Separated Soon To Be Divorced

[scrybe74]

Thanks RecordProducer,

I try to treat people the way I would like to be treated. I know I have faults like we all do, but wy wife never complained obout her unhppiness.

I have a small bussiness,witch takes alot out of me. We did'nt get to vacation much,we did'nt go out alot, there were days when I got home from the shop I would go to my barn, drink a few beers and try to unwind. I just got into a RUT. I wish my wife would have slapped me, yelled & screamed.( thats a quote from her) If she would have,I probably would'nt be here today.

Take care.

 

You are soooo absolutely wrong and way off base. Unfortunately you're too deluded right now to see it. You're not the first man to be walked on like this on LS and certainly not the last. It's why threads like yours get so much attention. Usually guys are the bad guys here in relationships that go wrong but once in awhile a nice guy who may be guilty of being clueless but nothing really more get's treated like crap. A genuine nice guy and all he can do is make excuses for his soon-to-be ex wife.

 

People get up in arms and try and virtually shake guys like you to help you get a grip. Reas Ilmw's thread and you'll notice the pattern. He went from the same denial stage you are in to finally understanding that the more he gave into her the more she took and the less respect she had for him.

 

If you constantly chase her and stand at the front door with open arms....your chances of a happy reconciliation or probably 0-1%

 

If you go about your life and work on healing yourself and learn to no longer be concerned with her...and stop dwelling in the past. Then you might get to a healthy 10%-15% chance.

 

What's frustrating is that you will listen to all this advice but you will 'follow your heart' instead and I don't blame you. 99% of the men in this situation allways have to learn the hard way.

 

Someday you will get angry. Someday you will really weep from your pain. Someday you will accept the loss.....and then someday you will allow yourself to grieve the death of your relationship. It is only then that any chance of a beginning will exist. Because it will have to be new. The wife you loved is gone and won't return. She is what she is now. If you start over with her it will be from that point. A woman who cheated on her husband, refused to accept responsibility for her actions, hurt you financially and emotionally and chose to please her own needs before ever giving you the chance.

 

Again....this won't help now because you won't listen but when you finish going through the process and come up for air.....hopefully you think back to what people like Gunny and djgirl have been telling you.

[flowerpot]

You are soooo absolutely wrong and way off base. Unfortunately you're too deluded right now to see it. You're not the first man to be walked on like this on LS and certainly not the last. It's why threads like yours get so much attention. Usually guys are the bad guys here in relationships that go wrong but once in awhile a nice guy who may be guilty of being clueless but nothing really more get's treated like crap. A genuine nice guy and all he can do is make excuses for his soon-to-be ex wife.

 

People get up in arms and try and virtually shake guys like you to help you get a grip. Reas Ilmw's thread and you'll notice the pattern. He went from the same denial stage you are in to finally understanding that the more he gave into her the more she took and the less respect she had for him.

 

If you constantly chase her and stand at the front door with open arms....your chances of a happy reconciliation or probably 0-1%

 

If you go about your life and work on healing yourself and learn to no longer be concerned with her...and stop dwelling in the past. Then you might get to a healthy 10%-15% chance.

 

What's frustrating is that you will listen to all this advice but you will 'follow your heart' instead and I don't blame you. 99% of the men in this situation allways have to learn the hard way.

 

Someday you will get angry. Someday you will really weep from your pain. Someday you will accept the loss.....and then someday you will allow yourself to grieve the death of your relationship. It is only then that any chance of a beginning will exist. Because it will have to be new. The wife you loved is gone and won't return. She is what she is now. If you start over with her it will be from that point. A woman who cheated on her husband, refused to accept responsibility for her actions, hurt you financially and emotionally and chose to please her own needs before ever giving you the chance.

 

Again....this won't help now because you won't listen but when you finish going through the process and come up for air.....hopefully you think back to what people like Gunny and djgirl have been telling you.

 

 

Thanks Scrybe,

I did read Ilmw's thread today, I'm starting to realize that!!!! You guy's are not wasting time on me.Every day I get a little stronger and alittle more pissed!!

