and vallys!!

[chadnickole]

Quote:

PM if you need me!

 

Gunny

 

Thank you so much for your help in these past months, I look forwrd to the post that will me exchanged in the future. You have helped alot, You don't realize just how much! I have a series of people I confide and and only just recently in the past two weeks have I actually reached out to my family! they have been very supportive, and so has L/S.

 

Like you said In the beginning, I might have to ride this bitch to the ground. I wonder if that old elevator theory is correct? You the know one!!If you jump just before it smashed into the ground you'll come out unharmed, changed but in one piece!!

 

I'll go out and buy that book, anything that will help me to be a better father right now and in the future, Its funny just the other day my mother told me that the reason Nickole is going this route is because she has unfinished buisness with this OG, or as I like to refer to him, POS *LOL*

And now I kind of belive that too, It is just too bad Nickole has got to tear apart out family to do it!! In the end, if the time does arise Gunny, I don't know if I'll be able to look past her actions, I hate the Woman she has shown me she can be, but I love the Woman I married!! I guess if the time arises I'll have to see who she really is and choose from there......

She needs counseling and alot of it. (don't we all) She lost her mother when she was 7 and her father when she was 10.

 

I mean she is funny, smart, a good wife (can be) , a good mother, can hold a job and she can cook pretty damn good. But she also things that every body is trying to One up her, She feels every bodys thinks they are smarter, better looking, and just plain better than her!! (including Me)!! I have been guilty of trying to get her to help herself threw reading, but the only books she reads or the love novels and such!! I've read quite a few books by authors Antony Robbins, Robert Kiosocki, Dale carnegie and many other selfhelp people books. I can see my faults and have an idea on how to change them! I only wished that she could have given those books a chance so that she could have maybe seen some things about her that needed some work!! But she just thought I was saying she was broke and needed fixing!! I guess I was, but we are all broke and need some fixing. It is just our foolish pride tells us we are fine and every one else is the problem!!!

 

thanks all

Chad

[chadnickole]

re:

 

 

Of course I feel threatened, But I have lost so much respect for the Wife, its not so much about her anymore. don't get me wrong I love her but in the beginning iy was 50% her 50% my Son and has steadily changed favoring my Son!! Now it is closer to 10% her 90% my son, She made a choice based on emotion alone, and allowed herself to be pulled out of this marriage, and franklie, I feel that if we did give it another chance, that the least bit of un-happyness she feels, in her mind I will be at fault agian and she'll be off running and looking for the end of the rainbow. The rainbow is beautiful the most beautiful thing on the earth, But we can't touch it, we can't find the beggining nore can we find the end, But people spend thier whole lifes chasing it!! to be left empty and filled with regret in the end!!!

Just be happy with the beauty!!! Only the rainbow knows where it really is!!!

 

I'm going to start writing Anologies!! LOL:rolleyes:

[jmargel]

I was kinda surprised that papers were signed already. However you need to take this time as well to stop placing 100% blame on nikole. Granted what she did was wrong and there was no excuse for her cheating I still believe with some soul-searching you will come to admission that you could have done things differently as well.

 

Why did you sign the papers so fast, especially after giving her that letter? Talk about going one way then the next. You mention she has to get her head on straight but you do as well. You are acting on emotions which is never good.

 

Any event, just take it day by day, keep yourself busy and put as much love as you can into your son.

[chadnickole]

I was kinda surprised that papers were signed already. However you need to take this time as well to stop placing 100% blame on nikole. Granted what she did was wrong and there was no excuse for her cheating I still believe with some soul-searching you will come to admission that you could have done things differently as well.

 

Why did you sign the papers so fast, especially after giving her that letter? Talk about going one way then the next. You mention she has to get her head on straight but you do as well. You are acting on emotions which is never good.

 

Any event, just take it day by day, keep yourself busy and put as much love as you can into your son.

 

I know that there were alot of things I could have done differntly in the marriage, The part a holding her at fault for is just giving up on It. And letting another Man lead her away from our Family, and her being weak minded. when she first moved out I was crushed and confided in the woman at the beggining of this post, I was allowing her to lead me away, Then I realized what I was doing and cut ties with her! I realized in that time of pain I used bad judgment, I realized my Wife and Son were more important. (little to late)

 

The paperwork, Well I signed it because I'll had promised her that if she truly wanted a divorse I would not try to stop it!! Yes I gave her the letter, and as exspected she never said a thing about it..... there is allot of time yet from our court date (Nov-13) untill the devorce will be finalized. So I'll play ball, take my lumps and let my attorny look out for me!

 

J- this does not mean I don't/wouldn't want to reconcile, but she needs to make that step now! I thank you for your advice and all your help!! and I will read everything you send me and put it to use as best I can!! Sorry if I dissapointed You, I'm doing the best I can!!

 

Tuff Love....................

 

Chad

[jmargel]

Your not disappointing any of us. We are trying to help you with this situation and on top of that help you get what you desire. You just have to becareful on all the signals you send her so fast, like she does you. It's all about communicating on what you want.

 

By you also giving her the ultimatium or the time-table that is also not going to work. You can't say "I love you to death and want to raise Zach together an be together, however if you can't do it within' the next two weeks then we are divorced". By doing that you are being very controlling.

