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I messed up bigtime, I love my wife!!

chadnickole

By chadnickole
in Separation and Divorce

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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I got an email from the STBX today telling me that she was going pawn our wedding rings because she needed the Money!!:sick:

 

I said okay you proably only get 50 bucks for em!! She said that it was well worth it!!:sick: :sick:

 

I don't know what her deal is just latley she has gotten really ****ty about money saying I owe her this and that!! and just plain hateful to me!!

 

I paying what her and I agreed too in the temp order sighned at the couthouse WTF!!

 

PAWN OUR ***kIN WEDDING RINGS SORRY BUT THAT PI$$ED ME OFF!!:mad:

ilmw Established Member

ilmw

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I got an email from the STBX today telling me that she was going pawn our wedding rings because she needed the Money!!:sick:

 

I said okay you proably only get 50 bucks for em!! She said that it was well worth it!!:sick: :sick:

 

I don't know what her deal is just latley she has gotten really ****ty about money saying I owe her this and that!! and just plain hateful to me!!

 

I paying what her and I agreed too in the temp order sighned at the couthouse WTF!!

 

PAWN OUR ***kIN WEDDING RINGS SORRY BUT THAT PI$$ED ME OFF!!:mad:

 

OUCH...:(

 

What the heck happened Chad?? :confused:

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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OUCH...:(

 

What the heck happened Chad?? :confused:

 

I really wish I knew!! The other day she called me at night and started bitching about how i'm not paying her enough money and that I'm taking advantage of her!! I told her I was paying what we agreed upon in court and than I needed to make sure my bills were paid too!! At that point I became a selfish *******!!

 

She said she needed food to feed Son so Sunday I brought over a bunch of stuff as I had just bought grocries, She said thank you, but basically told that I was being controlling because I brought food over instead of giving her money!!

 

But I did just find out that she needs to fix something on her car that is going to cost her 240$ that she doesn't have!! She called me screamed that at me and then hung up!! I offered to help her pay for it, or she could buy the part and I'd put it on!! she just told me she didn't want my help!!

 

Yeah Cut off your nose to spite your face i Guess!!

 

She just flipped she was all kind and stuff, we were getting along even if we wern't reconciling. We were joking with each other and then Booooomm she just flipped and I became the worst person on the planet

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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OUCH...:(

 

What the heck happened Chad?? :confused:

 

 

Did you read my other post just below the last one, that kinda explins some things also!!

Gunny376 Established Member

Gunny376

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What happened is Mr. Reality is over there at here place whipping that ass~!!!!! She'd best get use to it, because it going to get harder and tougher from here on out. The life of a single mom isn't one for the light hearted, and weak minded. :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

I wouldn't be gonig out of my way to lessen this lesson in objectivity either, its one she needs to learn throughly. She had a husband, and a home, but she choose to leave, and decided that the live she had with you wasn't good enough.:mad:

 

She's deliberately trying to put it all on you, and to put a guiit trip on you, because she mad for having gotten herself in this fix, and she can't and won't lay the blame for where it belongs ~ herself! I would be failing for it, and neither should. Just be cordial, smile, and everytime she starts her s***, just keep nodding your head and keep saying ~ "I understand." over and over. :laugh:

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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What happened is Mr. Reality is over there at here place whipping that ass~!!!!! She'd best get use to it, because it going to get harder and tougher from here on out. The life of a single mom isn't one for the light hearted, and weak minded. :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

I wouldn't be gonig out of my way to lessen this lesson in objectivity either, its one she needs to learn throughly. She had a husband, and a home, but she choose to leave, and decided that the live she had with you wasn't good enough.:mad:

 

She's deliberately trying to put it all on you, and to put a guiit trip on you, because she mad for having gotten herself in this fix, and she can't and won't lay the blame for where it belongs ~ herself! I would be failing for it, and neither should. Just be cordial, smile, and everytime she starts her s***, just keep nodding your head and keep saying ~ "I understand." over and over. :laugh:

 

That is kinda what i was thinking that life was rearin its ugly head too her!! And like you said she pissed because I'm forced her to move out, at least that is what she thinks, she needs to Man Up and take responsibility for you self just as I have as of late!! That is why when she said she needed food I brought her food for our Son and didn't give her cash!! Thanks Gunny that is what I though, just needed to hear it from some one else!!

