Men in Long-Term Relationships Who Don't Want to Marry

[Guest]

If he's not sure you're the one after EIGHT YEARS, walk away. Find someone who does want to marry you. Sorry hon, he's just not that into you. He's not. The sooner you realize that and walk away, the sooner you can find someone worthwhile.

 

Remember ladies, as Greg says, don't waste the pretty. You're making excuses for him-all it boils down to is that he's too chickensh*t to tell you that he's not in love with you the way you want him to be. A man who was in love with you would want to marry you without you hinting about it. He wouldn't care if he was "financially stable" (how many of us are?) and he wouldn't make you wait TEN YEARS. He's delaying things because he's not sure you're the one he wants to be with. I would leave him.

 

I agree. Well there might be a little bit more to it than that but bottom line is summed up in the first paragraph. Your goal is to get married and you have made this known to him. He flat out told you that right now that is not on his agenda and its not open for further discussion and you don't know if he will ever change the way he feels. Eight years is a long time. How many more years do you have to throw away???

[Guest]

I could have written your post myself a few months ago. I was in a 9 yr relationship, we were high school sweethearts. I so badly wanted to get married. All my friends had taken the plunge and were planning families and I had yet to even be engaged and was in the longest relationship of them all. I too thougth I just wasn't pretty or smart enough, something had to be wrong with me. Marriage is symbolic - and yes when thinking logically you do have to question the validity of putting so much behind something based souly an idea. But then I realized that you have the right to want it just as much as he has the right not to. No side is better. I know this isn't what you were hopeing to hear, but I ended up ending our relationship. The clencher for me was when we sat through our 9yr anniversary dinner in silence. I struggled to make conversation but I might as well have been talking to my shrimp alfredo. But there are happy endings. I am now engaged to be married to a long time friend. I have everything with this man that I had ever wanted in my previous relationship. When you go from being unappreciated to appreciated it's feels 100 x's better than you could ever imagine.

 

I just love a happy endings!!!! ) Good Luck!!!

[crazy_grl]

Again, as to negative attitudes, it might be interesting to note that women are by far the one's most likely to be taking anti-depressants such as Welbutrin, Zoloft, Prozac and a host of other medications. As a rule, women are far more likely to have emotional problems requiring medication. So many women can't seem to face life if their not doped up.

 

This could have something to do with women being more open to their emotions and more willing to accept that they need help than men. In fact, I read that specifically from a person who has a degree in psychology. I can't recall who, but you can probably look it up. I'll accept the opinion of someone with credentials over your completely unbacked claims any day.

 

I suspect that I struck a nerve on the STD issue, as statistically speaking, the vast majority of women under the age of forty are literally riddled with Sexually Transmitted Infections like HPV, Genital Herpes, and Chlamydia. Very, very few women in this age bracket have escaped permanent life-long infection with either HPV or Herpes. VERY few. So, I realize that I won't win any popularity contest by bringing up a sore issue for most women who read my comments.

 

You didn't hit a nerve. You just said something colossally stupid. Please provide the studies to support your claims. I'd also like to see some studies that involve comparisions between the rates of STDs in men and women. STDs are not just a problem with women. Claiming so makes you sound like a moron.

 

Wasn't the first human case of HIV reported in a man? If I use your 'logic', I can make all kinds of ridiculous claims about the state of men and how dirty they all are, how they like having sex with monkeys, etc. etc. Oh, and it was a gay man and it happened in the 80's. By that we can conclude that all men are turning to sex with other men, because they're disillusioned and feel hatred toward women. Men are filthy and carry diseases to women once they finally give up the fight for happiness and independence and decide to lock themselves into the torture of marriage.

 

Does that sound stupid to you? That's how you sound. And I'm not saying that because you offended me. You haven't. I'd find your absurd conclusions to be pretty comical if it weren't so sad that you believe them.

