Why do men cheat 'down'?

[Tenorman]

I was completely aware of who was more or less attractive than me. I was spot on too by the level of crowd cheering

 

If a model, actor, singer, hell anyone links their self esteem to the vagaries of the public they will have a rollercoaster of a time. You seem to have a strong insight of this but I query how independent you are of it.

 

One of the funny things I have noticed in recent posts is that Record Producer - who everyone knows is a complete knockout - has changed her avatar to a hideous witch (makes me wonder what a4a looks like). Pink Amulet, I dare you to do the same!

[Outcast]

Outcast- I understand your point. You do not find Angelia Jolie at attractive, but if your husband cheated (god forbid) on you with an Angelina Jolie lookalike would you consider him cheating "down"?

 

If he were to do that, I'd consider him 'down' himself - for being dishonourable. And her with him for doing the same.

 

However I would want to know exactly what he found in her that he didn't in me and whether it was about a lack in terms of my behaviour that left him wanting for something else. Because I may be determined to be an excellent partner but I might still make mistakes. And if I had, I'd want to know for the next time. I'd not fall for the temptation to believe myself flawless and an innocent victim unless I'd spent a good while analyzing what happened and could honestly declare myself blameless. And nowhere would the consideraton of physical appearance be relevant because I'd not marry anybody so shallow that looks alone would be enough to lure him away.

[Pink Amulet]

Notice I laughed after my comment... I don't place my self worth on what others think of me. If I did, I would probably be pretty depressed Lighten up buddy.

 

In reagrds to RP's avatar? A hideous witch? Ummm, I hope you are not refering to her current pic? She looks beautiful.

 

And I have actually put some unflattering photos up in my avatar several times, no make up, PJ's, after a night of dancing etc. I couldn't care less.

[RecordProducer]

One of the funny things I have noticed in recent posts is that Record Producer - who everyone knows is a complete knockout - has changed her avatar to a hideous witch.

Hahah! I was inspired by a4a and thought it was quite funny, but people started complaining about the picture distracting them from my posts. And indeed, I would go deep into writing something and then look at my avatar and felt uncomfortable although I laughed every time.

 

We have a strong need to show the world who we are on the inside as well as on the outside. Amulet is beautiful and it's a part of who she is. You see her picture and you know she has many guys hitting on her, many women being jealous of her, etc. Why would she hide her face or her honest desire to be seen and admired?

[Pink Amulet]

You are so wonderful RP.

[Adunaphel]

In this case, I am speaking in terms of 'cheating'... not so much affairs. So the one or two night flings. Plus, sorry OW, but I personally consider women who knowingly sleep with taken men to be pretty ugly (not in the physical sense)-Just my opinion. Feel free to grill me if you wish.

 

You are perfectly entitled to your opinion, expecially since some time ago you were able to resist seeing again a MM after you got to know he was married, but slapped him instead when he showed up.

So your actions and words are extremely coherent. I respect that.

 

Anyway, when you are talking about "one night stands", some of those women might not know the guys are married.

When a guy is hitting on you, you usually assume he's single. If you are wiser than that, you ask.

[Returning]

Why do men cheat 'down'?

 

For the same reason a person of any age or gender enters into a risque sexual encounter...OPPORTUNITY!

[stoopid_guy]

But, PA, your opinion of what constitutes attractive is not the same as mine. And I am positive I would find people attractive that you would not.

 

I return to the usual examples to prove the point; there are women who would give anything to sleep with Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler. The very thought - I can't even go there. I think neither Aniston nor Jolie are attractive nor for that matter are Pitt or Vaughan.

 

The issue is not mass appeal. That's irrelevant. The only thing that is relevant is the attraction that people have for other people. Which, as some of us are trying to point out, is not about how pretty your face is.

 

I don't condone cheating in any way shape or form and you're the first person I've run into to differentiate 'cheating' from 'an affair' based on duration.

 

I was referring to affairs; and the fact is that people seek more than sex in affairs. People don't get into affairs just for sex. Flings and one-night stands maybe, but again, sexual attractiveness is and always will be in the eye of the beholder. Whether or not the object of desire appeals to millions or not.

Very well said, and I especially the phrase "mass appeal."

 

No offense to the "beautiful people" of the world, but many of them don't understand/accept how complex attraction is.

