Separated Soon To Be Divorced

[flowerpot]

You mentioned Extortion, why? How as?

 

Sup, When my wife wanted the monotary part of the divorce I was shocked at the amount,afterall she wanted nothing from me in the begining.

Sho said that she could get more but if I filed for the divorce she wouldn't get the lawyers involved. In Indiana it's a no fault state. It's50% right down the middle.

So thats why I filed. This has cost us 85,000.00 OUCCH!!!!

[Sup]

Sup, When my wife wanted the monotary part of the divorce I was shocked at the amount,afterall she wanted nothing from me in the begining.

Sho said that she could get more but if I filed for the divorce she wouldn't get the lawyers involved. In Indiana it's a no fault state. It's50% right down the middle.

So thats why I filed. This has cost us 85,000.00 OUCCH!!!!

 

 

Not fair to the innocent party. I mean you didn't even have the affair and all, but you sure got to pay for it! The courts are ALL CROOKED! I mean, NO ONE is even held accountable for his/her actions. Isn't the guilty suppose to pay for messing up lives? Not the innocent?! It's like your wife killed someone, but they Execute YOU! Talk about TWISTED! So much for Feminism!

[flowerpot]

Not fair to the innocent party. I mean you didn't even have the affair and all, but you sure got to pay for it! The courts are ALL CROOKED! I mean, NO ONE is even held accountable for his/her actions. Isn't the guilty suppose to pay for messing up lives? Not the innocent?! It's like your wife killed someone, but they Execute YOU! Talk about TWISTED! So much for Feminism!

 

I know Sup, It really hurts knowing what she did & I'm the one who had to pay the price, money,emotional pain,Sleepless nights,lost weight,the feeling of worthlessness. I really feel my life has been ruined because of this.... If our communication would have been there & I wasn't so damned clueless on our marriage this would not have happened. I really feel that it's true.....

I still shake my head at times, I just can't get over what has transpired this year. I know my wife & this just does'nt make any sence.......Even her family are just as confused as I am.

I will say one thing though, My faith in God has been shaken quite a bit....

[Sup]

Keep the Faith MAN, Don't lose it! It IS written in Hebrews to paraphrase: whoremongers and adulterers will God judge, or something like that. I hate to say it, but, it WILL catch up with her, sooner that she thinks!

[ilmw]

will say one thing though, My faith in God has been shaken quite a bit....

 

Strange eh??.... I found my faith going through this...

Then again.. you have had to endure more than I have had to yet???

 

Keep the faith... ask to be given strenght... every time I do this... I become very calm.... for a guy who was a "none believer" 6 months ago... its pretty freaky...

 

ilmw

[flowerpot]

Keep the Faith MAN, Don't lose it! It IS written in Hebrews to paraphrase: whoremongers and adulterers will God judge, or something like that. I hate to say it, but, it WILL catch up with her, sooner that she thinks!

 

Sup, I said that my faith has been shaken, But not destroyed. I always have had a strong faith in God,and I know that sometimes we are tested. I try to let God take care of this situation because obviously I don't have all the answers.

I have been very fortunate in life and I thank God for it every day!!!!!

[flowerpot]

Strange eh??.... I found my faith going through this...

Then again.. you have had to endure more than I have had to yet???

 

Keep the faith... ask to be given strenght... every time I do this... I become very calm.... for a guy who was a "none believer" 6 months ago... its pretty freaky...

 

ilmw

 

ilmw, Yes, these are times we find strength in our faith,to help us in our struggles.

The purity of gold is tested by the heat of the fire.

[Gunny376]

One of God's greatest gifts is oftentimes "un-answered" prayers.

 

I've done quite a bit of reading in my life (still do) and I've come to believe that we're not Earthly beings having a spiritual experience, but rather that our true nature is that we're more spiritual beings that are having an Earthly expeirence, and that this Earth, this life is nothing more than a cosmic classroom by which we come to learn and grow as spirtual beings. I believe that we're of the Spirit before we come to the planet, and that we return to the spirit when we leave this Earthly exsistence.

 

I believe that our lives are mapped out like so many "lesson plans" before we come to the planet, with a clear and stated objective of what we are to learn during our time here. Most objectively ~ life is nothing more than a lesson in objectiveity ~ with a focus on learning how to love completely, absoulutely, and un-conditionally with no expectation of anything in return.

 

Thus in the greater scheme of things, the pains, trials, and tribulations of this life ~ are nothing more than a "cleansing fire" toward that end. Painful? True! But, had we never fell away from the ultimate Source of pure and absolute Love to begin with we would not have to go through what we go through to get back to where we began.

[Sup]

Sup, I said that my faith has been shaken, But not destroyed. I always have had a strong faith in God,and I know that sometimes we are tested. I try to let God take care of this situation because obviously I don't have all the answers.