It's a shame my wife did what she did,but it's done. I still have my dignity,my pride(a little beat up), the family,both mine & hers, good friends,and people like you guys who have been there,willing to try to help people like me who wear thier hearts on thier sleeve, living in denial afraid of what it is-is what it is.

I AM CRAWLING OUT OF THIS PIT and the sooner the better!!!

THANKS FOR THE POST!!

[RecordProducer]

this won't help now because you won't listen

I have an idea! Read out loud so you can listen at the same time!

[flowerpot]

I have an idea! Read out loud so you can listen at the same time!

Hell I'll YELL it out loud!!!

[scrybe74]

You're welcome and keep up the good fight. Ilmw has inspired me NOT to give up on people. Man...he had me worried for awhile but he's pulling through.

[scrybe74]

Um.....RP....do you realize that your posts are past the 5K mark?????

[flowerpot]

I'm sorry,I'm new here. What does the 5k mark mean? I'm computer challanged

[Gunny376]

"In March my wife came home crying telling me that she was leaving me.She began to tell me that she had been out with the girls, got drunk, met someone and slept with him. She told me that after that she had destroyed our marriage and could never come back.Then she began to blame me for all of the things that I did and did'nt do in our marriage.She left me with my 2 step children for 7 weeks while she stayed with the OM. untill she bought a house."

 

"The kids are very pissed at her right now, she bought the house so she could be with them but spends alot of her time with the OM."

 

"She blamed me for there anger at her "

 

'She has saught quite a monetary amount and I agreed to give her half of it after signing a very binding agreemet to help her get a new vehicle,vacation for her and the kids. I did'nt know about the new jet skies, and spending money on the other man.She has been going through the money like **** through a goose"

 

"Her parents are very shocked & saddened over this"

 

"I sometimes work 7 days a week, and that takes it's toll, phisicaly and on the family life."

 

"Not to many guys would take on a woman with 3 kids and love them like I do!"

 

"Her Husband cheeted on her alot and treeted her like crap."

"It's really a damn shame what she has done to me & her kids. the OM is 10 yrs younger yhan she and 8 years older than her oldest daughter. My son-inlaw spoke to the OM one day and he said that he did'nt care what the kids think or her parents,"she makes me happy and I make her happy"."

 

"She probobly could have gotten twice as much money, Half the house, and part of the bussiness, not to mention investments. I know it sounds so wierd."

 

"I know that I can't fix her problem"

 

"the kids, her family & myself have suffered through this whole ordeal. She has put herself first right from the begining."

 

 

You know who wrote all of this? You!

 

Which part of this train wreck are you not getting?

 

You'd best wise up and wise up quick my man. She's alredy goine through half of the money setting up housekeeping with another man. When that's gone you can bet your boots and saddle she'll back for more.

 

You say, but I've got divorce papers! Yea! Divorce papers that you drew up. An attorney will shrred in court IMHO! Don't think for a minute that she can't and won't re-open it when the money starts running out.

 

This is not the woman that you married and was married to all these years!

 

Reconcile ~ its beyond my basic military comprehension as to why you would. Not when there's another woman in the wings waiting and who can certainly use and appreciate what you've got to offer.

 

Granted! You screwed up ~ so did I. You poured so much into making a living and being a provider that you didn't take any down time with the wife, you didn't take her out, you didn't date your mate, you didn't go on vacations. You beame married to your business, and keeping it afloat. But it says a lot about the shallowness of your wife ~ in that she doesn't understand all of that. Its not like you were out scroggine everything in a skirt for five counties around. And, now that you've got the damn thing off the ground ~ she wants to cash out on you and bail. And, that's what she's doing and has done is cashed out and bailed on you for some toy-boy.