 

There's a point in every relationship where you can't take anymore. However from reading your posts I don't think you are at that spot yet. I mentioned that you needed to give her time, especially after giving her that letter. I also mentioned to not get a response back from her, at least for awhile. I think maybe at this time you are confused on exactly what you want, which is ok, that is to be expected. However to act on confusion is something I would not advise.

 

Take a step back from the situation, really think on what you want and find the best route to achieve it. Showing mixed feelings or giving time-tables is not the answer if you want to reconcile with her.

 

I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out a few things.

[chadnickole]

Your not disappointing any of us. We are trying to help you with this situation and on top of that help you get what you desire. You just have to becareful on all the signals you send her so fast, like she does you. It's all about communicating on what you want.

 

By you also giving her the ultimatium or the time-table that is also not going to work. You can't say "I love you to death and want to raise Zach together an be together, however if you can't do it within' the next two weeks then we are divorced". By doing that you are being very controlling.

 

There's a point in every relationship where you can't take anymore. However from reading your posts I don't think you are at that spot yet. I mentioned that you needed to give her time, especially after giving her that letter. I also mentioned to not get a response back from her, at least for awhile. I think maybe at this time you are confused on exactly what you want, which is ok, that is to be expected. However to act on confusion is something I would not advise.

 

Take a step back from the situation, really think on what you want and find the best route to achieve it. Showing mixed feelings or giving time-tables is not the answer if you want to reconcile with her.

 

I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out a few things.

 

 

I understand what you are saying, I'm not giving her a time frame. She asked me to sign the papers so I signed them, That does not mean that I do not want to reconcile, but the more I fight what she wants the farther and farther she'll go. All I can do is wait now, and like you all point out Take care of me and my son. She pulls up absolutly every thing she can to get and keep herslf hurt and Mad at Me, All I feel I can do is respect her and be reasonable, but also protect myself now. She does not have my best interests in mind! I've yet to give up on her, but I need to step back and detach a little bit, She knows my feelings, and she knows her a zach are my world!

 

Thanks

Chad

[ilmw]

Your not disappointing any of us. We are trying to help you with this situation and on top of that help you get what you desire. You just have to becareful on all the signals you send her so fast, like she does you. It's all about communicating on what you want.

 

By you also giving her the ultimatium or the time-table that is also not going to work. You can't say "I love you to death and want to raise Zach together an be together, however if you can't do it within' the next two weeks then we are divorced". By doing that you are being very controlling.

 

There's a point in every relationship where you can't take anymore. However from reading your posts I don't think you are at that spot yet. I mentioned that you needed to give her time, especially after giving her that letter. I also mentioned to not get a response back from her, at least for awhile. I think maybe at this time you are confused on exactly what you want, which is ok, that is to be expected. However to act on confusion is something I would not advise.

 

Take a step back from the situation, really think on what you want and find the best route to achieve it. Showing mixed feelings or giving time-tables is not the answer if you want to reconcile with her.

 

I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to point out a few things.

 

Thats some realy great advice...

 

I can add sourcing from what I am going through...

 

The confusion of what you want... I too sometimes want to cut and run.. but I always come back to what if??

 

I have never felt any hate towards my DW.. in fact in a strange way admire her for having the "balls" to do this... but at what cost..

 

Something I have mentioned many times before is this... patience.

 

I for one have no interest in getting a divorce... and she has never brought it up.. ... and I don't know if there is any significance to that??

 

Saying that... I have learned to not worry about it... Why you may ask... well here is why... I am worrying about myself.. taking care of me... now that I have the time to be selfish.

 

I still do what I can do for the boys and still maintain lines of communication with DW... but that is all I am able to do for them.. Yes I wish I could do more... but that is only natural... as i still love them all..

 

You get to a place when... the fog lifts... and you are left with some decisions to make... and it has already been said.. don't make those decisions when you are upset.. angry... "emotional"...

 

Decisions which effect your life shoulf be made in the cold harsh reality of light....

 

To sum up I guess... its hard to deal with the relationship issues... when you have not dealt with your own... if there is no need to rush things... don't..

 

If I had reacted to my own thread.... using gut reaction... and "the insanity the it brings"... I would probably have no communication other that coldness..and divorce.. from my DW... because I followed the advise on here... and ample reading on the subject... I think I have managed to slow things down... but what do I know...

 

Take a deep breath.. and say/pray... "I gonna be OK" (thx Gunns ) It works for me.. and usually on a daily basis...

 

Take care of you ... and all else should fall into place...

ilmw

[chadnickole]

I'm getting out of work a littel bit early, gonna head to class, than go home Lifts some weights, and pound the **** outta my heavy bag!!

 

I think I'm also gonna call my MMA trainer and maybe get back into training, hope he'll let me come in and spar, I could use a good ass whoopen right now.

 

My mind has had the crap kicked out of it might as well get the physical side of it too!!

 

You all take care Post later

 

Chad

[chadnickole]

Well, Nickole Emailed me today to remind me to Vote and offered me to come with her, so that we could keep an eye Zachary for each other.

 

Then at the end of the day yesterday she Emailed me telling me that I should look into a local Divorcee support group. I wanted to tell her to go get help, but just replied "thanks I'll look into that"

 

It sure does make this hard knowing I'm gonna be seeing her all the time!!

[jmargel]

Divorcee support group? That's pretty lame of her to be suggesting that. Kinda strange to that she wants you to go with her to vote..