I have been very fortunate in life and I thank God for it every day!!!!!

 

Ok, just checking up on ya......

[ilmw]

One of God's greatest gifts is oftentimes "un-answered" prayers.

 

Yeah... I at first wondered why my prayers would go unaswered... then I read somewhere.. that... we do not see that the answer has been given.. we have to figure it out...

 

I guess when one prays....we are put on the right path.. and it is up to us to follow that path...

 

Well this coming from a guy who's only religious knowledge comes from Christmas School Plays...

 

But... I will say this... since I had this religious revelation.... my life has become allot more... purpose filled.... I am calm... I "walk with grace"... There is a place inside that has been filled... that has always felt hollow...

 

There are so many things about ME... that has changed...since my seperation....

 

Its all gonna be ok:cool:

 

FP.... your gonna be ok...too

[dgiirl]

Isnt it weird about God/Spirituality? I've always believed in God, but stopped practicing my religion in church a long time ago. I have a real hard time accepting the church as my only path to God.

 

Anyways, I recieved great comfort when I prayed. At first I prayed for my husband to come back. None of those prayers were answered. But then I prayed for strength to get through this pain, and almost instantly I felt a sense of peace come over me and the tears stopped right away. I had a gut instinct that my husband would come back, i would have bet my life on him coming back. But somewhere deeper was telling me to just let go, to focus on me, and let things play out as they may. I still do not know why I felt that, or if something will ever come out of it, but it gave me great comfort to know i wasnt alone.

[flowerpot]

Isnt it weird about God/Spirituality? I've always believed in God, but stopped practicing my religion in church a long time ago. I have a real hard time accepting the church as my only path to God.

 

Anyways, I recieved great comfort when I prayed. At first I prayed for my husband to come back. None of those prayers were answered. But then I prayed for strength to get through this pain, and almost instantly I felt a sense of peace come over me and the tears stopped right away. I had a gut instinct that my husband would come back, i would have bet my life on him coming back. But somewhere deeper was telling me to just let go, to focus on me, and let things play out as they may. I still do not know why I felt that, or if something will ever come out of it, but it gave me great comfort to know i wasnt alone.

 

dgiirl, I also stopped going to mass when my wife left,actually I went twice, then left in the middle of the service. I just didn't feel right being there. I do however go to a chapel that one of the churches have that is open 24/7 and pray by myself.

I feel closer to God when I pray alone.

I too pray that our family will be healed,weather or not they will be answered or not is up to God. I'm sure he knows our needs better than we do!!

I aslo have a small instinct that someday my wife's actions will catch up to her,but I don't know if or when that will happen.

I have a hard time understanding how she can ignore the family. Her kids, her parents & all the family miss us being together.

Midlife crisis or not, I still have moments that I find this hard to believe.

 

I never knew how many people are going through the same tribulations in life. I really saddens me that our society is going to hell in a handbasket.

Take care, FP

[Sup]

Isnt it weird about God/Spirituality? I've always believed in God, but stopped practicing my religion in church a long time ago. I have a real hard time accepting the church as my only path to God.

 

Anyways, I recieved great comfort when I prayed. At first I prayed for my husband to come back. None of those prayers were answered. But then I prayed for strength to get through this pain, and almost instantly I felt a sense of peace come over me and the tears stopped right away. I had a gut instinct that my husband would come back, i would have bet my life on him coming back. But somewhere deeper was telling me to just let go, to focus on me, and let things play out as they may. I still do not know why I felt that, or if something will ever come out of it, but it gave me great comfort to know i wasnt alone.

 

Church DOESN'T save you, ONLY a personal relationship with Jesus Christ WILL save you!

[flowerpot]

Church DOESN'T save you, ONLY a personal relationship with Jesus Christ WILL save you!

 

Amen Sup, I understand.

[Gunny376]

Excuse me while I get up on my 'soap box"

 

"Tap, tap, tap! Can everyone hear me?!"

 

You cheat! She's gets half your ****!

She cheats, she gets half your ****!

 

WTF? Over?

 

A man cheats on his wife, whose fault is it? His! Right!

A woman cheats on her husband? Whose fault is it? His!

 

A woman doesn't have a job and her husband suppports her ~ she's a SAHM.

 

A man doesn't have a job and his wife supports him ~ he's a bum!

 

A woman gets divorce and gets alimony ~ she's entitled!

A man gets a divorce and gets alimony ~ he's a bum!

 

A woman leaves a man for another woman ~ she's liberated

A man leaves a woman for another man ~ he's a ***

 

A woman has an affair with another man ~ she's entitled to find happines with someone else. A man has an affair with another woman ~ he's the scum of the Earth.

 

Women in their 30's and 40's say that all the good men are either married or gay. Wrong! Most of the good men that have any sense, are single and plan on staying that way.