 

I can promise you junior hasn't got what it takes to make this work. He doesn't have the skill set necessary. Not at 30 years of age. He's not a clue as to what's necessary. If you were to mention EM needs to him ~ he would be like "WTF are you talking about?" It will work in so long as he's P-whipped, and remains her "Toy-Boy"

 

Why in the Hell would you want to drive a 74 Maverick when you can get a Lexus? You've launched a successful business, and you're making a good living at it. The odds of your doing so and being successful are astronomical. You think because you did it ~ that its that easy. Its not. You're a walking and talking wonder ~ and don't even know it. You've busted your azz for this woman, and her children and she doesn't even appreciate it! Well, let me tell you my friend, there are women out there you most definately can use what you've got to offer, and not only that will be most appreciative of it.

 

Your problem isn't finding someone else, your problem is finding the "right" someone else. You're thinking is all wrong here. She's got you to believing that she's got the supply and the only "game" in town, and you've got the demand. Wrong! Its the other way around. Guys like you are very much in demand. The only place where I don't see your not have your ****e in one bag ~ is this woman? Hell! Even the IL's are sidiing with you, and telling you they want to contiune being a part of their lives. That's says a lot about your charatcher my friend. That tells me a lot about your integrity. That tells me a lot about your Honor. That tells me a lot about your "Code"

 

You? You need to "man-up"

 

Granted you screwed up ~ so did I. I became a "workaholic" and I didn't pay enough attention to "dating your mate" But, when your up to azz in alligators, snakes, and Indians, its hard to rememeber that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

 

Quit beating yourself up! You didn't have 1/4 of the knowledge you needed when you started out. I know I didn't.

 

 

 

 

[Gunny376]

I'm sorry,I'm new here. What does the 5k mark mean? I'm computer challanged

 

"K" means thousands

 

"3K" means 3,000

 

"5K" means 5,000

 

RP @ 5K post means she's made 5,000 posts!

[RecordProducer]

I'm sorry,I'm new here. What does the 5k mark mean? I'm computer challanged

Well since you don't know what "k" means and it's often used to descibe income (for example 50k would be $50,000), we are getting suspicious that your income is not in the "kilo" category! And now we get a new perspective of your love problem - not enough kilos (zeros) in your income!

 

JK

[RecordProducer]

You know who wrote all of this?

Flowerpot is thinking... and thinking.. and thinking...

 

You!

"Oh!", Flowerpot bangs his head with his hand, "I didn't know it was You ."

 

Which part of this train wreck are you not getting?[/quote]"Ummm... I don't understand who wrote that."

 

 

[flowerpot]

"In March my wife came home crying telling me that she was leaving me.She began to tell me that she had been out with the girls, got drunk, met someone and slept with him. She told me that after that she had destroyed our marriage and could never come back.Then she began to blame me for all of the things that I did and did'nt do in our marriage.She left me with my 2 step children for 7 weeks while she stayed with the OM. untill she bought a house."

 

"The kids are very pissed at her right now, she bought the house so she could be with them but spends alot of her time with the OM."

 

"She blamed me for there anger at her "

 

'She has saught quite a monetary amount and I agreed to give her half of it after signing a very binding agreemet to help her get a new vehicle,vacation for her and the kids. I did'nt know about the new jet skies, and spending money on the other man.She has been going through the money like **** through a goose"

 

"Her parents are very shocked & saddened over this"

 

"I sometimes work 7 days a week, and that takes it's toll, phisicaly and on the family life."

 

"Not to many guys would take on a woman with 3 kids and love them like I do!"

 

"Her Husband cheeted on her alot and treeted her like crap."

 

"It's really a damn shame what she has done to me & her kids. the OM is 10 yrs younger yhan she and 8 years older than her oldest daughter. My son-inlaw spoke to the OM one day and he said that he did'nt care what the kids think or her parents,"she makes me happy and I make her happy"."

 

"She probobly could have gotten twice as much money, Half the house, and part of the bussiness, not to mention investments. I know it sounds so wierd."

 

"I know that I can't fix her problem"

 

"the kids, her family & myself have suffered through this whole ordeal. She has put herself first right from the begining."

 

 

You know who wrote all of this? You!

 

Which part of this train wreck are you not getting?

 

You'd best wise up and wise up quick my man. She's alredy goine through half of the money setting up housekeeping with another man. When that's gone you can bet your boots and saddle she'll back for more.

