JoL Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 Basically this is the dillema I face everytime i date someone..my parents. I live in Australia, a very diverse and multicultural country- it seems natural to be able to date whomever you chose, right? Well not according to my parents.. They (mainly my mother) are very stuck in their frame of mind that you should "stick to your own kind". My mother has given me lectures on how I should only ever consider marrying someone who is the same background because the FAMILY will be happier with that decision...the FAMILY...what about me?! And well, My boyfriend is a different ethnic background than myself. She has just learnt of my current boyfriend and already she is giving me the silent treatment, sulking, putting major guilt trips on me and making me feel like a rotten person for not "thinking of how she would feel" (she did this the last 2 times she knew about guys i dated). She has already done the whole "all these other young people find boyfriends/girlfriends of the same culture, why can't you be like them!" She basically acussed me of falling in love with every guy i have ever met (i have had 3 proper relationships in my life, have never slept around or anything of the such!) because I have had three boyfriends (!!!!!!!!!!!). It is so frustrating, I feel like I am being suffocated with their wishes and demands. I do not want to isolate my family, but at the same time I do want to make my own decisions- I am a 23 year old woman, not a 13 year old child. How does one deal with such immense pressure? Anyone else going through/gone through something similar? Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 If you were living in a land where the dominant culture supported your mother's wishes, then it would be extraordinarily difficult to ignore them. But you don't. Australia is much like Canada in a multicultural sense; multiculturalism is supported within the framework of Canadian laws and customs. In short, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Or, when in Australia, do as the Australians do. Dealing with the pressure is another matter. I can't speak from any experience on that, so I'll have to give the floor to someone else with more knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 Get an aboriginal girlfriend for a while. She'll soon change her tune. (assuming of course that you're not aboriginal) Seriously though, you said it, you're a 23 year old woman. Start treating your mother like a 13 year old child. If you must rise to her bait, tut-tut about how you didn't think she could be so close minded, express sadness at your realisation that she is not concerned for your happiness. Better yet, move out of the house & date whomever you want, whenever you want. Link to post Share on other sites
ZICKAR Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 "stick to your own kind". My mother has given me lectures on how I should only ever consider marrying someone who is the same background because the FAMILY will be happier with that decision...the FAMILY...what about me?! She has just learnt of my current boyfriend and already she is giving me the silent treatment, sulking, putting major guilt trips on me and making me feel like a rotten person for not "thinking of how she would feel" (she did this the last 2 times she knew about guys i dated). She has already done the whole "all these other young people find boyfriends/girlfriends of the same culture, why can't you be like them!" Are you sure you are in Australia not Lebanon It is the same here but its more about the relegion Christians and Muslims and other sects :yes5: anyway what your mother doing is reffered to as "Emotional Blackmail"...Its pretty hard to deal with but I say let's cross that bridge when we come to it...or in other words just keep everything under wraps for the time beeing and when something serious like a marriag comes a long you could fight your battleswith them cause know it isn't worth it and it will make you tired.... Besides you should also use Reverse Emotional Blackmail where you also talk about them not loving you enough if they wouldn't allow you to persue your happiness and stuff...that kind of talk and you should also give them plenty to feel guilty about and making it clear that their negative attitude is bothering you .... drop meals and go to bed pretty early...Look sad and care less about your look ...things will change beleive me Link to post Share on other sites
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