Well this is life for you..... or atleast for me.

[Anthony]

Ill start by explaining my situation.....

 

I'm a 21 year old Non religious, nonalcoholic, athletic 6'4" 200 lb., vegetarian, virgin and all around nice guy with absolutely no "luck" when it comes to dating/love.

 

(I'm a vegetarian due to reason of metabolic processes... cant really deal with the hormones, solid fats, high density proteins but as such I have no objection to others eating meat.

 

As to being nonalcoholic... well alcohol is a drug and when has any such substance ever done anyone any good but let people do what they do I'm not one to judge.)

 

Anyway ill continue now...

 

I have never held hands, never received a hug, or even kissed anyone and not by choice that is.

 

My experiences with women have almost always been bad with the women being abusive in one way or another regardless of their ethnicity, personality type or behavior models.

 

The only women whom have been nice to me have all been involved with others married, getting married, boyfriends etc... or at least that's what they tell me if/when I try to approach them and even if/when I have made it clear that my intentions have not been of a romantic nature even a simple friendship has been refused.

 

My friends and family tell me that I'm not ugly and I since I don't vomit at the sight of my self in the mirror every morning there should be something behind what they say, I'm a nice guy and treat everyone as they treat me and most of the time even better.

 

I have my healthy share of hobbies I cook, clean, garden, exercise, etc... though I don't like

 

sports, action movies and such and would rather spend time reading or watching a good documentary I am still a guy. (Insert the typical stereotype of beer swilling, sport loving, insensitive, fat guy here to get the exact opposite of me)

 

I dress cleanly and look clean so I really cant see what the problem is and I find it rather hard to believe that it has just been a rather long streak of bad luck.

 

(Nor do I believe its a possibility that I'm projecting my self as a looser or anything else of that nature as some have suggested since i dont feel that way about my self nor others.)

 

I don't (not anymore) go to bars or clubs since those places are just painful to be in due to memories of rejection nor can you ever have a good conversation with anyone due to their level of intoxication or the level of noise in the establishment... so my socializing is limited to school, work, holiday parties and family gatherings etc.

 

I have tried everything from trying to develop long lasting relationships to trying to make it work with random people I might hit it if with at the store/ coffeehouse to even Internet personal adds

 

or the ones in the local paper but to no avail.

 

Over the past 2-3 years I have noticed that I have started to grow cold and uncaring towards any form of communication

 

with anyone (probably a defense mechanism of a sorts) and

 

that my so called "sex drive" has also diminished to an

 

almost complete halt and I don't find women I meet attractive anymore.

 

(As in I rarely masturbate anymore and from what I hear that not really normal for someone my age.)

 

I don't believe that I'm gay nor has anyone ever thought or at least told me that I seem that way

 

(As a proof of sorts the thought of going forth with such behavior though there is nothing wrong with it makes me feel slightly iffy. As such people do what they do I'm not one to judge its just not for me.)

 

My question is what is the problem with every woman I have ever known since I'm a nice guy but have no luck with them and no woman has ever approached me in a romantic or even in a manner that might develop to a friendship or could there really be something horibly wrong with me if so what could it be.

 

As a second question could you try a small comparative calculation on statistics and figure out

 

how many of my kind there are out there.... as in the average non religious, nonalcoholic, single vegetarian, athletic, virgins that are not on any medications for mental/ physical illness and are around my age....

 

I'm not really picky on those things as long as the person I'm talking to is a good one but even as such it would be nice to know if there are any out there asides from me.

 

(I did one and got a very very small number but my math may be wrong.)

 

Well thank you for your time I hope to hear from you soon. My apologies for the lengthy message and any errors in composition, sentence srtuctures and spellin, comma and period errors.

 

Please keep answers polite and relative to the topic.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK:

 

1. "My question is what is the problem with every woman I have ever known since I'm a nice guy but have no luck with them and no woman has ever approached me in a romantic or even in a manner that might develop to a friendship or could there really be something horibly wrong with me if so what could it be."

 

There is no problem with every woman. They are just who they are. Your unconscious thought process, your thinking about your life and your attitude about your failure with women is what is holding you back. Thoughts are things and they create your reality. Change the way you think and you will change your life.

 

There is no human way we might be able to find out what each woman was thinking. Without talking to you, there is no good way to give advice to you. There's obviously a problem. Perhaps you should go to a counsellor and get an evaluation of your approach with women...how you come across.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much. You are young and I promise there are lots of men in your same situation. Everyone of them eventually finds love, or rather love finds them when the time is right.