 

You say, but I've got divorce papers! Yea! Divorce papers that you drew up. An attorney will shrred in court IMHO! Don't think for a minute that she can't and won't re-open it when the money starts running out.

 

This is not the woman that you married and was married to all these years!

 

Reconcile ~ its beyond my basic military comprehension as to why you would. Not when there's another woman in the wings waiting and who can certainly use and appreciate what you've got to offer.

 

Granted! You screwed up ~ so did I. You poured so much into making a living and being a provider that you didn't take any down time with the wife, you didn't take her out, you didn't date your mate, you didn't go on vacations. You beame married to your business, and keeping it afloat. But it says a lot about the shallowness of your wife ~ in that she doesn't understand all of that. Its not like you were out scroggine everything in a skirt for five counties around. And, now that you've got the damn thing off the ground ~ she wants to cash out on you and bail. And, that's what she's doing and has done is cashed out and bailed on you for some toy-boy.

 

I can promise you junior hasn't got what it takes to make this work. He doesn't have the skill set necessary. Not at 30 years of age. He's not a clue as to what's necessary. If you were to mention EM needs to him ~ he would be like "WTF are you talking about?" It will work in so long as he's P-whipped, and remains her "Toy-Boy"

 

Why in the Hell would you want to drive a 74 Maverick when you can get a Lexus? You've launched a successful business, and you're making a good living at it. The odds of your doing so and being successful are astronomical. You think because you did it ~ that its that easy. Its not. You're a walking and talking wonder ~ and don't even know it. You've busted your azz for this woman, and her children and she doesn't even appreciate it! Well, let me tell you my friend, there are women out there you most definately can use what you've got to offer, and not only that will be most appreciative of it.

 

Your problem isn't finding someone else, your problem is finding the "right" someone else. You're thinking is all wrong here. She's got you to believing that she's got the supply and the only "game" in town, and you've got the demand. Wrong! Its the other way around. Guys like you are very much in demand. The only place where I don't see your not have your ****e in one bag ~ is this woman? Hell! Even the IL's are sidiing with you, and telling you they want to contiune being a part of their lives. That's says a lot about your charatcher my friend. That tells me a lot about your integrity. That tells me a lot about your Honor. That tells me a lot about your "Code"

 

You? You need to "man-up"

 

Granted you screwed up ~ so did I. I became a "workaholic" and I didn't pay enough attention to "dating your mate" But, when your up to azz in alligators, snakes, and Indians, its hard to rememeber that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

 

Quit beating yourself up! You didn't have 1/4 of the knowledge you needed when you started out. I know I didn't.

 

Thanks Gunny, I'll tell you man, that piece you wrote really hit the spot. By the time I finished reading that post, I had goose bumps. You nailed what was going on with me. It's somewhat a relief to know that I was'nt the onlyone busting ass to provide for their family and neglected the things that are important for a healthy relationship with ones spouse. I do regret it though,but I did'nt deserve getting sucker punched like this.

As for the contract,my lawyer drew it up and she signed it knowing that it's all she gets!! No judge would rule in her favor.

THANKS AGAIN GUNNY!!

i'M GETTING OUT OF THIS PIT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER!!!!!!

 

 

To Record Producer,

My income is'nt in the kilo section but i'm doing pretty well. I took a big hit, but I will recover. I'm kind of curios as to what will happen when the money runs out that my stbex has gotten?

[RecordProducer]

To Record Producer,

My income is'nt in the kilo section but i'm doing pretty well. I took a big hit, but I will recover. I'm kind of curios as to what will happen when the money runs out that my stbex has gotten?

Hey, I was just joking.

 

Your income should be in the kilo section. Youmust make at least 1k per year (which is $1,000). I am sure you make more than that every month?

[flowerpot]

Record Producer, I do'nt know what I was thinking, Iknow that! It was way past my bedtime,I have only been getting about 2 hours of sleep a night. I gotta do something about thatI even screwed up my last post to Gunny. (the quote part), but i'm catching on to this stuff.

Take care.

