Boyfriend overly jealous, need ..

[mandi1369420]

Hi all! Thanks in advance for any replies or advice. And I appologize for how long this is, I meant for it to be short but kind of went on and on lol. I met my boyfriend over the internet, on a dating site actually lol. We met in person in January, and things moved pretty quickly between us. At the end of March we both signed a lease on an apartment in the town he lived in and got engaged. We didn't set a wedding date, we just liked to talk of marriage and we both knew we wanted to commit to that one day. So, not long after that I ended up getting pregnant. We lived together for awhile, and I was able to see that he had a jealous streak from the beginning but I really didn't know how bad it was. His family even told me he was overly jealous lol.

 

Mind you, I don't mind some jealousy. A little jealousy is nice because it shows that the person cares about you. But my boyfriend would go from being so loving, and affectionate, and caring, the "perfect" boyfriend to being so overly jealous it just kind of drove me away. I've never cheated on anyone and I'd never cheat on my boyfriend, I love him so much. His jealousy started out with him accusing me of wanted to sleep with his brother.. His brother! Just because me and his brother talked to each other when I was at my boyfriend's mom's house. And we talked in front of my boyfriend. And then every guy I was friends with, he'd tell me not to talk to. He said every one of my guy friends wanted me...

 

So I stopped talking to most of them so he wouldn't fight with me about it. And then it got to the point where I'd wake up in the morning and be out of cigarettes, and I'd walk to the store to get some. The store was about a block away from the house. And I'd get back home about 5 minutes later, and he'd accuse me of using the payphone that's up at the store. And he'd accuse me of stopping to see someone. lol how could I even see someone that quickly? It's a little rediculous. I've never used the payphone either, I had no reason to. And then even when I'd take the trash out he would accuse me of stopping at the other apartments to sleep with other guys. And I never even talked to any of the neighbors once.. I put up with all that because I do truly love him, and when he's not being jealous he's the most wonderful guy. But he really does switch quickly, from being easy to get along with and funny and affectionate to angry and jealous and possessive..

 

He's been in anger management 4 times and he's only 20. And he told me he thinks he's bipolar. Uggh. I ended up moving back in with my parents, and told him that I needed some space because his jealousy was driving me up the wall. I reassure him that I love him and want him and only him everytime he accuses me of something. So now we live about an hour away from each other, and his jealousy has only gotten worse. I'm always at home when he calls. in fact I hardly ever even leave the house. he still doesn't understand why i moved back with my parents.. or atleast he says he doesnt. now we'll talk on the phone every day to every couple of days. anywhere from like an hour to 8 hours. Basically whenever i can get ahold of him. He's staying with his ex's sister.. I trust him, but it makes me a little nervous sometimes.

 

His ex's sister is married but his ex is over there all the time. He'll say he'll be at home and I'll call and he's not. And then when I talk to him later he'll say he was there, but he'll make up an excuse and say that they just didn't want to get off the phone, or that they didn't know he was there.. Something like that. When I talk to him he'll just suddenly accuse me of covering up the phone to tak to someone else, and I've never done that.. When we argue on the phone (which is alot lately because he's always accusing me and it's gotten to the point where it angers me alot) he accuses me of holding the phone up so everyone in my house can here what he's saying, which is just nuts because I'm usually just sitting alone in my room.

 

He accuses me of cheating so much that it makes me wonder.. is he the one who's actually cheating? Is he trying to push me away? Or is he just that insecure?

I think he may be trying to push me away, because he's not good at rejecting people.. But then he sits and tells me how much he loves me.

 

AHH I don't know. I'm just really confused. I want this to work because we're having a little girl together but I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. And I've had a gut feeling that he has something going on. Sorry this is so long, I really needed to vent and I really need some advice... Thanks so much

 

Mandi

[bluechocolate]

I'll spare you the talk about moving way too fast.

 

He's been in anger management 4 times and he's only 20.

 

This guy just sounds like a whole heap of trouble.

 

I take it you're about the same age?

 

If you weren't pregnant would you hesitate to leave him? Personally, baby or not, I think you should.

[Guest]

Hi all! Thanks in advance for any replies or advice. And I appologize for how long this is, I meant for it to be short but kind of went on and on lol. I met my boyfriend over the internet, on a dating site actually lol. We met in person in January, and things moved pretty quickly between us. At the end of March we both signed a lease on an apartment in the town he lived in and got engaged. We didn't set a wedding date, we just liked to talk of marriage and we both knew we wanted to commit to that one day. So, not long after that I ended up getting pregnant. We lived together for awhile, and I was able to see that he had a jealous streak from the beginning but I really didn't know how bad it was. His family even told me he was overly jealous lol.

 

Mind you, I don't mind some jealousy. A little jealousy is nice because it shows that the person cares about you. But my boyfriend would go from being so loving, and affectionate, and caring, the "perfect" boyfriend to being so overly jealous it just kind of drove me away. I've never cheated on anyone and I'd never cheat on my boyfriend, I love him so much. His jealousy started out with him accusing me of wanted to sleep with his brother.. His brother! Just because me and his brother talked to each other when I was at my boyfriend's mom's house. And we talked in front of my boyfriend. And then every guy I was friends with, he'd tell me not to talk to. He said every one of my guy friends wanted me...