[Christopher 1]

Ladies;

 

It pains me to see your distress, as I know that most of you want to get married. It's a normal desire. There is nothing wrong with it. But, fewer and fewer of you will be able to find a man because men, in spite of their BLATANT STUPIDITY, are beginning to slowly wake up. We ALL know a lot of guys who have had their tails handed to them in the divorce court. Almost every man I know has been thoroughly arse-raped in the divorce courts here in my state, and I know men from all walks of life and socio-economic levels. The story is usually the same.

 

This is the end result of your "liberation". Don't get me wrong; if a woman wants to be liberated and a feminist, that IS her right. I don't subscribe to the "kitchen and the bedroom" theory. However, don't expect a man to want to MARRY you. It's like marrying a guy. Men are attracted to the feminine. We want to protect a woman. Provide for her. Spend our life with her. Buy her perfume and flowers. That, too, is normal. We don't want to marry an aggressive, domineering, "empowered" woman. Talk about a turn-off!

 

We have simply found out that it JUST ISN'T WORTH THE EFFORT!

 

The cost of pursuing a woman is emotionally draining, and women are insanely cruel in the dating/mating game. Then comes marraige, when they get really nasty. Then meopause. Ah, the lunacy of menapause. Somewhere along the way divorce fits into the picture, and then the situation becomes hopeless. For the man, I mean.

 

I am not trying to offend, but please ask yourselves precisely WHAT you are bringing to the table in marraige. BE HONEST! Is it your sunny disposition? Your mood swings? Your out-of-control spending habits? Your radical weight gain after the wedding? Your frigidity and sexual hang-ups? Your manipulative mother who seeks to sabatoge the marraige? Your STD's? Your threats of divorce? Your lack of loyalty? Your back-stabbing of your husband? Your adulterous affair with another man or woman?

 

Your cellulite?

 

What?

 

Read "The Rules", a book by a pair of female authors. This book turned me off to women more than almost anything I have read from the male perspective. It offered insight into just how cold and manipulative women are. The book shook me up badly. But that's YOU, ladies. In the book, I mean. The authors were merely being honest about how women view marraige- and men. You have no respect for us at all.

 

Did you really think ALL men would just sit there blindly forever and allow themselves to be walked over? Admittedly, a lot do- and will. But things they be a changin'. The internet is awash with websites warning me to avoid marraige and women. I have numerous books in my library, many written by attorneys, advising men to NEVER get married.

 

My friend, Don, was taking care of some matters relating to his will last year. Like me, he has never married and has a lovely all-paid-for home. His attorney, an older and very wise man gave him one last bit of advice before the visit was over. He told Don to NEVER marry or co-habitate with a woman. EVER. He said that the legal ramifications were too severe for a man, and that no man should ever allow a woman to even spend the night in his home. The dangers of false domestic violence charges and rape charges are almost impossible to beat, and the man is entirely at the mercy of the woman in such cases. This from an attorney.

 

Understand that things will NOT be getting better. Most of us don't hate you. It would be a violation of everything I stand for to hate someone. Most men, like myself, simply have no respect for you, often times bordering on the contempt. Most men are finding out that we can live life quite nicely without YOU. Most of us would rather have had it otherwise, but YOU have made it impossible. You have become the over-priced luxury items that few men want- or can afford. Simply put, you just aren't worth the effort. Again, I'm not saying this to be rude or hurt your feelings, but to make you think.

 

WHY should a man even want to bother with you?

 

Last year, a female friend of mine (a good woman, by the way) was trying to set me up on a date with a friend of hers. This friend of hers is forty, teaches at the university level, and at the time was a senior editor for a large newspaper. Good looking, and in great shape. I never met her in person, but saw her on the news when a fellow member of her staff won a rather prestigious journalism award.

 

Dang. Talk about well preserved.