 

What's truly interesting is that a lot of women are still playing the game as though we're back in high school. Sorry! When you get into your late 20's, 30's or 40's you've got to bring something to the table besides sex, a carload of youngin's (by another man whose not paying child support), a drawer full of bills, and $6.50 hour job working at the 7/11 or waitressing at the IHOP or Denny's.

 

Back in HS, you had the supply, and we had the demand, but now, we've got the supply and you've got the demand. Those of us, (men) that aren't dead or mained from motorcycle accidents, car wrecks. or other such foolishish of youth, that's not in or have been in prison, nor drunks, nor hooked on cocaine, crack, crystal meth or other such drugs are in short supply.

 

I know what I'm bringing to the martial table. What are you bringing? What do you have to offer me?

[Tim Dog]

Anyways, I recieved great comfort when I prayed.

 

I'm no saint, so I hope this doesn't come off pretentiously or disingenuous. A saying I heard long ago that has stuck with me and proven to be true for me is..... "if you want to talk to God, pray. If you want God to talk to you, read the scriptures." I have witnessed this first hand and praying and reading always lead me to a calm, peaceful place.

[dgiirl]

I'm no saint, so I hope this doesn't come off pretentiously or disingenuous. A saying I heard long ago that has stuck with me and proven to be true for me is..... "if you want to talk to God, pray. If you want God to talk to you, read the scriptures." I have witnessed this first hand and praying and reading always lead me to a calm, peaceful place.

 

I'm sure you mean well, but those scriptures were written by man not God. Although they have some very good things in it, and I'm sure I could find some peace in it, you have to take it as is. Something that man wrote, not God. And man is human, we make mistakes, we misinterpret things all the time. Unfortunately, a lot of men like to take the bible and twist it to use it for their own purposes, all in the name of God.

[flowerpot]

I'm sure you mean well, but those scriptures were written by man not God. Although they have some very good things in it, and I'm sure I could find some peace in it, you have to take it as is. Something that man wrote, not God. And man is human, we make mistakes, we misinterpret things all the time. Unfortunately, a lot of men like to take the bible and twist it to use it for their own purposes, all in the name of God.

 

dgiirl,I have had discusions on religion, perhaps the bible was based on society at the time, the dark ages. This was created to keep society from destroing itself. All of the bibles teachings seem to preserve human society.

I do believe that there is a greater being wich created the heavens & the earth. But I really have a hard time believing that prayers are answered to individuals. Anyone undertand thie philosiphy.

[flowerpot]

I'm no saint, so I hope this doesn't come off pretentiously or disingenuous. A saying I heard long ago that has stuck with me and proven to be true for me is..... "if you want to talk to God, pray. If you want God to talk to you, read the scriptures." I have witnessed this first hand and praying and reading always lead me to a calm, peaceful place.

 

Tin Dog , good point, Sometimes we must listen & read the scriptures to here what God is trying to tell us.

[flowerpot]

I don't know why, But today was a tough day. I guess the reason why, I had dreams of my wife last night. They were good dreams of us back to gether, knowing what happened in the past,and we were putting the past behind us. The dreams were so vivid that when I woke up I felt some sort of happiness. I don't know what this means.

I told my step daughter who has been staying at my house for the past week with her husband & daughter about them. She asked if they were good dreams or bad dreams. I told her that all of them have been good.

Does anyone know what this could be. I have heard that dreams can mean many things & that they are some sort of a doorway to the subconcious. I don't really know, I hope I'm not loosing it.

Can anyone shed some light on this?

Thanks, FP

[Gunny376]

Dreams are many things, but is also the pyche working through the issues which one finds themselves confronted with. This can mainfest itself in both good and bad dreams.

 

The human mind, will if an individual has been through a difficult situation, will in a manner of speaking "re-set" itself. One of the ways that it does that is to displace bad or hurtful memories. Thus both consicously and sub-consciously as time progress the bad memories or the memories of bad, painful, hurtful, or traumatic experiences will fade, and you will have more and more difficulty recalling the "bad" and will have a tendency to remember only the good.

 

An extreme example of this effect is when someone has been through an extemely (for them at least) traumatic event, and the individaul suffers amenesia ~ that is to say the individuals suffer either partial or complete amenesia for a time ~ or even for a lifetime.

 

Your good dreams, are your mind re-setting / re-booting.

[flowerpot]

Dreams are many things, but is also the pyche working through the issues which one finds themselves confronted with. This can mainfest itself in both good and bad dreams.

 

The human mind, will if an individual has been through a difficult situation, will in a manner of speaking "re-set" itself. One of the ways that it does that is to displace bad or hurtful memories. Thus both consicously and sub-consciously as time progress the bad memories or the memories of bad, painful, hurtful, or traumatic experiences will fade, and you will have more and more difficulty recalling the "bad" and will have a tendency to remember only the good.