 

Ain't reality a Biiotch??

Gunny376 Established Member

Gunny376

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:mad: OH, There's no doubt that she's re-writing the script as she goes along.

 

I was proud of you that you didn't fall for her BS, and took groceries over instead of whipping out your wallet. ;)

 

BUT, the ante' has just gone up, and if you're still of a mind to reconcile with her, your going to have to walk the razor's edge. (Not eggshells), in not giving into your emotions and going off. I think you're pass the grieveing, self-pitying stage now ~ or at least you sound like it to me. And, your not coming off as desperate as when all of this started. To me, your coming across like ~ "Whatever happens ~ happens ~ bring it on!"

 

In short you've "manned-up" as will she, she's got no other choice but to?! Mr. "Reality" isn't going to let up off that ass, you can believe that. Its just going to get tougher and harder from here out, and I wouldn't be to Johnny On The Spot to bail her out.

 

Granted, this whole thing started because you were out flirting, and you got your hand caught in the cookie jar. But, you've more than done enough beating yourself up over it, and I believe you've got a real pretty picture in your head now, not to be doing that again in this relationship or the next?! In short, as the great Richard Pryor said, "If you ass finds true love and a good woman ~ don't **** it up!"

 

When I was in sales, one of the things that I learned in dealing with the public and people, was to smile, shake my head in agreement, "mirror" their body language, and say, "I understand" over and over and over. Not to solve their problems, nor their delima, but to but empathy and understanding. I would suggest you do the same, when she calls you up ~ and she will be calling you up everytime it rains on her parade.

 

The thing about breaking up a marriage, and going through the Big "D" is that the "storms of life" just keep coming one after the other. She doesn't have the collective experience, knowledge, wisdom that you have here at LS. Because of this ~ you're in the cat-bird's seat, and you really don't have to do anything ~ if you want this marriage, other than sit back in a lawn chair, with a six-pack and let Mr. "R" do his thing. I say that out one side of my mouth, and with the other ~ I know that you're going to need Lady Jane's intuiative imput. One thing I've learned in life, if its too good to be true ~ start looking around. Mr. Reality is hiding around the corner with a Louiville Slugger, waiting to poucn on your ass, thinking "Come on up here Sucker! I've got something for your ass!" :eek::(:mad: :mad:

 

I don't know if your a chess player ~ and I'm talking the kind of chess they play in Central Park. SERIOIUS chess. You've got to be eight or nine steps ahead. Like "Empty" is talking about ~ you've got to anticipate the BS that's going to come out of her mouth, and smiling, shaking your head in agreement (even if just on the phone ~ it translates across) and saying "I understand" without engaging in solving her latest "storm of life"

will get you much mileage!

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Its actually ilmw...on a work puter :)

 

Good post gunny..

 

Its nice to be reminded of the simple (sometimes) things...

Like standing back. Watching... and shaking your head with understanding. Its easy to think.. yeah... I should do things this way... then ... damn.. you do it the opposite of how you intended.

 

Like in acting... "stick with the script"

 

I have found myself doing the above in the past... and still have to come on hear... to get slapped up the side of the head....lol

 

Its been quite tonight so far... so I'm taking some me time to lurk on here. Effected enough peoples lives this week... so gonna lay low... unless some silly person wants to unintentionally invite me into their life (if you know what I mean)

 

Once again... thx gunns for the 2x4 up the side of the head.

:)

 

ilmw

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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:mad: OH, There's no doubt that she's re-writing the script as she goes along.

 

I was proud of you that you didn't fall for her BS, and took groceries over instead of whipping out your wallet. ;)

 

I don't know if your a chess player ~ and I'm talking the kind of chess they play in Central Park. SERIOIUS chess. You've got to be eight or nine steps ahead. Like "Empty" is talking about ~ you've got to anticipate the BS that's going to come out of her mouth, and smiling, shaking your head in agreement (even if just on the phone ~ it translates across) and saying "I understand" without engaging in solving her latest "storm of life"

will get you much mileage!