 

If you want me to be perfectly frank, I have always been envious of men six feet or taller because it seems to me like MOST women are looking for a guy who is tall. If you look at the personals, almost every ad a woman runs looking for a male...she wants one at least six feet tall. I can hardly sympathize with your height. You are better than they ask for.

 

2. "As a second question could you try a small comparative calculation on statistics and figure out

 

how many of my kind there are out there.... as in the average non religious, nonalcoholic, single vegetarian, athletic, virgins that are not on any medications for mental/ physical illness and are around my age...."

 

I don't understand this question. There is insufficient data available to find out how many people there are like you "out there" (wherever that is) but there is nothing at all wrong with you. You are an individual with morals and ethics...you don't find that a whole lot anymore...and there are millions of women looking for a guy like you. Many of them attend church and you aren't religious so you may want to look for them in metaphysical and spirituality groups not associated with organized religion.

 

3. "I'm not really picky on those things as long as the person I'm talking to is a good one but even as such it would be nice to know if there are any out there asides from me."

 

There are lots and lots. You just have to look in the right places. Yes, stay away from the bars like you are doing. Attend symphonies, plays, lectures on topics of interest to you, etc. You must get out and you must find places where like minded people as yourself hang out.

 

And change your attitude. Believe absolutely that you are unique and that there are ladies out there looking for a guy like you and they will present themselves.

[Anthony]

Just to point out i really have no predisposition to a way of thinking or acting when i meet someone it all depends on their responce to my presence. Usually im just trying to make friendly chitchat about whats new in the world, making fun of dumb people, trying to hit up an interesting topic from which a conversation might develope or even a friendly debate.

 

Well As to the calculation on comparative statistics there have been studies on statistic of the overall composition of populations on the basis of religion, behavior models, cultural devepment etc etc.... there are many of them

 

going in to several different specific areas.

 

Just going trough some of the percentages given from those studies calculation from a base of a given population

 

you can get a reasonably accurate picture of what kinds of people there are in the world overall and how they are distributed. I did a calculation from the basis of 6 billion people took direct aplications of percentages

 

on top of each other and camy up with a number of around 3000 single, nonreligious, nonalcoholic, drug/disease free,

 

vegetarian virgins aged 18-35 with IQ's in the 150 range.

 

but then again since it was a direct aplication it doesnt give a true picture of the population composition.

 

I have been to counselors and so far i have learned from those experiences that most of the counslors around asume things of you on the basis of what they have read in book and try to make you fit in to a small stereotype which they have of people in similar situations. If you go on to

 

psychologists, psychiatrists etc well they will only try to put you on medication and make money of you not dealing with your problems (or in this case me but since i dont do drugs....) there are a few good counselors and other psych help types around but unfortunately they are extremely rare and difficult to find not to mention very expensive to go to.

 

just to point out on your phrase of: "Everyone of them eventually finds love, or rather love finds them when the time is right." that is wishfull thinking kind of like

 

hoping to win the lottery.

 

Like i said i have started to grow somewhat cold and uncaring towards people in general since after years of

 

trying to make it work with people i dont have any emotional resources left to spend on them.... and i think we both know how unlikely it is

 

(atleast by my past experiences)

 

that a woman might actually show interest in someone like me especially after being sucked dry by others before them.

 

Mind you im writing this with a slight devilish grin in my face so think of it as a true story with a slight dark humorous twist.

 

Just to point out the obvious irony of it all

 

"normal" people have a tendency to want to experiment

 

with sex "multiple partners" (ie. failed relationships with abusive people), drugs such as alcohol etc. to a certain limited scale and most of the time it is unintentional.

 

As their Experimentation with "exiting" people and things goes about and they grow tired of them (eventually)

 

and want to settle down....

 

here comes the irony.

 

As they want to settle down they start searching for the allround average nice guy/girl... whom years before they

 

treated as dirt... to make my point short... how do you think such a person might react to the "normal" people

 

whom years before trated him/her very badly.

 

As to religious people, people whom use alcohol or other drugs or have had previous sexual partners i have nothing against them i just try to avoid them... for past pain caused by others like them... imean honestly would you really go with someone whom reminded you of all the pain in your life.

 

Even as such you should take in to consideration that i have tried to make functional relationships (frienships and even occationaly a romantic interest)

 

work with people whom own such behaviormodels and i allways treat others as i would my self to be treated ie. we are all human with our flaws and pasts, but as i said before to no avail...

 

Metaphysical and spritual people well... there is allways the chance they belong to a cult or have some belief that

 

colorfull stones might heal.... and as with religions there is a slight conflict of realities ie. seeking enlightenment through the ways of logic/ schience vs blind fait to an invisible God that created all of the universe.. (seems kind of arrogant to asume that us little humans might have any idea what so ever of what God might be like.)

