Another trial separation

[a4a]

Need some opinions;

as you know yesterday was supposes to be the day we met our counsoler and we didn't. There were a couple questions that I wanted to ask the W, one about a credit card, I want her to cancel it because I paid it off with one in my name. We had talked about doing this before she moved out.

I also wanted to talk to her about our boy getting his drivers license and another question about a bill.

I emailed her and asked if she wanted to meet me or have me email her and she said; just email her.

I emailed her but I haven't gotten a reply and I know she has had time. What are your thoughts on this??????

Right now I have negetive thoughts going thru my head. Maybe I should have just waited until we see our counsoler to bring this all up then I don't know.

 

why the neg. thoughts? are you feeling antsy because she will answer you in her own time on it? Maybe she is busy? Maybe she needs time to think about how to answer you? Maybe she ate a bad burrito and has a severe case of the trots?

 

Why not cool your jets.........are you trying to be in total control again?

 

and if she doesn't answer by tomorrow you send her an email that says;

 

" hey, I did not hear back from you and thought that maybe something happened to you?

 

If you need a certain time or day to meet just let me know and that is fine with me. Just please if you can let me know in advance so I can be sure my schedule is clear too. I don't mean to be pushy but our son is really getting excited about getting his lic (if that is true email it)

 

**Dag gone now I am hungry for a friggin burrito...

[PWSX3]

why the neg. thoughts? are you feeling antsy because she will answer you in her own time on it? Maybe she is busy? Maybe she needs time to think about how to answer you? Maybe she ate a bad burrito and has a severe case of the trots?

 

Why not cool your jets.........are you trying to be in total control again?

 

and if she doesn't answer by tomorrow you send her an email that says;

 

" hey, I did not hear back from you and thought that maybe something happened to you?

 

If you need a certain time or day to meet just let me know and that is fine with me. Just please if you can let me know in advance so I can be sure my schedule is clear too. I don't mean to be pushy but our son is really getting excited about getting his lic (if that is true email it)

 

**Dag gone now I am hungry for a friggin burrito...

Thank you, maybe I am just being to antsy I have to remember she is the one that moved out not me so I'm excited to get started working again on our relationship and maybe a month isn't near enough time for her to do anything thinking.

 

I think if I don't hear from her then I'll just drop it and wait until she does get back to me, I figure the credit card is paid off so maybe I should have just not worried about any of it.

As for the other card it is one I am paying and I just wanted her thoughts on I'm wanting to just pay the min. this month so I can join a gym for the winter. Since the last time I talked we were still working at getting back together and our bills were split equal and I feel I need to tell her what I wanted to do so then it would be fair for her to just pay the same on here CC.

I guess our month of no talking is over in one way but not in other ways, now is when the hard part begins.

Thank goodness I have good people here that will help me thru all this no matter how it turns out.

[PWSX3]

Well I learned tonight that I can have fun but it isn't the same without my friend (wife) next to me.

I took my boy to Luma, which is a show these people put on with all kinds of lights. I really wanted to ask the W to go but I knew I couldn't do that but I wanted my boy to go. This is her week to have him and she did say it would be O.K. that he went with so I'm happy for that but I really would have liked her to go as well.

Like I said in the above post I think reality will start hitting me and this isn't going to be easy.

It is going to be hard for me to know what to say and when to say it so I don't cross that line of being controlling. I never did like school and this is going to be one heck of a hard school for me.

I do feel good about myself because I talked to another guy that went thru a divorce and he said he started drinking instead of trying to work on things and the only thing that did was get him into more trouble.

 

Thanks for letting me kind of vent, I am starting to miss my friend, at least I have my son with me that helps a lot.

[PWSX3]

Sorry for so many posts in a row but I just have to many questions.

 

We get home today and I have a message on my phone that said; my son was absent to his first class yesterday and that if he was just late that he needs to talk to the teacher.

Today is the first day he is at my house so I asked him what happened and he said his mom didn't get him up in time that she slept in.

Me having my controlling thoughts think to myself, see she can't even be responsible enough to get up and get her son to school on time and she wants her space so she can be an adult.

I then think back to something I think Dgiirl said about her being late to pick up a co-worker and I say think to myself I can't let this bother me, everyone makes mistakes and that maybe there is a good reason she woke up late and she is probably mad at herself already for making him late.

 

But what can I do to keep that first thought coming into my head? I don't live at her place, she is a big girl and I don't won't to control her but I also don't want these thoughts coming into my head anymore. I know it might be simple for some of you but this is tuff for me understanding why?

[PWSX3]

We get home today and I have a message on my phone that said; my son was absent to his first class yesterday and that if he was just late that he needs to talk to the teacher.

Today is the first day he is at my house so I asked him what happened and he said his mom didn't get him up in time that she slept in.

 

But what can I do to keep that first thought coming into my head? I don't live at her place, she is a big girl and I don't won't to control her but I also don't want these thoughts coming into my head anymore. I know it might be simple for some of you but this is tuff for me understanding why?

Just wondering if anyone would like to help or have any good suggestions about me controlling my negitive feelings???

a4a, Gunny or Record producer all have been a lot of help, do any of you have any suggestions

As for the W not getting up in time to wake my boy up; I was talking to a friend last night and she suggested to me why isn't my son waking himself up? He is 16-1/2 and he should be responsible enough to set an alarm and wake himself up. There are a few other things that I feel he needs to start doing on his own and we shouldn't be having to remind him so last night I sat down with him and we talked about it and he agreed to try to get himself up with an alarm. He used his cell phone this morning and wake up so that is a start.

 

Since I didn't get a email back from the W I feel she either isn't ready to work things our or she doesn't want to work things out so my attitude towards us getting back together has changed.