 

As usaul your correct, Thing yesterday I did let her get me fired up!! luckily it was over E-mail so she couldn't really tell!! reallt she hurt me more than any thing by saying she was gonna pawn our rings!! But if she does she does, all they represent anyway was a marriage than went haywire!!

 

LadyJane if your out there reading my post Gunny said I need You, so come on in and enlighten me please!!

 

Thanks again Gunny, and as far as reconciling sure I wouldn't mind it but her additude is really starting me push me towards a blessing in disgise (sp)

anyhow things will workout the way they're supposed too!!

 

Just keeping a PMA (Positive Mental Adittude):p

Ladyjane14 Established Member

Ladyjane14

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after that she started becomeing distant, to which I noticed and brought it up to her she just said she was gonna be starting her period and that it wasn't me!!

 

I don't know why guys tend to think that PMS is some kind of 'made-up woman thingy'. It's REAL, man. I assure you it is. :eek:

 

PMS makes a woman feel miserable. Unless she's keeping up with her menstrual cycle on the calendar, she sometimes doesn't even know what's causing her mood, or even that it's abnormal. PMS can also begin as much as ten days before menses while the progesterone level in the body is rising. Too much progesterone makes us ... ermm... cranky. :o

 

If your wife is on oral birth control, this could be something she needs to talk to her GYN about. But even when there's no chemical impetus, PMS can be a REAL PROBLEM.

 

I think the best strategy for men is to treat a woman who's just announced that she's having PMS like you would if she'd told you she had any other kind of illness. Tell her you're sorry to hear she's not feeling well, offer to get her something to eat or drink, suggest she go lie down... you know all those little things you'd do if she were sick and about to barf on your shoes. :p

 

Really, there's nothing you can do for her though. Mostly, she just wants QUIET. She might not want to be alone per se, but she'll respond better to activities that won't provide more stimulus for negativity during the progesterone build-up. The gesture of offering some TLC is the important thing, letting her know you're there for her if she needs you.

 

Bad PMS makes us feel CRAZY. We can barely even tolerate our own company, let alone yours. It's irrational. You can't reason with it. So, let it alone and don't make it about YOU. ;)

 

Meanwhile back at the ranch..... if she goes through with pawning the rings, I'd pick them back up from the pawn shop. You wouldn't give her cash, so she's found a way to make you. If you have any interest left in the marriage, you'll need to just admit that she's won this VERY petty little round and squeezed you for fifty bucks. So, if she's already done it, call her and ask her for the pawn ticket. If she wants her ring back, give it to her. Then tell her if she pawns it again, it's gone.

 

This doesn't mean you were wrong to take groceries instead of cash or that you should necessarily pay for her car. I think all that was FAIR. A woman can't expect to leave her husband and then have him footing her bills. THAT's not the reality of divorce.

 

 

 

You know, she's very childish in her behavior, but to be absolutely honest... I think there's room for improvement on BOTH your parts come to that. :o

 

Neither one of you has established appropriate boundaries in your treatment of each other, or in the treatment you're willing to allow by your partner. If you want your family back together.... it's GROWING UP time for both of you.

 

Gunny's right. You need to think about what you absolutely need from a committed partner, and then pass that information along. Your wife needs to do the same. You'll have a basis for discussion once you've both established these guidelines.

 

You two need to be TALKING and RESOLVING ISSUES. That is, if reconciliation is what you want. NC is probably not the best thing for you. You should probably be in more of a Plan A situation at this point.

Then she also told me that she had written the other guy a letter telling him that he had no right ever contacting her in the first place and that made him a terrible person and never to try and contact her again!!

 

If it's true that she kicked OM out of her life, I think you need to reward that behavior by going back to Plan A. You've got too much work to do TOGETHER to allow for a NO CONTACT situation. You can't work, if you're not talking. And you can't show her that YOU are an attractive alternative to divorce... if she can't see your positive changes.