[flowerpot]

Hey Gunny, Ireadilmw's threads, you mentioned something about SAM-e to help calm him down & melatonin to help with sleep what is in the SAM-e?

I know Icould definatly use some melatonin, Ihav'nt slept good for 6 months,exept with the help of Captain Morgan and I know thats not helping me in the long run. thanks

[Gunny376]

Avaliable at WalMart in the viatmin adn herbal section:

 

Sam-e

 

Treats Depression & Osteoarthritis!

Sam-e has gained worldwide recognition for it's ability to treat depression. Millions of people all over the world are experiencing phenomenal benefits from Sam-e, and now you can too.

 

Clinical Studies have proven Sam-e to be MORE EFFECTIVE THAN PRESCRIPTION ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, yet Sam-e has absolutely NO SIDE EFFECTS and it's not addictive.

 

SAM-e has also been clinically proven to be an effective treatment for joint pain and osteoarthritis. Studies have shown that SAM-e is able to rebuild joint cartilage, making it an EXCELLENT TREATMENT FOR ANYONE WITH JOINT PAIN OR OSTEOARTHRITIS.

 

SAMe is necessary in the manufacture of neurotransmitter phospholipids. SAMe INCREASES LEVELS OF THE NEUROTRANSMITTERS serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, and phosphatidylserine. It also improves BINDING OF NEUROTRANSMITTERS TO RECEPTOR SITES, thus increasing brain efficiency. SAMe's influence on phospholipid metabolism may be the principle explanation for its mood lifting effects.

 

Helps Detoxify The Body!Researchers have discovered that SAMe can significantly enhance the body's ability to detoxify itself of various substances, including old neurotransmitters. Scientists believe that SAMe may actually help FLUSH OUT OLD NEUROTRANSMITTERS AND IMPROVE BINDING OF THE FRESH NEUROTRANSMITTERS to cell receptors. It has been recently discovered that SAM-e has powerful anti-oxidant properties. SAM-e is a precursor for glutathione (the most powerful naturally-occuring anti-oxidant in our cells). Glutathione is a primary component of the immune system, therefore SAM-E HELPS TO STRENGTHEN THE IMMUNE SYSTEM.

 

Excellent Treatment For Depression

 

Supports Liver Health, Detoxification, And Regeneration

• Migraine Headache Remedy
  
• Excellent Treatment For Osteoarthritis
  
• Manufactures And Repairs Joint Cartilage & Tissue
  
• Helps Reduce Pain Associated With Fibromyalgia
  
• May Be Effective For ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)

[scrybe74]

Well since you don't know what "k" means and it's often used to descibe income (for example 50k would be $50,000), we are getting suspicious that your income is not in the "kilo" category! And now we get a new perspective of your love problem - not enough kilos (zeros) in your income!

 

JK

 

RP...I think you may be on to something!

[scrybe74]

4,837 posts to go....and then I catch RP......Yaaay!

[flowerpot]

My step daughter called me at work yesterday crying. She began to tell me whats been going on at thier new home. she told me that there was'nt any food at the house and that mom is never at home. I told her that after I closed the store I would stop & get some sandwiches for them. My STDXW was at class, so I thought I would stop in and visit the kids and assess the situation. The house was a total mess, pizza boxes stacked on the counters, dirty dishes,clothes everywere. I talked to my step son about school,( he's a very young man) and about how things were going. He said that he was doing O.K. but he and mom do'nt talk much,and he was'nt going to waste anymore of his energy on her! As I looked at the clock it was time to go because mt STBXW would get home soon from school. As I left I told them if they need anything be sure to let me know. They thanked me as I left. Walking to the car my eyes began to tear , I felt so bad for them for what my wife had let happen.

I wanted to call her folks, but decided not to. They stopped at the shop today to pay a bill & say hi, I mentioned a little of my visit to them and they just shook thier heads. I just hope that someday she will wake up.....

[whichwayisup]

FP, that's really sad...

 

Just do what you can for those kids...I really hope their mom figures it out soon. If she wants to **** up her own life, OK, but DON'T screw up your kids life at the sametime. She has NO idea what damage she's doing to them, even if they aren't so little.

