Confused Very Badly!! Need Guys & Girls Response!!

[Goku]

Hey, I could really use your help on this one. I've been working with this certain girl. We are both hosts at a restaurant so when it's dead we do nothing but talk and flirt hardcore. She also has a b/f so I would think that she would only flirt a little but she flirts majorly with me. I'm picking up these suttle hints that she is liking me but there is the fact of the b/f. She tells me how they always fight and argue, and to me it seems like they are going to break up. They just made up recently from a fight they just had, but the day after that my friend at work asked her when the two of us were going to hook up without me knowing. She comes back by saying, "Does he really like me?" and I was told that it was the good way of asking that. Not the annoyed way as if not another guy wanting me but the i like him so i'm happy to find out that he likes me also. To add to this, two nights before the question was asked by my friend, there was a party at another one of my friend's apartment friday night. I asked her if she was going to go to the party and she comes back by saying "Only if you go". Well of course I went to the party with her expecting to have this great time, but her b/f was there without her knowing so I pretty much left 20 minutes after I got there because they started to argue why he was there and why she was there with me. She went from being totally happy and having a good time with me to a horrible night of fighting with her b/f and then they make up the next day I was told.

 

I'm confused out of my mind and I apologize if I confused you also but I would really appreciate it if you all could let me know what to do. Should I talk to her about what my friend asked and see how she feels, should i proceed to ask her out and show her a better time then her previous b/f, or should I just throw it out the window and not do anything????? Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Thanks to all that help out.

[Tony T]

Let her know you find her attractive and you enjoy being with her and talking to her. Inform her that you would be very interested in dating her if ever she should become available, that is, without a boyfriend or not in a relationship.

 

Until she has left the bum she's with, it's not really wise to be pursuing her. If she's interested in you, she'll do what is necessary to free herself up so she can date you. If she's playing with your head, she'll remain with her boyfriend no matter how much they argue.

 

I've been all through this kind of crap. Don't understand it either.

[Lilly]

Geez Tony... why judge the boyfriend as being the bum here?? He obviously doesn't trust his girlfriend as far as he can throw her, with very good reason too... she's a flirt, a "hardcore" one at that with Goku. She didn't invite him to the party because she wanted to go and flirt with someone else, the boyfriend shows up anyway (because he doesn't trust her!), his presence has spoilt her flirting fun so she's pissed and they argue over why he's there, he's pissed because she's obviously there with someone else. Yet HE's the bum!?!?.

 

Who knows what the cause of all these previous fights and arguments are about between this couple?... could be he really is a bum, treats her badly and she's finally rebelling by flirting with others or could be she's always been a flirt and he just doesn't trust her, could be anything, but it's a bit unfair, when she's the one doing the blatant flirting and carrying's on behind his back in this case, to judge as the bum.

 

Goku, if this was your girlfriend would you like it if she was flirting with someone else, the way she is with you, behind your back??. "Should i proceed to ask her out and show her a better time then her previous b/f"... there is no previous boyfriend just yet, they are still together, from what you write. Leave her alone until she's well single, making any move whilst she's emotionally involved with someone else and just after is a bad move all round. Aren't there any single, available girls around you can flirt with and ask out??.

[yes]

here's what i'd do : let her know u'r interested, and BACK OFF. if she wants you, she'll have to go thru breaking up, healing, and THEN she's ready for you. So even if she's interested, u cant be dating her any time soon..... after she breaks up, she's likely to feel guilty n stuff, and some of her negative emotions may point at u since u caused the break up to occur at this particular time ... etc.

 

so just let her know n then WAIT

 

thats what a guy did for me in a situation very similar to yours... and after about 2-3 months, i was ready...

 

if u dotn wait, ull become a rebound, which u may become anyway, but chances are way less if u let her heal first.

 

best of luck!

Hey, I could really use your help on this one. I've been working with this certain girl. We are both hosts at a restaurant so when it's dead we do nothing but talk and flirt hardcore. She also has a b/f so I would think that she would only flirt a little but she flirts majorly with me. I'm picking up these suttle hints that she is liking me but there is the fact of the b/f. She tells me how they always fight and argue, and to me it seems like they are going to break up. They just made up recently from a fight they just had, but the day after that my friend at work asked her when the two of us were going to hook up without me knowing. She comes back by saying, "Does he really like me?" and I was told that it was the good way of asking that. Not the annoyed way as if not another guy wanting me but the i like him so i'm happy to find out that he likes me also. To add to this, two nights before the question was asked by my friend, there was a party at another one of my friend's apartment friday night. I asked her if she was going to go to the party and she comes back by saying "Only if you go". Well of course I went to the party with her expecting to have this great time, but her b/f was there without her knowing so I pretty much left 20 minutes after I got there because they started to argue why he was there and why she was there with me. She went from being totally happy and having a good time with me to a horrible night of fighting with her b/f and then they make up the next day I was told. I'm confused out of my mind and I apologize if I confused you also but I would really appreciate it if you all could let me know what to do. Should I talk to her about what my friend asked and see how she feels, should i proceed to ask her out and show her a better time then her previous b/f, or should I just throw it out the window and not do anything????? Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Thanks to all that help out.