 

I don't think 'Rome can be built in a Day' here. If you hold out in NC trying to get EVERYTHING you want all at once... you're gonna end up empty handed. Take the small victories where you can.

 

You've had two setbacks this past week or so, first the PMS and now the money issues. Why not invite her out for a coffee and TALK about it? :confused:

I don't see what you have to lose. She can't get blood out of a turnip, so if you don't have any money to help her with, then you don't. But, if you set her down and go over the finances together, maybe you can come up with some solutions. If you can both address some of the immediate financial problems and put some fires out... I think that might be a start.

 

I KNOW we're giving you what might on the surface seem to be conflicting information. She DOES need to see the reality of a divorce decision, afterall. But what I'm thinking is that you can maybe sit down and verbally illustrate some of those realities for her. This is a much more gentle way than standing by and allowing her to crash into the brick wall of it.

 

By offering her some guidance... you have an opportunity to prove to her that you are capable of being an effective leader for your family. I think the opportunity to show leadership at this time, might be more beneficial to you than continuing with NC. Particularly in light of the fact that she's met your demand for the OM to be given his walking papers.

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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I don't know why guys tend to think that PMS is some kind of 'made-up woman thingy'. It's REAL, man. I assure you it is. :eek:

by offering her some guidance... you have an opportunity to prove to her that you are capable of being an effective leader for your family. I think the opportunity to show leadership at this time, might be more beneficial to you than continuing with NC. Particularly in light of the fact that she's met your demand for the OM to be given his walking papers.

 

She is really in no position for wanting or needing me to talk to her!! She is blaiming everything on me.......Her money problem, deprssion ect, ect all My fault because I didn't treat her the way she wanted to be treated so that made her leave me!! I try to help her were I can, In fact I found out that I can fix her car for about 60 dollars myself maybe even less if I can just clean the part!!! (Idle Air Control Valve) cost of a gasket 6 $

 

But thing is she has basically given all men there walking papers!! I seen on some of our son drawing she had written "Mommy is sick of Men" When things cool down (the reason I'm doing Little contact) so she can relax and calm down, then maybe I can talk too her about things!! but untill then when I call it is about our Son!! maybe a little small talk!!

 

Truthfully I don't think she would pawn the Rings. I think she just wanted to hurt me, which it did!! But if she did/does pawn them, that's on her shoulders because she won't get next to nothin for em!! (my ring was 75$ titanium band) Problem is she holds a grudge for a very long time and since I've wronged her so Badly that is all she will allow her self to focus on!!

Ladyjane14 Established Member

Ladyjane14

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My point is that somebody needs to take the high road and be the bigger person here, Chad. If you want to get hung up on who's right and who's wrong... I guarantee you, you can stay bogged down in that particular tar pit for YEARS. :rolleyes:

 

I think you have an opportunity to rise above it and show your potential as a leader for your family. You know, if you two end up in reconciliation, you're eventually going to have to forgive one another anyway. All the "wrongs" will have to be cleared off the slate.

 

If you're unfamiliar with MB's Plan A/B, you can type the words... "what are plan a and plan b, marriagebuilders" into your browser and find the article rather quickly. If you haven't done much reading at MB, I think you'd do well to read the entire Basic Concepts too.

 

You asked me what I thought, Chad. And what I think is that you'd do well to go back to Plan A and present yourself once again as an attractive mate. Sure, it's going to take some time and you have no guarantees of success. But I honestly think it's your best bet if you're determined to try for marital recovery. The alternative is to just go ahead and allow the divorce to proceed as scheduled.

 

Your wife is hard-headed, and she's not going to jump right on board. That's a given. All you can do though, is just make sure you aren't being as "hard-headed" as she is. ;)

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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My point is that somebody needs to take the high road and be the bigger person here, Chad. If you want to get hung up on who's right and who's wrong... I guarantee you, you can stay bogged down in that particular tar pit for YEARS. :rolleyes:

 

I think you have an opportunity to rise above it and show your potential as a leader for your family. You know, if you two end up in reconciliation, you're eventually going to have to forgive one another anyway. All the "wrongs" will have to be cleared off the slate.

