How Do I Get Over This?

[Tara]

I had this boyfriend for about 10 months who was really manipulative and treated me very badly. I always thought it was because he had some bad experiences, but later discovered that it was just the way he was, and he wasn't changing anytime soon. However, we held onto the relationship, even after I moved 8 hours away about a month ago. I always felt like I loved this person, and would have done anything to have it work out. All this time I have even been thinking about moving back home to give our relationship a chance. He's very possessive and judgemental- if he treats me like crap, it's OK, but when I stop putting so much effort into him, I'm the a**h***. He constantly questions me about othr guys, even though they don't even exist. I do have some guy friends that I hang out with (nothing more) but I could never tell him because he would freak. But he can hang out with all kinds of girls. I mean, it's HIM so that's OK. Anyways, this past weekend I planned to go home (I drove 8 hours each way) and I was supposed to spend a day or 2 with him. I was only there for 3 so there wasn't much time. I called him like I was supposed to when I arrived Friday night, and there was no answer, so I left a message. I called the next morning and left another message- no call. I called again a couple of hours later and got one of his friends who, after finding out who I was, said that he was in the shower and that he'd have him call back. Of course, no call. I called about an hour after that, and there was no answer, so I left a message saying thanks for blowing me off when I drove 8 hours. It's now Tuesday and I haven't heard from him since. The last thing we said to each other was "I love you" and he made me promise I was going to call when I got there. I am having major difficulties trying to understand why someone would do this to someone else. i drove 8 HOURS, and he blew me off! I have vowed never to speak to this person again, because I refuse to let him hurt me or affect my life any longer, that jerk. But all you men out there (and women), maybe you can tell me why a guy does such hurtful things and doesn't think twice about it. All this time, I actually thought he cared. Why would he pull something so rude on someone he supposedly cares about? I just couldn't ever fathom it. Please help me to understand this.

[Totally Confused]

You said it yourself. He's a manipulative, controlling, selfish freak. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. He's never going to change. I spent 2 1/2 yrs. with a guy like that. It took me 2 1/2 yrs. to realize he wouldn't change. It took me 6 mo. to get rid of him. You lucked out. You got rid of him w/o even trying. You're lucky you found out sooner than I did. At least you didn't waste any time.

 

The guy has probably met someone else, who he could control and manipulate easier. You were too strong for him and too much effort. Be happy and proud of yourself. You were too smart for him. You were hating this guy before he pulled this little stunt on you, so don't let this guys blow off turn you on to thinking that maybe you have feelings for him, because now he's posing a challenge. You don't like him. He didn't make you happy as you had stated in the beginning of your letter. Let it go and move on to someone that is more for you. Find someone who brings out the good part of you. Someone who brightens your day, that you can't wait to talk to cause they make you feel good inside. This guy didn't make you feel that way. I pitty any girl that ends up with him. She's going to be miserable and it may take her longer to realize how horrible he really is. You've been saved a big headache.

[Holly]

I had this boyfriend for about 10 months who was really manipulative and treated me very badly. I always thought it was because he had some bad experiences, but later discovered that it was just the way he was, and he wasn't changing anytime soon. However, we held onto the relationship, even after I moved 8 hours away about a month ago. I always felt like I loved this person, and would have done anything to have it work out. All this time I have even been thinking about moving back home to give our relationship a chance. He's very possessive and judgemental- if he treats me like crap, it's OK, but when I stop putting so much effort into him, I'm the a**h***. He constantly questions me about othr guys, even though they don't even exist. I do have some guy friends that I hang out with (nothing more) but I could never tell him because he would freak. But he can hang out with all kinds of girls. I mean, it's HIM so that's OK. Anyways, this past weekend I planned to go home (I drove 8 hours each way) and I was supposed to spend a day or 2 with him. I was only there for 3 so there wasn't much time. I called him like I was supposed to when I arrived Friday night, and there was no answer, so I left a message. I called the next morning and left another message- no call. I called again a couple of hours later and got one of his friends who, after finding out who I was, said that he was in the shower and that he'd have him call back. Of course, no call. I called about an hour after that, and there was no answer, so I left a message saying thanks for blowing me off when I drove 8 hours. It's now Tuesday and I haven't heard from him since. The last thing we said to each other was "I love you" and he made me promise I was going to call when I got there. I am having major difficulties trying to understand why someone would do this to someone else. i drove 8 HOURS, and he blew me off! I have vowed never to speak to this person again, because I refuse to let him hurt me or affect my life any longer, that jerk. But all you men out there (and women), maybe you can tell me why a guy does such hurtful things and doesn't think twice about it. All this time, I actually thought he cared. Why would he pull something so rude on someone he supposedly cares about? I just couldn't ever fathom it. Please help me to understand this.

Hi Tara,

 

I can't explain what he is thinking b/c I am not there to see it all happen. But it seems to me like this guy is a JERK, plain and simple. He is not thinking about you at all. He is only thinking about himself at this point. It also looks to me that since he has been so manipulative and controlling in the past, maybe this stunt he pulled was to see how much control he had over you. To see if you would drive all that way there for him, 16 hours and be able to blow you off...and then see if you would come crawling back. The ball is in your court now. You need to cut him off completely. You deserve 1000 times better than this. Show him that you respect yourself enough to move on with your life and have nothing to do with him. You are better than that and no one should have to put up with any of that behavior EVER! You are in a good position now to move on without him, now that you live 8 hours from him. I cannot explain for sure why he did this but it just seems like he is not capable of loving ANYONE if he is treating you that way. I hope this helps. I just can't believe a person could treat another person like that. I really hope you move on, it will be well worth it in the long run!

 

Holly