 

I digress. We spoke on the phone a number of times, and we exchanged a number of e-mails. She wanted to go out with me, and apparently had never read "The Rules". She was a lady, but I was definately being pursued. She was intensely fascinated with my lack of romantic experience, and I rather imagine she wanted to be my "first". lol

 

The day of the date, actually an hour before she left her office for the day, I sent her an e-mail saying that, regretably, I didn't want to go out with her. Just like that. Now, part of me, even now, cringes when I think about it. I just don't treat people that way. Ever. But I did. Why? Was I trying to be cruel? No. I just didn't have any respect for her. I have lost all respect for women. I have related this situation to a lot of male friends, and tried to get their perspective. I have received a lot of varying responses, but not one man thought I did anything wrong. The general view was that women are harsh in their treatment of men, so what's good for the goose, and all of that. The general attitude was "screw her".

 

It saddens me to think that things have gotten this bad, but they will get worse. Men used to RESPECT women, or should I say that we used to respect LADIES. Remember that word? L-A-D-I-E-S. Some of you may remeber HEARING the word, but very few understand the meaning. I won't bother trying to elaborate. As my mother used to say, "You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear."

 

Again, nothing I have said is meant to offend. If my comments causes just one of you to re-examine your participation in the never-ending attack on all things male, then maybe it was worth it.

 

Christopher

[Christopher 1]

Kulyok;

 

I appreciate your comments. You list your place of residence as Russia, so I will assume that you are a citizen of that country.

 

A friend of mine, a Christian pastor no less, had his first marraige end due to an adulterous wife. She was "good Christian". The daughter of a Baptist pastor. Yet, she was sleeping with everything in sight. In my neighborhood, I have become acquainted with a Baptist pastor who was serving on a mission in Brazil, I believe, and he and his wife had three children together. He came home one day and found a note from his wife saying that she had left him (and the kids) to be with her female lover. It just about ruined him. Another friend, a former pastor and a retired United Airlines pilot, had a similar experience. His son came home one day to find his Moody Bible Institute-trained wife in bed with another man. I have several other Christian friends, in addition to scores of non-Christian friends who have had similar experiences.

 

The problem is not women; I should have clarified that, but didn't expect someone from another country to drop in. The problem is AMERICAN women. The first friend I mentioned has since married a Christian woman from Russia that he met through his church, and I have never seen a more happily married guy in my life. He positively glows. I jokingly told him I could almost re-convert to Christianity to find a woman like that.

 

Again, the problem is American women. They are absolutely the WORST! Large numbers of American men are searching for foreign brides because American women are snotty, rude and obnoxious. I know three guys, all victims of American wives, who married women from The Philipines. All very happily married.

 

So, my humble apologies. There ARE decent women in the world. Most of them are in Russia. Thailand. Mexico. Africa. China. Vietnam. Hong Kong. Brazil. Paraguay. Columbia. Peru. Bolivia. Argentina. Chile. Iraq. Iran. Saudi Arabia. India.

 

Anywhere but here.

 

Ick.

 

Christopher

[a4a]

Again, nothing I have said is meant to offend. If my comments causes just one of you to re-examine your participation in the never-ending attack on all things male, then maybe it was worth it.

 

Christopher

 

Is that you Woggle? :lmao:

 

Being serious... in response to your post. If one book can skew your whole view on women I suggest you seek therapy. But you sound like such a sunny and happy soul yourself perhaps you do not need it.

[crazy_grl]

Christopher

1- Your views are seriously warped.

2- Your logic is flawed at best.

3- You do not speak for all men.

4- Many women have not read the rules and many (such as myself) find it to be a pile of cr*p, an instruction manual for manipulation and gold-digging. Intelligent women realize this, just as intelligent men realize that not all women abide by it.

I suggest you pick up a book called "The Real Rules" to get perspective on women who are interested in an actual relationship with a man, not using deception to entrap one.

5- The never-ending attack on all things male is in your mind.

6- If people find the things you say offensive, it's because they only apply to a small number of people and you're lumping them into that category.