 

If you're unfamiliar with MB's Plan A/B, you can type the words... "what are plan a and plan b, marriagebuilders" into your browser and find the article rather quickly. If you haven't done much reading at MB, I think you'd do well to read the entire Basic Concepts too.

 

You asked me what I thought, Chad. And what I think is that you'd do well to go back to Plan A and present yourself once again as an attractive mate. Sure, it's going to take some time and you have no guarantees of success. But I honestly think it's your best bet if you're determined to try for marital recovery. The alternative is to just go ahead and allow the divorce to proceed as scheduled.

 

Your wife is hard-headed, and she's not going to jump right on board. That's a given. All you can do though, is just make sure you aren't being as "hard-headed" as she is. ;)

 

I checked out the plan A but to me all it was was telling her to stop seeing the other guy and cut him out of her life for good!! Which from what she has said it is already done. So what aspect of plan A pertains to me? I must be missing something. I understand what your saying about being the bigger person and forgiving, I'm working on it............As far as taking responcability I have owned up to my faults and am working on them!!

 

Also as far as being the leader, she has already exspressed needing to find her independance. Best I can do is try to lead by example!!

 

I guess I'm not 100% catching what your saying, Ask Gunny I thick headed like that!! Some times I need to be spoon fed!!:o I'm also working on being less bullheaded and feel i'm doing a pretty good job at that as well:cool:

Ladyjane14 Established Member

Ladyjane14

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I checked out the plan A but to me all it was was telling her to stop seeing the other guy and cut him out of her life for good!! Which from what she has said it is already done. So what aspect of plan A pertains to me?

 

Plan A is all about attracting your spouse back into the relationship. If there's an OM in play... you would hopefully displace him by showing yourself to have more potential as a mate. Is it fair to have to compete for your own spouse? ... Not by a long shot. But it is what it is.

 

In Plan A you would assess and then fulfill as many of your spouse's ENs (emotional needs) as she will allow. You'll look nice, smell nice, and BE nice for the most part. That said... you will NOT be a doormat to be taken advantage of. Realities must be observed, so you want her to have a realistic picture of what she can expect from permanent separation. IOW, you'll be pleasant and attractive... but you're not going to just bend on over and take one up the hiney either. :p

 

Plan A is a tightrope walk between maintaining your own boundaries and showing understanding of your mate's issues and even some of her faults. It's not easy, but in a way... it's kind of like courting all over again. You're not going to let a new girlfriend pick your pockets to pay her own rent on the first date... but you probably wouldn't object to bringing her some flowers.

 

In furthering a leadership role, you'd be available to help her problem-solve in a calm and methodical way. You won't give so much as to make it worth her while to stay separated... but you would share her concerns sympathetically and probably help her to put a few of her more immediate fires out.

 

The more she can count on you emotionally, the more likely she is to continue WANTING to. In Plan A... you show her that YOU are a safe space.

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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Plan A is all about attracting your spouse back into the relationship. If there's an OM in play... you would hopefully displace him by showing yourself to have more potential as a mate. Is it fair to have to compete for your own spouse? ... Not by a long shot. But it is what it is.

 

In Plan A you would assess and then fulfill as many of your spouse's ENs (emotional needs) as she will allow. You'll look nice, smell nice, and BE nice for the most part. That said... you will NOT be a doormat to be taken advantage of. Realities must be observed, so you want her to have a realistic picture of what she can expect from permanent separation. IOW, you'll be pleasant and attractive... but you're not going to just bend on over and take one up the hiney either. :p

 

Plan A is a tightrope walk between maintaining your own boundaries and showing understanding of your mate's issues and even some of her faults. It's not easy, but in a way... it's kind of like courting all over again. You're not going to let a new girlfriend pick your pockets to pay her own rent on the first date... but you probably wouldn't object to bringing her some flowers.

