Getting your MM caught

[PinkShorts]

It seems a lot of ow might be jealous as well because their married men never divorced their wives. Bitterness. They didn't get what they wanted when other 'heartless' women did.

 

'And the only ones 'trivializing' their experiences are the ones who claim to be "happy" being the mistress."

 

At one point, weren't you all happy being the mistress until the mm dumped you or you were tired of being strung along? If you weren't, what other reason would you have to get involved to start with? That sounds bitter to me, like you feel no mistress can ever be "happy" with the situation.

[Adunaphel]

I disagree. The ow are, in their own mind, trivializing their own previous despicable actions by picking on OW who are worse than them. Makes them feel better about themselves knowing they weren't that vindictive. Keep playing the "poor innocent me" card but I dont buy it.

 

You see it happen all the time.

 

OW picking on OW that are worse than them.

Occasional cheaters picking on serial cheaters.

Cheaters who cheat because they feel neglected and are not happy picking on people who cehat for the fun of it.

People who had a night stand and regret it picking on people who have an habit of having sex with no strings attached.

The occasional snooper picking on people who go through their SO's stuff every other day.

Trespassers picking on burglars and people who do vandalism.

Verbal abusers picking on people who hit.

 

(of course I'm not trying to compare these situations to the OW/MM-OM/MW situations. It would be like comparing apple to oranges. Except perhaps the cheaters case.)

 

It is obvious that it makes you feel better. But thinking "I've done something despicable but this is IMO way more despicable" is different than playing the "poor innocent me" card.

 

 

I am actually replying because I am wondering why you are picking on OWs (I started to wonder while reading your post, that gave me the idea) - if you are a BS it is very understandable, if you are not, does it make you feel better about something?

Does it make you feel better in general?

[PinkShorts]

But thinking "I've done something despicable but this is IMO way more despicable"

 

Isn't that a tad hypocritical? That's like a criminal pointing fingers at someone who killed two people when he just killed one. And? Does that make you feel better cause you only killed one guy? It's not a pissing match ladies. Own up to your own problems and don't worry about someone who is HAPPY with their own situation just because you find that offensive since you never had that chance to be happy with your mm. Who cares who chased who. Both instances ended up with the same outcome: the ow having sex with the mm.

[newbby]

OR maybe it is simply that the majority of ow do not fit into the stereotype of a woman who goes out of her way to sabbotage the mms marriage, but yet gets lumbered with the stereotype anyway.

when a ow who really is struggling, comes for support, the last thing she needs is to be immediately written off as a hard bytch who will do anything to get what she wants. she then gets unfitting advice at the most.

nobody should be judging anybody at all, it is true and i agree with that.

however, those who are judging ALL ow, and those ow who are judging other ow, and those other ow who are judging those ow who are judging those other ow, well, its all a bit silly now.

[PoshPrincess]

This thread seems to have opened up a whole debate and encouraged some very interesting posts. The title obvioiusly made a lot of people curious for very different reasons. Saf's earlier post did make me smile but in reality, personally, there is no way I could resort to sneaky tactics to get my MM. That's just my view and I am not judging anyone for the way they deal with things. I agree with the ladies who have said that if their MM left to be with them they wouldn't want their relationship to be based on a lie. I never wanted my MMs W to find out about our affair at all but she did. We always said that we would keep our relationship quiet until he had left and then give it some time before we told anyone about us as we didn't want to make things harder for his kids. Her finding out couldn't have made things any more complicated so it isn't always the best thing. She made a big point of telling their kids what Dad had been up to which hurt them big time and made it harder for him to leave (he's still there 8 months later) and obviously she's making every effort to keep hold of her man (and who can blame her). I still find it hard to understand how she can still want him after this, especially as she has since found out that we are still in contact, but then it's never happened to me so who knows how you would cope!

 

As far as us OW being the biggest victims. Get real!!! At the end of the day, most of us knew that were getting involved with an MM and therefore had the choice. Of course, once we fall in love, things get ore complicated. The Ws didn't choose for their husbands to fall in love with someone else (or for the not so nice ones, to be cheating, faithless b**tards!) and unless the Ws are complete bitches themselves they don't deserve it. I know when kids are in the equation things are more difficult but at the end of the day, MMs has a loyalty towards their Ws and if they think something isn't right in their relationship then they should takes steps to either change it or walk away.

 

Just my opinion.

[Mascara]

PP, your post is very honest and I think you are being realistic on the whole, but I do have to question one point you make -

 

I still find it hard to understand how she can still want him after this, especially as she has since found out that we are still in contact,

 

In the same way, she probably doesn't understand how you can still want him when (as far as she is concerned, probably from what he said to her) she is the one he chose to stay with? She probably sees it as you being happy to settle for 'crumbs' and she doesn't know how you can do it.

 

I suspect (when each party doesn't 'get' why the other one doesn't leave) it's largely down to the man and the lies he is spinning to each of them.

[lovelorcet]

This is of course a very sensitive issue and as a BS I can really sympathize with the idea of hating the OM/OW ideas but in the end I know that most of these people are just that people who got mixed up in situations that they were not smart enough to see coming and get out of. So yes I can even sympathize to some extent with the pain of the OW/OM.