 

An extreme example of this effect is when someone has been through an extemely (for them at least) traumatic event, and the individaul suffers amenesia ~ that is to say the individuals suffer either partial or complete amenesia for a time ~ or even for a lifetime.

 

Your good dreams, are your mind re-setting / re-booting.

Gunny, You always seem to have a answer for all my questions.

You are a wealth of knowledge. I have enjoyed all of your comments on my f*****D UP DILEMA.

I had a dream about my wife before I knew about the affair. She was riding in a big white car with an older man with white hair, A rich man as I remember.

But to find out she was with a much younger man W/ blond hair & driving a chevy blazier.

I don't know how this dream happened but it's end result was true.

Why????

[Gunny376]

Women who previously never knew each other, but end up working together for a prolonged period of time, menstural cycles "synch" after a period of time.

 

My point in bringing this up?

 

You don't marry, you don't interact with someone, live with someone, sleep with someone, eat your meals with someone, day in and day out without knowing them, on many, many different levels.

 

People that have shared traumatic experiences such as combat together ~ know each other ~ which is why they refer to each other as "brothers" even if they've not acutaully served together in the same unit at the same time. Thus Vietnam Vets are "brothers" with other Vietnam Vets, althoug one might have served during 68 and the other in 69. Combat vets will not ~ cannot discuss their experiences with others that aren't combat vets. There simply isn't a co-equal point of reference.

 

A co-relation to this is trying to describe what an orgasim is like to a someone who's a virgin. A woman trying to describe child birth to a man. There's no co-equal points of reference.

 

There's no way that I can describe to you, what going throug Marine boot camp, or combat to you that you can grasp, comprehend and understand. For your to even begin to understand, you would have to have experienced it. You would have to have lived it.

 

You had the dream that you had, becuse intuitively, you're pysch was telling you what the deal was. Your gut, was telling you what was the deal. You knew all the long. but you made the decision to believe your DW instead of your lying eyes.

 

Don't feel bad! I did the same thing. Your dream was your pysch. your Id, (if you would prefer) telling you to wake the **** up and recognize what's going on. You knew what the deal was, and you didn't know. Or at least you didn't want to own up to it ~ like me.

 

I had a dream about my wife before I knew about the affair. She was riding in a big white car with an older man with white hair, A rich man as I remember.

But to find out she was with a much younger man W/ blond hair & driving a chevy blazier.

I don't know how this dream happened but it's end result was true.

 

Because somewhere in your past, you've mainfested that someone older, richer, smarter, etc that you can't compete with would~ fill in the blank. Not just steal your wife away from you, but______________________

[Gunny376]

Gunny, You always seem to have a answer for all my questions. You are a wealth of knowledge.

 

Not according to my XW and my last LTR GF! I'm apparently not "normal" in that they would shudder for me to walk past a Barnes and Noble or Waldenbooks. I would rather read than watch tv. (Although I did enjoy watching Auburn Kick some serious Florida Gator butt tonight! WAR EAGLES!)

 

I don't have all the solutions to the problems, nor all the answers to the questions. But, I'm looking for them!

 

You've educated me more than I have you!

 

RANT! I'm ready to get this damn cast off my leg!

[flowerpot]

Women who previously never knew each other, but end up working together for a prolonged period of time, menstural cycles "synch" after a period of time.

 

My point in bringing this up?

 

You don't marry, you don't interact with someone, live with someone, sleep with someone, eat your meals with someone, day in and day out without knowing them, on many, many different levels.

 

People that have shared traumatic experiences such as combat together ~ know each other ~ which is why they refer to each other as "brothers" even if they've not acutaully served together in the same unit at the same time. Thus Vietnam Vets are "brothers" with other Vietnam Vets, althoug one might have served during 68 and the other in 69. Combat vets will not ~ cannot discuss their experiences with others that aren't combat vets. There simply isn't a co-equal point of reference.

 

A co-relation to this is trying to describe what an orgasim is like to a someone who's a virgin. A woman trying to describe child birth to a man. There's no co-equal points of reference.

 

There's no way that I can describe to you, what going throug Marine boot camp, or combat to you that you can grasp, comprehend and understand. For your to even begin to understand, you would have to have experienced it. You would have to have lived it.

 

You had the dream that you had, becuse intuitively, you're pysch was telling you what the deal was. Your gut, was telling you what was the deal. You knew all the long. but you made the decision to believe your DW instead of your lying eyes.

 

Don't feel bad! I did the same thing. Your dream was your pysch. your Id, (if you would prefer) telling you to wake the **** up and recognize what's going on. You knew what the deal was, and you didn't know. Or at least you didn't want to own up to it ~ like me.

 

 

 

Because somewhere in your past, you've mainfested that someone older, richer, smarter, etc that you can't compete with would~ fill in the blank. Not just steal your wife away from you, but______________________

 

Make my life a living hell!!!