I messed up bigtime, I love my wife!!

January 2, 2007

I found a picture of her and him taken at Niagra falls in canada, She was wearing the coat my mother bought her! He had his arm around her smiling. She was not smiling just standing there.... This picture is not very old I'm just trying to figure out when she had time for that!! We live in Michigan a couple of hours away from canada... I took the picture But have yet to say anything to her!! I don't want her to know I was Snooping But WTF

What to do??

promised myself and her that I would not bring up the things in the past even though I just found this Picture I'm just going to drop it...... I'm gonna just drift away and hope for the best while exspecting the worst.......On a brighter note I have an appointment with my Couseler today!!

Still not in a great mood, but I found when I talk to the wife and she is kind and polite my mood raises....... I need to stop letting her determine my emontional state so much!!

take care all~ I'm gonna just focus on making my New Year Good for me and My Son with or without The wife

January 2, 2007

promised myself and her that I would not bring up the things in the past even though I just found this Picture I'm just going to drop it...... I'm gonna just drift away and hope for the best while exspecting the worst.......On a brighter note I have an appointment with my Couseler today!!

Still not in a great mood, but I found when I talk to the wife and she is kind and polite my mood raises....... I need to stop letting her determine my emontional state so much!!

take care all~ I'm gonna just focus on making my New Year Good for me and My Son with or without The wife

Good for you Chad..

it is all you realy can do... and the only thing you have any control over...

All the best

ilmw

January 3, 2007

Look Bro!?

I know your lost, dazed, and confussed! (That's not a hit at your characther! Its knowing what you're going through with this girl)

You want her back? I say its time to completely blow her off! And, find someone else. Better yet! A lot of "someone elses"

One of two things will happen:

1. She come back begging

2. You'll find someone who appreciates what you've got to offer!

That's my call on the ball!

Guns

January 3, 2007

The Counsuler said the same thing Gunny, And that I need some sort of closure. I'm just really hurt that if this marriage does fail and ends that my Son will have to grow up in a broken Home. But I guess better that than seeing his MOM and DAD misserable!!

Thank you so much guys/gals you really have helped me tremendously

Thank You

January 3, 2007

Man Up "Alpha Males":D

January 3, 2007

She emial me just about every day just after I start lunch (just to see if I lft for lunch I think) I usaually respond right back............. To day I will respond back about 10 mins after lunch is over:D

Is this evil??

January 3, 2007

Chad.. this is going to be my last post on your thread only because you have not done what we have been advising you too. When are you going to stop with these games?

Honestly, you just need to spell it out for her, if she wants to goto marriage counseling with you & work on it, then great, if not then get with a lawyer and see what your options are about a divorce.

Nothing has really changed over the past month or so because you continue to let her pull your strings. I give you alot of credit for going to counseling, which is something you need to continue, BUT you need to follow their advice.

How about next email she sends you, you tell her that it's either MC or it's over. She's just pulling you along and honestly by taking that picture was not your place to do so. If she chooses to be with him, there is nothing you can do. That is something you just have to accept and realize that things are not the same as they were before.

I am coming off a little harsh because it seems like you haven't hit the whole reality or accepted that she has moved on in her own way. I was there myself, with my ex-fiancee. I hanged onto her every word after it was over, and read so much into every little sentence of hers, I fooled myself into thinking she really wanted to work things out.

Please, for your own sanity just follow my advice and give her the ultamatium. As these stupid games you two are playing continue, it will erode any chances of successfully getting back together. Do yourself a huge favor by saving months of headgames and tell her either MC or divorce. She hasn't faced any consequences to her actions and you continue to tolerate her behavior. You need to stop all of this..

January 4, 2007

J.

My friend I want you to know that I truely thank you for all your help along with the help of Gunny, ILMW, PWS and all others who have helped me threw this time. Your absolutly right about the photo, I did that on impulse witch has been a problem I'm working on!!

Your also right about the head games, You and I both Know this!! We all know this!!