 

An analogy; If you asked a hundred mature people what they'd like for dinner tonight, some would say steak, some would say sushi, some would say lasagne, some would say curry... There is no wrong answer for that. If you ask a hundred mature people "what's attractive," the answers would be just as diverse.

 

And, if you asked a hundred kids what they wanted for dinner tonight, a much larger proportion would say "McDonalds." Why? because McDonalds advertises like crazy and has "mass appeal." Likewise, if you asked a hundred 16-year-old boys what was attractive, a disproportionate number would say "skinny, blond, and big boobs" because that's what the media has taught them to like, the "mass appeal." They don't have the experience and maturity (yet) to appreciate the wonderful variety ladies come in.

 

So what does this have to do with cheating and affairs? Not that much, except if you're a "steak," don't think your SO is "cheating down" just because he goes out for "curry."

[Guest]

Very well said, and I especially the phrase "mass appeal."

 

No offense to the "beautiful people" of the world, but many of them don't understand/accept how complex attraction is.

 

An analogy; If you asked a hundred mature people what they'd like for dinner tonight, some would say steak, some would say sushi, some would say lasagne, some would say curry... There is no wrong answer for that. If you ask a hundred mature people "what's attractive," the answers would be just as diverse.

 

And, if you asked a hundred kids what they wanted for dinner tonight, a much larger proportion would say "McDonalds." Why? because McDonalds advertises like crazy and has "mass appeal." Likewise, if you asked a hundred 16-year-old boys what was attractive, a disproportionate number would say "skinny, blond, and big boobs" because that's what the media has taught them to like, the "mass appeal." They don't have the experience and maturity (yet) to appreciate the wonderful variety ladies come in.

 

So what does this have to do with cheating and affairs? Not that much, except if you're a "steak," don't think your SO is "cheating down" just because he goes out for "curry."

 

 

 

Excellent post, Stoopid

 

 

 

One of my friends was married to this gorgeous woman. I mean, painfully beautiful.

 

He cheated on her, unfortunately, but it had to do with her as well as him. She was so obsessed with her appearance that she started getting plastic surgery once she started to age.

 

It started with her nose, then her eyes, then on to lipo and breast implants. Then the nose again, more work on the stomach..

 

He couldn't stand it. He felt it was vain and unnecessary. His girlfriend was a plainer girl, but he loved her.

 

He got a divorce from his stunning knockout of a wife and I'm sure everyone thought he had traded 'down'.

 

But beautiful isn't always beautiful, if you know what I mean

[Blind Illusion]

So what does this have to do with cheating and affairs? Not that much, except if you're a "steak," don't think your SO is "cheating down" just because he goes out for "curry."

 

 

LOLOLOL I like this analogy.

[Pink Amulet]

They don't have the experience and maturity (yet) to appreciate the wonderful variety ladies come in.

 

 

And that wonderful variety would include women skinny women with blonde hair and big boobs?

 

I am going to stick with the first 30 posts in this thread for wonderful insight. Even though many were in agreeance some provided a lot of insight in to 'lateral' cheating.

 

And the real reasons men cheat. The issue has now become side tracked... This isn't about "what men find attractive", this is about "why if you have a ferrari would you want to to spend the night with a Datsun?" (not sure if you have Datsuns in the states).

 

The questions was answered, and answered well. Let us not get in to a debate about what constitutes "trading down" or "up".

 

We realise this is up for interpretation, but I mean really... if you had RP for example, why would you want to sleep with a4a's lovely avatar?

[newbby]

We realise this is up for interpretation, but I mean really... if you had RP for example, why would you want to sleep with a4a's lovely avatar?

 

i really thought that was a4a in her avatar. i kept thinking, i know she has a good sense of humour but people are taking it a bit far now.

[stoopid_guy]

And that wonderful variety would include women skinny women with blonde hair and big boobs?

 

I am going to stick with the first 30 posts in this thread for wonderful insight. Even though many were in agreeance some provided a lot of insight in to 'lateral' cheating.

 

And the real reasons men cheat. The issue has now become side tracked... This isn't about "what men find attractive", this is about "why if you have a ferrari would you want to to spend the night with a Datsun?" (not sure if you have Datsuns in the states).

Yup, that variety does include skinny women with big boobs, just depends on the guy. Personally, I prefer a lady a bit on the "cuddly side" though, they simply feel nicer in my arms. And boobs? the only thing that matters about them is how she reacts when they're kissed and carressed, size is irrelevent.

