i don't know what else to do

[CareBare83]

Hi I am new to this forum. I don't know where to post my problem, so my apologies a head of time for the mistake. It's late, and I should of been in bed 3 hours ago. This will be a novel, sorry again, to warn you.

 

I am 23 years old and I have no sexual desire or an emotional desire to be with anybody. If anybody ever wanted and not wanted to truly be alone, it would be me and I am. I've had the desire problem for 6 years. When I was a teen all I could think about was sex and how amazing it would be and how I wanted to grow up to do it with my one. I was 17 and made my then-bf wait 9 months before I would do anything. I had desire up until then. When I lost my virginity, it was so akward, and I had no physical desire at the time, I was nervous. I didn't like it and didn't feel anything. My sex desire diminished after that. I tried with my bf several times without the physical desire because he thought "maybe if I was 'broken in' it would start to feel better. He was 18 and was a virgin too, so we really didn't know what we were doing. Nothing worked, and I didn't let him touch me anymore. He was loving and supported me. He did without, for 4 years. We had sex maybe 2 times in the 4 years because I just let him do what he wanted even though I didn't physically want it.. I didn't like it, but I wanted to make him happy.. I pleased him orally, a lot and he was okay with that. He was so in love with me, but a wedge came between us. I felt horrible. I kept blaming myself, and couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I broke up with him to free him from my problems, I didn't want to take him "down" with me. I wanted him to have a normal happy sexually active life with someone else that didn't have my problem. He couldn't understand but obeyed. He didn't deserve it. I cried for weeks.. soon after a co-worker I never really noticed emailed me, and was flirty, I flirted back just jokenly. I don't know what happened, the emails got more than flirty, and my sexual desire that was dead woke up for him.. at work though. I couldn't have him, he was already involved and had kids in an unhappy relationship (I know I am the bad guy in the story) but that didn't stop our conversations and attraction. He was also twice my age. He separated from his wife and lived about 45 minutes away from her. We never were able to get together when I desired it and imagined how amazing it would be with him. Then one night a few of us went out to have a few drinks and him and I were the only ones left I went back to his place.. I was sobering up, but I didn't have any sexual desire that night, nothing.. no kissing or touching could do it and I couldn't understand why my mind was in left field AGAIN with him, but we had sex anyways, and I felt nothing again, just like with my ex. I wanted him at work when I couldn't have him.. my heart is interested and my mind tells me to stay away, but I wanted him. I just moved into my own place 3 months ago, now I have my own place and can bring anyone over to have as I want with the privacy. My desire is DEAD now. I've had so many occassions where I could of done something and the physical desire is gone. I live close to work, I could even with the co-worker easily, but now that I have the means, physically isn't working anymore. I spoke with my doctor who brushed it off "What's normal anyways? You are too healthy for that problem!" and wouldn't talk to me when I told her there's something wrong with me. She gave me a b/c pill and said that will help me.. I'm on aleeve. It hasn't helped me at all.. I've been taking it for 8-9 months now, and I am not sexually active on it.. I have the hardest motivation to even pay for it.. why bother? why waste my money on b/c when I can't even physically have sex. I feel like a waste. 2 Months before I went on it while I still lived with my parents, I met another co-worker (yea bad trend) at a 5 star hotel..a beautiful beautiful male, all my female co-workers adore him, attractive, charming, great smile.. we kissed and touched and as much as I wanted him mentally, physically it was NOT there. I didn't have sex with him that night and I wanted to mentally so badly. I'm still friends with my ex and I would love to be able to be sexually active with him and no matter how hard he tries to be sensual and sweet.. physically it's not working. What is wrong with me? All of my girlfriends are the opposites.. I'm tired of hearing about their sexcavades and watching them happily have babies. I feel like dead weight anymore. I have nothing going on in my life to be unhappy BUT this. I am successful and happy with my career, I have my own place now that I love, I am close with my parents and have the best pet cat in the world with me. I'm the happiest I've ever been now on my own, but this problem has plaqued me for SIX years. IT is getting to me, I cry myself to sleep, I cry at work and have to wash my face when I think about it. My best friend at work is my age, pregnant with baby #4 and just goes "What can I say I love sex, I never turn my husband down" and I just nervously smile and say "yeah me too" holding back how much it hurts and wonder how much of a freak I am. I'm 23, I should be having sex or wanting it 2-3 times a day.. I use to before I actually had it. I don't even know what it's like to actually have it when you physicially want it and enjoy it. I have another doctor's appointment to address this problem with the same doctor who blew me off in 4 weeks. I'm not optomistic. I sometimes don't want to wake up anymore and read another "this is the SEX issue" on the cover of a magazine or watch another pregnant co-worker walk around. I go to Wal-Mart and bitterly watch women with multiple kids and question why me, why me, all the time.

 

The internet is anonymous and I hope I can talk to someone who can help me. I really do not know what else to do. I feel like my entire being, my self worth is crumbling over this issue. I bought provestra online and took it for 2 weeks with no results. I tried the cream with it that "guarantees" results, and nothing. I don't know what else to do.

 

Thanks for reading, sorry about the novel. Goodnight.

 

-A

[silentcharon]

Wow. Sure, everyone has problems getting horny sometimes, but your problem is a serious one, as it has gone on for a very long time.

 

I would suggest going to different doctors for a second or a third opinion. I disagree with what your doctor did- no doctor should ever say, ""What's normal anyways? You are too healthy for that problem!" That may be the general census for everyone, but you are the one who has a problem regardless, and your doctor is supposed to help you with that.

 

Your doctor should have explored all the issues pertaining your 'problem'. Hormones? No problem, try a different birth control pill. Maybe it's unrelated to that, maybe it's a different hormone affecting your libido. Stressed? Hmm, take a break from work, or go see a counsellor. She should have checked out your physical, mental and emotional components of your body.

 

Go to a different doctor, please!

 

Have you considered that your problem may be a mental issue? You could try a sex therapist on top of seeing another doctor. I'm pretty sure that most sex therapists have heard about this sort of thing and may be better able to help you than a doctor will.

 

I don't know, I'm just rambling. Hope I make sense!

[britchick]

Can I ask, is this problem only when you are with someone else? What I mean is if you masturbate, is that good? If you don't I would suggest starting asap, get to know what you like and what feels good for you. If this is ok then your problem is psychological and not physical.

This is a really big subject and there could be all sorts of things that could be the root of this problem, it would be quite unusual for it to have a physical cause. Do you suffer a lot of guilt about sex? Also, it's not unusual for sex to be a bit of a let down at first and I've found, the less I have the less I want, the more I get the more I want!