question

[Guestguy]

I am getting married in may, The problem is we have been fighting about sex.

 

She was a virgin when we met she is 23 I am 27 and wanted to wait. I was okay with it. She had sex with a ex a few months ago she got drunk at a party and did not plan it. I believe her since the guy is her friend's BF. Okay first I was mad and wanted to break it off but got over it. I wanted out because she still would not have sex with me. Am I wrong?

[whichwayisup]

No, you're not wrong. She wanted to wait, but instead she got drunk and screwed her friend's boyfriend?

 

I think you need to figure out how much you love her and how much you want a woman who will cheat on you when you're married.

 

why won't she have sex with you?

[norajane]

Do not marry this woman. Save yourself a lot of pain and trouble by ending this now. You can't marry someone who got drunk, screwed her friend's boyfriend even though she was a virgin and all the while has been telling you she wanted to wait...and now she still doesn't want to have sex with you.

 

Either she wasn't a virgin and has been lying to you all along, or she's a cheater, and maybe a liar, too, if she hasn't told her friend about screwing her boyfriend. Bad news all the way around. End it now or divorce her later...it's your call.

[Guest]

I have been friends with her for years and she always said she wanted to wait. She has said she would move up the wedding but still wants it to be speacil for us the first time. I am being to harsh about it being her friends BF it is a guy her friend is dating. Her friend knows and told her she warned her about him he likes to nail girls like her.

 

Most of my friends say I am right but a few say she was drunk and did not want it so she should get to chose her first time. I am mad because I want to be the last guy she sleeped with before we marry. Once we marry she can never change the fact he was the last guy she was with before hand. Plus I see him a lot and he just smiles all the time like he is proud of it and how miserable he made us Is there something I can do or say to get her to see it my way

[tikigods]

she wouldn't give it up to you, but would get drunk and screw around on you...not only with some random guy but her best friends guy?! Why are you still with her?

[HokeyReligions]

was she raped? There have been cases where a woman was raped and the woman's SO seemed to think that she allowed it and therefore cheated. Sometimes the rape victim will be convinced of that too - especially if they were drunk.

 

I think you two need to really talk about this - maybe with some premarital couples counseling. Don't enter a marriage with this unresolved.

[Green]

you need to stop asking her for sex and just get her a little tips like that night at the party and pull out the smooth moves and get some sex from her. I'm not saying break up with because of the cheating but you should cancel the wedding for now or atleast keep the engagement going dont start booking anything concrete

[penkitten]

im sorry but if you can go to a party and get drunk and lose your virginity with your ex who is also your friends bf and come home to confess to your fiance about it, the one you were saving yourself for, and then never give him any is the weirdest thing i ever heard of.

 

wtf is wrong with this picture??????

[norajane]

im sorry but if you can go to a party and get drunk and lose your virginity with your ex who is also your friends bf and come home to confess to your fiance about it, the one you were saving yourself for, and then never give him any is the weirdest thing i ever heard of.

 

wtf is wrong with this picture??????

 

Pretty much everything.

 

Oh, except her fiancee is not at risk of getting an STD! That's the good news, for him.

[penkitten]

Pretty much everything.

 

Oh, except her fiancee is not at risk of getting an STD! That's the good news, for him.

 

how do we know he isnt? did she go get tested or something?

[norajane]

how do we know he isnt? did she go get tested or something?

 

No need - he's not having sex with her...oh, I see, they might be having oral sex.

 

K, back to: everything is wrong with this picture.

[penkitten]

No need - he's not having sex with her...oh, I see, they might be having oral sex.

 

K, back to: everything is wrong with this picture.

 

i was thinking they are still getting married and she will have to at least give it to him one time on their wedding night.

of course, if i found out that my fiance cheated at a party with an ex who is also currently dating a friend and then months later refused to give me any because they were still "waiting" , well id be canceling that wedding and rethinking the whole relationship. but thats just selfish little me.

[Guest]

It was not rape but he did press her for sex. They used to fight about sex when they dated. I have been friends with her a long time and do love her. She thinks once we are married and having sex it will be fine. She is all for sex once we are married. I keep trying to tell her that I will always been mad that she made me wait.

 

I could call it off and have thought about it but I do love her and want her. I just am made she does not see how this hurts.

 

To answer the other question we don't have oral sex either but will when we get married she is for all of that when we are married. Though she has already done it all. I have fooled around with her but no oral sex

[Rikka]

i was thinking they are still getting married and she will have to at least give it to him one time on their wedding night.

of course, if i found out that my fiance cheated at a party with an ex who is also currently dating a friend and then months later refused to give me any because they were still "waiting" , well id be canceling that wedding and rethinking the whole relationship. but thats just selfish little me.

 

Then slap me silly and call me selfish, because I agree with you entirely penkitten. As you and norajane have said, something is very very wrong with this picture. I would be questioning many things about this relationship and this girl.

