heart broken, my partner of seven years called off our wedding

[Dawnie]

I am typing this because I really need some advice. I have been with my partner for seven years. We have a little boy who is six and a girl who is eleven months. We bought our house three years ago and got engaged nearly two years ago.

 

This summer I decided it was about time we set a date to be married, so after discussing it with my partner we decided on September of this year. As soon as the date was set my partner started saying that it was not really what he wanted, and now he has called it all off again. This has really upset me because when I asked him why he can't give a reason. It can't be because of the money because my parents have already offered to pay for the whole thing. He said at one point that he didn't want a big fuss so we kept it small (just a small cerimorny and a meal afterwards). It can't be because of a fear of commitment because we are already committed to two kids and a house, so the only reason I can think of is that he just doesnt love me.

 

When we got together I was twenty and he was twenty-five. I was living with my parents and he was lodging at his brother's house. We had only been seeing one another for a few weeks when I found out I was pregnant with my son. Against friends advice we stayed together and decided to make a go of it. He got a mortgage and bought a two bedroomed flat, even thought I had said I was quite happy to rent. At first things were bad between us and he would go into moods saying he was not happy. I tryed to talk to him at the time but he would just say that it was not my fault, that it was his problem. We argued alot but I was too ashamed to go back home to my parents so I stayed.

 

Then my son was born. He was six weeks early and to this day I still put that down to the stress I was under. Things started to get better when he came home from hospital. I think we just concentrated on our love for him and then love started to grow between ourselves. We were not happy with where we were living and we wanted a garden for our son, so when he was two and a half I got a part time job to raise our income enough to get a mortgage for a house. We put the flat on the market.

 

After we moved into our house everything seemed to be going well. We liked our jobs, our son was happy. Then, when I was pregnant with my daughter my son was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder. This upset my partner alot and as our son is getting older we both struggle to manage with his behavour.

 

And so back to the subject of marrage. Should I even bother? Reading this back you know, the only thing that suprises me is that we stayed together all this time. I don't think he loves me at all does he? dispite the rocky start I do love him. I don't want anyone else. I am starting to think though, if he isn't sure whether he loves me now he never will be sure. If the children are the only reson we are staying together for, whats the point in staying together?

[Outcast]

You should be having this discussion with him. For a lot of people, love and marriage do not 'go together like a horse and carriage' so that just because he doesn't want to marry doesn't mean he doesn't love you. But he's the only person who can tell you what he's thinking.

[MrsHellFire]

It's good that you have these doubts BEFORE shackling both of you to a marriage.

He might love you, just has a different view on marriage and commitment than you do. SO I would suggest getting the reasons behind this all from him personally.

Maybe he just doesn't want to mess up the good relationship you both already have. It's like this couple I know of who have been together 10 years, then decided to get married and divorced 2 years later. It's like one of those "knock on wood" things.

If things are already going well, why "fix what aint broken"? : some people think that way. Just find out if your partner is one of them and try to delve into the true reasons behind this.

gl