Is it flirting, or just wanting to be friends?

[guest]

Hi all,

 

I could really use some advice on an issue regarding the male of the species.

 

I’ll be as brief and to the point as possible, but please bare with me as this has been going in for a while.

 

There is the guy - T. He’s my friend A’s - boyfriend G’s best friend (lol! Sorry!) He, up until recently had been dating A’s best friend J. They split up due to the fact they really didn’t get on, but forgetting that for now.

 

I’ve known him as an acquaintance for a year or two now, but just recently since the start of this year I’ve been seeing more of him. Here’s where the first confusing thing takes place.

 

Back in spring, he and J had a party at her parents house, I was invited, went and had a good time even though J was being miserable and moody. All the while during the party, I kept feeling that T was looking at me, looking and looking until I looked back, we’d make eye contact then he’d look away. Found it a little odd, but brushed it off….later that night we were playing video games and the other party goers weren’t looking, I felt him watching me, glanced over and he winks and blew (puckered his lips in a kissy motion - blues to the right word lol!) at me…..I just kinda gave a non commital smile and carried on….he then later went upstairs to get a funny hat and fake mustache and got a laugh out of a couple of people, but mainly me. I thought it was kinda an attention thing, but wasn’t sure as the wink and the kiss seemed a bit more…..well…strange to say the least lol!!

 

Thought nothing of this and carried on and had a good night. A few weeks later I had a party at my place and invited T and J over. Unusually he came (he’d been working all day since 5am but still made an effort to come) I needed to get an item for the party which I had forgotten and as I hadn’t had a drink yet, I was going to go out and pick one up when T suggested we go to get the one he had at home so I didn’t need to go buy new…..I said not to worry as I didn’t want to leave everyone and carried on with the party…..There was some looking and faint hints of flirting during that night, but nothing major.

 

Recently…..he and J decided to “take a break” from one another but they were both at a party our friends A and G were having. It was all going fine, but the whole night he kept encouraging me to join in with what he was doing. Eventually I did so and found myself joining in with karaoke in the next room. All went fine, but he was still watching me….then later, out of the blue. He was standing besides me, came right over to me, stood in front of me, looking at me, till I looked up and he stroked my face with his thumb….

 

I thought - what the hell, but didn’t show a negative reaction. No one else saw (too busy watching the karaoke, but he didn’t seem to check no one was watching, while he did it, so it wasn’t secretive, even though his girlfriend was near. Which kinda rules out the jealousy theory I had.) I again, brushed it off and tried to play it cool….

 

Later J decided she was going home, I came out to see her off with the others and she went to say goodbye to him, and kind of urged him to kiss her, but he didn’t (as the had official split I assume) but he kept looking dead at me…..kinda weird no? Then after they’d gone….even thought we had the whole couch to sit on, he sat right besides me, so our legs were touching and then he started to playfully nudge me….I nudged him back and we had a bit of a nudgy thing for a few moments and then we just sat together, he was all but on top of me…..He only moved when his friend M insisted he joined in on a song….

 

Later we resorted to playing a board game, in which we worked together and he got very close, allowing me to work with him in questioning the other team and such. It was nice and felt like I’d known him longer than I had as we were comfortable around each other, sitting close and huddled together. Even when the designated driver wanted to head home he made an attempt to stick around for a while longer. But he went and it left me rather confused….

 

The whole kissy winky thing to start with, then the face touching and stuff…..and now this weekend….

 

My friend A’s birthday……we all met in our local bar for drinks before heading on to a club he showed up with his group of friends, got a drink and immediately joined me playing on the games machines, working with me and leaving his friends (male friends) at the bar. My good friend B was with me and as I’ve told her all about this as it happened, she was watching to see what went on and said there is definitely something in his eyes when he looks at me……She said he was edging towards me and seemed to be trying to engaged in conversation with me…..

 

Eventually everyone turned up and we loaded into a minibus and head on to this club. During the trip he kept watching me again. When we got there, we didn’t see each other for a while during the meal we had, but after all that and a few drinks….. I saw him, and he offered me some of his jug of booze. I was drinking out of the jug for a while, until we moved on through the club to another area…..I offered him the jug back to finish it off….but he went all the way back to the bar to get me a glass so I could have the rest…..Which I thought was sweet of him.