[norajane]

I have been friends with her for years and she always said she wanted to wait. She has said she would move up the wedding but still wants it to be speacil for us the first time. I am being to harsh about it being her friends BF it is a guy her friend is dating. Her friend knows and told her she warned her about him he likes to nail girls like her.

 

Most of my friends say I am right but a few say she was drunk and did not want it so she should get to chose her first time. I am mad because I want to be the last guy she sleeped with before we marry. Once we marry she can never change the fact he was the last guy she was with before hand. Plus I see him a lot and he just smiles all the time like he is proud of it and how miserable he made us Is there something I can do or say to get her to see it my way

 

Dude, this guy is ALWAYS going to have been the first guy she slept with. Nothing you say will change that.

 

Moving up the wedding is the LAST thing you need. What you need is a girl who won't cheat on you before you're married, and a girl who isn't likely to get drunk and cheat on you after you're married, either. Can you ever really trust her to be faithful to you in the future when she gave up her virginity - which she was so carefully saving - so quickly and easily to a player she was warned about?

[Guest]

Dude, this guy is ALWAYS going to have been the first guy she slept with. Nothing you say will change that.

 

Moving up the wedding is the LAST thing you need. What you need is a girl who won't cheat on you before you're married, and a girl who isn't likely to get drunk and cheat on you after you're married, either. Can you ever really trust her to be faithful to you in the future when she gave up her virginity - which she was so carefully saving - so quickly and easily to a player she was warned about?

 

That is a good question but it is not that easy, I love her and she is my best friend. It is a hurtful time for me and her, She really is upset about having sex with him and feels he took advange of her while she was drunk. It was not rape but he did push her into it. Her side is she hated it and wants it to be right when we do it. I do understand that but I think she needs to understand my feeling to, I see this guy a lot and it sounds high schoolish but it makes me crazy that he did her.

 

I just don't know how to talk to her about it I just yell and get mad. It is hard to get her to understand I doubt she would ever cheat this was not cheating more him pushing himself on her.

[Guest]

That is a good question but it is not that easy, I love her and she is my best friend. It is a hurtful time for me and her, She really is upset about having sex with him and feels he took advange of her while she was drunk. It was not rape but he did push her into it. Her side is she hated it and wants it to be right when we do it. I do understand that but I think she needs to understand my feeling to, I see this guy a lot and it sounds high schoolish but it makes me crazy that he did her.

 

I just don't know how to talk to her about it I just yell and get mad. It is hard to get her to understand I doubt she would ever cheat this was not cheating more him pushing himself on her.

 

Dude t his guy will try again do. you really want to marry. some. one who would do this.

 

If you marry her someday hw will get her in the sack agsain and you will regret it

 

 

 

I have a friend who chested and he found later she was still fooling around with him

 

How can she say no to you after she did him and you

know him I bet heknows he was her first and is proud of. himself I hope your gf does not. let her friend take him to the. wedding

 

Bottom line get out

[norajane]

She really is upset about having sex with him and feels he took advange of her while she was drunk. It was not rape but he did push her into it. Her side is she hated it and wants it to be right when we do it. I do understand that but I think she needs to understand my feeling to

 

I'm not buying it. She was warned about this guy, warned by her best friend, no less, her best friend who is already having dating and having sex with this guy.

 

At the point she was warned, she could have put her drinks down and gone home, or she could have not spent time alone with him, or she could have stopped flirting with him. Instead, she stayed and she went off somewhere alone with him and she slept with him...of course she's not going to tell you she was into it!

 

Are you sure she was a virgin?

[Guest]

I'm not buying it. She was warned about this guy, warned by her best friend, no less, her best friend who is already having dating and having sex with this guy.

 

At the point she was warned, she could have put her drinks down and gone home, or she could have not spent time alone with him, or she could have stopped flirting with him. Instead, she stayed and she went off somewhere alone with him and she slept with him...of course she's not going to tell you she was into it!

 

Are you sure she was a virgin?

 

I have been friends with her forever so yes she was a virgin. The guy she sleeped with is a ex so she fought him off many times but she was drunk this time.

 

I can get over that but I can't get over her still wanting to wait. How can I get her to understand I can't marry her until this is resovled. I mean he would be the last person she slepted with before we married and I have to see this guy quite a lot and it makes me mad. Ahhhh I keep yelling at her when we discusses it. I need to know how to calmly discusses it with her what should I do

[norajane]

I'm having a hard time understanding why you're ok with her having lost her viriginity on a drunken whim with this guy, but for some reason, your big problem is that he'll be the "last guy" she slept with before she marries you, and that you'll have to see this guy. He took her virginity! That's why he's walking around all smug! He popped her cherry and you didn't and you're supposed to be the guy she was saving it for!