 

Sorry ignore that last one if you have a tendency to start a debate on semantics and filosofies.... just tried to express a small piece of my reality.

 

As to trying to find people whom share the same interest as i do well those are the individuals whom have been nice to me but like i said unfortunately they are all already involved with others.

 

My apologies for weird composition and sentence structures comma, period and spelling errors.

 

Well enough of my rantings there you go somehting for you to ponder would love to hear a womans oppinion on the subject.

YOU ASK: 1. "My question is what is the problem with every woman I have ever known since I'm a nice guy but have no luck with them and no woman has ever approached me in a romantic or even in a manner that might develop to a friendship or could there really be something horibly wrong with me if so what could it be." There is no problem with every woman. They are just who they are. Your unconscious thought process, your thinking about your life and your attitude about your failure with women is what is holding you back. Thoughts are things and they create your reality. Change the way you think and you will change your life. There is no human way we might be able to find out what each woman was thinking. Without talking to you, there is no good way to give advice to you. There's obviously a problem. Perhaps you should go to a counsellor and get an evaluation of your approach with women...how you come across.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much. You are young and I promise there are lots of men in your same situation. Everyone of them eventually finds love, or rather love finds them when the time is right. If you want me to be perfectly frank, I have always been envious of men six feet or taller because it seems to me like MOST women are looking for a guy who is tall. If you look at the personals, almost every ad a woman runs looking for a male...she wants one at least six feet tall. I can hardly sympathize with your height. You are better than they ask for. 2. "As a second question could you try a small comparative calculation on statistics and figure out how many of my kind there are out there.... as in the average non religious, nonalcoholic, single vegetarian, athletic, virgins that are not on any medications for mental/ physical illness and are around my age...." I don't understand this question. There is insufficient data available to find out how many people there are like you "out there" (wherever that is) but there is nothing at all wrong with you. You are an individual with morals and ethics...you don't find that a whole lot anymore...and there are millions of women looking for a guy like you. Many of them attend church and you aren't religious so you may want to look for them in metaphysical and spirituality groups not associated with organized religion. 3. "I'm not really picky on those things as long as the person I'm talking to is a good one but even as such it would be nice to know if there are any out there asides from me."

 

There are lots and lots. You just have to look in the right places. Yes, stay away from the bars like you are doing. Attend symphonies, plays, lectures on topics of interest to you, etc. You must get out and you must find places where like minded people as yourself hang out.

 

And change your attitude. Believe absolutely that you are unique and that there are ladies out there looking for a guy like you and they will present themselves.

[Tony T]

FIRST YOU QUOTED ME AND THEN YOU WROTE: ""Everyone of them eventually finds love, or rather love finds them when the time is right." that is wishfull thinking kind of like

 

hoping to win the lottery."

 

This is a perfect example of your negative attitude, the one that is going to keep you down in life. You just don't seem to get it. You seem very defensive and very unwilling to accept some responsiblity. You are not very open to the possiblity that I or others who may answer your post may be able to offer you some valid help. You seem to want to have all the answers for yourself...so you can stay stuck exactly where you are.

 

Well, sorry about that. I tried. I wish you great luck in life.

[yes]

Hey. I'm a girl, here're some comments:

 

You sound very judgemental and ... unrelaxed. From what u've written, i wouldn't feel comfortable just hanging out n chatting with you. Esp. when u mention making fun of dumb people and starting friendly debates. That's cool once u'r friends with the person, but initially, those would make me uneasy ... I think you need to be a little warmer with people... not so defensive...

 

Keep your language simple - you use big words in your post.. cmon "due to their level of intoxication"? can't u just say "cuz they're drunk"? You know , stuff like that - just try to be someone with whom it's comfortable and relaxing to hang out ... whose company is enjoyable. I'm not saying yours isn't but u sound a lil tense ...

 

I by no means want to say - change yourself. But your attitude needs an adjustment, i think. Think about what Tony said. Don't concentrate on yourself - concentrate on how the other person feels in your presence.

 

Best of luck.

 

Ill start by explaining my situation.....