[Goku]

Hey Lilly,

 

About this girl's b/f, he told her that he was going to hang out with his friends that night. That's why she didn't have plans that night because of a previous arguement and his plans with his friends, but wehn we get to the party he comes towards us from a big group of girls he just got done talking to looking all surprised to see her there and then seeing me next to her. She introduced me as a co-worker and friend to him, but about 5 minutes after that they started to argue why he was there talking to women and then her with me. So I wasn't the base of the arguement. I was a small factor and also the way he treats her is s***ty, he is a jackass. The relationship is all about him she tells me. So don't thikn i'm causing them to fight.

[Lilly]

Too cool... could have been either way from what you wrote. Keep in mind though that there's always 3 sides to a story, hers, his and somewhere in the middle. Hope she realises she deserves better than jackass soon and leaves him for greener pastures

[BeenThere]

You're confused because you're blinded by infatuation and your own desire to compete for this girl attentions.

 

If you could step outside of yourself for a second and take second look at this situation from a more objective point of view, you'd see the cold hard truth staring you right in the face.

 

Allow me to give you different perspective...

 

First, this girl, friendly and cute as she might be, pays you a little bit of attention. But she's always complaining about her boyfriend to you. It's the good ol' "damsel in distress" routine. She plays on your sympathies by dishing her boyfriend behind his back...talking about her relationship problems with everyone EXCEPT the guy she calls her boyfriend...even with strangers like you -- preferable "male" strangers??

 

How should you handle it? Well, my advice would be to stop being so smitten and gullible. Sure, you can be friendly and listen to her moan and groan, but the fact remains SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. Be a sounding board if you must, but try to resist entertaining any thoughts of rescuing this drama queen until she finds the integrity to call things off with her boyfriend once and for all. And whatever you do, don't allow yourself to become "rebound boy." Worse yet, the token guy who helps to make her boyfriend jealous so she can stir up the drama and attention she obviously craves.

 

Secondly, are you saying this girl made plans to sneak off behind her boyfriends back to a party where she had intentions of hooking up with you? And then she becomes angry at her boyfriend for showing up and surprising her in mid-game?...And you feel BAD for the girl because "he ruined her good time??"

 

...What the F**K ?!?!?

 

And to top it all off; your STILL scratching your head because this girl made up with her boyfriend rather than break it off with him to be with you?

 

Listen up, Einstein...You got "Sucker" written all over you. If this girl is so willing to play the guy she's with, what makes you think she would treat you any differently even if you were UNLUCKY enough to end up with her.

 

Move on...find a grownup...and leave the highschool games to the adolescents. Wish I could give you a virtual shake!!

 

 

 

Hey, I could really use your help on this one. I've been working with this certain girl. We are both hosts at a restaurant so when it's dead we do nothing but talk and flirt hardcore. She also has a b/f so I would think that she would only flirt a little but she flirts majorly with me. I'm picking up these suttle hints that she is liking me but there is the fact of the b/f. She tells me how they always fight and argue, and to me it seems like they are going to break up. They just made up recently from a fight they just had, but the day after that my friend at work asked her when the two of us were going to hook up without me knowing. She comes back by saying, "Does he really like me?" and I was told that it was the good way of asking that. Not the annoyed way as if not another guy wanting me but the i like him so i'm happy to find out that he likes me also. To add to this, two nights before the question was asked by my friend, there was a party at another one of my friend's apartment friday night. I asked her if she was going to go to the party and she comes back by saying "Only if you go". Well of course I went to the party with her expecting to have this great time, but her b/f was there without her knowing so I pretty much left 20 minutes after I got there because they started to argue why he was there and why she was there with me. She went from being totally happy and having a good time with me to a horrible night of fighting with her b/f and then they make up the next day I was told. I'm confused out of my mind and I apologize if I confused you also but I would really appreciate it if you all could let me know what to do. Should I talk to her about what my friend asked and see how she feels, should i proceed to ask her out and show her a better time then her previous b/f, or should I just throw it out the window and not do anything????? Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Thanks to all that help out.

[Shane27]

If she's always fighting with, and making up with her b/f, that means that she's not ready to break up with him yet, or else she would have left him already. and if you try to move in on that scene, you're probably going to get hurt. you have to decide if it's worth the heartache.