Getting your MM caught

[Meaplus3]

I can't believe how little imagination you women have. You don't get the husband caught. You know a LOT about the wife from all of the conversations you've had with the H. What you do is write your MM an anonymous note claiming to be the lover of the wife, and outing her. He's going to believe it, he'll want to believe it. she'll never be able to disprove it. How do you prove a negative? and voila! the marriage is over and he's yours. That's what I'm gonna do when I'm ready for fulltime.

 

Oh now this is CLEVER!! What a GREAT way to sock it to MM!! :)

[HeyYouGuys]

I can't believe how little imagination you women have. You don't get the husband caught. You know a LOT about the wife from all of the conversations you've had with the H. What you do is write your MM an anonymous note claiming to be the lover of the wife, and outing her. He's going to believe it, he'll want to believe it. she'll never be able to disprove it. How do you prove a negative? and voila! the marriage is over and he's yours. That's what I'm gonna do when I'm ready for fulltime.

 

 

So the wife has to live with being falsely 'outed'?

 

That's really cruel. Horrible. I can't believe I just read this.

[HeyYouGuys]

i dont see lawyers worry about how they railroaded some schmuck out of his life savings or politicians lose a nights rest after they get someone slain to protect their image and reputation. and these people are praised. what i did was minor in comparison. maybe because i dont like women much, it doesn't bother me.

 

 

I guess this passes for 'logic' in your circle.

 

Just because what you did was 'less awful' in no way makes it 'right'

 

It's like a man justifying hitting his wife; 'I only smacked her once. Some people smack their wives over and over again and break their noses. I just barely bruised her!'

[stoopid_guy]

I can't believe how little imagination you women have. You don't get the husband caught. You know a LOT about the wife from all of the conversations you've had with the H. What you do is write your MM an anonymous note claiming to be the lover of the wife, and outing her. He's going to believe it, he'll want to believe it. she'll never be able to disprove it. How do you prove a negative? and voila! the marriage is over and he's yours. That's what I'm gonna do when I'm ready for fulltime.

As a "MM" who's seriously considered an EMA, I thank you, Saf. This (and similar posts) certainly make me more cautious and less likely to have an affair.

 

No, I don't think you're typical of OW, but seeing that your type is out there is an eye-opener.

[lindya]

Happy reading, saf, Pink Shorts, and any other OW who thinks that this type of deceit is gonna really win her her man....

 

 

I'm sure these tactics we're reading about to win/impress a certain type of man. There are all types of guys out there, and they can't all be blessed with sufficient wit and perception to see through the kind of desperate machinations we're reading about here.

 

The guy who gets himself tangled up with such a woman is exactly the sort of ridiculous, sappy fool who ends up bubbling in some lawyer's office as he bemoans the fact that he's been taken to the cleaners, and refuses to take any responsibility for his own idiocy in the matter.

[justice]

I've been reading at this board for quite awhile now. I am the w in my situation. Our OW tried an underhanded tactic like this and all it did was serve to make me more determined to make my marriage work. How is MM going to feel when he knows you are the one who took matters into your own hands and destroyed his family life? Even if you do it in a way where no one knows it was you, trust me in this, it will come out eventually. What I don't get is how you could even think about starting a solid relationship with someone when it would be a relationship based on someone else's pain and the deciet of you and the H. My husband upon finding out about his op's maliciousness, totally cut her out of our picture. Now we are in counceling for the issues that their affair caused and for all of the emotional harm. And we are growing stronger day by day. Our OW was arrested for breaking the restraining order that both of us got against her. She did this to herself by overplaying her hand. H wants nothing further to do with her and rightly so. He feels so bad about what he brought into our lives. Her. So I'd think long and hard about this before you do anything. It could mean losing everything that you don't really have anyway. Not flaming here, just stating things as they are in my opinion.

[justice]

You seem to be forgetting that in certain cases the OW knows that the op is married and still continues to seek out things that are not her right. And aren't you being a little judgemental in this situation too? Have you ever considered the fact that the MM has lied to his wife and is probably lying to you too? Think about that.

[Mascara]

So saf, are you now conceding that he would never leave just because he wanted to be with you?

 

Also, remember if you accuse her of this, you have to face that she is obviously going to look incredulous, probably burst out laughing and say "yeah ok, whatever..... tell you what, check my email, my phone, and have me followed". Then his doubts will set in about whether it's true. Then he'll start to wonder who could possibly have done this.......

[Ripples]

Some of you people shouldn't be so judgemental. You put all the blame on the OW when the first to blame is the MM. And you must not forget that in most cases the W is partly to blame too. More often than not the wife neglects the husbands needs and although they know that the marriage is in trouble they don't do anything to fix the problem until it's too late.

The wife is partly to blame too? I'm sorry, I totally disagree with you. The husband has a choice, as does the OW (once she finds out the guy is married). If the marriage is really that bad, he has the choice to sort it out or to leave, surely? I really don't believe there is any excuse whatsoever for an affair. Yeah, the husband can list all sorts of excuses to not break it off "the kids are too young", "my wife would go to pieces" etc. etc., but really they are just excuses, not real reasons. Geez, there's enough women who would quite happily leave their husbands if they found out about an affair, even if the kids were 'too young', even if they initially thought they'd go to pieces.