 

I'm a 21 year old Non religious, nonalcoholic, athletic 6'4" 200 lb., vegetarian, virgin and all around nice guy with absolutely no "luck" when it comes to dating/love. (I'm a vegetarian due to reason of metabolic processes... cant really deal with the hormones, solid fats, high density proteins but as such I have no objection to others eating meat. As to being nonalcoholic... well alcohol is a drug and when has any such substance ever done anyone any good but let people do what they do I'm not one to judge.) Anyway ill continue now... I have never held hands, never received a hug, or even kissed anyone and not by choice that is. My experiences with women have almost always been bad with the women being abusive in one way or another regardless of their ethnicity, personality type or behavior models. The only women whom have been nice to me have all been involved with others married, getting married, boyfriends etc... or at least that's what they tell me if/when I try to approach them and even if/when I have made it clear that my intentions have not been of a romantic nature even a simple friendship has been refused. My friends and family tell me that I'm not ugly and I since I don't vomit at the sight of my self in the mirror every morning there should be something behind what they say, I'm a nice guy and treat everyone as they treat me and most of the time even better. I have my healthy share of hobbies I cook, clean, garden, exercise, etc... though I don't like sports, action movies and such and would rather spend time reading or watching a good documentary I am still a guy. (Insert the typical stereotype of beer swilling, sport loving, insensitive, fat guy here to get the exact opposite of me) I dress cleanly and look clean so I really cant see what the problem is and I find it rather hard to believe that it has just been a rather long streak of bad luck. (Nor do I believe its a possibility that I'm projecting my self as a looser or anything else of that nature as some have suggested since i dont feel that way about my self nor others.)

 

I don't (not anymore) go to bars or clubs since those places are just painful to be in due to memories of rejection nor can you ever have a good conversation with anyone due to their level of intoxication or the level of noise in the establishment... so my socializing is limited to school, work, holiday parties and family gatherings etc. I have tried everything from trying to develop long lasting relationships to trying to make it work with random people I might hit it if with at the store/ coffeehouse to even Internet personal adds or the ones in the local paper but to no avail. Over the past 2-3 years I have noticed that I have started to grow cold and uncaring towards any form of communication with anyone (probably a defense mechanism of a sorts) and that my so called "sex drive" has also diminished to an almost complete halt and I don't find women I meet attractive anymore. (As in I rarely masturbate anymore and from what I hear that not really normal for someone my age.) I don't believe that I'm gay nor has anyone ever thought or at least told me that I seem that way (As a proof of sorts the thought of going forth with such behavior though there is nothing wrong with it makes me feel slightly iffy. As such people do what they do I'm not one to judge its just not for me.) My question is what is the problem with every woman I have ever known since I'm a nice guy but have no luck with them and no woman has ever approached me in a romantic or even in a manner that might develop to a friendship or could there really be something horibly wrong with me if so what could it be. As a second question could you try a small comparative calculation on statistics and figure out how many of my kind there are out there.... as in the average non religious, nonalcoholic, single vegetarian, athletic, virgins that are not on any medications for mental/ physical illness and are around my age.... I'm not really picky on those things as long as the person I'm talking to is a good one but even as such it would be nice to know if there are any out there asides from me. (I did one and got a very very small number but my math may be wrong.) Well thank you for your time I hope to hear from you soon. My apologies for the lengthy message and any errors in composition, sentence srtuctures and spellin, comma and period errors. Please keep answers polite and relative to the topic.

[clia]

You seem to be looking outward and not at yourself. Examples:

Just to point out i really have no predisposition to a way of thinking or acting when i meet someone it all depends on their responce to my presence.

What about your response to their presence? If you come off as confrontational, cold, uncaring, etc. then they probably will mirror how you are acting.

 

Also, your previous comment about what is wrong with the women you meet that they don't like you. Well, what's wrong with you? Anything? From my perspective, your posts have come across as extremely snobby, closed minded and judgmental. Whether you are or not is irrelevant--that is how you have presented yourself. Personally, when I meet a guy for the first time, I'm not highly impressed when he makes fun of other people, or with getting into a huge debate with him. (Can you say confrontational?) Try to keep the conversation light. Don't force your opinions on other people right away or tell them they are wrong. Ask her what she does, how she likes it, where she went to college, how she liked that, what her favorite movie is, if she's been to any concerts lately, etc.

I did a calculation from the basis of 6 billion people took direct aplications of percentages on top of each other and camy up with a number of around 3000 single, nonreligious, nonalcoholic, drug/disease free, vegetarian virgins aged 18-35 with IQ's in the 150 range.

Oh my. Is this the kind of stuff you talk about with girls you just met? That sounds crazy to me. Why are you so hell bent on proving you are unique and different? We are all different. You are not the only one like you and I am not the only one like me. Why not try to embrace your good qualities instead of trying to determine what it is about you that girls don't seem to like?