7- Like Woggle, I suspect you may have some issues from your childhood regarding women to deal with. Please seek a counselor.

 

We don't want to marry an aggressive, domineering, "empowered" woman. Talk about a turn-off!

 

If that's a turn-off for all men, explain why some are into dominatrixes.

[Guest]

I am right there with you and am going through the exact same thing. I am 29 years old and have been with the same guy for over 5 years. We have a beautiful daughter together, but no ring. I have been wondering for the last 2 years when he is going to get the nerve together. My daughter and him have the same last name and whenever we go to the doctors or I have to fill out papers I always get those looks like why don't you have the same last name? Why aren't you married? Are you a bad mom because you're not married. People DO look at you differently. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but that sinks in and then you think maybe it's never going to happen. I have told my boyfriend I can only wait so long. Last year I said I'll give him another year and now that has passed. We have a house and a baby together. I'm not sure what to do about things. It has made me extremely depressed. I feel as if it will never happen. I am at that point where I may leave him soon. I don't want to, but I am not waiting another year. I do think his friends have an influence on it because NONE of them are married and almost all of them have no true girlfriend or just playing around. All my girlfriends are married, engaged or with someone.

[BeHappy]

i dated my x for 10 years. I continue waiting for him to propose but he never did. After our 10 ann, i just can't take it anymore. I would cry a lot because i don't understand why he does not want to marry me. Is it me? Is sometime wrong with me? All my girl friends are married. And i don't understand. In the end, my x thinks it is the best that we go our separate way. It has been five months of no contact now, i am feeling better and stronger every day. Now, i am searching for what makes me happy. i am 29 year old. i never thought i will singe at 29. I am scare to find out what will happen or will i get marry in the future. But in the end, i rather be with someone who wants to have a future I don't want to beg for engagement or marriage.

[pdot]

I am 28 and I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We are over the top in love, we own a house together, we have 2 cats we adore, and we are just plane perfect together. There is no drug or alcohol abuse, we are financially stable, my family loves him, his family loves me and our friends think we are great together. ... Everyone's hang up?... Why aren't we married? We talk about our old and gray together plans and how we will be with our kids and we even have a joint retirement account. For all intents and purposes we are married. I am not exactly sure what his hang up is with the actual deed but I have to agree with red4kat that a lot of guys in that age range just aren't ready for the "M" word part of it.

 

4 years ago his older sister got married (her and her husband started dating the same time my BF and I did) and that is when everyone started in with the marriage jokes and the "this is what you should do to get him to marry you" advise. I found myself getting wrapped up in everyone elses expections about our relationship and started making more noise about the fact that I wanted to get married. He would always respond with "Will you love me more if we are married?" or "What will it change?" At one point I did give him an ultamatim, I told him he had one year to pop the question and then I was going to pack my things. After that, we started fighting about stupid stuff a lot and I always felt sad when ever I thought about us, wondering if it was going to loose him. 6 months after giving the ultamatim, I revoked it and resigned myself to the fact that he loved me and there was no way I was going to let myself f-up a wonderful relationship and a great guy over something as arbitray as a ring.

 

I know we will get married some day but he's right, "We have our whole lives to be married, what is the rush."

 

Ultamatims are for preschoolers playing house. So what if you are almost 30, you gotta really ask yourself if he is the one, if he is, dive in head first and commit yourself like you want to without the ring. The pressure eases after a while. All my peeps finally eased up with the marriage jokes and it seems like everyone resigned themselves after I did that being married didn't matter as long as we are happy.

[Walk]

I jumped my friends and family hard for the marriage "jokes" and ribs. The whole "When are you two getting married?".

 

They don't bring it up anymore.. and I tell you, it's really released some of the pressure on my life. Bad enough society tells us we're screwed up if we aren't married and poppin' out kids.. but to have my own family do it to me?? No thank you.

