classicrose Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 hi everyone. i'm new to this forum. im happy i found one that can hopefully give me some advice. here's my problem. i've been friends with this guy for 2 years. he's my best friend. the past few months we have been more than friends. he told me he had feelings for me for one night. after a few drinks one thing led to another and we had sex. i was surprised because i didn't feel the same about him but i thought the sex was amazing. the best i've ever had. now he has told me he loves me and that i mean the world to him. he would like to have a relationship with me. my problem is i don't feel a huge physical attraction to him. i have an amazing time with him. we have so many things in common. he makes me laugh and i know the sex is good!vi know he would be a great boyfriend but i feel like i could do much better in the looks department. i feel bad because i know he thinks im absolutely beautiful and is very attracted to me. he tells me that he's surprised a girl like me would even kiss him. i'm used to be completely attracted to the guys i date so i'm scared this isn't right. i'm worried that i'll go into this because i'm lonely. i know this sounds bad but i feel like i could do much better but only in the looks. i don't know if i will ever find a guy with this kind of personality. am i wrong? am i being shallow? do looks matter in the long run? i'm sorry if this post is all over the place i'm just so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 That's an interesting take on being shallow. I once dated a girl who liked me, because of my looks and personality, but the sex was awful. She left me for an older, much uglier man just for the sex and I thought that was pretty shallow. I guess it just depends on the perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 ...but i feel like i could do much better in the looks department. ...i'm used to be completely attracted to the guys i date so i'm scared this isn't right. i'm worried that i'll go into this because i'm lonely. i know this sounds bad but i feel like i could do much better but only in the looks. i don't know if i will ever find a guy with this kind of personality. am i wrong? am i being shallow? do looks matter in the long run? i'm sorry if this post is all over the place i'm just so confused. If you aren't attracted you aren't attracted. Just because you think you can do "better in the looks department" doesn't mean you're shallow. But putting it that way makes you sound shallow. I agree that getting involved with him and leading him on simply to fix your loneliness is not a good move. That would be really selfish. I suggest you don't do that. I also think you should acknowledge that this "friendship" is based on things that are not part of normal friendships. He's attracted to you and you're with him because it makes you feel good. If you had a guy you were passionate about, you probably wouldn't have much time for this guy. So I wouldn't define you as friends at all. I think you're fooling yourself. If you handle this right, soon this "friend" won't be a part of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 i know this sounds bad but i feel like i could do much better but only in the looks. i don't know if i will ever find a guy with this kind of personality. am i wrong? am i being shallow? do looks matter in the long run? If you feel this way, you should drop him and find someone better looking. Should you have to "settle" for an un-attractive guy? And you'll be doing him a favor. Somewhere, there's a lady who will think he's a lot of fun, an excellent lover, and good looking. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 If a woman doesn't like a man because of his physical appearance, she's lauded for not settling. If a man doesn't like a woman for the same reasons, he's criticized for being shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 If a woman doesn't like a man because of his physical appearance, she's lauded for not settling. If a man doesn't like a woman for the same reasons, he's criticized for being shallow. Amen, Amen...Nothing like the truth when you here it. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 If you feel this way about him then you need to let him go. You will never think he is good enough for you and you will make his life miserable (and he did nothing but like you). I agree with Johan. He is filling a void in your life and when you meet a guy you are passionate about your friendship will unravel. You need let him know that he is a great guy but he just isn't what you are looking for in a relationship. He deserves someone who feels towards him as he does towards you. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 i feel like i could do much better but only in the looks. i don't know if i will ever find a guy with this kind of personality. If his looks cancel out his personality and everything else that's good about him, then no, you shouldn't go out with him. It's the best thing for him - he'll eventually meet someone who will appreciate his personality and that he's a wonderful lover and who thinks he's sexy too. You won't find a guy who has his personality or who treats you the way he does. Everyone comes with a different set of characteristics and qualities. When you meet those guys whose looks you do like, make sure you pay attention to their personalities too. Link to post Share on other sites
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