 

In furthering a leadership role, you'd be available to help her problem-solve in a calm and methodical way. You won't give so much as to make it worth her while to stay separated... but you would share her concerns sympathetically and probably help her to put a few of her more immediate fires out.

 

The more she can count on you emotionally, the more likely she is to continue WANTING to. In Plan A... you show her that YOU are a safe space.

 

okay Now that I understand, Thank YOu!! Nothin in the hiney here:eek:

PWSX3 Established Member

PWSX3

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As usaul your correct, Thing yesterday I did let her get me fired up!! luckily it was over E-mail so she couldn't really tell!! really she hurt me more than any thing by saying she was gonna pawn our rings!! But if she does she does, all they represent anyway was a marriage than went haywire!!

I look at the rings as part of your marriage that went haywire as you put it. They are part of the past & yes they were wedding rings, but they are also part of the two people that you don't want to see anymore, you don't want to be that old person and you don't want her to be that old person.

 

Wouldn't it be better if you do get back together that you would buy new ones anyway to start off the new relationship????

 

Just questions that's all, maybe I'm just thinking outloud here.

 

So was it worth getting all fired up? I feel she is hurting inside & so she wants to hurt you as well, she doesn't want to see you happy if she can't be happy.

 

Just like LJ said she needs to look at herself & figure out why she isn't happy with herself. If she is saying these things such as hating all men those are demons she will need to confront by herself. She doesn't sound like she is a happy camper & until she can be o.k. with herself she will never be able to be o.k. with you.

ilmw Established Member

ilmw

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Chad,

 

Gunny, LJ and PW are right...

 

They are all right.. and what fantastic advise too.

 

Plan "A" .. 180's and "Manning UP".. Taking the "HIGH ROAD" all this stuff is hard... to do. It is a balancing act that is so precarious. Its walking a fine line without walking on eggshells.. Its being there.. but not being a door matt. Its changing for you which is changing for the best. You are not losing you... you are improving you.

 

Also... like I said before...(in my "Guest Post ;)) Like an actor..."follow the script" Make a mental script... or a plan of action.... and stick to it... Like any good plan... you have to provide for contingencies ... too

 

Like Clint Eastwood said In Heart Break Ridge.. Improvise, adapt... overcome.

 

What you have been doing has not been working... time to adapt...right??

 

You know....if this is worth it to you... you will do this... right??

 

ilmw

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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I look at the rings as part of your marriage that went haywire as you put it. They are part of the past & yes they were wedding rings, but they are also part of the two people that you don't want to see anymore, you don't want to be that old person and you don't want her to be that old person.

 

Wouldn't it be better if you do get back together that you would buy new ones anyway to start off the new relationship????

 

Just questions that's all, maybe I'm just thinking outloud here.

 

So was it worth getting all fired up? I feel she is hurting inside & so she wants to hurt you as well, she doesn't want to see you happy if she can't be happy.

 

Just like LJ said she needs to look at herself & figure out why she isn't happy with herself. If she is saying these things such as hating all men those are demons she will need to confront by herself. She doesn't sound like she is a happy camper & until she can be o.k. with herself she will never be able to be o.k. with you.

 

Your word ring true my friend, some people think that someone else will make them happy, but if they're just a misserable person all they are really going to do is drag the happy person down!!

 

As far as it being worth getting upset, No it wasn't!! I always get dissapointed with myself when I allow someone or something to control my mood that way!! But your right she just wanted to hurt me, wich she did. but after thinking about it our old rings represent old news.

 

If for some reason we do reconcile then new rings will be a topic of discission!!

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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Chad,

 

Gunny, LJ and PW are right...

 

They are all right.. and what fantastic advise too.

 

Plan "A" .. 180's and "Manning UP".. Taking the "HIGH ROAD" all this stuff is hard... to do. It is a balancing act that is so precarious. Its walking a fine line without walking on eggshells.. Its being there.. but not being a door matt. Its changing for you which is changing for the best. You are not losing you... you are improving you.