 

Now if they do bring it up, it's to find out how I feel about it. No jokes and innuendo's. They point blank ask.. "Do you think you and X will get married? How do you feel about it?" Then we actually talk about it. They ask what they really wanted to know.. and I answer with real information. Not flip one liners that I don't mean.

 

Do yourself a favor and nip the jokes, etc in the butt. They aren't doing you any favors, and you aren't doing yourself any favors by letting it continue. Just causes animosity and stress.

[Guest]

I have to say why move in with your BF, buy a house, have a child and all these things that married people do before he marries you. Why should he get married when he already has all this stuff without any commitment. He already has his cake and is eating it too.

 

I think it is a turnoff to men when women are constantly wanting to get married and bringing it up. I think women should shut up about it. If you have dated a guy more than a year and he has not brought up the subject of marrying you first and you want to marry - move on. They know within that time frame whether or not they see a committed future (that's not just between the sheets) with you or not. I think that women who stick around 5,6,7,8,9,10 years still hoping this guy will marry them are nuts! By the way Ladies you can't blame him for this - blame yourself! Also stop worrying about getting married and start being the best possible person you can be and true love will come to you.

[BeHappy]

The only thing i have with my x on our 10 year together was just "family plan" cell phone bill. We were not even living together. I feel like i don't want to wait anymore. I want this relationship to build to the next level. But he never understood that. We are going extra slow. I told him that i want to build a future together.

[jean_bean]

This is what I needed to hear.

 

Thank you

 

I posted a few pages back about being where you were four years ago. I think I'm living your life, four years ago.

 

I'm getting caught up in everyone elses' expectations. His older sister and her boyfriend just got engaged, and they started dating the same month that my boyfriend and I started dating.

 

I needed a wake-up call, and your post was it. Thank you so much for posting. I can't believe I was questioning my awesome relationship, based on what other people say is the "right time" to be married.

[Evanescence]

I haven't read through this whole thread b/c I don't quite have the time too.. but I would also like to say that I am beyond annoyed with the questions of "when are you two going to get married". I get so offended by it now. Why? Probably because I don't understand why I am not. My bf and I are beyond comfortable in our relationship. We've been together 7 years (would be 8 but we broke up for a year 2 years ago -- which was really good. We stuck together the whole time we were broken up and we made it through even stronger than before). We live together and everything.... his job is pretty much in place (mine won't be for YEARS... planning on med school - this might be his issue, but he has said it isn't). He keeps saying "soon"... but this has been going on for years and years now...the "soon" thing. Honestly, it is frustrating. I don't know why I am so impatient. Is it because of the friends and family pestering me? Is it because I feel that it is the next step and I really want to take it? OR is it because I'm terrified that this might lead to another break up (last time he went diamond shopping is when he decided we needed to break up - we had never been with anyone else and he needed that I guess)? Maybe a bit of everything?

 

Why does this topic make girls so stressed out? I know I can wait for him, but why am I so upset about the wait?

[norajane]

Why does this topic make girls so stressed out? I know I can wait for him, but why am I so upset about the wait?

 

Because you have to wonder why he doesn't want to marry you: whether he doesn't love you enough, or whether he is thinking there might be someone better out there, or whether he'd even care if you left him for someone else, or...

 

You want him to be enthusiastic and looking forward to spending the rest of his life with you because you're important and he can't imagine not being with you, not someone who keeps putting off the idea or is hesitant or reluctant or as though you're dragging him into it.

 

The hesitance makes the willing partner feel insecure.

[PinkShorts]

Why should he get married when he already has all this stuff without any commitment. He already has his cake and is eating it too.

 

 

Not being married doesn't mean you aren't "committed". He's been with her for 8 years. That LOOKS committed, but I don't know the whole situation.

 

Maybe he has something against the societal driven institution in general and the reason has nothing to do with her.

 

Her options are to either live with it or leave. Simple as that.

