how can I stop being so conscientious?

[remedylane]

I don't know if conscientious is the right word, but I tend to WORRY A LOT about just about everything. But the main thing I want to improve is to stop worrying about what others are thinking, mainly others that I do not know.

 

For example, when I am in a bookstore, I always worry about what I am reading. I may choose to want to check out some relationship books, but then in my head I worry about what others around me are thinking about me reading those type of books, and that in turn affects me and sometimes prevents me from even reading those books in the bookstore.

 

Another example is when I am at school and I notice a girl that I think is beautiful and see quite often, but then I think to myself that she probably doesn't care about me so I shouldn't ever try. I confirm myself of these thoughts whenever I see her talking to other guys, or if one day she doesn't look at me while walking by or so.

 

I just wonder why I worry so much about what others think. I think it affects my decision making and actions.

 

What do you think I can do to improve this habit?

[amaysngrace]

Stop giving a crap about others opinions! What others think of you is nowhere near as important as what you think of yourself.

 

You are basing your worth on others, what they do, how they act, what they think, etc. It's an unhealthy thinking pattern you have going on here.

 

You need to get over your insecurities, and realize that you aren't as special and as captivating as you'd like to think. Most people have more important things to do with themselves then to worry about what you're doing.

 

And at the same time, you really need to focus more on yourself and less on them.

 

But if need be, if you find someone looking at you at a time when you feel as though you are in a position to be judged, smile at them. If you're comfortable with the scene, they will sense that too.

[bluechocolate]

I don't know if conscientious is the right word.....

 

conscientious - someone who carries out their work or duty with due diligence & efficiency.

 

So, no, it is not the right word.

 

Stop giving a crap about others opinions! What others think of you is nowhere near as important as what you think of yourself.

 

You are basing your worth on others, what they do, how they act, what they think, etc. It's an unhealthy thinking pattern you have going on here.

You need to get over your insecurities, and realize that you aren't as special and as captivating as you'd like to think. Most people have more important things to do with themselves then to worry about what you're doing.

[Adunaphel]

You probably meant "conscious".

 

That, in your specific case, is spelt i_n_s_e_c_u_r_e.

 

amaysngrace is rigth. Stop worrying so much about what people think.

 

Or - even better! - learn to think positive!

You are buying a book about relationships. Great, some woman might notice and think "what a nice guy, I wish so much my bf read this kind of books!"

Men reading that kind of books often score point with ladies!

 

You notice a pretty girl, start thinking about a nice way to talk to her.

If she is not interested, it's still very okay for you to talk to her.

If she acts rude when you have been nice, then *she* is rude, and *you* are nice. Her problem, not yours!

 

Really, try starting not to worry about what other people think.

It's tough at first, but it becomes easier once you have started.

Start with the small things (like browsing and purchasing/borrowing whatever books you like in a bookshop or library), and proceed from there!

[dgiirl]

Read up on anxiety and see if it fits.

 

But like the others said, once you realize that most people dont give attention as much to the things you are worrying about, you can learn to let go.

 

I suffer from anxiety. The other day I did this really silly thing in the dentist's office. It was 30 seconds of stupidness, and I spent a good day worrying about it. Logically, I know even if they DID notice, they only probably spent 2 seconds laughing internally about it, and have now forgotten about it, meanwhile I'm spending hours on this worrying about it. It dont make sense

 

Also, play role reversal. If you are worrying about how someone perceives you, think on how you would perceive someone else in the same situation. ie, if i play role reversal, I'd think if someone else did what I did, I'd think they were cute. Meanwhile, I'm worrying they are thinking I'm an idiot. Why would I think other people are crueler than I? Most people are not, so I should give them the benefit of the doubt!

[remedylane]

I guess insecure is a better word. I do suffer from some form of anxiety, relating to panic attack. But I've done a good job preventing real panic attacks for the past year, but I have had symptoms on and off and I still have to fight off the initial feelings from occurring.

 

I'll definitely check out your tactics dgiirl, they sound really good! thanks

 

has anyone gotten over problems like this?

[Rikka]

I guess insecure is a better word. I do suffer from some form of anxiety, relating to panic attack. But I've done a good job preventing real panic attacks for the past year, but I have had symptoms on and off and I still have to fight off the initial feelings from occurring.

 

I'll definitely check out your tactics dgiirl, they sound really good! thanks

 

has anyone gotten over problems like this?

