Is she lying to me?

[thecount]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now. We've had our ups and downs, but who doesn't. I love her, she love me. that's what counts right?

Anyway, the last couple of months she's been acting a little distant. Asked her what's wrong. she says "nothing, everythings ok. don't worry baby". I just didn't believe her. I just had this gut feeling something was wrong.

She had sent me a bunch of e-mails with jokes. One of the e-mails we'rent ment for me it was to a friend that she hasn't spoken to in a while. (it was one of those e-mails where they correspont back and forth).

The e-mail started off with my G/F last respond saying "forget what I said before. It isn't going to happen". So I read on some more to the begining. and it said that she's been talking to her ex-boyfriend, (they were dating for 5 years) and things are starting to look good, and it looks like we'll be back together again by the end of the summer. My heart dropped.

When I got home from work that night I told her and she said that she was sorry, and didn't know what she was thinking. Talking to him bought back good memories, but that's all they were. She told me that she loves me and only me, and didn't want to hurt me in anyway. She also said that she will never contact him again. He has a girlfriend which he purchased a house with. She also said that they only spoke on the phone, that they never were together at all.

This sent me to do some crazy things that i thought I will never do. I started snooping. Went to her cell phone account, went through her cell phone, e-mail... This drove me nuts. I told her I was doing this, and it just had to stop.

She in turn said that she's hurt by my snooping. Can you believe the nerve? she's hurt? what about me? I should be ok with what she did or was about to do?

She also said since she's turning 25 this year, she feels like she's getting OLD. she'll be out of college, and working and it's scaring her. Is this normal for women to feel old at 25?

She says she needs time to thinK. Not if she wants to be with me she says. she wants to be with me. But moving in together and things like that. taken the next step in our relationship. i told her. There are 2 of us in this relationship. I'm the one you should be speaking to about the moving in and thigs like that. what If I don't want to. well, she never gave that a thought...

I really don't know. Do I believe her, or am i blinded by love. I really don't trust her 100% right now.

[Returning]

hey thecount,

 

While there isn't a problem there isn't a problem. The only thing that is going to cause a problem is your emotions and the lack of trust you have developed. Being in a relationship is not two people acting as one, it should be two individuals who do different things but like travelling the path of life together, enhancing each other, supporting each other, appreciating each other. When you stop feeling like 'yourself' in a relationship it tends to go downhill from there. Let her be herself and you be yourself. Try and work on the trust issue and put your emotions back in the box, otherwise your worst nightmare may become a self fullfilling prophecy.

[laRubiaBonita]

if i were you, count, she would be an afterthought already, and i would be healing from the break up.

 

trust is sooooo extremely hard to get back, especially when there has been lies.

 

so what do you two see for the future?

[Tsiehta]

Count, I felt the same way about my gf toward the end. I asked her if I had anything to worry about, she said "No! Everything is perfect"

 

Trust your instincts. Advocate for your rights in a relationship. If you are bothered by something, let her know. If she dismisses it, or doesn't rectify it, you need to protect yourself because she's not going to.

 

I got burned and lied to because I trusted, even though my gut was telling me that something was amiss.

[thecount]

That's what I get for being too trusting. I did all the right things. I guess it's true. Nice guys always finish last.

My ex-wife did the samething, and now she wants me back. not chance, I gave her way too many chances. After a while you just go numb. all the love you had for the person just goes away. I dont want that to happen now also, but my g/f is not giving me much to work with here.

Boy am I miserble.

[tanbark813]

You're Plan B. She'll stick with you so long as her ex doesn't want to get back together. But if he ever does then chances are she'll go running to him. She's telling you you have nothing to worry about and that she loves you because she doesn't want to be completely single. Be wary if she asks for "space".

[laRubiaBonita]

That's what I get for being too trusting. I did all the right things. I guess it's true. Nice guys always finish last.

My ex-wife did the samething, and now she wants me back. not chance, I gave her way too many chances. After a while you just go numb. all the love you had for the person just goes away. I dont want that to happen now also, but my g/f is not giving me much to work with here.

Boy am I miserble.

 

I do not think you are "too trusting".... you just trust shady women, historically.

[thecount]

I guess I'm waiting for that one last thing that she might do. Like sneeze the wrong way, and then it's over. It almost always happens like that.

Then I go numb, and the breakup doesn't hurt at all. I've never left a person I loved. it's when they just keep picking on the wound that I finally had enough, and then no matter how many times they call or say "I'm sorry" it just doesn't work anymore.

The thought of her ex calling her back has always been on my mind. He has called before and she's told me about it.

Her thing is that it was bad in the end with him. i told her well, You never start dating someone because everything was bad in the begining. That's just stupid. yeah everything was bad in the end. that's why you left. she was just hoping that he would change, and he didn't.

I know people never change, if they do it's only to get you back and only for a little while. then they are back to their regular programming. I know he did hit her a few times. Why would any woman want to be in a relationship like that? Becuase he has money? I hope that's not the case.

 

i don't know if I said this before, but at 25. do women start to feel old? because ever since she said that she's been acting like a little child. and it's not like her. The things she says and does it's out of her cheractor.