[kulyok]

Not being married doesn't mean you aren't "committed". He's been with her for 8 years. That LOOKS committed, but I don't know the whole situation.

 

Unfortunately, and I am speaking from experience, it doesn't mean the guy is committed, or, at least, not always. SO(guy) may be a very good person, care for you infinitely, in sickness and in health, live with you and so on - but without "until death do us part" thing, and it matters a lot.

 

Many, many guys involved in a lengthy relationship still consider themselves 'free'. Yes, they wouldn't cheat, but they still see the relationship as "I+I", not "We". They do not see you and him spending their entire lives together.

 

And this is all well and good, when the girl feels the same. But when the girl feels like she is married(and often starts to expect marriage), and the guy feels like he is free, it snowballs. Statistics in Russia in 2004 showed some interesting facts: among the girls who were unmarried and living with someone, like 80% considered themselves married(not-free), and among guys, unmarried and living with a girl _the same amount_ considered themselves _free_. It is a huge, huge stress for a girl who wants to be with this guy for life - and in my opinion, break-up is the best eventual solution.

[americus]

Unfortunately, and I am speaking from experience, it doesn't mean the guy is committed, or, at least, not always. SO(guy) may be a very good person, care for you infinitely, in sickness and in health, live with you and so on - but without "until death do us part" thing, and it matters a lot.

 

Many, many guys involved in a lengthy relationship still consider themselves 'free'. Yes, they wouldn't cheat, but they still see the relationship as "I+I", not "We". They do not see you and him spending their entire lives together.

 

And this is all well and good, when the girl feels the same. But when the girl feels like she is married(and often starts to expect marriage), and the guy feels like he is free, it snowballs. Statistics in Russia in 2004 showed some interesting facts: among the girls who were unmarried and living with someone, like 80% considered themselves married(not-free), and among guys, unmarried and living with a girl _the same amount_ considered themselves _free_. It is a huge, huge stress for a girl who wants to be with this guy for life - and in my opinion, break-up is the best eventual solution.

 

Well, that doesn't sound free to me. It sounds more like a psychological delusion to keep themselves from facing reality. I have been in a long-term relationship for about 15 years, so I also know what it's like to have a COMMITTED long-term relationship including kids without the piece of paper. And no, the piece of paper doesn't matter to me. He love me and I love him and some people like Goldie Hawn and Kurt survive much longer without the psychological block that occurs after someone "signs away their life" in a marriage certificate. And honestly at this point, I think it would jinx our happiness anyways.

[americat]

Unfortunately, and I am speaking from experience, it doesn't mean the guy is committed, or, at least, not always. SO(guy) may be a very good person, care for you infinitely, in sickness and in health, live with you and so on - but without "until death do us part" thing, and it matters a lot.

 

Many, many guys involved in a lengthy relationship still consider themselves 'free'. Yes, they wouldn't cheat, but they still see the relationship as "I+I", not "We". They do not see you and him spending their entire lives together.

 

And this is all well and good, when the girl feels the same. But when the girl feels like she is married(and often starts to expect marriage), and the guy feels like he is free, it snowballs. Statistics in Russia in 2004 showed some interesting facts: among the girls who were unmarried and living with someone, like 80% considered themselves married(not-free), and among guys, unmarried and living with a girl _the same amount_ considered themselves _free_. It is a huge, huge stress for a girl who wants to be with this guy for life - and in my opinion, break-up is the best eventual solution.

 

Well, that doesn't sound free to me. It sounds more like a psychological delusion to keep themselves from facing reality. I have been in a long-term relationship for about 15 years, so I also know what it's like to have a COMMITTED long-term relationship including kids without the piece of paper. And no, the piece of paper doesn't matter to me. He loves me and I love him and some people like Goldie Hawn and Kurt survive much longer without the psychological block that occurs after someone "signs away their life" in a marriage certificate. And honestly at this point, I think it would be a jinx to, not that I even think about it much. Our hearts is what counts. With most marriages failing as it is, it's kind of pointless.