The talks I've been having with the wife are for the sake of my son and concerning my son.....After what happened on New Years a switch flipped in me and I realy realized how little control I have over her, and she is the one responcible for her self, I infact am pulling away and going to go on with my life I've told her we need MC and if she decides she is ready then she can come too me and it will be discussed.......Life is!! too short and too important to dwell on this crap any longer.......The divorce has been started, there is I think around 4 months or so untill it is finalized. And you know what I'm fine with it!! I'm okay, yeah it still hurts but I'm cool with whatever the out come!!

And yes this has been the hardest thing I've ever been faced with, Harder than the death of my Father and Harder than the death of my GirlFriend....I spend alot of time crying and prckticaly driving my self insain to get to this point..... And You Know what I wouldn't take it back if I could.....I have learned far to much from this and became a much better and balanced person!!

It is okay to Lose something Juts Don't Lose what was Learned!!!!

I probally won't be posting on here for quite some time, I'll come here and rant from time to time and check up on You all maybe even attempt to offer up a quick word!!

Thank You Guys and thank You LS:D

January 4, 2007

If you take anything with you in all of this, remember to keep looking at the 'big picture'. Don't let her little words or her little shows of affection sway you from moving on, either way.

You don't have any control over her, just like she doesn't have any control over you. If she wants to make it work, then she'll goto MC & start the NC with this other guy. Anything other than that is not acceptable.

I was once where you are now. With my ex-fiancee. I let things fester until I was suicidal. Learn a lesson from my mistakes, and take steps so you don't get in that far of a rut. With the death of your father & GF, the counseling will help you in that as well.

Not every relationship ends in disaster, however life & love doesn't come with an instruction booklet. We don't know what's on the next page and what we can do to stop certain things from happening. The best we can do is be as proactive as possible and not worry about things that are not under our control.

There will be a day where you have come to peace with all of this and accepted this as one of life's hard lessons. You'll also accept half of the responsibility and have learned from it, while knowing she was responsible just as equally.

Just take things day by day, and remeber the big picture in all of this..

January 5, 2007

Me and the Wife are Going out for a night of dancing and Bowling!! I was going to cancel on her but I don't think it would help the cause!!

She said she wants to see how she feels about Us

I told her that I have no exspectations and just want to have fun, and I'm cool with whatever happens!!

It starts at 7:30pm Tonight~~~ 2 hours and counting!!

we'll see

take care

Chad

January 5, 2007

Me and the Wife are Going out for a night of dancing and Bowling!! I was going to cancel on her but I don't think it would help the cause!!
She said she wants to see how she feels about Us

I told her that I have no exspectations and just want to have fun, and I'm cool with whatever happens!!

It starts at 7:30pm Tonight~~~ 2 hours and counting!!

we'll see
take care

Chad

One Hour and Counting!!!! Can you tell I'm nourvous................She won't know it though!!

January 5, 2007

One Hour and Counting!!!! Can you tell I'm nourvous................She won't know it though!!

Chad you gotta relax... cause if your DW is anything like mine...she will smell the nerviousnsess.... like a shark smells blood...

So just chill... k

ilmw

PS... have fun:D

January 5, 2007

Chad you gotta relax... cause if your DW is anything like mine...she will smell the nerviousnsess.... like a shark smells blood...

So just chill... k
ilmw

PS... have fun:D

I'm def gonna try, She said she is gonna put 110% into tonight But it would help her make her decision......

She also don't be getting any hot Idea about Sex............. I told het I wouldn't even think of it!! Well maybe after a few drinks......... But to be quite honest even though its been quite some time That is not what I want right Now!!

January 6, 2007

In the book, Women and Infedility it points out that to a lot of women ~ getting a man to committ to them emotionally is the female equalvilent of "scoring".

And, like the male version of "scoring" (having sex with her) 90% of the fun in it is the chase ~ the game itself. And, as we all know from childhood, that once we've got something that we wanted, and thought that we just had to have ~ it lost value. This is the case with a lot of "girls" and some grown women that have failed to mature beyond this BS game.