Like i said i have started to grow somewhat cold and uncaring towards people in general since after years of trying to make it work with people i dont have any emotional resources left to spend on them.... and i think we both know how unlikely it is (atleast by my past experiences) that a woman might actually show interest in someone like me especially after being sucked dry by others before them.

This attitude probably shows and that is why no one has warmed up to you. Why would a girl want to hang out with a guy who does not have the emotional resources left to spend on her? Look, everyone in this entire world gets hurt, rejected, and stepped on. It happens. Part of life and part of growing up is learning to deal with it and move on. You can't blame the new girls you meet for the way girls in the past have treated you.

Mind you im writing this with a slight devilish grin in my face so think of it as a true story with a slight dark humorous twist.

What?

Just to point out the obvious irony of it all "normal" people have a tendency to want to experiment with sex "multiple partners" (ie. failed relationships with abusive people), drugs such as alcohol etc. to a certain limited scale and most of the time it is unintentional. As their Experimentation with "exiting" people and things goes about and they grow tired of them (eventually) and want to settle down.... here comes the irony.

Again, you are trying to emphasize your uniqueness. What the hell is "normal" anyway? There is no "normal." Everyone is different. (And just because people experiment with sex with multiple partners doesn't mean they are all failed relationships with abusive people. Jeez, man.)

As they want to settle down they start searching for the allround average nice guy/girl... whom years before they treated as dirt... to make my point short... how do you think such a person might react to the "normal" people whom years before trated him/her very badly.

That's not true. Sorry that there are people out there who want to have fun while they are young and live their life and do whatever they hell they want to do. But that doesn't mean that everyone out there is screwing people over left and right and then one day looking back and saying "Oh, gee, I should've been nicer to that nice girl from the tenth grade." Most people don't settle down until they find a person who they feel is right for them. Just because a person is nice doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I know I'm not looking for the average nice guy--I want much better than average.

As to religious people, people whom use alcohol or other drugs or have had previous sexual partners i have nothing against them i just try to avoid them... for past pain caused by others like them... imean honestly would you really go with someone whom reminded you of all the pain in your life.

Oh my God, you are such a stereotyper. You need to stop putting people into categories and remember that everyone is different. Why is there so much pain in your life anyway? You can't depend on other people to make you happy. If you're depressed because you can't find a girlfriend, you are depressed for the wrong reasons. You are depressed because something about YOU or YOUR LIFE is not complete, and that certainly should not be lack of another person.

 

I really don't know what to tell you except that you need to stop blaming the women you meet because they don't like you, and take a look at the way you come off, because I'll tell you what, based on the couple of posts you've made, I wouldn't want to get into a conversation with you either. You really don't need to get all deep and philosophical, and in fact, is a bad idea to do when you first meet someone. Just make small talk. And although you say you don't judge people who drink, do drugs, have multiple sex partners, etc., I don't believe you. You seem to think people like that are below you. Wow, I really do wish you the best of luck. Maybe you should try some self help books.

[Anthony]

Just to make a point i do look at my self but i have a bad tendency to become argumentative and i also have a bad habit of amusing my self at times with those arguments

 

and some times with confusing people... bad habit learned from dealing with bullies that ganged up on me for being different.

 

Tony thanks for your advice... but there was nothing there i already didnt know

 

The point I was trying to make with that quote was that there is allways hope but putting your hopes on

 

a god or in this case the sentiment of ill quote again "Everyone of them eventually finds love, or rather love finds them when the time is right." instead of your own abilities and taking responsibility for ones own actions

 

is well kind of naive. (atleast from my point of view).

 

Well im a realist, a narcisist and a synic and a bunch of other stuff one cat really say in print without maiking it

 

an R rated sentence .

 

As to you "analysis" of my behavior well not really accurate now is it ... denial of my own responsibilities is not really my style i work and study hard but have absolutely no luck with people hence my query.

 

Sorry if i seemed to respond in a strong manner but its been a while since i wrote anything longer than a few paragraphs to a technical question:).

 

Ditto to all you said too .

FIRST YOU QUOTED ME AND THEN YOU WROTE: ""Everyone of them eventually finds love, or rather love finds them when the time is right." that is wishfull thinking kind of like hoping to win the lottery." This is a perfect example of your negative attitude, the one that is going to keep you down in life. You just don't seem to get it. You seem very defensive and very unwilling to accept some responsiblity. You are not very open to the possiblity that I or others who may answer your post may be able to offer you some valid help. You seem to want to have all the answers for yourself...so you can stay stuck exactly where you are. Well, sorry about that. I tried. I wish you great luck in life.