 

A lot of you women seem insecure and maybe really shouldn't be marrying them then anyways if he's not ready to commit- whether marriage is involved or not.

[americat]

Unfortunately, and I am speaking from experience, it doesn't mean the guy is committed, or, at least, not always. SO(guy) may be a very good person, care for you infinitely, in sickness and in health, live with you and so on - but without "until death do us part" thing, and it matters a lot.

 

 

LOL. Neither do 50-60% of married couples.. hence divorce.

[kulyok]

Well, Goldie and Kurt are a special case: they hit it off the year I was born as adulters. Rima Horton and Alan Rickman, however... But well.

 

And as for divorce... They do say that it is better to have loved and lost that to never have loved at all. Frankly, opinions differ, but I do not believe the man(or the woman) who does not see themselves with their partner for life and who does not want to marry them to signify that, really loves their partner.

 

Exception: If both agree that they do not need to be married for that - if they are not Christians, for example, - cool. If one does, one doesn't, it's a disaster.

[americat]

Well, Goldie and Kurt are a special case: they hit it off the year I was born as adulters. Rima Horton and Alan Rickman, however... But well.

 

And as for divorce... They do say that it is better to have loved and lost that to never have loved at all. Frankly, opinions differ, but I do not believe the man(or the woman) who does not see themselves with their partner for life and who does not want to marry them to signify that, really loves their partner.

 

Exception: If both agree that they do not need to be married for that - if they are not Christians, for example, - cool. If one does, one doesn't, it's a disaster.

 

 

Well Goldie was cheated on hence 2 divorces. I believe they were both divorced when they started seeing eachother. They both went through previous divorces and have been screwed over.

 

But you fail to realize that some do not believe in marriage in the first place. It has nothing to do with the person they are with and isn't in any way meant to demean the relationship.

It doesn't take marriage to have "loved and lost" either. You would save the courts a lot of hastle if people didn't try to create such complications in their lives. I still don't understand why people do it just to get divorced a year or two later. What is the point? I think many women are just very insecure and with the type of men that inhabit this planet, maybe they are right to feel that way. But if they do not trust their partner, they shouldn't be with them anyways.

 

I agree with your last paragraph.

 

 

"Goldie Hawn, pregnant with her third child, says she and her live-in lover, Kurt Russell, have no plans to tie the knot because 'marriage is ridiculous.'" Later in the article she is quoted as saying, "What are you investing in? Concepts. But concepts are broken with the snap of a finger. That's why I think marriage is ridiculous."

 

I cannot agree more Goldie.

 

 

Another example is Priscilla Presely and Marco Garibaldi. It's been 20 years there and a child. I can probably go on and on.... I think these people have learned a lot after multiple failing marriages and probably how to pick their men better. Plus the realization that the institution is a joke and meaningless. Vows are broken every day.

[Guest]

As in any conversation about marraige, you will usually find the women PRO and the men CON. This isn't really surprising. Most rapists are pro rape, and most bank robbers are pro robbery.....

 

Seriously; contrary to what many men think- women aren't stupid. They lack honor, morality, integrity, compassion (for men), decency, etc., etc. ad nauseum. But, they are NOT stupid. Women know that marraige is generally a risk-free deal for them. If the marraige falls apart, and it is usually the women who makes that decision, then she will walk away with the house, the cars.....you name it. They can afford to be pro marraige. They have little to lose.

 

I'm 45, and have never been married. I live in a fairly expensive home that is long since paid for, and have two new Harley's. Not to brag, but this only possible because I have never considered sticking my head in that awful noose of marraige.

 

I have dozens of male friends and acquaintances that have been married, and all but two of them have been ruined by the divorce courts here in Oregon (USA). The two that are still married have confessed to me in private that they are terrified of their wives, and have been threatened with divorce and financial ruin of they didn't toe the line. This is no way to live.