 

And why give up the ferarri for the datsun? Datsun/Nissan makes perfectly fine cars, and maybe you've realized the ferarri's too "high mainenance."

 

The questions was answered, and answered well. Let us not get in to a debate about what constitutes "trading down" or "up".

 

We realise this is up for interpretation, but I mean really... if you had RP for example, why would you want to sleep with a4a's lovely avatar?

The title is about cheating down, so have to define what "down" is. I agree, the question's been answered. It's still alive and entertaining though. (And you do deserve some kind of award for launching it.)

 

Which RP avatar are we discussing?

[cuddlycuddlebum]

who the hell really does this...... come on admit it if you are a donkey puncher or donkey punchee....... ouch...... cant stop. laughin.

 

 

I am a donkey punchee. Well, he does warn me first so it may not technically be a donkey punch but I think the effect is the same.

[cuddlycuddlebum]

Personally, I prefer a lady a bit on the "cuddly side" though, they simply feel nicer in my arms.

 

 

That is sweet but I'm taken.

[stoopid_guy]

That is sweet but I'm taken.

Darn!!! Oh well, technically, so am I. I could never bring myself to "donkey punch" anyway.

[Pink Amulet]

I am a donkey punchee. Well, he does warn me first so it may not technically be a donkey punch but I think the effect is the same.

 

 

 

Do you get any pleasure out of this?!?!

 

How often does this happen?

[Outcast]

This isn't about "what men find attractive", this is about "why if you have a ferrari would you want to to spend the night with a Datsun?

 

Fascinating that you'd think there's a difference between the two comparisons.

 

BTW, 'Datsuns' have consistently, over twenty years, gotten top ratings for being the best value in cars and are best-sellers. And I'd rather have one than a fussy, built-for-looks-not-comfort Ferrari any day

[RecordProducer]

We realise this is up for interpretation, but I mean really... if you had RP for example, why would you want to sleep with a4a's lovely avatar?

You know what they say: no matter how pretty she is, there is always someone who is tired of putting up with her crap.

 

The "pretty" didn't refer to myself; it actually referred to you. We can find two different people equally attractive at different points of our life and they don't necessarily have to be equally physically appealing.

 

If my husband were not immune to cheating, I would perfectly understand if he cheated on me with someone less attractive. People do cheat on women like Angelina Jolie with women like Jennifer Aniston. The opposite is probably more prevalent though.

 

What bothers me in this whole post is that you, Amulet, have set your mindset that physical beauty is the most important thing. And while I certainly am not the one to tell you that looks don't matter (they do big time), I would like you to think in a different way for your own sake.

 

If you choose to think that looks are very significant, you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain, because there will always be women who will be attractive and will threaten you. You will compare your face and body with theirs and it's not the thing you should really concentrate on in a relationship.

 

Looks are important to initially attract someone. Plus we are all easthetically oriented to a certain degree. Obviously my husband found me attractive and wouldn't cheat on me with the woman in a4a's avatar. But does that mean that it would be justified for him to cheat on me with a woman that looks like you? Should I avoid your company because he might desire you?

 

You see, when you think that you're safe from less attractive women, you become threatened by those who are more or equally attractive. To say that a man shouldn't cheat with a less attractive women is the same as stating that it's OK to cheat with a more attractive woman. And while you're not really saying it, you're making looks a determining factor in cheating. It's not and it shouldn't be.

 

You should feel comfortable with your partner, regardless of who shows up later down the road. Cheating is wrong, period. But if somebody is cheating, beside the fact that he is a cheater, he finds something attractive in the new woman that he hasn't found in his partner. That can be intellect, understanding, sense of humor or passion or whatever. That being said, no one should please his 5 important criteria with 5 different women.

 

If looks mattered so much, the attractive women would be the happiest in love. And they are not.

 

After all, if you had a gorgeous-looking guy with whom you have nothing in common and you decided to ditch him over someone else, would the next guy be more physically attractive? I don't think it would matter to you to compare their looks. You would compare their personalities and look for what you didn't find in the previous guy, right?

[Pink Amulet]

My whole life the emphasis has been on "how pretty" I was. Even from a very young age I remember most of the attention I recieved was based purely on being a pretty little blonde Swedish girl. Modelling seemed the obvious step for me...