[Anthony]

Well like i said im a nice guy and treat others in regard to as they treat me ie. you get what you give.

 

most of the time im somewhat mellow and calm unless i or the person in front of me hits up on a subject of interest to both in wich case a brainstorming session might come about and ideas fly back and forth.

 

As to coming out as confrontational.. well usually that only if i cant seem to make a conversation work with the individual im talking to forming a situation where a debate might pop up... a friendly one as such and i make the

 

non negative atmosphere on my part quite clear 99% of the time. (1% being if im slightly moody for some reason or the person infront of me is a well lets just say... a complete ass.)

 

Maybe im just being too serebral for most people .

 

As to my appearance i try to be as friendly as possible without seeming like a suckup of a sorts.

 

As to me saying that i have noticed over the past few years that im becoming cold and uncaring well thats just me running out of emotional resources due to lack of positive reenforcement but i still do tend to try.

 

and as usual the only woman wo respond start to miss quote what i said. i do believe that the first question started

 

with the phrase "whats wrong with every woman i know.."

 

but if you had read the paragraph thurougly you would have noticed it ended with "...or is there really something hiribly wrong with me if so what could it be?)

 

No the calculations etc. are not the kinds of stuff i talk about with women my hobbies include gardening, cooking, exercise etc, etc. and i do thend to try to hit up a conversation on philosophy, curent events etc....

 

(But i wont bother with conversation topics like what color shous ally Mcbeal in the episode they just saw).

 

As to your point on everyone getting hurt etc..

 

well true but most people have atleast some positive reenforcement from their experiences as in being accepted for whom they are etc or hearing the words that express love towards them.

 

well readin your responce it seems that your the only one being judgemental here Clia.

 

I merely tried to point out the whole irony behind the behaviormodels people hold oh so dear and i explained at several occations that im not the one to judge and that

 

behavior like that is just not for me.

 

Then i tried to explain why i find no need to behave in such a manner. Over simplification and slight exageration of realities is 99% of the time the best way to get ones point (without having to write a book about what your getting at).

 

Though there are clashes with realities such as yours to mine... propably bacause you have similar behavior models

 

i talked about but hey do what you do just think about what your doing for a while before you do it. (I may be wrong

 

but hey were all human here)

 

Thats my advice to you im not one to judge even though you may think otherwise.

 

You said that your not looking for the average nice guy

 

and that you wanted somehting better... well let me ask you this what have you done to deserve such a guy

 

or are you one of the people whom suffer from the "little princess syndrome" and automatically asume that you only deserve the best. Think about it for a while .

 

The only kind of a person im looking for well is someone with whom i can feel like a humanbeing... whom thinks of her self as a human being and treats me in the same regard

 

because thats what i do to my self and to other people.

 

Treat others as you would want to be treated. (or how did the phrase go)

 

Clia if you have a hard time understanding a comment

 

dont answer to it only makes reading the post a bit boring... thank you for your attempt anyways

 

have a nice life.

 

You seem to be looking outward and not at yourself. Examples: What about your response to their presence? If you come off as confrontational, cold, uncaring, etc. then they probably will mirror how you are acting. Also, your previous comment about what is wrong with the women you meet that they don't like you. Well, what's wrong with you? Anything? From my perspective, your posts have come across as extremely snobby, closed minded and judgmental. Whether you are or not is irrelevant--that is how you have presented yourself. Personally, when I meet a guy for the first time, I'm not highly impressed when he makes fun of other people, or with getting into a huge debate with him. (Can you say confrontational?) Try to keep the conversation light. Don't force your opinions on other people right away or tell them they are wrong. Ask her what she does, how she likes it, where she went to college, how she liked that, what her favorite movie is, if she's been to any concerts lately, etc. Oh my. Is this the kind of stuff you talk about with girls you just met? That sounds crazy to me. Why are you so hell bent on proving you are unique and different? We are all different. You are not the only one like you and I am not the only one like me. Why not try to embrace your good qualities instead of trying to determine what it is about you that girls don't seem to like? This attitude probably shows and that is why no one has warmed up to you. Why would a girl want to hang out with a guy who does not have the emotional resources left to spend on her? Look, everyone in this entire world gets hurt, rejected, and stepped on. It happens. Part of life and part of growing up is learning to deal with it and move on. You can't blame the new girls you meet for the way girls in the past have treated you. What? Again, you are trying to emphasize your uniqueness. What the hell is "normal" anyway? There is no "normal." Everyone is different. (And just because people experiment with sex with multiple partners doesn't mean they are all failed relationships with abusive people. Jeez, man.)