 

Eventually, sh*t will hit the fan so what difference does it make if it's due to carelessness or intentional. If your husband was cheating on you, wouldn't you want to know? I know I would.

Not all women think this way. Some believe that ignorance is bliss and I kinda see their point.

 

The truth is that the person that goes through the most pain and deception here is the OW who is helplessly in love and waits and waits and hopes with every cell in her body that something happens in order to bring her true happiness with the one she loves. OW are not "stealing" anyone's husband, the husband strayed on his own.

Hang on, the OW is doing exactly that if she knows the husband is married. What is this? A case of "if it wasn't me, he'd be doing it someone else?". Does the OW have no self-respect at all?

 

If you haven't been through any of this I don't think you have any business posting your criticism.

I have your requested critieria.

 

This isn't meant to get your back up, and I'm sorry if it has, I just wanted to give a little perspective. Really.

[lovernotafighter]

you guys really shouldn't bother giving people like saf your time and thoughts..they are just seeking attention.

 

they are are just spewing garbage nothing more.

[justice]

AMEN!! I couldn't have said it better myself.

[whichwayisup]

My reply was intended for whichwayisup who seems to be passing judgement on all women caught up in this situation.

 

No, actually, what bugs me is the new posters, for quite a while most of the OW who post here are honestly trying to get out of an affair because they regret it and feel bad, they're hurting and wish it had never happened. Then, it in a span of 2 days new OW post here, flaunting how they "got" their man. Posting stuff like what you and afew new members have posted fires people up because of the "in your face" attitude.

 

I've had many PM's from OW who I've helped. Yes, I admit, sometimes my advice is harsh, but sometimes tough love is the way to go. Neither you or the newer members recently aren't looking for help, or advice, it seems to me (and afew others too) that you've come here to boast.

 

Some of you people shouldn't be so judgemental. You put all the blame on the OW when the first to blame is the MM. And you must not forget that in most cases the W is partly to blame too. More often than not the wife neglects the husbands needs and although they know that the marriage is in trouble they don't do anything to fix the problem until it's too late.

 

The MM is mostly at fault, but the OW is partially responsible for helping him cheat on his wife. She must be accountable to her actions and suffer the consquences as well. Problems IN the marriage ofcourse is partially the wife's fault, but it is NOT the wife's fault if her husband CHOOSES to cheat on her. People cheat by choice, not because they "have" to.

 

Adunaphel, thanks for your kind words.

 

And to the ones who think I'm being rude, well, re-read your posts and then go read some other posts by OW. You'll note that the OW's attitude's are not like yours. If you're here for help, you'll get it, but if you're here to flaunt and give an attitude, not many are willing to support you if all you've come here for is to show off.

[Walking away]

Good point lindya.

 

These men must lack intelligence to even entertain the possibility of being with these barracudas.

 

Bravo for pointing out the obvious.

[BenThereDunThat]

I won't comment on Saf's post except just to say Wow. That's really cold.

 

At the end of the day, most of us OWs here would only want to be with the MM if he were free from his marriage of his and the W's own free will.

 

Otherwise, we wouldn't be putting ourselves through the NC pain that we are!

 

We don't want someone else's man. If the marriage is beyond repair and ends on its own, then fine. Then come to me with a clear conscious and a clear heart.

 

No way could I be happy in a relationship if I had to resort to back-handed trickery to "get" him.

[BUTAFLY]

My Question: Have any of you ever done something purposely to your MM to get him caught by his W without him finding out it was you? And what was the result of it?

The day after I found out my wfb/mm was engaged I went to his house(they did not live together) and purposely planted 'eviedence'.

 

I left an earring on his night stand, put a braclet under his pillow, ripped up a condom wrapper and left a peice under the sheets and othe other half in the bathroom wastebasket, Put strands of my hair on the bathroom sink and left a few on the pillow as well.

 

Next day at work he calmly walked up to me and handed me my bracelet. He cleaned up everything before she could see. But note i didn't do it because I wanted him for myself, I did it because he deserved to get caught.

[americus]

We don't want someone else's man.

 

 

then why get involved in the first place?

 

it seems many of you ow pick on vindictive ow to trivialize your own behavior and actions.

[newbby]

i think somebody has already said this, but i cant imagine how you would feel comfortable in a relationship where you have tricked the person into being with you.

i didnt actually think that in truth there were ow who were like this, but i can see where the bad reputation comes from.

[Ladyjane14]

The truth is that the person that goes through the most pain and deception here is the OW who is helplessly in love and waits and waits and hopes with every cell in her body that something happens in order to bring her true happiness with the one she loves.

 

Puh-leeeze.

You can't be serious. Put down the crack pipe, honey.

 

Unless an OW has been lied to by a MM regarding his marital status..... she's buying her own trouble. In no other walk of life does a person BELIEVE the one lousy half of the story she hears without verifying the other.

