my best friend

[Ed42]

I have fell in love with my best friend. The problem is she is engaged to her abusive boyfriend. I know that we are

 

closer and more then just best friends.(no sex) about two

 

years ago she meet her boyfriend. Soon she begain to drink heavy just to go home to him. She called me one night and

 

took an OD of pills and booze. I took her to the hospitol.

 

Since then we have become closer. SHe calls me all the time about her relationship problems. I get calls when he

 

beats her up. He wont let her work, she cant see friends unless he aproves, she is forbiden to see me, he screens her

 

phone calls, and has moved out several times. Last October

 

she told me she got engaged to him. 3 days latter I was

 

taking her to the hospitol because she tried to cut herself.

 

We did not speak for 4 weeks, then she showed up where I work, walked in came up to me and said I LOVE YOU! Do you

 

love me? I said yes. She started kissing me, and telling me how she has felt that way for a long time. So he moves out

 

we are seeing each other daily. Then he comes back and he said that he wants to go to counseling. She said 3 weeks ago that it was over. Now she takes him back. About 6 months ago I got her into rehab for alchol abuse. She gave me tempory custody of her children for 30 days, not her boyfriend --WHY? She told her boyfriend that we have a special friendship and that we both love each other. Well

 

she is going to counseling now and I dont know if I should give up or stay. I know that her children love me and have told their mom to marry me. What do I do? help me!

[Totally Confused]

Did you ever see Forest Gump? Look at the relationship Jenny and Forest have together. Jenny always left Forest to go to the abusive boyfriends, but in the end realized that Forest was the only person who she could count on and the only one who really loved her. This girl has a lot of problems and you are a very good friend. I suggest, as a friend you should stand by her. Don't let her walk all over you, but be there for her if she really needs you. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do for her. You can't make her leave this other guy, you can't make her not take drugs, you can't make her do anything, which is hard for you to have to see. She has to hit her pain threshold in order for her to want to make any changes in her life. Just be there, it's all you can do. One good thing is that she's now in counceling. Hopefully, she'll stay with it, and please keep encouraging her to stay with it. Maybe, the counceling will help her see how sick this boyfriend of hers is and she'll smarten up and see that he's not for her. I bet her boyfriend won't even stay in counceling for long. It seems, he's probably only going to pasify her and to get her back. Once things are normal, he'll drop counceling and go back to how he was before, a major abuser. If she stays with the counceling, she'll eventually see how unhealthy he is and leave him on his own.

 

I hope things work out for you and this girl, because I can see you really care about her. If only everyone else who was posting letters about their relationship problems had a guy or girl like you. You are an example of a man that really loves a woman.

[odyne]

It sounds like you are in a really hard situation. As a friend, you have to care most of all about her safety. If she is getting counseling with her boyfriend/fiance then I hope that will help them. If he continues to beat her and she can't stop hurting herself (with drugs or otherwise) then you might want to think about helping her get serious help. It sounds like you've tried but the sad truth is that if things continue the way they sound with her boyfriend being abusive and her severe problems, her children are going to get taken away permanently.

 

If she does break up with her fiance then I think you should give her some time or the option of time before you really get involved. You sound really sweet and like you'd take really good care of her and her children but for your happiness, make sure that you aren't just a rebound relationship. She may need time to get her life together before she can really commit to someone. Keep taking such good care of her, and watch out for yourself as well. For now just try to be her friend, and wait to see what happens.

 

I hope it works out for you. Take care.

[Ed42]

THANKS SO MUCH Did you ever see Forest Gump? Look at the relationship Jenny and Forest have together. Jenny always left Forest to go to the abusive boyfriends, but in the end realized that Forest was the only person who she could count on and the only one who really loved her. This girl has a lot of problems and you are a very good friend. I suggest, as a friend you should stand by her. Don't let her walk all over you, but be there for her if she really needs you. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do for her. You can't make her leave this other guy, you can't make her not take drugs, you can't make her do anything, which is hard for you to have to see. She has to hit her pain threshold in order for her to want to make any changes in her life. Just be there, it's all you can do. One good thing is that she's now in counceling. Hopefully, she'll stay with it, and please keep encouraging her to stay with it. Maybe, the counceling will help her see how sick this boyfriend of hers is and she'll smarten up and see that he's not for her. I bet her boyfriend won't even stay in counceling for long. It seems, he's probably only going to pasify her and to get her back. Once things are normal, he'll drop counceling and go back to how he was before, a major abuser. If she stays with the counceling, she'll eventually see how unhealthy he is and leave him on his own.

 

I hope things work out for you and this girl, because I can see you really care about her. If only everyone else who was posting letters about their relationship problems had a guy or girl like you. You are an example of a man that really loves a woman.

[Ed42]

It sounds like you are in a really hard situation. As a friend, you have to care most of all about her safety. If she is getting counseling with her boyfriend/fiance then I hope that will help them. If he continues to beat her and she can't stop hurting herself (with drugs or otherwise) then you might want to think about helping her get serious help. It sounds like you've tried but the sad truth is that if things continue the way they sound with her boyfriend being abusive and her severe problems, her children are going to get taken away permanently. If she does break up with her fiance then I think you should give her some time or the option of time before you really get involved. You sound really sweet and like you'd take really good care of her and her children but for your happiness, make sure that you aren't just a rebound relationship. She may need time to get her life together before she can really commit to someone. Keep taking such good care of her, and watch out for yourself as well. For now just try to be her friend, and wait to see what happens. I hope it works out for you. Take care.

We have talked about rebound relationships and we have desided that if she does break up with her boyfriend we both must take things really slow and build on our friendship, and that she must keep going to counseling. I believe true

 

love can wait. She is just so mixed up about relationships.

 

she has had 6 relationship in the last 9 years. Everyone ends at about the 1 or 2 year mark. She keeps saying it must be her. Her children tell me about the boyfriends that they remember, they say all of my moms BF's hit her and yell at her and make her cry. You are the only one that makes her happy. We trust and care about each other. She always talks about how she wishes he would just come home and notice that she did alot of work around the house. She said they cant talk deeply about anything and he dont show any emotion. He was just seperated when the started dating and asked her to marry him only after 3 months, he also wanted to go to another state and get married because he was still married here in NYS. She said that she has lost all of her friends, and that I am the only true friend she has ever had. She keeps telling me that we are more then just bestfriends. And I feel the same. My Dad died 3 weks ago and she stayed with me the whole time every day for 8days. She did not care aboutt her boyfriend, and told him he needs me now. During this time she told me she feels at easy staying at my house and it feels like home, no presures. But she needed to go back to her house. She told him it was over and she started sleeping on the sofa. She would not do anything for him. Then he said that he was going to couple counseling and would like for her to go too. Then he made appointments for famly counseling for the kids and them. The kid hate him and tell me and there Mom. Her son said he wants them to break up. The children have no respect for him. I dont know why she got sucked back in?