[flowerpot]

FP, that's really sad...

 

Just do what you can for those kids...I really hope their mom figures it out soon. If she wants to **** up her own life, OK, but DON'T screw up your kids life at the sametime. She has NO idea what damage she's doing to them, even if they aren't so little.

 

I know it's sad, The kids are 17 & 18 thier old enough to keep house but I believe they just do'nt care anymore. As for my STBXW, I believe she's trying to keep busy by going out all the time,so she does'nt have to think about her stuation. I don't know if thats the case but it seems that way.

[flowerpot]

I know it's sad, The kids are 17 & 18 thier old enough to keep house but I believe they just do'nt care anymore. As for my STBXW, I believe she's trying to keep busy by going out all the time,so she does'nt have to think about her stuation. I don't know if thats the case but it seems that way.

 

I talked to her folks tonight over a couple of beers, they don't know what to think. This is'nt the daughter that they raised. It's not the woman I know. What the hell happened!!!!

[mgm]

Hi Flowerpot, I'm going through the same **** you are going through. My husband and I have been together for 21 years and married 16 of those. We have three children and 8 months ago he told me he doesn't love me and I yell alot and I'm like a sister to him. I hired a PI and found out he was seeing someone a couple years younger then him he is 37 like me. She is in the process of a divorce and has small children. He never wanted to try the whole 8 months just told me to get over it and move on. He doesn't know I know about the other women. Her divorce is suppose to be final in Sept. as ours in Oct. I have no idea how long they have been together but I'm assuming not just in the past month or so. It sucks your heart is just ripped out of you and your childrens to. He sees the kids everyother weekend and on Tuesday's. He was suppose to have them last weekend but switched it because he said he had a golf outing. That is when the PI caught him with her she was spending the whole weekend at his place. Makes me totally sick because I asked him over and over if there is someone else and he says no. I just can't except that he doesn't love me anymore. Well duh there is someone taking my place..... Oh I just wish these people would wake up and realize the grass is not greener on the other side. People tell me he will in time but that is no solice to me right now.

[flowerpot]

Hi Flowerpot, I'm going through the same **** you are going through. My husband and I have been together for 21 years and married 16 of those. We have three children and 8 months ago he told me he doesn't love me and I yell alot and I'm like a sister to him. I hired a PI and found out he was seeing someone a couple years younger then him he is 37 like me. She is in the process of a divorce and has small children. He never wanted to try the whole 8 months just told me to get over it and move on. He doesn't know I know about the other women. Her divorce is suppose to be final in Sept. as ours in Oct. I have no idea how long they have been together but I'm assuming not just in the past month or so. It sucks your heart is just ripped out of you and your childrens to. He sees the kids everyother weekend and on Tuesday's. He was suppose to have them last weekend but switched it because he said he had a golf outing. That is when the PI caught him with her she was spending the whole weekend at his place. Makes me totally sick because I asked him over and over if there is someone else and he says no. I just can't except that he doesn't love me anymore. Well duh there is someone taking my place..... Oh I just wish these people would wake up and realize the grass is not greener on the other side. People tell me he will in time but that is no solice to me right now.

I understand how you feel! I do'nt think my wife will ever return and even if she did, I do'nt think I could ever take her back after the damage that she has done. She has money now to buy happiness but when thats gone then what????

[flowerpot]

Yesterday I recieved a strange phone call, it was my cousin. He told me that he talked to my STBXW earlier that day . He's not a religios man, but he describes himself as a spiritual one. He proceded to tell her that he loves her and how he misses our family get togethers. Also telling her what a beautiful couple we were and that God wants us to stay that way. He said as he talked to her he could hear her sniffiling a little as she spoke. Then he asked her , " do you feel that deep down in your heart do you really want to go through with the divorce" because it's getting really close to being final" , Then she told him," I don't know".

He told her that they needed to get together sometime and she agreed.

I feel that there is hope, Ibelieve that I should give the chance if it happens. Our family is torn appart the kids really want us to be a familyagain & so do I!!!