I have been using a banking account that we both had and she got her own when she moved out, so yesterday I went and opened up my own account and once I get direct deposit and everything moved over I'll take my name off that account since she is the main person on the account. I went and talked to my fianance person and moved some money around (which the W usually did) and learned a little more about how it works. I know if we divorce it will be split but at least I know more how to go about it. I haven't done much in the duplex we live in but it is time to start cleaning out closets and putting stuff I don't use in boxes and put them in the garage. Even though I'm learning things I need to do to change how I am towards our relationship it's also time for me to start watching my back just a little more. I need to plan for the worse and hope for the best.

[dgiirl]

PW, I think you're doing pretty good. I think it's important for you to protect yourself a little and learning about the finances is a great start.

 

As for getting angry, I'm not sure if there's a way to stop those first negative thoughts from popping into your head. I have the same problem. However, before I react, I try to analyze the situation from all angels. For instance, if your first reaction would be to call your wife and start complaining to her about why she slept in and your son was late, reverse roles. How would YOU react if she called you and started complaining that you slept in? Personally, if someone called me and started complaining about my sleeping patterns, I would respond with a "F U" and click of the phone. This isnt exactly what I was hoping to accomplish with my phone call. By changing perspectives you can analzye if what you want to do will be productive or not. In this case, your son is old enough to wake himself up and since the situation involves your son more than your wife, it's more his responsibility. Just dumping everything on your wife's shoulders is not fair. In fact, one could argue why didnt YOU wake your son up? You could have called him! In any case, you want to find solutions to the problems, not create more problems. Getting angry is a natural response, but doesnt solve the problem.

[a4a]

Dgirl is correct..... try to see it from their point of view first before opening your mouth.

 

I am sure you could address the issue in a productive manner if you want to.

 

did your son not wake up on time and could not wake up your W to drive him in?

 

not that she should be oversleeping but at times it does happen.... even to the most responsible people in the world.

[PWSX3]

Dgirl is correct..... try to see it from their point of view first before opening your mouth.

 

I am sure you could address the issue in a productive manner if you want to.

did your son not wake up on time and could not wake up your W to drive him in?

 

not that she should be oversleeping but at times it does happen.... even to the most responsible people in the world.

I am having a hard time seeing things from her point and that is one reason I am home alone and I ask for your opinions because it helps me to see her side.

Remember that rack I built her for her cloths baskets and she said she felt like she wasn't good enough to have a dresser. (that is what she told me in counsoling last time) My son said that is what she is using for her cloths now at her new place. I thought she was going to use it for a TV stand and that is why she took it with her. If she d it so bad why would she still be using it for cloths?????

As for the alarm I know she isn't a morning person and her choice would be to sleep in every morning that is why my boy needs to learn to wake himself up.

At this point we are still not talking to each other per the W request.

 

Me and my boy sat down and discussed it. I tried to explain that I'm trying to raise him to be able to take care of himself once he moves out so he is going to try and start setting an alarm for himself and he did that this morning and woke up on his own. That is a start!!

I know it will be hard for him because of what I am learning I want to also teach him so he can be dependant and live on his own if needed. It's just going to be hard going from one place to the other every other week.

This way he doesn't have to rely on me or his mom to wake up. I just hope he understands I'm trying to help and not just be a bossy father.

[ilmw]

I just hope he understands I'm trying to help and not just be a bossy father.

 

I know how you feel... I don't even have my boys staying with me yet... as I am only renting a room and will not subject them to those kinds of conditions... although my little guy desperatly want to come over and stay.... that is also the reason I have been busting my ass to get my own place.. so he and hid older brother can stay with me...

 

The thing is... when I do take the boys out for dinner or what ever... and they act out or misbehave... I feel like I am the bossy outsider... as I don't live with them anymore... It is hard.. very hard...

 

I too want them to grow up to be the best men they can be... but not being there all the time... I feel helpless at times....

[PWSX3]

WOW last night sucked!!!

I was emailing a friend and I just said something about how easy the "W" is having it since she was the one that moved out (which is what she wants) and she replied saying that there are a lot of things going thru her head from all the things in the past that have hurt her to being alone for the first time, etc. and it really made me sad to know she could be feeling this way.

I just figured she got what she wanted so she was a happy camper.

I started to cry when I was reading her email and I was really glad my son is with me this week because he came over and gave me a "BIG" hug and that really helped.

Then she called my son around 9:00 and asked if he could help her carry a TV into her place? I guess someone gave her a bigger TV to use so after hearing that it didn't sound like she is no hurry to work on things.

My friend also told me to quite worry about what the W is doing and use that energy on myself so that is what I need to do. I am really looking forward so seeing my counselor, hopefully she can get me started on some stuff to get my head to stay focussed.

Anyway today is a new day and I woke up with a better attatude so hopefully that will help.

[PWSX3]

Our counsoler is back in town and she called me today and set up an appointment for Thursday (just me), I'm EXCITED!!!!

Even though I have been learning a lot having this appointment to me is like my starting point (starting over). Hopefully she will help guide me in the direction I need to so I can be a better person for "ME"!!!!

 

She asked if we had talked since she was gone and I told her just the one time she told me to call because of the cancellation and I also told her about the email and she told me that Teri should have emailed me back with some type of response.

At this time I don't care, those questions I could have answered myself but I just thought I would be nice and get her opinion, because we aren't suppose to spend extra money and that was one of the questions I was asking.

 

After Thursday it will be back to work/learning and I can't wait!!!

 

The one biggest thing I am learning is it feels GREAT when you do things for yourself and you don't have to rely on others to do them for you. I can cook, clean, do laundry, with the best of them. Sure I might have to ask quiestions but I get it done!!!