I think I made a mistake

[dreamguy]

I've been with my last gf for two years.

She graduated a few months ago and cannot seem to find a good job. So she is applied for jobs abroad and it seems she got an offer.

Now it seems she is traveling in 2 - 3 weeks but I still sense hesitation when she talks about this. She asks me "What about us ? What will happen to us if I travel ?"

I always used to answer her "For the time being, I don't have plans to travel and I really have no idea what will happen to us. Long distance relationships are a hard thing to live with".

Then... a few days ago, I think I made the mistake of saying that I might consider traveling to the country where she is going. That is when she started saying "Well I don't want this on my conscience so please don't feel you have to travel because of us."

Later on she added "I'm not sure about us 100% ... so I don't know if I'm ready to get married right now".

 

Upon seeing her reaction... I said "You know what ? You really should try your luck and travel. Just forget about us for a while and go be independent."

So she said "When you say things like that I know I'll miss you."

 

What's wrong with her ? She seems to be changing moods a lot.

If you feel like commenting on this... please do.

[john1776]

I've been with my last gf for two years.

She graduated a few months ago and cannot seem to find a good job. So she is applied for jobs abroad and it seems she got an offer.

Now it seems she is traveling in 2 - 3 weeks but I still sense hesitation when she talks about this. She asks me "What about us ? What will happen to us if I travel ?"

I always used to answer her "For the time being, I don't have plans to travel and I really have no idea what will happen to us. Long distance relationships are a hard thing to live with".

Then... a few days ago, I think I made the mistake of saying that I might consider traveling to the country where she is going. That is when she started saying "Well I don't want this on my conscience so please don't feel you have to travel because of us."

Later on she added "I'm not sure about us 100% ... so I don't know if I'm ready to get married right now".

 

Upon seeing her reaction... I said "You know what ? You really should try your luck and travel. Just forget about us for a while and go be independent."

So she said "When you say things like that I know I'll miss you."

 

What's wrong with her ? She seems to be changing moods a lot.

If you feel like commenting on this... please do.

 

 

I think that her attraction level for you goes up when she sees that you are being independent and letting her have her independence. Thus I believe you did the right thing to encourage her to travel especially if she's not sure about getting married to you. Don't be available to her.

 

If I were you I would pull back and try a little no contact with her and check her reaction. Only don't tell her that you are doing NC for a little while.

 

Don't initiate contact for 1-2 weeks. Go ahead and answer when she's calling you but end the conversation first. She has already revealed that she's not sure so you need to play hard to get until her feelings for you fall back into balance.

[dreamguy]

Glad to know someone agrees to what I was planning to do and confirms it's the right thing.

It makes sense. So I'll just let her call when she feels like it and I won't initiate contact myself.

Thanks.

[Marcus as the Peanut]

Are you sure ther isint someone else luring around??

[BohemeRose]

She's having mixed emotions about the situation, no doubt. Hence the changing moods.

 

She really cares about you, and that's obvious. She doesn't want to lose you, but she also wants to travel and fulfill her life's desires. She's also smart enough to know she can't expect you to follow her around the globe, and marriage just to hold together a relationship rarely ever works out.

 

LDRs are hard, but can be worth it. If you really care for her, maybe you should give it a shot. Let her know how much you care for her and that you will also miss her when she's gone, but that you want to see her do what makes her happy. Don't make any promises as far as the relationship goes, but tell her you will try your best. That's all you can really ask of each other.

 

Good luck with everything.

[BohemeRose]

I think that her attraction level for you goes up when she sees that you are being independent and letting her have her independence. Thus I believe you did the right thing to encourage her to travel especially if she's not sure about getting married to you. Don't be available to her.

 

If I were you I would pull back and try a little no contact with her and check her reaction. Only don't tell her that you are doing NC for a little while.

 

Don't initiate contact for 1-2 weeks. Go ahead and answer when she's calling you but end the conversation first. She has already revealed that she's not sure so you need to play hard to get until her feelings for you fall back into balance.

 

 

That's a horrible, horrible idea.

 

That just sends the message to her that you don't really want to try and have a relationship with her if she goes, and that you're already distancing yourself. That could yeild one of two results.

 

1) She travels, but any chance of a relationship is busted. She'll think that you can't even remain in contact with her when she's still around, why hold hope for when she's in another country?

 

2) She decides not to go, thinking there will be no chance of a relationship if she does. She gives up on that dream of travelling for fear of losing you.

 

Real relationships aren't about games, but honesty. Instead of doing that no contact bull, why not just talk to her and tell her what's on your mind? Voicing your concerns is a lot more effective than cutting off contact and making her feel like you don't care.

[Volverte_a_ver]

^^ Totally agree with the post above me. If I were this girl, and my guy couldn't be bothered to try to contact me, I would become discouraged and think he doesn't care enough about me or the relationship to bother, and find someone who does.

 

Maybe this girl isn't the one for you, if you feel so nonchalant about your relationship. I don't know, but in my opionion, you should love to talk to your girlfriend, and not feel the need to test her.