I think if you read the "book" cover to cover ~ twice, you'll understand a lot of what is going on with the DW. It gives a lot of insight to women's thnking, and I absolutely agree with the author on a lot of points. It certainly clarlified and validated a lot of my feelings about my divorce.

When you've read the book cover to cover ~ you're going to be pissed off with the games that your wife has been playing, ~ don't be. She's a woman and she's just playing the game by the rules that she knows them and and understands them as a woman. Get pass that, and be the better person in understanding what's going on. (Its doubtful that she knows and fully comprehends what the deal is)

She said she wants to see how she feels about Us

Why is she in the driver's seat of your life? WTF? Over! She's the one that should be working her way back to you! She should be the one earning her way back to you and into the marriage.

Granted you've stumbbled and fumbled! But, she's taken that way overboard. She's trying to manipulate you and play you! She's trying to lay this hugh guilt trip on you. She's trying to ring you through the ringers for any and all preceiced inequaties, and injustices she and all of womenkind have suffered over the last 10,000 years.

Having gone through the Big "D" and come out the otherside of it ~ I'd be kicking this little girl to the curb.

Gunny's Rules (Revised Version 2007.02)

1. Don't become emotionally attached to any woman

2. Always remember, the one that cares the least ~ controls the relationship

3. Always remember ~ women like sex just as much as men, and in these days and times, just as many women cheat as men!

4. Marriage, love, and happiness forever after is a cultrual myth and fallacy. Marriage requires determination, committment, preserverance, communication, perpetual education (life-long), understanding "life-stages" and the impact of hormones on ones day to day life. (The list is endless)

5. If a man cheats on his wife ~ its both of their faults!

If a woman cheats on her husband ~ its both of their faults!

6. A man that expresses his feelings, his emotions, who occassionally breaks down emotionally, (God forbid ~ cries because his wife left him for another man, just because she wants some strange) is not less of a man, he's more of a Human Being!

To be continued (A work in progress!)

January 6, 2007

#4 is the best!! gonna email that to H for the hell of it. it's all out there anyway.

January 6, 2007

In the book, Women and Infedility it points out that to a lot of women ~ getting a man to committ to them emotionally is the female equalvilent of "scoring".

And, like the male version of "scoring" (having sex with her) 90% of the fun in it is the chase ~ the game itself. And, as we all know from childhood, that once we've got something that we wanted, and thought that we just had to have ~ it lost value. This is the case with a lot of "girls" and some grown women that have failed to mature beyond this BS game.

I think if you read the "book" cover to cover ~ twice, you'll understand a lot of what is going on with the DW. It gives a lot of insight to women's thnking, and I absolutely agree with the author on a lot of points. It certainly clarlified and validated a lot of my feelings about my divorce.

When you've read the book cover to cover ~ you're going to be pissed off with the games that your wife has been playing, ~ don't be. She's a woman and she's just playing the game by the rules that she knows them and and understands them as a woman. Get pass that, and be the better person in understanding what's going on. (Its doubtful that she knows and fully comprehends what the deal is)

Why is she in the driver's seat of your life? WTF? Over! She's the one that should be working her way back to you! She should be the one earning her way back to you and into the marriage.

Granted you've stumbbled and fumbled! But, she's taken that way overboard. She's trying to manipulate you and play you! She's trying to lay this hugh guilt trip on you. She's trying to ring you through the ringers for any and all preceiced inequaties, and injustices she and all of womenkind have suffered over the last 10,000 years.

Having gone through the Big "D" and come out the otherside of it ~ I'd be kicking this little girl to the curb.

