my lil sis may get married

[laRubiaBonita]

..... and the family is not happy.

 

she just turned turned 20, is in school, has a good job....... but she has been dating her bf for 5 years, he enlisted in the army last year, and has just finished up with all his specialized training, and is soon to be leaving for a 3 year stay in italy.

 

apparently, word on the street is she is talking of getting married at the courthouse, then moving to italy...... they have looked at rings....

 

IMO, she is dumb, he is not the guy for her, he treats her a little better than crap, and she turns into a snobby Bitter girl when she is around him..... in fact the first weekend dude was home he came over for dinner, and he and my sis had some sort of tiff while we were at the dinner table, she threw one of his little badges across the table, and he started dropping the F-bomb....in dfront of my MOTHER! (actually i am shocked my mom did not chuck his butt out at that moment). he has cheated on her at least twice, and this boy still owes my mother money... a few thousand.

 

we do know he is to be shipped out soon, like 3-4 weeks. I know my little sister does NOT have a passport, nor does she have any money for a plane ticket.......

 

see how unprepared she is?

 

 

The Really irritating thing is that she Has not told me or my sister anything at all....... we are all really close...... but she has been speaking with our mutual friends, and they of course have asked us.....

[EnigmaXOXO]

we do know he is to be shipped out soon, like 3-4 weeks. I know my little sister does NOT have a passport, nor does she have any money for a plane ticket.......

 

Good. That means he'll be arriving ahead of her. I'll put in a call to my Uncle Guido and have him custom fitted for a pair of cement shoes before she gets there.

 

Actually, without a passport or the money to buy a ticket, it might buy you some time to sit down as a family and try to talk some sense into her. I certainly wouldn't give her the money if you're honestly concerned about her welfare and don't support the decision. And hopefully (if this chump is borrowing money from your family that he can't afford to pay back) it'll mean he can't pay to have her flown out either. Maybe with some time and distance away from him, the cloud of infatuation will lift and she'll start coming to her senses.

 

Then again, twenty-somethings are notoriously stubborn as all get-go. I think most of us can remember back to that time (and relationship) that we were bound and determined to have despite the strong warnings of family and friends. I know I'd be beside myself if it were my daughter … but sometimes the harder you push the deeper they dig in their heals.

 

Of course, while you may not be able to save her from learning a very hard lesson, you don't necessarily have to give her your blessings or make it easier for her by loaning the plane fair. If she wants it bad enough, I'm sure she'll find a way to come up with the means on her own. All you can do is prepare yourself to be her support and shoulder to cry on if/when she comes home.

 

Good luck LB, and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[MrsHellFire]

Well stubbornness is sometimes genetic. My father never grew out of it. My 2nd cousin never grew out of it. Neither did any of my siblings. She's past the adolescent years, so the most she can be blamed for is young and dumb, which is what most people love to attribute their problems to which avoid themselves any responsibility in the matter.

Anyways, this will not be the first time I've heard a brother or sister despise what their sibling is doing like getting married etc. Maybe like a mother or father, you just can't come to the reality that they are growing up. Especially when it seems like they are making serious choices faster than you and they are younger. Best to give a little support. IF you just want to bomb her with complaints and negativity, she will never open up to you nor will she talk to you much anymore either. If anything, that will just cause a big rift in your family. Plus when family goes against it, it will push her closer to him anyways. Best to be a good listener and not too much of a talker until she trusts your attitude more. Then you can voice in a little here and there.

 

The Really irritating thing is that she Has not told me or my sister anything at all

 

Probably because she already knows your negative stance on the situation.

 

BTW, I know relatives about triple your soon-to-be brother-in-law's age that owe their family about 10xs that amount. Worse yet, they had the money to pay back at one time and never did. Spent the money instead frivolousy.

If your brother-in-law means well, that is another issue. If I knew more about this guy's character by a third party, I'd be able to understand better. Do you know him well?

 

apparently, word on the street is she is talking of getting married at the courthouse

 

Doesn't sound like you all are "really close" afterall.