 

Now I don’t want to get too personal but it only takes one comment from someone like saf and just about every BS will start flipping out. But I guess when it really comes down to it I also feel sorry for someone like saf. She is only second best and a booty call to some guy and hasn’t even realized it herself. When she is alone and really just missing him she has nothing better to do then to come up with pathetic little plans to hurt the number 1 in his life, how sad.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Wow. These Bunny Boiler threads sure are entertaining in a sadistic sort of way. But what every vindictive vixen needs is a constructive hobby to occupy her mind during all those lonely hours when the object of her obsession is off boinking his wife. "Scavenging for table scraps" is the first thing that comes to mind here, so I thought learning to cook your own meals might be a good place to start …

 

BOILED RABBIT

 

1 or more rabbits, whole; liver reserved but head removed before serving

Lemon slices

 

Truss your rabbits short, lay them in a basin or warm water for ten minutes, then put them into plenty of water, and boil them about half an hour; if large ones, three quarters; if very old, an hour. Mince the liver and lay it round the dish, or make liver sauce and send it up in a boat.

 

N.B. It will save much trouble to the carver, if the rabbits be cut up in the kitchen into pieces fit to help at table, and the head divided, one half land at each end, and slices of lemon and the liver, chopped very finely, laid on the sides of the dish.

 

At all events, cut off the head before you send it to table, we hardly remember that the thing ever lived if we don't see the head, while it may excite ugly ideas to see it cut up in an attitude imitative of life; besides, for the preservation of the head, the poor animal sometimes suffers a slower death.

 

Just trying to help.

[justice]

I'm not trying to start a fight here.....but here is my pov:

I'm a bs, so it may be a bit one sided, but how in the heck do you make yourself happy when ws is spinning lies to both you and his wife? Are you trying to justify yourself with this posting because deep down you know what you are doing is hurting other people? Geez look in a mirror and see what you really are and accept and change it if need be. My h tells me all the time how much he regrets what he did regarding the ow. And calls her some ah...very uncomplimentary names.

[newbby]

This is of course a very sensitive issue and as a BS I can really sympathize with the idea of hating the OM/OW ideas but in the end I know that most of these people are just that people who got mixed up in situations that they were not smart enough to see coming and get out of. So yes I can even sympathize to some extent with the pain of the OW/OM.

LOL, how tolerant and understanding of you.

[newbby]

I'm not trying to start a fight here.....but here is my pov:

I'm a bs, so it may be a bit one sided, but how in the heck do you make yourself happy when ws is spinning lies to both you and his wife? Are you trying to justify yourself with this posting because deep down you know what you are doing is hurting other people? Geez look in a mirror and see what you really are and accept and change it if need be. My h tells me all the time how much he regrets what he did regarding the ow. And calls her some ah...very uncomplimentary names.

 

i am not meaning to be personal, but do you think it is fair of him to do this? do you not see that he might not be too great of a catch if he can use a woman for sex whilst simultaneously betraying you, and THEN slate her when he is done with her? just wondering.

[lovelorcet]

But it does not change the fact that they are boneheads

 

Stupid is as stupid does...

[newbby]

But it does not change the fact that they are boneheads

 

Stupid is as stupid does...

 

 

and speaks...

[lovelorcet]

Are you trying to say that getting involved with a married person can be an intelligent and rational decision?

[justice]

Oh heck yeah I do see that and all areas of this situation, I may be blond but I'm certainly not blind nor am I stupid.

[justice]

Agrees with Loveslorcet

[newbby]

Are you trying to say that getting involved with a married person can be an intelligent and rational decision?

 

not at all, not rational at all for most people. intelligence has nothing to do with it. most people get involved when really not in a rational state of mind. the same probably goes for the mm...

the fact is that you cannot know why anybody really gets involved, and you cannot say that all who do do so for the same reasons. unless you actually ask for the reasons, better when she is far enough out of the a to see clearly, then anything else is a guess.

[lovelorcet]

not at all, not rational at all for most people. intelligence has nothing to do with it. most people get involved when really not in a rational state of mind. the same probably goes for the mm...

the fact is that you cannot know why anybody really gets involved, and you cannot say that all who do do so for the same reasons. unless you actually ask for the reasons, better when she is far enough out of the a to see clearly, then anything else is a guess.

 

Fair enough, but something like this is always a choice in the end and as humans we are able to use our intellect when making such decisions.

 

I didn’t really get your last sentence, were you referring to my own situation or something else?

[newbby]

i dont know your situation, although i think i can safely assume you are a bs. i was just saying, in general, unless you ask any ow her reasons for getting involved, then you are guessing. also that her own reasons may not be clear to her until she is out of the situation.

as humans we are usually pretty messed up, and intellect in dealing with ourselves is overrated imo. it is after all our supposed intellect which messes us up in the first place, but we are getting into a whole other discussion. its all a matter of opinion, but the truth as each of us sees it, is not neccessarily the truth. it is always good to remember this.

i hope that you find peace with your own situation.