 

Later that night we were dancing together and he kept looking at me, our eyes would meet then he’d look away. My friend B said he kept getting closer and at one point she thought he was going to start touching me, but he didn’t. The night went well and we had a few laughs, he made an effort to talk to me quiet a bit and offered me drinks a lot too. We all stopped for a picture before getting on the minibus to go home and he put his arm around me, not around my shoulder, around my waist…and even after the pictures, his arm lingered around my waist for a while…..He stalled on getting onto the bus so he could sit up front….where I was sitting…..

 

On the way home, he invited me to his house for a bit of a party the next night , I didn’t think I was invited (cause we’re not very close, and I‘ve never been to his place before) so I questioned his invitation “I’m not invited am I?”….he replied “yeah, of course you are.” Was kinda flattered by that and the way he said it. We planned a bit of it and had a little chat on the way home in the bus. It was nice and chilled, he got off the bus (he was staying at A & G’s place, they live on my street) and we walked the rest of the way home, and had a bit of a chat…..and the last thing he said to me when we parted ways at the door was “I’ll call you tomorrow” (cause we swapped numbers specifically for the party arrangements)

 

He text me today, being quiet chatty and we made plans for the evening at his. He arranged to drive fifteen minutes out of his way to meet me at a bar and show me the way back to his house. I thought that was sweet as it was a party at his house, but he made the effort to come all that way to come meet me in my car so I could follow him all the way back to his house. I called him at one point to see if I’d missed him, he said he was running late and was nice about it, not moody because I’d rushed him or anything, and he text me on the way saying he was stuck in traffic but he was coming…..

 

The night was good, chilled out and such. I was told he still kept looking at me, with the same look in his eyes. He also said, he couldn’t remember hardly anything from the night before, just getting off the bus yet he remember to contact me about the party (A & G weren‘t too enthusiastic about the party, so I doubt they remined him, and I heard he‘d gone home before they got up anyway)…….I got home and text him saying thanks for coming out to meet me and stuff and he text back saying I was welcome and he’d see me again soon. Finished it with a X. And that’s the end of the story so far…

 

Now my dilema is….He’s a really sweet and playful guy in general, but he isn’t like that with everyone, there are three other girls in my circle who he knows a little better than me, but I’ve never seen him touch them or do anything like he’s done to me, to them…..so I’m not sure if he’s just being friendly or what, because its not like he’s doing it to everyone…..If he was….I wouldn’t think anything of it.

 

I really do like him and we get along well, we have a lot in common and just seem to gel nicely, but I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know if these are signs that he likes me as a friend, fanices me, or if he’s just being friendly. I think I’ve ruled the friendly part out though, as the winking and kissy thing was a bit above the call of friendship and face touching, I find, is pretty intimate.

 

I would really like to have a relationship with this guy, but I’m not sure if I’m reading the signs right or wrong. I’m a bit shy around him, so I just tend to smile and stuff when he does these things….

 

Now I have his mobile number, I’ve considered just casually sending out a text asking if anyone’s free for a drink and hoping he’d like to meet up with me….but I’m really not sure what to do. So I thought I’d post a little and ask for impartial opinions on his actions. Everyone I’ve told (outside of my circle of friends) have all said it sounds like he’s hitting on me and testing the water to see if I’m interested, but I don’t know.

 

I don’t know him well enough to really judge, but all I know is, he doesn’t do it with the other girls who he’s know for as long as me/longer than me. And the things he’s done kind of overstep the boundary of just wanting to be friends, but if its flirting and a “come on” - I’m not sure?

 

He and J are over, although I’ve been told he’s still hurting from what she did….but this isn’t’ a rebound thing as all this started before they split up. …..I suppose it could be interpreted as him cheating on J if he has been flirting with me. It doesn’t justify it but they were over long before they split up if you know what I mean?…..so :oS…Help. Please?

 

I’d really love some advice on this if anyone has had the patients to listen to me ramble on. Thanks for reading along this far.

[john2776]

I think you talk too much!

Yes he is into you. Stop talking about him and talk TO him.