 

That's not true. Sorry that there are people out there who want to have fun while they are young and live their life and do whatever they hell they want to do. But that doesn't mean that everyone out there is screwing people over left and right and then one day looking back and saying "Oh, gee, I should've been nicer to that nice girl from the tenth grade." Most people don't settle down until they find a person who they feel is right for them. Just because a person is nice doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I know I'm not looking for the average nice guy--I want much better than average. Oh my God, you are such a stereotyper. You need to stop putting people into categories and remember that everyone is different. Why is there so much pain in your life anyway? You can't depend on other people to make you happy. If you're depressed because you can't find a girlfriend, you are depressed for the wrong reasons. You are depressed because something about YOU or YOUR LIFE is not complete, and that certainly should not be lack of another person. I really don't know what to tell you except that you need to stop blaming the women you meet because they don't like you, and take a look at the way you come off, because I'll tell you what, based on the couple of posts you've made, I wouldn't want to get into a conversation with you either. You really don't need to get all deep and philosophical, and in fact, is a bad idea to do when you first meet someone. Just make small talk. And although you say you don't judge people who drink, do drugs, have multiple sex partners, etc., I don't believe you. You seem to think people like that are below you. Wow, I really do wish you the best of luck. Maybe you should try some self help books.

[Anthony]

Clia i forgot to mention in my previous answer...

 

I did not go throught the trouble of those calculations to prove my individuality but rather.... because of loneliness

 

and desperation i tried to figure out how many people there are in the world i could relate to in some way.

 

by the way a quick question.... is Dennis Miller funny to you?

 

Hes a bit simplistic but his comedy routines are a good

 

point of comparison on weighter or not a person can understand sarcasm, synicism etc.

 

You seem to be looking outward and not at yourself. Examples: What about your response to their presence? If you come off as confrontational, cold, uncaring, etc. then they probably will mirror how you are acting. Also, your previous comment about what is wrong with the women you meet that they don't like you. Well, what's wrong with you? Anything? From my perspective, your posts have come across as extremely snobby, closed minded and judgmental. Whether you are or not is irrelevant--that is how you have presented yourself. Personally, when I meet a guy for the first time, I'm not highly impressed when he makes fun of other people, or with getting into a huge debate with him. (Can you say confrontational?) Try to keep the conversation light. Don't force your opinions on other people right away or tell them they are wrong. Ask her what she does, how she likes it, where she went to college, how she liked that, what her favorite movie is, if she's been to any concerts lately, etc. Oh my. Is this the kind of stuff you talk about with girls you just met? That sounds crazy to me. Why are you so hell bent on proving you are unique and different? We are all different. You are not the only one like you and I am not the only one like me. Why not try to embrace your good qualities instead of trying to determine what it is about you that girls don't seem to like? This attitude probably shows and that is why no one has warmed up to you. Why would a girl want to hang out with a guy who does not have the emotional resources left to spend on her? Look, everyone in this entire world gets hurt, rejected, and stepped on. It happens. Part of life and part of growing up is learning to deal with it and move on. You can't blame the new girls you meet for the way girls in the past have treated you. What? Again, you are trying to emphasize your uniqueness. What the hell is "normal" anyway? There is no "normal." Everyone is different. (And just because people experiment with sex with multiple partners doesn't mean they are all failed relationships with abusive people. Jeez, man.)

 

That's not true. Sorry that there are people out there who want to have fun while they are young and live their life and do whatever they hell they want to do. But that doesn't mean that everyone out there is screwing people over left and right and then one day looking back and saying "Oh, gee, I should've been nicer to that nice girl from the tenth grade." Most people don't settle down until they find a person who they feel is right for them. Just because a person is nice doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I know I'm not looking for the average nice guy--I want much better than average. Oh my God, you are such a stereotyper. You need to stop putting people into categories and remember that everyone is different. Why is there so much pain in your life anyway? You can't depend on other people to make you happy. If you're depressed because you can't find a girlfriend, you are depressed for the wrong reasons. You are depressed because something about YOU or YOUR LIFE is not complete, and that certainly should not be lack of another person. I really don't know what to tell you except that you need to stop blaming the women you meet because they don't like you, and take a look at the way you come off, because I'll tell you what, based on the couple of posts you've made, I wouldn't want to get into a conversation with you either. You really don't need to get all deep and philosophical, and in fact, is a bad idea to do when you first meet someone. Just make small talk. And although you say you don't judge people who drink, do drugs, have multiple sex partners, etc., I don't believe you. You seem to think people like that are below you. Wow, I really do wish you the best of luck. Maybe you should try some self help books.