 

Falling in love undid a lot of my preconceived notions about how far beauty will get you. After all, my ex did cheat on me.

 

My immediate thoughts were of course not "How could you cheat on me with her!?" they were, "how could you cheat on me when you are supposed to love me?".

 

I will remind you that I have refered to being around VERY beautiful women for much of my life. Far more beautiful than I. It was a shallow line of work, and even from a young age I knew I had much more to offer.

 

So now I work in a very competitive industry, but I work on radio (so my presentation is irrelevant) and I am constantly having to up my work output to compete with my coworkers. This is the only competition I will ever take to heart.

 

I refuse to compare myself to beautiful woman, it was a flaw I found to be most disgusting in the modelling world. I have no desire to do so. Instead I sit back and admire their beauty. My compliments are always genuine, and I am very secure (this is a basis irrelevant of my physical self) so jealousy is not a part of my emotional make up.

 

I graduated within the top 5% of my state. I have been published in some of the Australia's highest selling Newspapers. I am studying my ass off doing a part time double degree whilst working for one of Australia's largest media corporation. Where I want to get in my life is going to based on what is inside not outside... my relationships will of course be the same.

[amaysngrace]

I graduated within the top 5% of my state. I have been published in some of the Australia's highest selling Newspapers. I am studying my ass off doing a part time double degree whilst working for one of Australia's largest media corporation. Where I want to get in my life is going to based on what is inside not outside... my relationships will of course be the same.

 

 

It sounds as though you have to convince yourself of this PA.

 

Perhaps it comes from feeling like an object instead of a person. You seem to take great pride in boasting of your appearance, your genes and what have you, but at the same time you seem frightened and insecure about the possibility that it is all you're worth.

 

I understand you have had this idea put into your brain, due to the attention you have received, but no one needs to know of how much you are capable of accomplishing beside yourself.

 

You seem to send mixed messages on what you value as your true assets. And others, for that matter. You had asked one poster here to put up a picture of her ass. Would you value her opinion more greatly had she done it? And it passed your approval?

 

Just because some see you as just another pretty face doesn't mean that the majority think this way. Others, with more substance, will seek you out for who you are, providing that who you are is worthy of their time.

 

But if all you are is about superficial and shallow thoughts, I think most would find that very unattractive.

[Outcast]

I find it very interesting that people who post their own photos and receive great praise then sometimes challenge other posters to post their own photos.

 

I don't post anything personal about myself because I want what I say to stand on its own and not be given more or less weight for reasons other than that.

 

For a while, people didn't think Outcast was female and things that Outcast wrote were treated differently then. However I figure it's useful for fellow females to know I'm in the same boat when PMS discussions and discussions about living with abusive men come up so I 'outed' myself that far.

 

I have considered finding a photo of a stunning person who's not famous and posting it and seeing how others' replies to me would change, though. I'm sure it would be very educational.

[Pink Amulet]

Amysngrace: Why do you think I stated all of the above? I wasn't convincing myself by any stretch. Half of what people post on LS is justification of their words or actions. I am just doing the same.

 

Why do I suddenly have to feel threatened!? Please don't take so much of what I say with such a serious undertone! I'd still love to see outcasts ass hahaha.

 

Everything you said in your post is reflected in the words of mine. So I don't see exactly what your point is?

 

It took me a long time to get in to the head space I am in now. I feel wonderful.

 

I resent your comments about me being all about superficiality and shallow thoughts, so I won't even address them.

 

All of my real confidence comes from inside. I realised this about myself when my mother was driving me home from the hospital. My boyfriend had abandoned me and I had just had my last radiotherapy session and I looked at myself in the car mirror. I looked dead. I got home and sat in front of the mirror for a while-crying. I didn't recognise myself. I felt like I was in a shell of this pathetic, sick, girl.

 

I realised that if I was ever going to recover from this and pick up what was left of my life. I would actually have to rely on the person inside. Turns out, this person inside is pretty damn amazing

 

I'm not an object, and I don't feel an object so please don't refer to matters of which you have no idea.

[silktricks]

PA - You rock. Don't let anyone beat you down for anything.

 

By the way, I really really enjoyed this thread. Thank-you for posting it.

[Pink Amulet]

Thanks silktrick *kiss*