Assume he's cheating? Hmm.

[BohemeRose]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, who also happens to be the love of my life. We've been long distance since May, and up until recently things have been pretty good. We would talk on the phone/online all the time, and even when I became insecure with the distance, he was always very reassuring.

 

He still is, as a matter of fact, only his actions have been...well, a bit off.

For the past few nights, we've barely spoken. We'd spend 15, maybe 30 minutes on the phone when he got home from work, he'd ask to call me back and then only call me back right before going to bed, so that it would be another brief moment on the phone, consisting mainly of just saying good-night. I confronted him with the lack of conversation lately, and he told me "Nothing's changed. I still love you the same, if not more than before." Okay...I never said he didn't love me. Hmm. Anyway, that was nice of him to say. I asked him in a very friendly and light manner to call me when he got up in the morning, because I had something I wanted to talk to him about (I didn't want to worry him at the time, but I was to take a pregnancy test the next morning...it came out negative, anyway. Whew.) and he agreed.

 

The next day, I heard nothing until 7pm, when he left me a voicemail while I was at the movies with a friend. I just had to get out, I spent most of the day wondering why he wasn't calling and worrying that something happened to him. He said (on the message) that he woke up late, was dragged out with friends, and just got in. He also said he'd be going out again soon, but to call him back. So, I called him back at around 9:30, and there was no answer. I called him back a few times later in the evening, as well. No answer. He doesn't have a cell phone, so I have to catch him at home when I do call him, which is why I normally just wait for him to call. I'm currently waiting until this afternoon to call him, because if he was out that late, he definately won't be awake now.

 

The thought hadn't plagued me in the slightest, but my friend seems to think he's probably seeing someone else while we're away from one another. She said something to the effect of, "If he's not giving the attention to you, he's giving it to someone else."

 

I attributed his lack of attentiveness to the fact that phone conversations had been lacking lately. When we were on the phone for any length, conversation would lag and one of us would end up upset and worried that the other didn't want to talk. So I figured he was just trying to give himself (and perhaps me) some space so that tension wasn't too prominent.

 

So really, now I'm not sure what to think. I don't believe in accusing someone of cheating without proper evidence, but I'm really not a big fan of being played, either. I love him with all of my heart, and I want very much for this to work out and for us to make it to the point where we can be together again, but to what point is it ignorance to turn a blind eye?

[RecordProducer]

He still is, as a matter of fact, only his actions have been...well, a bit off.

For the past few nights, we've barely spoken.

Sorry, I stopped reading after the underlines phrase. If you can doubt the strength of the whole relationship with the 'love of your life' because he has been avoiding you in the past few nights then your insecurities are setting you up for pain and possible fights and break-up. This is normal for LDRs so don't despair, but you should have more trust in the one you call the love of your life. If you can't trust him when he tells you that nothing has changed then he is not the one. Or you are not the one for him.

 

Relax and enjoy unless his behavior continues for a longer period of time. Make sure you don't make your prophecy come true by suffocating him with your jealousy and unnecessary arguments.

[BohemeRose]

Sorry, I stopped reading after the underlines phrase. If you can doubt the strength of the whole relationship with the 'love of your life' because he has been avoiding you in the past few nights then your insecurities are setting you up for pain and possible fights and break-up. This is normal for LDRs so don't despair, but you should have more trust in the one you call the love of your life. If you can't trust him when he tells you that nothing has changed then he is not the one. Or you are not the one for him.

 

Relax and enjoy unless his behavior continues for a longer period of time. Make sure you don't make your prophecy come true by suffocating him with your jealousy and unnecessary arguments.

 

It's actually been more than just the past few nights. It goes in phases. A few nights to a week or so, I'll barely hear from him and he'll seem a bit distant when on the phone. Then for a couple days he'll spend hours talking to me. It's just that this time it started a few nights ago.

 

I never accused him of cheating, or even really suspected it, but it seems to be a common belief amongst the few friends I've spoken to about the situation. I just really want to know if I'm being blind and should put more stock into their opinions.

 

Honestly? I don't think he is. I think my explaination of why he's not calling as often (you'd have to read more into the post to see that ...in fact, if you read it, you would have seen that it wasn't me who thought of the cheating scenario in the first place...) is more like him.

[RecordProducer]

Don't listen to your friends' speculations. They are just guessing and have no clue.

 

Start avoiding him a little bit for a week or so. Don't be at home or available, go out... you get it. See if he will start calling more often and chasing after you. I bet he will.

 

People get tired of talking on the phone and online after a certain period of time in a LDR. It's really boring to do it every day. I had a LDR with my husband for a year and a half. We talked every might for hours. I was on Loveshack at the same time while talking to him in the last 6 months of the relationship. I mean, how much can you talk about life, past, future, and how you spent your day without being able to touch each other, go places together, watch a movie or whatever? LDRs are frustrating. But they are a challenge.

[BohemeRose]

Don't listen to your friends' speculations. They are just guessing and have no clue.

 

Start avoiding him a little bit for a week or so. Don't be at home or available, go out... you get it. See if he will start calling more often and chasing after you. I bet he will.

 

People get tired of talking on the phone and online after a certain period of time in a LDR. It's really boring to do it every day. I had a LDR with my husband for a year and a half. We talked every might for hours. I was on Loveshack at the same time while talking to him in the last 6 months of the relationship. I mean, how much can you talk about life, past, future, and how you spent your day without being able to touch each other, go places together, watch a movie or whatever? LDRs are frustrating. But they are a challenge.

 

Tell me about it! It's like we want to be on the phone with one another, just to be there...most of the time he's talking to his room mate while I do something online or clean, just because there's nothing else to talk about. It gets to me a bit, until I get to sit and think it over rationally later and realize it's not that we care any less for each other, it's just that you can only talk about the same stuff for so long without seeing each other and experiencing things together.

 

I have started to go out more and I'm a lot less likely to pick up the phone and call him every time I walk through the door, even though that's what he asks me to do. It's just hard to get comfortable with talking less, since most people connect that with a failing relationship.

[RecordProducer]

I have started to go out more and I'm a lot less likely to pick up the phone and call him every time I walk through the door, even though that's what he asks me to do.

See? He is as possessive as you are, just showing it in a different way. My husband (BF at the time) was the same. If I would go out, he would always call me and talk to my mom.