Gunny's Rules (Revised Version 2007.02)

1. Don't become emotionally attached to any woman

2. Always remember, the one that cares the least ~ controls the relationship

3. Always remember ~ women like sex just as much as men, and in these days and times, just as many women cheat as men!

4. Marriage, love, and happiness forever after is a cultrual myth and fallacy. Marriage requires determination, committment, preserverance, communication, perpetual education (life-long), understanding "life-stages" and the impact of hormones on ones day to day life. (The list is endless)

5. If a man cheats on his wife ~ its both of their faults!
If a woman cheats on her husband ~ its both of their faults!

6. A man that expresses his feelings, his emotions, who occassionally breaks down emotionally, (God forbid ~ cries because his wife left him for another man, just because she wants some strange) is not less of a man, he's more of a Human Being!

To be continued (A work in progress!)

Its simply still amazes me.. how little I still know about woman.... reading this stuff is helping clear the haze... BWTF:confused: ...

Ladies are you as confused about men as we are about you.. Im gonna make a new thread for this:laugh:

Once again.. awsome post gunns.. always providing food for thought..

Do the world a faviour... right us a book.....

ilmw

January 6, 2007

Thank you for the post, I bought the Book already and read it cover to cover Once, It was very Eye opening book and I enjoyed It!! It was a very good read!! Right now she does have more control that what she knows but I still acted indifferant all night I even was out dancing with other woman:D (bachalorett party they seeked me out to dance with the Bride to be!!) Bride asked wife if it was okay she said yeah, But when I would look over she was not watching:cool:

We had a great date, Buy the way!! She told me that a weight was lifted off her shoulders and that She Loved Me!! But Drinking was involved so I'm not gonna get to crazy on the comments!! We even had some really great sex last night which was nice and completely unexspected!!

This morning is when she told me that she loved me!! I told her that I loved her too!! Then I told her just because of what Happened that I knew we wern't back together so don't worry about that!!

Beside she still has to commit to going to MC with me!! And your right, I've been letting her come to me and follow that road back, I'm still distanced from her and am guarding my heart for selfprotection and am going out with my friend tonight, Not gonna put my life on hold now just cause there is a ray of Hope!!

January 6, 2007

Great List Buy the way!! I haven't kicked her to the curb yet, but she is on the sidewalk right now, Not to far from the curb!!

Gunny's Rules (Revised Version 2007.02)

1. Don't become emotionally attached to any woman

2. Always remember, the one that cares the least ~ controls the relationship

3. Always remember ~ women like sex just as much as men, and in these days and times, just as many women cheat as men!

4. Marriage, love, and happiness forever after is a cultrual myth and fallacy. Marriage requires determination, committment, preserverance, communication, perpetual education (life-long), understanding "life-stages" and the impact of hormones on ones day to day life. (The list is endless)

5. If a man cheats on his wife ~ its both of their faults!
If a woman cheats on her husband ~ its both of their faults!

6. A man that expresses his feelings, his emotions, who occassionally breaks down emotionally, (God forbid ~ cries because his wife left him for another man, just because she wants some strange) is not less of a man, he's more of a Human Being!

To be continued (A work in progress!)

January 9, 2007

NOW HOW DO YOU START REBUILDING THE LOVE??? AND THE MARRIAGE???

i KNOW WE STILL NEED THE M.C.

January 9, 2007

NOW HOW DO YOU START REBUILDING THE LOVE??? AND THE MARRIAGE???

i KNOW WE STILL NEED THE M.C.

Get the book "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kreidman.. Gunny recomended it to me...

It is full of ideas to reignite the flame... ... its worth a shot!!

Something else I have learned through my readings... the more little things you do for each other.... the more you will want to do those things... they are speacial and just for each of you... helps build and solidify the bond... we all did it in the beginings of our relationships... but many of us... forget them..over time... damaging what was once so speacial....

Start doing it again... the little things...

Good luck brother.... keep it slow... keep it real... no expectations... no pressure...

ilmw

January 11, 2007

Get the book "Light Her Fire" by Ellen Kreidman.. Gunny recomended it to me...

It is full of ideas to reignite the flame... ... its worth a shot!!

Something else I have learned through my readings... the more little things you do for each other.... the more you will want to do those things... they are speacial and just for each of you... helps build and solidify the bond... we all did it in the beginings of our relationships... but many of us... forget them..over time... damaging what was once so speacial....

