Simple, quick question.

[BohemeRose]

So, you've been in a LDR for a few months. You used to talk for hours on end, but of course conversation starts to run a little thin. No problem. That happens when you talk every day. You run out of things to say!

 

But here's my question.

 

How much should you talk to your LD lover? An hour a day? More? Less? Perhaps not daily at all? How much is too much? Or too little??

 

Opinions from seasoned LDRers would be greatly appreciated!

[Adunaphel]

Too much: when both you and your partner resent that you did not spend on other activities the time you spent on the phone talking to each other.

 

Too little: when you both are upset that you do not spend enough time on the phone.

 

What constitutes the right amount of time is very personal, and as long one of you is not feeling neglected or annoyed/bored, there is not really a rule.

 

If you have run out of things to say, and neither of you feels the need to talk longer (or just be on the phone without saying anything:bunny: ) I don't see the reason not to make the call shorter than usual.

 

How often do you see each other in person?

[BohemeRose]

The relationship went long distance back in may, and we've only seen each other once since, when I went to go visit him. There's plans in the works for him to come down in a few weeks to see me.

 

I think that's a big reason why we don't seem to have much to talk about anymore. We both work 5 days a week (sometimes 6) at relatively uneventful jobs, so there's nothing new to discuss. Between that and only seeing each other in person once every couple of months, it leaves very little to talk about.

 

I really just wanted to know how much time the average LD couple spends on the phone or talking online. I've never dealt with LD before, so hearing other stories helps me out, it seems.

[anes1364]

I'm in the same boat.

Usually random crap comes up to talk about.

[norajane]

Spice it up - add a little phone sex. Write erotic stories and email them. You'll have lots to talk about.

[Touche]

You don't just have to talk about your day. How about talking about your dreams and aspirations? Current events/ Where you stand on certain moral issues. What kind of life you'd like to have in 5 years. Music, movies and books...Pets, things you want to work on..etc. etc. There's ALWAYS something interesting to talk about.

[Ria]

we´re in different countries right now, and the cost of phone calls is semi expensive, so just the fact that i hear his voice every day is enough for me. phone calls average around 15 minutes, probably. When the phone time is cheap or free, then we talk as long as possible, but that´s not the current situation. To me, just having a daily check-in is what´s important.

 

I have a friend who was in a LDR (different states in the U.S.) and they would leave their cell phones on all night long, for hours on end, not actively talking to each other, but just having the other person there on the other line as they went about their routines.

 

Two very different approaches to the LDR phone call.

[norajane]

Two very different approaches to the LDR phone call.

 

I'll give you a third approach - we rarely spoke on the phone more than once a week, and sometimes not even that often. When we did talk, it would vary anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours, but I lived two time zones away and also traveled often for work. We visited every 6 weeks or so and went on vacation together a couple times.

 

Now, we live 20 miles apart, and never talk on the phone except to make plans to get together.

[Rikka]

I'm like norajane, we talk once/twice a week. There are the email exchanges/IM chats every so often. I don't know, I "talk" to him when I feel i need to, I don't talk to him because I feel obliged to.

[Guest]

I have been in a LDR for a little over 2 years. In the beginning we talked maybe half an hour every other day, that was mostly because I moved across the state to where I knew no one and wanted to meet people and figure out where I was living. After about 3 months we started talking every night, sometimes 2-3 hours other times it is more like 15 minutes. We are both in fairly demanding undergraduate programs so we are both constantly studying... normally we talk at least an hour.

 

I couldn't tell you exactly what we talk about, we talk about our days and funny or odd things that happened, usually something one of us says triggers something the other remembers. There isn't usually a whole lot of slience.

 

We have also learned that talking is all we have right now, we get to see see eachother one weekend every other month or so.

[happiness]

I'm like norajane, we talk once/twice a week. There are the email exchanges/IM chats every so often. I don't know, I "talk" to him when I feel i need to, I don't talk to him because I feel obliged to.

 

LDRs are tough but the payoff is sweet. How can you run out of things to say. Hmm actually thats possible but like someone suggested u dont hav to talk abt ur self or ur day. You can talk about ur frens; ur colleagues;what u saw on tv anything. U wont be bored talking to the one u love abt random stuff like that.

 

I was In a LDR but I missed him so much after 3 years that I had to tell him to come back and he did!!!

[RecordProducer]

Hubby and I used to spend hours talking online, probably 4-5 hrs a day for 1.5 years.

 

I might regret I didn't use that time for better things, but at the time I enjoyed it and without it, we would have probably never gotten married. So it serves the purpose. Without spending a lot of time on the phone, the connection fades out. You start having your own life colling from the other one, feeling lonely, distant, jealous, etc.

 

In my opinion, it's just not good for the relationship to spend less than an hour a day or not speak every day. But if both people are busy and can't make it then it's higher power. While talking a lot might be good, talking less doesn't mean the relationship is falling apart. It really depends on how strong the love is. LDRs die without true love.

 

If it dies, it wasn't true love. And if it wasn't true love, why do you need to suffer in a LDR for nothing? If it's true love - it will make the heart grow fonder.

 

In any case, you win.

[BohemeRose]

Spice it up - add a little phone sex. Write erotic stories and email them. You'll have lots to talk about.

 

 

Bwaha. Waaay ahead of you on that one! Unfortunately, he injured himself at work about 2 weeks ago and the pain in his back puts a damper on his "fiestiness." Perfectly understandable. I wish he'd stop being such a guy about it and go to the doctor already.

 

I'm going back to school in 2 weeks, so we've been talking a lot about that. Which surprises me, since he never went to college, I figured it might be a sore subject for him. Actually, he likes to argue with me about psychological theories and novel analysis. Silly boys.

[spinningmywheels]

Hey, BohemeRose,

This might be too late or after the fact, but I know my sig other and I talk anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour many nights. Many other nights, it's just 20 minutes (usually when I'm upset and don't want to launch into the same arguments over and over ). Sometimes, it's a marathon.

 

We've been LD for nearly 4 years, together almost 7 and about 2 hrs apart.

 

I have a friend who always seems surprised that I talk to my b/f every day at least once. Mind you, she hasn't been in a relationship at all in quite some time. But I agree with RecordProducer in the sense that if you don't do something to stay in each other's lives every day, the connection fades.

 

Personally, I'm not a fan of online communication - in fact, I've made several comments to my b/f about me "not being reduced to an IM." Call me old fashioned, but it feels hard enough to get his attention when he's on the phone - if he can be talking to 6 other people on the IM when he talks to me, that ain't quality communication!

 

On the other hand (this might be off track) I've found that airing concerns with him via e-mail seems to have a better impact than doing so on the phone - seems to force him to pay attention.

 

Just my two cents!