 

OO OOO OOO! I have I have! :bunny:I just finished therapy on this specific issue. Yes it was related to my anxiety and my own feelings about myself. I had to spend 8 months getting to the root of how I saw myself and why. It goes beyond positive thinking into self empowerment. Eventually, you can stop the thoughts in their tracks. I used to emotionally and mentally freak out if someone said "good morning" to me the wrong way.

 

If you are seeing someone regarding your anxiety, perhaps it would be good to bring this up as well. I believe cognitive behavioural therapy would also be useful in this case.

[monkey00]

First off stop analyzing.

2nd off you have a scowl/worried look on your face dont you? is there reason for you to be self conscious, such as your looks, the way you dress or your weight? Do you look for validation?

 

Anyway your self conscious vibe is contagious, people can sense it through your facial expression and body language. When that happens people will react negatively to it. The fact of reality is the majority of people dont have the time to worry or care about what someone else is doing, especially a stranger. Most people are absorbed in either themselves or their own problems.

 

I suppose you could label this a form of paranoia, social anxiety. As for what people say, accept it for what it is, not for what you think is the hidden meaning.

 

In a sense everyday people develop a type of natural tolerance/arrogance to the environment around them. If not, how would everyone go about their daily activities/routines.

 

who cares what others think of you, the most important thing is what you think of yourself. You in fact empower those around you by allowing them to control your decision making, perhaps by their approval or lack of approval, or what your mind makes of it.

 

It may be easier said than done but once you realize that the reality of your problem is non-existent, and that in fact there is nothing to worry about, that there isnt someone out there watching your every move, will this problem go away. you need to develop that tolerance yourself, no shrink will do it for you...they just go by the hour and eat a hole in your wallet

[remedylane]

First off stop analyzing.

2nd off you have a scowl/worried look on your face dont you? is there reason for you to be self conscious, such as your looks, the way you dress or your weight? Do you look for validation?

 

Anyway your self conscious vibe is contagious, people can sense it through your facial expression and body language. When that happens people will react negatively to it. The fact of reality is the majority of people dont have the time to worry or care about what someone else is doing, especially a stranger. Most people are absorbed in either themselves or their own problems.

 

I suppose you could label this a form of paranoia, social anxiety. As for what people say, accept it for what it is, not for what you think is the hidden meaning.

 

In a sense everyday people develop a type of natural tolerance/arrogance to the environment around them. If not, how would everyone go about their daily activities/routines.

 

who cares what others think of you, the most important thing is what you think of yourself. You in fact empower those around you by allowing them to control your decision making, perhaps by their approval or lack of approval, or what your mind makes of it.

 

It may be easier said than done but once you realize that the reality of your problem is non-existent, and that in fact there is nothing to worry about, that there isnt someone out there watching your every move, will this problem go away. you need to develop that tolerance yourself, no shrink will do it for you...they just go by the hour and eat a hole in your wallet

 

sometimes I am conscious about my body because I'm really short and skinny, but a lot of times I don't even think about it. I am really really REALLY conscious about my eyes because they tend to get red like I have been on drugs or whatever, but I don't do drugs at all. It really bothers me and I've tried looking for solutions, but have yet to find one. If I can stop worrying about this, it would be big! lol

 

anyways, I have a hard time grasping the reality that nobody is controlling me or cares about my every move. I know that's true, but I really don't know inside my mind. I keep acting consciously.

 

what is social anxiety? I do suffer from a form of anxiety, but I'm not afraid to be around people. It's just the little things I worry about that take me over lol.

[monkey00]

Hey dont sweat it. I dont know if its the same but hte past few months the veins in my eyes have been red. I go about my daily routine, and the truth is most people dont even notice my eyes...even if they do, it doesnt bother them.

 

But if that problem continues to be there, i'd advise you to see an eye doctor and see what he can do. There are forms of eye disease he can check for, etc.

[remedylane]

Hey dont sweat it. I dont know if its the same but hte past few months the veins in my eyes have been red. I go about my daily routine, and the truth is most people dont even notice my eyes...even if they do, it doesnt bother them.

 

But if that problem continues to be there, i'd advise you to see an eye doctor and see what he can do. There are forms of eye disease he can check for, etc.

 

eye disease would suck! My eyes usually feel fine though.

 

The problem with my eyes is that people do comment and ask me if I'm on drugs, which I never do! It bugs me but I haven't been able to find a solution even after asking my doctor. So that in turn makes me get all worried about what all the girls around me are thinking, lol.

[dreadman]

I found that having a accesories help me be a little more confident i know its a rather simplistic way of looking at it but i was self consious about my legs so put in a very fine pendent taking the empasis to my upper body which i was confident about and it did help .

 

www.guyflash.com have provided some wonderfull ones for me .