[silktricks]

i am not meaning to be personal, but do you think it is fair of him to do this? do you not see that he might not be too great of a catch if he can use a woman for sex whilst simultaneously betraying you, and THEN slate her when he is done with her? just wondering.

Yeah, newbby, it's very fair of him to do exactly that. Why shouldn't he? Why wouldn't he? The OW bash the MM constantly and talk about how terrible they were (with hindsight). Why do you figure the MM don't think the same thing with that same hindsight?

 

Men can get sucked into things the same way that women can - without thought or consideration of consequences. It doesn't make them bad people (or not a good catch as you put it), just the same problematic, guilt ridden, bundle of contradictions that women are.

[newbby]

Yeah, newbby, it's very fair of him to do exactly that. Why shouldn't he? Why wouldn't he? The OW bash the MM constantly and talk about how terrible they were (with hindsight). Why do you figure the MM don't think the same thing with that same hindsight?

 

Men can get sucked into things the same way that women can - without thought or consideration of consequences. It doesn't make them bad people (or not a good catch as you put it), just the same problematic, guilt ridden, bundle of contradictions that women are.

 

yes silk tricks, i accept that.

however, my post was in response to somebody who was slating the ow, and i also felt it appropriate to remind her that the man she was with, was no better than the general ow.

[Guest]

not at all, not rational at all for most people. intelligence has nothing to do with it. most people get involved when really not in a rational state of mind. the same probably goes for the mm...

the fact is that you cannot know why anybody really gets involved, and you cannot say that all who do do so for the same reasons. unless you actually ask for the reasons, better when she is far enough out of the a to see clearly, then anything else is a guess.

 

I agree with you newbby. Intelligence has nothing to do with it at all. Is it rational... not at all. Is rationality and intelligence related? Well, that's probably a whole new debate which probably belongs to the General Discussion forum.

 

All I can say is that when my MM chose to go back home because of his kids and his wife held me highly responsible for the demise of their marriage the first time around, he stood up for me. Not once did he deny his love for me to his wife even after we went our separate ways, even though it made staying in his marriage difficult. What he recognized is that he does love me. That he is in love with me. Those are feelings. They are not to be judged upon. How he acts with respect to those feelings can be scrutinized by others. We both recognize that.

 

Do I love him too? Most definitely.

 

Am I deeply in love with him? again, most definitely.

 

Did I make a conscious choice to feel this way about him. NO. I know deep down that he did not make a conscious decision to fall in love with me. Both of us would just like to live a simple life but how we feel for each other has made both our lives really complicated. What will we do about our feelings? Put it on hold until he is free and available to me. He'll get there... I'll get there too.

 

Has he ever called me names to his wife? who the hell knows. Probably when he was really angry at me and she caught him in a moment of weakness but I highly doubt it.

 

To the BSs... if he calls the OW names and says all kind of stuff about her, rest assured, that you've been trashed in the same way. Has my MM called his wife names? You betcha. Does it make me feel good that he did that? For me, I would try to re-focus on the pain our situation inflicted on her and helped him work through his anger. Usually, it led up to some soulfilled convo between the two of them... probably how it led up to his going home in the first place.

[lovelorcet]

i dont know your situation, although i think i can safely assume you are a bs. i was just saying, in general, unless you ask any ow her reasons for getting involved, then you are guessing. also that her own reasons may not be clear to her until she is out of the situation.

as humans we are usually pretty messed up, and intellect in dealing with ourselves is overrated imo. it is after all our supposed intellect which messes us up in the first place, but we are getting into a whole other discussion. its all a matter of opinion, but the truth as each of us sees it, is not neccessarily the truth. it is always good to remember this.

i hope that you find peace with your own situation.

 

I stated in my first reply that I am a BS and of course I have an ovbious bias to these types of situations.

 

If you want to philosophize about truth then that is fine and I hope what you got out of your A was worth all the heart ache but I am sorry when I see a train wreck coming the last thing I would do is step in front of it.

[pricillia]

Reguardless of if Men or Women get sucked into things is not the point.

One of my pet peeves is the Women vs Men thing...

 

With that said I think that the OP and the other posters who condone trying to get MM caught should think about what they are doing and the pain that they can cause.

 

I was with a MM and made the choice to end it. I would never do anything to hurt him or his family as I did care for him. I knew what I was getting into and know that he was not mine to begin with.

 

I think the women out there who are with MM eventually move on and if it happens that the MM does leave his wife for them then so be it

 

BUT ALL THE OW OUT THERE WHO THINK IT IS OK TO BETRAY TRUST AND WRITE LETTERS TO THE MM SAYING THAT THE WIFE HAS CHEATED, YOU NEED HELP. AS IF IT IS NOT BAD ENOUGH THAT WE HAVE BEEN WITH ANOTHERS.

[silktricks]

BUT ALL THE OW OUT THERE WHO THINK IT IS OK TO BETRAY TRUST AND WRITE LETTERS TO THE MM SAYING THAT THE WIFE HAS CHEATED, YOU NEED HELP. AS IF IT IS NOT BAD ENOUGH THAT WE HAVE BEEN WITH ANOTHERS.

 

Thank-you.