Outcast Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Online, it seems, we only work with what we read... Either people writing online are expressing their true feelings or they are not. We generally assume that they are, although it's true that some folks dissemble or leave out significant portions of their story hoping to get the answers they want. A person who insists that Ferraris MUST be considered superior to Datsuns because of their appearance suffers the consequence of being considered shallow. If that's not how you actually feel, then you need to clarify. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 No harm, no foul. Thanks for your support newbby. PA, I know you meant no harm. As I do not mean harm to anyone else, either. I, too, am feeling quite sensitive today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 Wow, it's getting a bit catty in here isn't it haha Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 No....no more. We are all women who have been hurt one way or another. As I said: No harm. No foul. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Wow, it's getting a bit catty in here isn't it haha You think , Pink? :confused: <--- Thats the catty symbol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 Maybe to regain some respect I should start a thread... why do men cheat up? I bet we would get some ballsy responses.... Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Maybe to regain some respect I should start a thread... why do men cheat up? I bet we would get some ballsy responses.... Ha, I think this post has been taken personally to say that if a man is cheating then you must be a dog compared to his wife . And yep , I think that post would get some interesting responces. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 No, this thread is fine. Unfortunately, when you post such a thread, you are bound to stir up some emotions from both sides of the fence. Like I said, there is pain on both sides of the fence and sometimes hearts are tender and wounded. No one likes to be insulted or made to feel inferior. I understand. Just hit a raw nerve. I am over it. Peace PA. WA Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 So I think if someone cheats on another, it is nothing but a lack of love for that person. I agree completely. I guess they don't call it cheating for nothing. The cheater is cheating themselves out of a true love. (Or at least scrubbing integrity from their list of qualities.) And the person cheated on has their trust - perhaps some of the most precious treasure there is - shattered. (Whether they know it or not.) I guess you can reglue the vase - we are only human. But I would like to think we all aspire to higher standards of humanity. Love really isn't that complicated. It sure is magical, but don't get it confused with life. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 So this thread Walk was definitely not "All men cheat down" it was "why do some men cheat down?"... In reference to physical ugliness I am sure you are not... If I may interject... the above quote does implythat WA is ugly in some other way. Let's remember that words can be interpreted in more than one way on cyberspace. I was offended when some posters suggested that 'easy' women - those who sleep with unavailable men - are ugly and have low self-esteem. This is an untrue generalization, and is extremely offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 If I may interject... the above quote does implythat WA is ugly in some other way. Let's remember that words can be interpreted in more than one way on cyberspace. I was offended when some posters suggested that 'easy' women - those who sleep with unavailable men - are ugly and have low self-esteem. This is an untrue generalization, and is extremely offensive.The generalization was NOT that all women who are OW are ugly and have low self-esteem itwas that SOME men who cheat do cheat with ugly , non-attractive women . Earlier in this thread there was a difference made between cheating and having an affair as an explanation. And as to interpertation , obviously that is so as I apparently interperted it differently than Newby. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 I did not read that part of the post, tink. There is a big difference between cheating and having an affair. Point taken. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Tink, I am ok. I was offended by that comment... but I got over that pretty quickly. And I understand the pain and shock that the betrayed SO must feel upon learning that the OW is actually fugly!! *yikes* Would you really prefer to find out that the other woman is indeed better than you in every way???? Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Tink, I am ok. I was offended by that comment... but I got over that pretty quickly. And I understand the pain and shock that the betrayed SO must feel upon learning that the OW is actually fugly!! *yikes* Would you really prefer to find out that the other woman is indeed better than you in every way???? I would indeed , it would make sense to me that she was a step up . Almost like "wow shes smarter prettier funnier and sweeter than me , oh sucks that you cheated but you at least picked a good one." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 I did not read that part of the post, tink. There is a big difference between cheating and having an affair. Point taken. Yes, Outcast did question my distinction between 'cheating' and having an 'affair'. But I think in terms of this subject, it is important to differentiate between the two... My ex had one night stands. People have been bring up 'love', and 'offering a deeper connection'.. bla blah blah. If the only words uttered are "do you have a condom?" I think it changes the tone of my thread... Right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 I would indeed , it would make sense to me that she was a step up . Almost like "wow shes smarter prettier funnier and sweeter than me , oh sucks that you cheated but you at least picked a good one." Yes, this is when I can draw on my experience... the step 'down' hurt much more. The pain was the same, but the bruise to my ego was a bit harder to take! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Yes, Outcast did question my distinction between 'cheating' and having an 'affair'. But I think in terms of this subject, it is important to differentiate between the two... My ex had one night stands. People have been bring up 'love', and 'offering a deeper connection'.. bla blah blah. If the only words uttered are "do you have a condom?" I think it changes the tone of my thread... Right? Si. Thanks for the clarification. Sorry to hear that. You are really much better off without him. Remember, the best revenge is living well, and it appears that you are. Shame on him. His loss. WA Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Yes, this is when I can draw on my experience... the step 'down' hurt much more. The pain was the same, but the bruise to my ego was a bit harder to take! Yes, if the girl has teeth growing out of her nose you often wonder on your own choice of one so doggish as to screw anything he has the oppertunity to. Often these so proclaimed ugly cheated on women are not just physically ugly but ignorant , unschooled , and drunk durring the moment of condom questioning. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Ok, you all have had your fun. Now I'm going to tell you the answer you've been searching for. The idea that men cheat "down" is an optical illusion. "Cheating" by definition is trying to have a woman on the side while remaining in the primary relationship. Well, speaking for myself, why would I do that? Because the woman with whom I cheat must actually be a step down from the one I already have. If, on the other hand, the opportunity to cheat "up" presented itself, well, instead of cheating, I'd leave. This really describes behavior in a relationship without kids. If kids were involved, it's not that clean. Marriage can be a factor, but not as much as kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Yes, this is when I can draw on my experience... the step 'down' hurt much more. The pain was the same, but the bruise to my ego was a bit harder to take! I'm sorry that you had to go through this. Your ego should not have been injured, though. It's not like you lacked something, you were just with the kind of guy who would have cheated on the perfect woman if such a woman existed. (sorry for saying obvious things that you know already) Link to post Share on other sites
AManWithTroubles Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 This is what I posted in the "up" thread: Maybe it's not so much a choice, but whatever comes along. Especially if the cheater was not actively pursuing other people, but instead, came across someone, as in a workplace or other similar environment. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Ok, you all have had your fun. Now I'm going to tell you the answer you've been searching for. The idea that men cheat "down" is an optical illusion. "Cheating" by definition is trying to have a woman on the side while remaining in the primary relationship. Well, speaking for myself, why would I do that? Because the woman with whom I cheat must actually be a step down from the one I already have. If, on the other hand, the opportunity to cheat "up" presented itself, well, instead of cheating, I'd leave. This really describes behavior in a relationship without kids. If kids were involved, it's not that clean. Marriage can be a factor, but not as much as kids. most long term affairs involve a married partner with kids. this is usually why the op puts up with it for time, because they have sympathy with the cheater wanting to do right by his/her kids. strange as it may sound. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 The idea that men cheat "down" is an optical illusion. "Cheating" by definition is trying to have a woman on the side while remaining in the primary relationship. Don't get me wrong - you're a fine analyst. But... Treat others as you would want to be treated. If you want to keep a relationship on fire, better get collecting wood. If you want the mystery of a secret agent, then find your outlet in creating wild and wacky romantic ideas - and always complete your mission. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 20, 2006 Share Posted August 20, 2006 Amulet, this thread probably hurt you and reminded you of all the crap you've been taking from people for years. As you stated yourself, all you get is "How pretty you are! " or ("How pretty the slut is! "). Your whole life revolves around your looks and you finally get a complex of being rejected for something that was not your "fault" in the first place, being rejected for being lucky (to be born pretty), being evaluated according to your face and body, and being respected by men only for your looks - which was not quite your happy choice. Until a few years ago I noticed that every girl who was less attractive (physically and in every other aspect) than me would show jealousy or rejection in some form. That hurt. Men would hit on me in a sleazy way and that hurt too. I literally thought I was defective. On one hand, I didn't want to be ugly (get fat, wear glasses, no make-up, no feminine clothes, etc.); on the other hand, I didn't want to feel the way people made me feel. And then I put my profile on a dating site and started talking to men. I started receiving compliments about my whole personality (my music, intelligence, sense of humor, etc.) and the compliments about looks became less noticeable. Even though I don't know how genuine they were, it created a feeling inside me that I was worthwhile and that what I carry inside was not buried too deep to be exposed. I started realizing that people were able to see who I am on the inside. So I started acting accordingly. I don't know what I changed, but suddenly I didn't have a feeling that it was my looks that people were paying attention to anymore. I suddenly realized that it was never my looks that bothered people! I remembered that there were girls at school who were really, really beautiful and they were not rejected by the envoronment before being given a chance. I wondered before why girls showed jealousy when I didn't consider myself too pretty (maybe just cute). I was always polite and kind to everyone so the hate on the first sight never made sense to me. I started analyzing the difference between me and the people who rejected me. And I saw the difference, because I opened my mind to seeing a difference other than looks. I will not comment what I've noticed as it's not so easy to explain it with a few words. But at least I discovered the truth about myself and stopped wondering: why do women envy me and I am not even so beautiful? Amulet, concentrate on your mind and stop looking at yourself from other people's angle. Stop seeing in yourself what others see in you. When you look at the mirror, you see more than they do - you see yourself from the inside. If you manage to forget about your looks when you leave the mascara down, you'll feel much more comfortable in your skin and you'll see your real, imperishable beauty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pink Amulet Posted August 20, 2006 Author Share Posted August 20, 2006 Amulet, concentrate on your mind and stop looking at yourself from other people's angle. Stop seeing in yourself what others see in you. When you look at the mirror, you see more than they do - you see yourself from the inside. Yes, I do now The physical confidence I aquired was draining, the confidence that comes from loving who I am inside is empowering. You, RP- are beautiful, inside and out. Link to post Share on other sites
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