 

Also... like I said before...(in my "Guest Post ;)) Like an actor..."follow the script" Make a mental script... or a plan of action.... and stick to it... Like any good plan... you have to provide for contingencies ... too

 

Like Clint Eastwood said In Heart Break Ridge.. Improvise, adapt... overcome.

 

What you have been doing has not been working... time to adapt...right??

 

You know....if this is worth it to you... you will do this... right??

 

ilmw

 

I've always wanted to be an actor, here is my Chance!! I'm ready for my cose up:laugh:

 

Your right though, thank you

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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I'm ready for my cose up

 

What's a cose up???? hehehe...Sorry I couldn't resist....

 

She is really in no position for wanting or needing me to talk to her!! She is blaiming everything on me.......Her money problem, deprssion ect, ect all My fault because I didn't treat her the way she wanted to be treated so that made her leave me!!

 

Now this is just crazy of her. She sounds like a teen, blaming her parents and siblings for why life sucks. Well, if life SUCKS, DO something about it. Stop complaining and better yourself. Her reacting like a child just shows HOW her ways of thinking right now is really unhealthy.

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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

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What's a cose up???? hehehe...Sorry I couldn't resist....

 

 

 

Now this is just crazy of her. She sounds like a teen, blaming her parents and siblings for why life sucks. Well, if life SUCKS, DO something about it. Stop complaining and better yourself. Her reacting like a child just shows HOW her ways of thinking right now is really unhealthy.

 

Well if you don't know what a cose up is i'm not gonna tell ya!! Sorry:D

 

Its kinda dumb but when she is asked why she's getting a divorce she tell everone because she was tired of getting treated like ****!! Yet pretty much the whole time we were together every one was always asking me why I put up with her and let her treat me like ****!! She does need to grow up quite a bit, But I'm also in the need of some growing up, to which I'm working On!!

 

I'm in a much better mind set now, I still cry sometimes but hey what can I say!! pretty much in my mind I have no hope of Recociling, but I'm also still wanting it to happen, But she also needs to see her faults which I don't think she ever will sometimes!! Oh well not my problem, I still love her and want my Family back together!! maybe someday!!

 

But untill that times comes I'm just loving my Son and myself!!;)

  • 2 weeks later...
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chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Last weekend some time the STBX came over with our Son and started telling me that even though we are getting a divorce we should help each other out sexually.

 

I did not feel that this was a good idea, but though hey maybe if we start having sex we can get some feeling of love and trust back into the picture so I was all for it. The following day I had my Son he was taking his nap so I had my mother come over to keep an eye on him so I could go have a booty call with the STBX, I went over to her place she was in the shower but she came to the door and let me in. I followed her into the bathroom and got into the shower with her, we started making out things started progressing then she stopped all action and told me that she couldn't do it. I said okay and she asked me to leave so I got dressed she got out in a towel and told me that she thought that having sex with me would make her feel better about herself, but realized that is just stupid and that she needed to be strong and that she shoul dfeel good about herself anyway.

 

I agreed with her and told her she was right gave her a hug and went back home kinda bummed. The next day she came over to use my computer to mess with her bank account and such. before she left she kind of got close and told me how hot I was looking that day. I said thank you and gave her a hug then she left!!

 

Well after she had left I got on my computer and she had forgotten to close out her email, which lead me to another email account that I didn't know about!! Well I opened up that account and low and behold 3 emails to an dfrom the O.M. (same guy) First was an email from her requesting a booty call and telling him to email her at that account because I wouldn't know about it. Then him responding last night was great and all the other stuff was just a bonus, and then her reply stating See we can be friend with benifits and asking about getting with him again!!

 

So needless to say I was sick to my stomach, even though I had tryed setting myself up for this and always had the hunch. it is still a huge kick in the stomach to see it confirmed!!