[Anthony]

Like i said im not judgemental i merely tried to explain why

 

i do what i do and why i dont do certain other things and how some of the things others do seem to me.

 

Well as to seeming somewhat tense... well you can get that

 

way when you continuously have to deal with people whom do not even bother to try to understand the world around them

 

(not here as such but in general).

 

As to making fun of dumb people well if your having a conversation on curent events there is allways some chance of making an odd joke here and there about some celebrity

 

(for example the last 2 presidents) and what they have done said... etc... nothing serious or continuous badgering just an odd joke here or there that is related to the topic at hand.

 

The friendly debate thing to me it is relaxing and stimulating to try to hit up a conversation where both sides can express their views and possibly learn something from each other not to mention the brainstorming aspect of it all. As i should mention if im having a debate/ conversation im usually smiling to the person infront of me with only friendly intentions in mind and as such represented.

 

Like i mentioned maybe im just being too cerebral.

 

Thanks for the advice though.

Hey. I'm a girl, here're some comments: You sound very judgemental and ... unrelaxed. From what u've written, i wouldn't feel comfortable just hanging out n chatting with you. Esp. when u mention making fun of dumb people and starting friendly debates. That's cool once u'r friends with the person, but initially, those would make me uneasy ... I think you need to be a little warmer with people... not so defensive... Keep your language simple - you use big words in your post.. cmon "due to their level of intoxication"? can't u just say "cuz they're drunk"? You know , stuff like that - just try to be someone with whom it's comfortable and relaxing to hang out ... whose company is enjoyable. I'm not saying yours isn't but u sound a lil tense ... I by no means want to say - change yourself. But your attitude needs an adjustment, i think. Think about what Tony said. Don't concentrate on yourself - concentrate on how the other person feels in your presence. Best of luck.

[clia]

You asked for a woman's opinion on why you don't seem to be meeting women who are interested and I gave you mine. It's just my opinion, based on the things you posted. I'm sorry if you didn't like what I had to say. You are the one who asked for advice, and as someone who has a lot of dates and meets quite a few interested parties, I was simply trying to help you out, not ask for your judgment on me. Hell yeah I do what I want to do, have a few drinks from time to time, watch football, date, get dumped, dump, etc., but I don't see a problem with that as you obviously do. Like I said, we're all different.

 

And as for your "little princess syndrome" comment, you know nothing about me, nor did I ask for your advice. Unlike you, I know that I have a lot to offer, and most guys I date tell me so. I was simply saying that I'm not going to "settle".

 

I find Dennis Miller absolutely hilarious and read all of his books, so I have no trouble understanding sarcasm, intelligent humor, or cynicism, however, that is not what I got from your posts.

 

Clia i forgot to mention in my previous answer...

 

I did not go throught the trouble of those calculations to prove my individuality but rather.... because of loneliness and desperation i tried to figure out how many people there are in the world i could relate to in some way. by the way a quick question.... is Dennis Miller funny to you? Hes a bit simplistic but his comedy routines are a good point of comparison on weighter or not a person can understand sarcasm, synicism etc.

[Anthony]

Just to point out that the "little princess syndrome" thing

 

was a joke on some the representation of some of the things

 

you mentioned.... get what you give.

 

Like I said before i dont pass judegement i evaluate situations and things said.... and wel anger is usually the first sign of denial. (In relation to some of the generalised behaviormodels i mentioned).

 

But hey do what you do its your life to live not mine

 

but as being someone whom drinks parties and "dates a lot"you have very little idea on what its like to be

 

turned down at every turn.

 

Just to make a point of one more thing i was not allways thins cynical etc. one just grows to become someone like me with only negative return on resources spent. (emotionla resources that is).

 

thanks for you advice anyways

You asked for a woman's opinion on why you don't seem to be meeting women who are interested and I gave you mine. It's just my opinion, based on the things you posted. I'm sorry if you didn't like what I had to say. You are the one who asked for advice, and as someone who has a lot of dates and meets quite a few interested parties, I was simply trying to help you out, not ask for your judgment on me. Hell yeah I do what I want to do, have a few drinks from time to time, watch football, date, get dumped, dump, etc., but I don't see a problem with that as you obviously do. Like I said, we're all different. And as for your "little princess syndrome" comment, you know nothing about me, nor did I ask for your advice. Unlike you, I know that I have a lot to offer, and most guys I date tell me so. I was simply saying that I'm not going to "settle". I find Dennis Miller absolutely hilarious and read all of his books, so I have no trouble understanding sarcasm, intelligent humor, or cynicism, however, that is not what I got from your posts.