youngandhopeful Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Ive been going out with my girlfriend for just over 10 months now, and although I have always enjoyed her company, i feel im missing out on time with my friends. In a week i spend about 1 hour with my friends, and that is at college in between lessons. this has been getting me down, as i dont want to hurt her by saying i want to spend less time with her. Anyway for a while i have suspected a girl at college fancies me, and i too have strong feelings for her. I would never ever cheat on my girlfriend, or any girlfriend for that matter (as i dont agree with it) but this other girl has so much in common with me. We have been out for a few walks with her dog, and we chat alot, as she works in the same pub as me. Basically i am looking to see what you people suggest i do. Do i forget my feelings about this girl (however strong) or do i leave my girlfriend for her. I know in my head i should stay with my girlfriend, but my heart is crying out to be with the other girl. I dont think i would have the guts to tell my girlfriend i no longer want to go out. For months she has been saying im "the one" and i have never felt the same about her, although i do love her to bits. Im in a bit of a mess, and my head is all confused, so im turning to you guys, and girls as you give great advice. p.s. thankyou for reading this, I understand its a long thread Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 p.s. thankyou for reading this, I understand its a long thread First off, not it isn't You are obviously quite young, I think you need to follow your heart in this instance... It is a different situation if you were married, had kids, and a house together! Be with the one you desire... just be sure of what you are giving up. The grass is always greener as they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 You would rather spend less time with her and more with your friends. There is a girl you have strong feelings for. You have never felt that she might be "the one". Perhaps it's time to reconsider the relationship. I'd ask myself these questions: - How would I feel towards my gf if I din't know the other girl? - Would I consider breaking up with her if there was not the other girl? If you'd be tempted to break up anyway, I'd say break up with her. So you'll both save time. Whatever you do, I hope it's the right choice. It's great that you do not consider cheating on her, :) but try to make up your mind soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandhopeful Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 I never expect to stay with my girlfriend for life, but i just couldn't deal with the guilt which comes with breaking up. But the other girl would give me the "goal" (if you like) or drive to call it the end. Is this wrong. My girlfriend is also very jealous, and although has no motive, she has asked me if i have cheated on her, various times in our relationship. I seem to get the feeling she has low confidence, and i cant bare to see her upset Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandhopeful Posted August 17, 2006 Author Share Posted August 17, 2006 I also should have mentioned that the new girl also has a boyfriend, but i know their relationship has been unstable for a while. To make it worse he is a lad i know quite well. I hate life, its so complicated lol Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted August 17, 2006 Share Posted August 17, 2006 Ahh, I wish my life was as "complicated" as yours mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandhopeful Posted August 18, 2006 Author Share Posted August 18, 2006 thanks for all your quick replies. Does anyone else have any idea what is a realistic thing to do is? I need someone's "outside" opinion Link to post Share on other sites
bethbeatrice Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 If she thinks you are "the one" and you don't feel the same way, I recommend letting her go. It is going to hurt both of you, but it is better than essentially leading her on. It is nice to know that you care enough about her to not want to hurt her but sometimes "if you love someone, you have to let them go..." Good luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 This is quite strange... I have the same "problem", if you will... I love my girlfriend of 8 months very much, and she honestly loves me back, but over the summer I have grown some strong feelings for this other girl (who has a bf) who seems to be interested in me as well, and it just seems like one of those fairy tales where you meet someone who just seems to fit you so perfectly. For the past week, we have hung out a lot and talked from midnight till the morning on multiple occasions... we had a LOT in common. And well, just a couple days ago, her bf broke up with her... and it just all seems as if some force is just telling me that it was meant to be, however unrealistic. It feels like all the confusion is clearing up and two options just appear... break up to be with the new girl or stay together. What my doubts are though: 1. if I were to break up with my girlfriend... there is still that chance that the other girl is in fact NOT interested and I'd just be left a fool, a lonely fool. and 2. I do NOT want to break up with my girlfriend just to be a rebound guy. But... as Amulet said, we are young. Now is the time to make those mistakes... right? I'm thinking through the: "if you do not see any future with your current girlfriend... take the risk" thing a whole lot and am just as confused as you are... so its not just you =) Sorry if any of this came out confusing... my mind is a mess Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandhopeful Posted August 23, 2006 Author Share Posted August 23, 2006 yeah your situation is almost the same as mine. Its a tough decision, but im going to hold out for a month or so, if i feel the same way after that, then im going to have to leave my gf Link to post Share on other sites
BigRed Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 You said she had a bf. Whom, you know rather well. Would you call him your friend? I mean, I have been in similar situations and I choose the girl over the guy. Afterwards I felt terrible for fighting over a girl with my best friend. I try to live my life threw this saying "Bros before Hoes" or "Dicks before Chicks". Its just never good if you go against who you have been friends with for a while. Just for a girl. There are always other "Fish" out in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted August 24, 2006 Share Posted August 24, 2006 I guess do whatever makes you feel good! Do either of your current gfs know you aren't that into them? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandhopeful Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Well just to let you guys, and girls know whats happened in the last few weeks: Me and my girlfriend split up, i felt i had to end it. She did however find out about the other girl, yet is prepared to let it go if i take her back. I dont want to get back with her, and she has now come to terms with it. As for the other girl, she is still texting and we still go for the occasional walk. Her boyfriend found out too, but forgave her. I feel i shouldn't go for the walks anymore, as i have nothing to loose but she does. Ive told her my feelings but she doesn't seem bothered that she may get found out "again." This makes me think she would rather be with me, and the texts i got last night make it more so. So why is she still with the other guy? Im sure she isn't just teasing me, but i wouldnt want to ask her outright if she wants me more than him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngandhopeful Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 another update. She has left her boyfriend and we have had much "closer" contact. Her ex now wants to have my balls on a stick, which i cant blame him for. The last few weeks my life has been turned upside down too often. Its been crazy, and i dont know what i want anymore. Im worn out, its ridiculous really. Thought you may like to know, thanks everyone Link to post Share on other sites
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