 

MM lie. That's what they do. They lie to the wife and they lie to the OW, and nobody's got a gun to his head making him do it. They lie because they don't want to give up the bird in the hand for the one in the bush. Divorce is EASY in this country. It happens every day. MM are just too lazy and cheap to get it done.

 

Tell you what... Invest a decade or two of YOUR life in a man, bear his children, raise them, work your lousy job (the one you ended up with instead of the CAREER you couldn't afford to have), help pay the mortgage and the car payments, clean the house while he's laying on the couch, etc. etc. etc.... Oh, and don't forget to listen to him whine and bitch about how you're not ever good enough.

 

Then, after he's committed adultery, come back and tell us all what a hard-luck story he is, and how the OW is the one who's hurting the most.

[BenThereDunThat]

We don't want someone else's man.

 

 

then why get involved in the first place?

 

it seems many of you ow pick on vindictive ow to trivialize your own behavior and actions.

 

If you actually have to ask that question, you haven't been paying attention.

 

And the only ones 'trivializing' their experiences are the ones who claim to be "happy" being the mistress.

[SARose61]

Along the lines of your question, I have been tempted to send MM and his wife an anniversary card this week. Leave it unsigned and no return address. He isn't even really my MM per say, we haven't even really had an affair. We just talk to each other on the phone. Once we arranged a meeting and he never showed up, said he got sick. OK we dated years ago. He contacted me about a year ago right before getting married. (I am married, rather unhappy in my marriage). For the most part he sounds like he wants to have an affair but I dont push it. I enjoy talking to him, but am frustrated and perplexed by the whole situation. Anyways, their anniversary is this coming Saturday and I have been suppressing the urge to just send them a card. She'd get it 1st because she is always at home. She would question it, and I know he would be wondering about it. What it would accomplish, I haven't a clue. I've been obcessed with the idea for weeks now.

[HeyYouGuys]

Along the lines of your question, I have been tempted to send MM and his wife an anniversary card this week. Leave it unsigned and no return address. He isn't even really my MM per say, we haven't even really had an affair. We just talk to each other on the phone. Once we arranged a meeting and he never showed up, said he got sick. OK we dated years ago. He contacted me about a year ago right before getting married. (I am married, rather unhappy in my marriage). For the most part he sounds like he wants to have an affair but I dont push it. I enjoy talking to him, but am frustrated and perplexed by the whole situation. Anyways, their anniversary is this coming Saturday and I have been suppressing the urge to just send them a card. She'd get it 1st because she is always at home. She would question it, and I know he would be wondering about it. What it would accomplish, I haven't a clue. I've been obcessed with the idea for weeks now.

 

 

I don't recommend doing it.

 

It makes you look childish. You would feel embarressed if he put two and two together and figured out is was you, wouldn't you???

[whichwayisup]

Leave them be. Live your own life, and if you're unhappy in your marriage, DO something about it to make it better! To play games with the MM and his wife is immature and pointless. Their life should really not be a concern to you.

[No Stress Lady]

Along the lines of your question, I have been tempted to send MM and his wife an anniversary card this week. Leave it unsigned and no return address. He isn't even really my MM per say, we haven't even really had an affair. We just talk to each other on the phone. Once we arranged a meeting and he never showed up, said he got sick. OK we dated years ago. He contacted me about a year ago right before getting married. (I am married, rather unhappy in my marriage). For the most part he sounds like he wants to have an affair but I dont push it. I enjoy talking to him, but am frustrated and perplexed by the whole situation. Anyways, their anniversary is this coming Saturday and I have been suppressing the urge to just send them a card. She'd get it 1st because she is always at home. She would question it, and I know he would be wondering about it. What it would accomplish, I haven't a clue. I've been obcessed with the idea for weeks now.

 

You need to quit focusing on this guy - who sounds like he isn't really interested anyway - and start working at your own relationship with your husband.

 

And for heaven's sake, what on earth makes you think you have any right at all to try to insert yourself somehow into this marriage by sending stupid blank anniversary cards?!!!!! It's kind of creepy if you ask me.

 

I don't know how old you are but that kind of behaviour is going to make you look like some kind of demented weirdo with a mental age of 5 - and I'm pretty sure your MM friend will know it's from you.

 

I strongly recommend you find something more worthwhile to spend your thoughts and energies on.

[americus]

If you actually have to ask that question, you haven't been paying attention.

 

And the only ones 'trivializing' their experiences are the ones who claim to be "happy" being the mistress.

 

 

I disagree. The ow are, in their own mind, trivializing their own previous despicable actions by picking on OW who are worse than them. Makes them feel better about themselves knowing they weren't that vindictive. Keep playing the "poor innocent me" card but I dont buy it. All of you are just the same. You all for the most part decided to screw a taken man. Sure, a SELECT FEW didn't know your MM were married, but the majority did.

Whatever they need to get through the day.

[Mascara]

Actually I think the above is a valid point.

 

By attacking an OW who loves it and is heartless, it can make some OW feel more validated and saintly.... "well I'M not like that!!".

 

By attacking someone else, SOME ow's don't have to face their own shortcomings.