 

Life is short. Too short to waste in fruitless endeavors. Thankfully, men are waking up to the awful scam marraige is today. In the past, a man stood to gain in some ways for his years of hard work maintaining a home for his wife and children. Such is not the case today.

 

Enjoy your cats, ladies. That's all you will have to comfort yourselves in your old age as wise bachelors fly off into the desert of eastern Oregon on their Harley's. Or wherever they may live......

 

Well Christopher, I guess I must be the only woman against marriage, according to you that is... I just broke up with my boyfriend 'cos after 10 years of blissful dating, he decided to ask me to marry him. He has a nice job, a nice house, two expensive cars... he lives very comfortably I must say... No, I don't live with him (never wanted to) and he doesn't support me financially (never needed him to). Honestly, for me his asking me to marry him was the deal breaker. I definitely don't want to be a maid for the rest of my life or give any explanations to anyone at all. I am not interested in children either. As far as I'm concerned, if I marry him I will have to "take care of him", cook for him, do laundry, clean up after him... Not my gig! I just want to come to my place to a nice quiet evening by myself. Want to spend time with my friends, go workout whenever I want, and do my own thing. Don't get me wrong. I think he is a wonderful guy and I do care for him. It's just that I'm not the kind of woman who feels that marriage is a must. We were quite happy the way we were... Why ruin it? So you see? Not all women are as crazy about marriage as you think they are.

[Mirage222]

I am 28 and I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. We are over the top in love, we own a house together, we have 2 cats we adore, and we are just plane perfect together. There is no drug or alcohol abuse, we are financially stable, my family loves him, his family loves me and our friends think we are great together. ... Everyone's hang up?... Why aren't we married? We talk about our old and gray together plans and how we will be with our kids and we even have a joint retirement account. For all intents and purposes we are married. I am not exactly sure what his hang up is with the actual deed but I have to agree with red4kat that a lot of guys in that age range just aren't ready for the "M" word part of it.

 

4 years ago his older sister got married (her and her husband started dating the same time my BF and I did) and that is when everyone started in with the marriage jokes and the "this is what you should do to get him to marry you" advise. I found myself getting wrapped up in everyone elses expections about our relationship and started making more noise about the fact that I wanted to get married. He would always respond with "Will you love me more if we are married?" or "What will it change?" At one point I did give him an ultamatim, I told him he had one year to pop the question and then I was going to pack my things. After that, we started fighting about stupid stuff a lot and I always felt sad when ever I thought about us, wondering if it was going to loose him. 6 months after giving the ultamatim, I revoked it and resigned myself to the fact that he loved me and there was no way I was going to let myself f-up a wonderful relationship and a great guy over something as arbitray as a ring.

 

I know we will get married some day but he's right, "We have our whole lives to be married, what is the rush."

 

Ultamatims are for preschoolers playing house. So what if you are almost 30, you gotta really ask yourself if he is the one, if he is, dive in head first and commit yourself like you want to without the ring. The pressure eases after a while. All my peeps finally eased up with the marriage jokes and it seems like everyone resigned themselves after I did that being married didn't matter as long as we are happy.

 

 

 

Amen! I am happy you "calmed" down because you could have infact lost the love of your life. You sound like me ... only difference is I talked about marriae 2X in all these years.. and dropped it.

 

You know Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz? Well that is my relationship, therefore rings, paper really is not in my thinking process.

 

It will happen for you, you know ... but by that time you probably would not want it anymore..

 

Oh and Christopher1??? You don't respect us ... well I DON'T RESPECT YOU!! And thankfully you did turn the girl down because geeez why put her in a freaked up situation with you. Dude, you seriously need help.. I think it is funny how your going on what books say about women.. That is only one persons opinion you know... And, Hunny, you WILL NEVER know what a women is like ... our thoughts, feelings, know hows and want too's, because YOU ARE NOT A WOMEN..

Just food for thought