Start doing it again... the little things...

Good luck brother.... keep it slow... keep it real... no expectations... no pressure...

ilmw

Thank's ILMW I just ordered that book yesterday!!

I'm still getting those feelings of misstrust and doubt about the whole R thing but after outr date I told her that I didn't exspect anything and I would not pressure her, So I need to hold true to my word on that!!

Take care

January 11, 2007

Thank's ILMW I just ordered that book yesterday!!

I'm still getting those feelings of misstrust and doubt about the whole R thing but after outr date I told her that I didn't exspect anything and I would not pressure her, So I need to hold true to my word on that!!

Take care

Thats awsome...

Like I always say... patience.... If you truly love her... and want to remain a family... you gotta do this....

If it all falls to s*it... You will know you gave it your everything... and will walk away.. knowing that...

Keep us posted.. so we can live vicariously through you.... ... ..

ilwm;)

January 11, 2007

NOW HOW DO YOU START REBUILDING THE LOVE??? AND THE MARRIAGE???

i KNOW WE STILL NEED THE M.C.

Some resources:

Hellen Kreidman's

"Light Her Fire"

"Light His Fire"

"How Can We Light A Fire When The Kids Are Driving Us Crazy?"

Penny Rich

"Pamper Your Partner" About massage

Alexandra Stoddard's

"Living Beautifully Together"

Harold Bloomfield, M.D, and Sirah Vettesse Ph.D

"Lifemates, The Love Fitness Program For A Lasting Relationship"

Asa Sparks

"The Two Minute Lover" Building Successful Relationships In A Fast Past World

Drs. Jordan & Maragaret Paul

"Do I Have To Give Up Me, To Be Loved By You?

Gregory J. P. Godek

"Romance 101, Lesson In Love"

"1001 Ways To Be Romantic"

"1001 More Ways To Be Romantic"

Brenda Venus

"Secrets of Seduction"

Hugh and Gayle Praher

"Notes To Each Other"

Naura Hayden

"How To Satisfy A Woman EVERY TIME........and have her beg for more. (Despiste the title ~ accutally a very informative book for men)

Lou Padget

"How To Give Her Absolute Pleasure" (Very infomrative book about sex)

The ones underlined, I recommend you read first

January 11, 2007

Some resources:

Hellen Kreidman's

"Light Her Fire"
"Light His Fire"
"How Can We Light A Fire When The Kids Are Driving Us Crazy?"

Penny Rich

"Pamper Your Partner" About massage

Alexandra Stoddard's

"Living Beautifully Together"

Harold Bloomfield, M.D, and Sirah Vettesse Ph.D

"Lifemates, The Love Fitness Program For A Lasting Relationship"

Asa Sparks

"The Two Minute Lover" Building Successful Relationships In A Fast Past World

Drs. Jordan & Maragaret Paul

"Do I Have To Give Up Me, To Be Loved By You?

Gregory J. P. Godek

"Romance 101, Lesson In Love"
"1001 Ways To Be Romantic"
"1001 More Ways To Be Romantic"

Brenda Venus

"Secrets of Seduction"

Hugh and Gayle Praher

"Notes To Each Other"

Naura Hayden

"How To Satisfy A Woman EVERY TIME........and have her beg for more. (Despiste the title ~ accutally a very informative book for men)

Lou Padget

"How To Give Her Absolute Pleasure" (Very infomrative book about sex)

The ones underlined, I recommend you read first

Thanks Gunz

I've gotten a few books on seduction and a few on relationships!! The Seduction books should help here and also help if I need to find myself a Sugar Momma:laugh:

I thinkI got the Two Minute Lover thing Down to A Science:o HA ahha

January 11, 2007

I know What I like and what She tells me she likes Sexually (Quite franky the Shocker is getting Old !! J/K)

Any tips from the Tigresses~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I messed up bigtime, I love my wife!!

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