Promise

[killercards]

My Girl and I are getting more serious and now we have sex. But when is the best time to get an engagement ring? I am serious but I don't know if she is ready and I dont wont to be let down either... So help me out please??? Thanks

[lovelylady1234]

that's a very complicated question. How long have you been dating? How old are both of you? Do you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life? Do you share the same dreams and goals? Do you accept the person that they are and not want to "change" them? These are all serious factors in marriage.

[superconductor]

Don't do anything yet.

 

Lovelylady is exactly right. Even when you're 100% sure that you've made the right decision, reality has this funny way of smacking you right between the eyes.

 

Do not go with your feelings, because feelings are way too hazy and liable to stimulation from forces that have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject.

 

You can start with feelings, certainly, but that's 5% of what constitutes a healthy relationship. There are so many more factors that you have to consider, such as the ones LL wrote.

 

So do nothing about engagement yet until you've looked at the relationship through the lens of reality, and not through the lens that's clouded by feelings.

[killercards]

that's a very complicated question. How long have you been dating? How old are both of you? Do you see yourself with this person for the rest of your life? Do you share the same dreams and goals? Do you accept the person that they are and not want to "change" them? These are all serious factors in marriage.

 

 

We are both 21 and We first just became friends and grew into being best friends and then she said her heart to me one night(July 4th 06) And Before that it's been like 8 months of knowing her and then now it like One month and 18 days since we been a couple and The 13th of aug was the first time we engaged in sexual activities... And before she wanted to wait till marriage on the sex thing but not any more.. It already happened. We Do see eachother married, we even picked out names for our first child together, Christian Bright if it's a Boy and Sarah Lynn if it's a Girl.. Does us have conversations of that make a factor? I just want her to be ready as I am.

[lovelylady1234]

I got married at 21, so far be it from me to tell people WHEN to get married, however, it seems like this has been a whirlwind romance. You two haven't been together very long and I read your other post about some trust issues you may have with your SO. I must say that I would give this relationship more time to develop. The age you are both at is on the border of many changes that will happed to you both in your mid twenties and patience may be key here. You seem to be very emotional about your relationship. Marriage is a process that involves much more than emotion. It is a commitment that involved THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I would recommend dating exclusivley for a year or two before contemplating marriage. Also, don't link sex with marriage. In todays day and age, people hold sex and marriage in 2 seperate catagories, it's unfortunate but true. Just because you two have shared that with one another, does not make you automatically ready for a lifetime commitment. Take it slow and it will become more clear to you.

[danyol]

Firstly, you don't sound 21. You sound more like 15.

Secondly, you're young, probably not out of college, and definetly stupid. I mean that in the most constructive way possible. Look, picking out names for your future children is probably the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I remember my sister doing that very thing when she was TWELVE. There are so many red flags in your post, it looks like a Chinese Nationalist parade.

 

Now the Advice: Dump her, finish school, if you are not in school, then go to school. Date other women; have sex. Grow up. Name your children when they're born. I know this sounds harsh, but its true. Get rid of her, I know your so excited that you're having sex and things are jolly, but you already blew this relationship. You can't start naming future kids, considering engagment rings, marriage and expect any meaningful results. Scrap this one, get another and start over.