 

So I stopped talking to most of them so he wouldn't fight with me about it. And then it got to the point where I'd wake up in the morning and be out of cigarettes, and I'd walk to the store to get some. The store was about a block away from the house. And I'd get back home about 5 minutes later, and he'd accuse me of using the payphone that's up at the store. And he'd accuse me of stopping to see someone. lol how could I even see someone that quickly? It's a little rediculous. I've never used the payphone either, I had no reason to. And then even when I'd take the trash out he would accuse me of stopping at the other apartments to sleep with other guys. And I never even talked to any of the neighbors once.. I put up with all that because I do truly love him, and when he's not being jealous he's the most wonderful guy. But he really does switch quickly, from being easy to get along with and funny and affectionate to angry and jealous and possessive..

 

He's been in anger management 4 times and he's only 20. And he told me he thinks he's bipolar. Uggh. I ended up moving back in with my parents, and told him that I needed some space because his jealousy was driving me up the wall. I reassure him that I love him and want him and only him everytime he accuses me of something. So now we live about an hour away from each other, and his jealousy has only gotten worse. I'm always at home when he calls. in fact I hardly ever even leave the house. he still doesn't understand why i moved back with my parents.. or atleast he says he doesnt. now we'll talk on the phone every day to every couple of days. anywhere from like an hour to 8 hours. Basically whenever i can get ahold of him. He's staying with his ex's sister.. I trust him, but it makes me a little nervous sometimes.

 

His ex's sister is married but his ex is over there all the time. He'll say he'll be at home and I'll call and he's not. And then when I talk to him later he'll say he was there, but he'll make up an excuse and say that they just didn't want to get off the phone, or that they didn't know he was there.. Something like that. When I talk to him he'll just suddenly accuse me of covering up the phone to tak to someone else, and I've never done that.. When we argue on the phone (which is alot lately because he's always accusing me and it's gotten to the point where it angers me alot) he accuses me of holding the phone up so everyone in my house can here what he's saying, which is just nuts because I'm usually just sitting alone in my room.

 

He accuses me of cheating so much that it makes me wonder.. is he the one who's actually cheating? Is he trying to push me away? Or is he just that insecure?

I think he may be trying to push me away, because he's not good at rejecting people.. But then he sits and tells me how much he loves me.

 

AHH I don't know. I'm just really confused. I want this to work because we're having a little girl together but I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. And I've had a gut feeling that he has something going on. Sorry this is so long, I really needed to vent and I really need some advice... Thanks so much

 

Mandi

 

Mandi,

 

You should really follow your gut feeling. once this little girl is born everything you think you know will change.As far as jealousy my boyfirend is the worst. I have dumped him twice for it, but for some crazy reason i am so in love with the him that is not crazy jealous and possive, that i don't want anyone but him. one time my boyfirend went in a store to get a drink and when he got out i realized i wanted one too..so i ran in really quickly and i had to wait i line for these two old gessers to cash in they're scratch tickets and then the cashier got relived with a old lady whom was so slow.

 

when I got to the car my boyfriend accused me of knowing the male cashier and i must have flirted and gave him my number...if we go out to eat and i look around i must be looking at a guy and if he see's one i must have slept with him...he's borderline phyco and it drives me nuts...so my advice is to think of yourself first because you cannot make your daugher happy if your not!!!! much love and luck to you... Tonya

[mandi1369420]

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. Yes I'm about the same age as my boyfriend, he turned 20 in July and I turn 19 here in October. Yeah I know I'm young, and I know we moved too fast. If I could take that back now and move slower I would. If I wasn't pregnant, no I wouldn't hesitate to leave him.

I do love him, as Tonya said "I love the him that is not jealous and possessive" but I wouldn't put up with this much jealousy had the baby not been here. Without trust is there anything at all? He says he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to trust me. Also, I forgot to add that he has a son that's 2 years old, whom he sees every weekend.

"one time my boyfirend went in a store to get a drink and when he got out i realized i wanted one too.."

That sounds alot like the kind of thing my boyfriend does.When I'd go up to the store he'd ask me if the cashier guy gave me his number, and if I want him, etc. The funny thing is the man who works there is old and nasty lol.

"my advice is to think of yourself first because you cannot make your daugher happy if your not!"

I never thought about it like that.. That's true. =(

So.. I wish this could work but maybe I should just give up on trying to be in a relationship with him. I do love him and I miss him when he's away but this is driving me nuts!

[britchick]

My ex was like your boyfriend.....scary! So jealous it was unbelievable. Eventually it ended up with him raising his hand and I walked. We had two kids so I know it's hard to leave. Even when we had been apart for years, he still bad mouthed me to my children, called me a whore etc. although I never cheated on him. It got to a point that when my daughter hit puberty he started doing the same thing to her, again it started off in small ways. I tried talking to him but it didn't do any good, it all came to a head when he punched her. He is no longer allowed any contact with either of his children. Be really careful with a partner that is as jealous as yours it can all become dangerous.

[superconductor]

mandi1369420[/url]]I don't mind some jealousy. A little jealousy is nice because it shows that the person cares about you.

No it doesn't.

 

It shows that the jealous person is weak.

 

There is absolutely no upside to jealousy. None whatsoever. If your man is jealous, he's got a problem.