 

I called her and let her know what I thought off her (called her just about everything but a bad mother) I deffinatly lost my cool, she tryed and tryed denying it!! I told her that there is no use lying to me anymore because the bridge is burnt and she is a worthless lier that I could never trust again, I told unless is concerned our Son to stay out of my life and that I wanted nothing to do with her!! The day following she called and admitted to it but told me she did nothing wrong!!! I told her "bull**** You didn't because you were telling me you wanted to have sex with me one day screwin him that night and then telling me how hot I was the next day" Again I hot upset with her she still has blaimed every thing on me and justified everything she has done!! I told her again "I want nothing to do with you and the best thing that ever came from her was our Son and stay the hell outta of my life"

 

So then she is told me in an email I'm a psyco for checking her email and she is going to file harrssment charges again me if I do it again!! I said I didn't know what she was talking about and to have a nice day!! So that night when I called to tell my Son good night she told me "do not call your interfearing with my parenting time" So I hung up calmed myself down and went and talked to my Lawyer the next day, He said don't worry things will cool off and just do not talk to her unless it about getting or picking up your son!!

 

She is soooooo pissed at me right now, and the bad thing is She is only pissed because I caught her red handed in a lie as she was trying to have her cake and eat it too!! You know the absoulute sad thing is even though I have a bunch of anger towards her right now down the road I would still try and reconcile..... i guess I'm a glutton for punishment but it is worth it for my Son!!

 

ALL COMMENTS AND ADVICE WELCOME

Ladyjane14 Established Member

Ladyjane14

Posted
Posted
...and then her reply stating See we can be friend with benifits ...

 

It sounds like she might have broken up with him and then played the "let's-be-friends" card afterward. If that's the case, it's possible that when she told you she was out of contact with OM she wasn't lying. But then didn't bother telling you later she'd resumed contact... a lie by omission.

 

Whatever it was... I think it puts you back in Plan B, and a good dark one too. ;)

Don't forget, a WS can only eat cake if YOU allow it. There must've been a REASON for her to withhold the truth from you, a payoff of some sort. She's having some kind of EN met by having contact with you. I think if it were me, I'd stop meeting ENs.

 

The best part about Plan B is that it takes you out of the daily chaos. It allows you to reevaluate your priorities because you're not exposed to her craziness every day. Plan B isn't just a tool used in an effort to show your partner what she's missing. It's for YOU. It's a declaration of independence from the WS, a CHOICE not to put yourself in a position where you're going to get hurt by observing their inconsiderate behavior.

 

Plan B has the potential to lead to reconciliation in some cases... but it ALSO smooths the path to divorce by helping you prepare for it emotionally. It breaks up some the old habits, allowing for a new status quo where you can be comfortable and healthy without the dysfunctional partner.

ilmw Established Member

ilmw

Posted
Posted

Ouch...Chad..:(

 

That has really gotta hurt. But I have to say... It was a bad idea in the first place to try and reconcile through sex... bad way to start a relationship... cause when the sex is not so good... what are you left with...

 

Been there... last LTR... started through sex... and when it started getting old and tired.. things changed... nothing really in common... found out she was ... actually someone I did not like.

 

You gotta ... start slow... keep the sex out of it.... Like many first dates... well ones that don't involve sex... :confused:

 

Sex confuses things... I think especially for men... (can't speak for the ladies :))

 

I have seen that when many men.. have sex with a woman... and they have feelings for her... they start to have expectations... and if you are attempting to reconcile with someone... you should be focused on rebuilding the trust.. reconnecting at the emotional level. Not getting all crazy because the sex is good. (Although that is great when/ if people reconcile.)

 

Listen to LJ... Plan B is what I would do... DARK.. cause your W is messing with your.. mind.. Blatantly messing with your mind. Also... threating to have you charged...Nice.... after you let her use your puter...:mad:

 

Stop playing her games...k

 

Best of luck bud.. and stay strong!

 

We are here for you.:)

 

ilmw

  • Author
chadnickole Established Member

chadnickole

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Plan B has the potential to lead to reconciliation in some cases... but it ALSO smooths the path to divorce by helping you prepare for it emotionally. It breaks up some the old habits, allowing for a new status quo where you can be comfortable and healthy without the dysfunctional partner.

 

So plan B is No-Contact Esept when neccisary concerning my Son??

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