The truth hurt but I'll live

[TJettman]

I've been best friends with this girl (call her M) for a year. Well I had developed feelings for her. Really strong. We have gone through alot together this past year. From my divorce to her breaking up with an abusive boyfriend. I had to physically protect her from this *******. We had gotten real close and had really opened up to each other about some really deep, emotional things. Out of respect for her, I will not print those things here. I felt that the only thing we had left to do was to pursue a relationship. I mean she had given me all the signs. Recently, she even told me she loved me, albeit with a little drink involved, but she did say it twice and not in a joking manner either. So I finally came clean on Tuesday. I got no reaction. So I waited for a couple of days and finally, yesterday she sent me a text message and said she didn't want a relationship. Her exact words were "not at all". It hurt like hell. She doesn't even want to talk to me now.

 

The thing is, I knew that I was taking a big risk. As far as I was concerned, the friendship was over anyway. I didn't want to be friends anymore. I wanted her. I wanted a relationship. I love her. But I needed to know if in her heart, was there a future or not. Maybe I jumped the gun a little early. She did say she just doesn't want to talk "right now" so who knows, maybe she'll call. But I'm not gonna wait around. I say all this because those of you who are afraid to say it, don't feel bad. Don't take my example as gospel. The truth hurts sometimes, but I knew that I would regret not saying anything to her and still lose her anyway to someone else. I just couldn't sit there idly and watch her go out with a parade of losers. And yes, as far as I'm concerned, anybody but me with her is a loser. It's always best to know the truth so you can get on with your life. It's always a new frontier on your own, but don't let your love for someone become an albatross around your neck. It consumes. You have to let it out. I still believe I did the right thing. I now know that I don't need to waste the next 5 or 10 years of my life waiting for this woman to come around. I can't hold a grudge either. She was such a great friend. She helped me get through alot of things in my head and I will always love her for that. But at the same time, I need to move on now. Those of you who've had similar situations and can't get past it, I'm telling you, life is still there to live. Don't give up.