 

Why is it hurting you that he's the last guy she'll sleep with before marriage and not the fact that she slept with him at all? And most important, do you really think it will make you feel better to sleep with her now and not wait til marriage? Why?

 

I'll bet your fiancee can't understand your reasoning either. Maybe if you could figure out how to explain it so it makes sense to her, she'll listen.

[Guest]

I'm having a hard time understanding why you're ok with her having lost her viriginity on a drunken whim with this guy, but for some reason, your big problem is that he'll be the "last guy" she slept with before she marries you, and that you'll have to see this guy. He took her virginity! That's why he's walking around all smug! He popped her cherry and you didn't and you're supposed to be the guy she was saving it for!

 

Why is it hurting you that he's the last guy she'll sleep with before marriage and not the fact that she slept with him at all? And most important, do you really think it will make you feel better to sleep with her now and not wait til marriage? Why?

 

I'll bet your fiancee can't understand your reasoning either. Maybe if you could figure out how to explain it so it makes sense to her, she'll listen.

Thats simply it does bother me a great deal she slept with him. The virgin part was never a big deal to me. I was just mad she was making me wait. I would feel better if we slept together because at least when I see him I would know I have had sex and he was not the only guy she has slept with. I am hurt big time and some days want to say forget it and move on.

 

I can even understand the sleeping part if she was drunk but not the oral sex you have to at least be in to that some what. Ahhhh it pisses me off

 

Do you really think he is all smug about this. My girl friend say he just likes sex and is not all smug and bragging about it.

[stillafool]

I know a lot of women say "oh I got drunk and he took advantage of me", well that's bulls--t unless she was raped. No one is that drunk. She still has feelings for this ex and let herself fall in that situation and used alcohol as an excuse. I have been really drunk and still knew who I was making love with. No trust me she wanted this guy or she would never have let it go that far. She was totally wrong and I wouldn't be surprised if she does it with him again. She is obviously sexually turned on by this guy for him to get her in a horizontal position. Most virgins are very protective of their virginity. Please listen to us and cancel your wedding plans now. Ask yourself why doesn't her passion for you make her lose control and let you have some sex. Especially since you're engaged what's the harm at this point. I hate to tell you this but I don't think she has the same chemistry with you as the ex.

[Buttaflyy]

Why did her friend feel the need to "warn" her about the guy that she (the friend) was dating. I'm sorry dude, this is really not making sense.

 

Your GF can not be trusted. I don't think I'd believe that she was even a virgin if I were you. You'll never know now will you? What's with the pressure now to move the date up? I'd think you'd need more time now, to figure things out. And if she feels as if she was taken advantage of she probably needs counseling.

 

Really think about where you are putting the blame for all of this. Your girl shamed you, she was supposed to be committed to you. She gave it up to someone else. The guy did not forcefully take anything from her. If he was able to persuade her into bed with him, (something you were never able to do) drunk or not, maybe he's notto blame?

[Guest]

Why did her friend feel the need to "warn" her about the guy that she (the friend) was dating. I'm sorry dude, this is really not making sense.

 

Your GF can not be trusted. I don't think I'd believe that she was even a virgin if I were you. You'll never know now will you? What's with the pressure now to move the date up? I'd think you'd need more time now, to figure things out. And if she feels as if she was taken advantage of she probably needs counseling.

 

Really think about where you are putting the blame for all of this. Your girl shamed you, she was supposed to be committed to you. She gave it up to someone else. The guy did not forcefully take anything from her. If he was able to persuade her into bed with him, (something you were never able to do) drunk or not, maybe he's notto blame?

 

I dont know what to think, I do know she hates this guy so I doubt she wants him he is a slut big time and screws plenty of girls.

 

She is pissed at him but she knows she is also at fault.

 

I am still waiting to make sure she is not pregnant. I am just aout at the point of F-it I see this guy all the time and he acts so smug

 

I was so pissed last night when we went out and she was not into fooling around even a BJ she wants to wait for everything so this might be it

[stillafool]

I dont know what to think, I do know she hates this guy so I doubt she wants him he is a slut big time and screws plenty of girls.

 

I hate to tell you this but he sounds like the type of "bad boy" that the girls go for that's why he screws plenty of girls. Your girlfriend obviously wanted this guy too or it wouldn't have been so easy for him to bed her since she is already aware of his reputation. It turns her on!!!!

 

She is pissed at him but she knows she is also at fault.

 

Why is she pissed at him because he made her lose control and so what she wanted to do? She's pissed because he probably didn't want her after it was over.

 

I am still waiting to make sure she is not pregnant. I am just aout at the point of F-it I see this guy all the time and he acts so smug

 

I was so pissed last night when we went out and she was not into fooling around even a BJ she wants to wait for everything so this might be it

 

I find this amazing that when she is with you she is always in total control of her sex drive. Why don't you get her drunk and see if she responds the way she did with her ex.